13. Quentin
Chapter thirteen
Quentin
My heart was beating too fast, and my stomach felt like it was full of stones. As soon as the door of my apartment shut behind me, I opened the buttons of my shirt with shaky fingers, so hastily I nearly tore them off. I needed to breathe. I needed to calm down. I could not allow this to happen. I could not allow myself to fall in love with Kelsey.
Damn it—I had been so good at avoiding situations like this. I’d stayed away from heartbreak and humiliation for years, then she knocked on my door to complain about my music, and somehow, she wiggled past my defenses with her bright smile and her sparkling green eyes. Now, she was all I could think about during the day, and at night, she was all I could dream about. And those dreams made me wake up sweaty and restless, reawakening feelings and desires I’d buried long before. I’d had crushes since Afghanistan, but I always managed to suppress them quickly, to blow out the candle before I could get burned. But Kelsey was different. The feelings I’d developed for her were too intense to deny them, and it nearly tore me apart. I wanted her, but I could not have her. No woman would want a man as broken as me, but especially not Kelsey—beautiful, charming, lively Kelsey, who could have any man she fancied .
I poured myself a glass of wine and downed it in one gulp, hoping it would steady my still-shaking hands, then I pulled up a chair and sat next to George Washington’s terrarium. Washington was currently devouring a limp leaf of lettuce and had no idea of the emotional storm I was battling.
I rested my head against the wall of the terrarium. The glass felt cool against my overheated skin. What should I do now? Should I talk to Kelsey and cancel our tutoring sessions? “Sorry, you’re on your own from now on because I can’t control my lowly desires around you.” No, I couldn’t do that. I couldn’t leave her hanging just so my own feelings wouldn’t get hurt. That would be selfish. But I would keep my distance. Kelsey and, to a lesser extent, Arlene had drawn me way too far out of my shell. That was over now. No more parties, no more surprise dates, no more conversations about my life or her life or any other personal matter. I would help her study for her exam, and that was all.