29. Kelsey
Chapter twenty-nine
Kelsey
I was a mess when I approached Arlene’s car.
Both she and Leah had waited patiently outside the school and were eager for good news. And I had some of that.
“The exam went really well,” I said, forcing my lips into a smile. “The language part had a few tough nuts to crack, but I’m pretty sure I passed.”
“That’s fantastic,” Leah said.
“Yes, we are so proud of you, sweetheart,” Arlene said, giving me a hug.
It really was fantastic. I had worked so hard, and I’d given it my best shot, despite my mother and Ryan telling me I was crazy for even trying, but my pride and relief were dampened by the awful conversation with Quentin afterward.
I’d known I had messed up things between us the moment I climbed into the car with Ryan, but the whole weight of my decision was only now catching up with me. Seeing Quentin this cold was soul crushing. I deserved it—I understood that, but damn, did it hurt.
I could see in Arlene’s and Leah’s faces that they were both waiting for me to spill the beans about how things were between Quentin and me, but I couldn’t bring myself to tell them.
“Can we go home now?” I asked, trying not to sound too whiny. “I’m really exhausted.”
I was exhausted and had a nasty headache. I also wanted to have a good cry in the shower as soon as possible.
Leah and Arlene exchanged a brief glance. I was sure they could fill in the gaps just fine, but both were kind enough not to push for details.
Arlene patted my shoulder and gave me an empathetic smile. “Of course you are. Let’s get you home.”
I slid right back into my old life in Brightwater. Arlene had left my apartment completely untouched. Leah was elated to have me back. Cara gave me a hug when she met me at the garbage cans, and even Callum gave me a gruff “Welcome back.”
My week-long absence had cost me my job at the movie theater, but Leah had convinced Izzy to let me keep working at the Liberty Diner. He was very pleased when I told I’d finally taken my GED exam.
The only thing missing was Quentin. And God, how I missed Quentin. One evening, I silenced the sound of the TV and sat very close to the wall just to hear some signs of life from the other side. I couldn’t hear much, and I felt a bit pathetic, but just knowing he was there gave me a tiny bit of comfort.
One day, I caught a glimpse of him on his way to his car, and the urge to run out and try to apologize again welled up in me, but I suppressed it. I’d tried to make amends, but he’d made it very clear that he wasn’t interested in anything I had to say to him anymore. And I couldn’t blame him.
Nine days had passed since my dramatic return to Brightwater. Leah and I had finished our shift at the diner at the same time, so we were together when I found the letter in front of my door.
Leah peeked over my shoulder as I picked it up. “What is it?”
I scanned the envelope. My heart started beating faster. “State Department of Education,” I read with a dry mouth. “I think it’s the GED results.”
“Shouldn’t these be delivered in person? That’s private information.”
“At least I don’t have to travel four bus stops to the post office to pick it up,” I said.
Leah looked giddy. “Are you going to look inside now, or do you want to open it in private?”
“I want you to be there,” I said. “But let’s go inside. I need a glass of wine first.”
I unlocked the door to let us both inside.
Leah laughed as she followed me into the kitchen. “I thought you said you had a good feeling.”
“Yes, but still…” I poured us both a glass of wine, nothing fancy. I’d bought it from the lowest shelf in the supermarket, but it would do. “It’s a pretty important moment, right?”
Leah sat down on the couch and nodded thoughtfully. “True. These results could decide your entire future.”
I handed her the glass. “Thanks, girl. That’s really calming my nerves.”
I plopped down next to her and took a big gulp of wine.
“Now or never,” Leah said with a smile .
I nodded. With shaky hands and a racing heart, I ripped open the envelope. I cleared my throat and read the numbers out loud. “Arts and Language one fifty-one. Science one seventy-three. Social Studies one sixty-seven. Mathematics one ninety.”
Then there was a little, unassuming black cross next to the word Pass .
“I did it,” I said. A laugh bubbled out. “I got my high school diploma!”
Leah clapped her hands and pulled me in for a hug. “Well done, Kelsey. And a pretty good score too!” She grabbed the letter and looked over the results herself. “Look at that. One ninety out of two hundred for mathematics. You can go to college with that.”
I took the letter back. “Yes, I guess I could.”
Leah shook her head. “Not could , Kel. You will. I’ll drag your ass there myself if I have to. You didn’t put all that work in and score a freaking one ninety in mathematics just to keep working at a diner.”
“Well, one ninety is pretty good. And one seventy-three in science isn’t too bad either.” I smiled. “I couldn’t have done it without…” Even without speaking his name out loud, my joy evaporated almost instantly.
Leah read my thoughts. “Do you want to tell Quentin?”
“Of course I want to tell Quentin,” I said. “But I don’t think he wants to hear from me. Ever again.”
“Not even for this?”
“He probably won’t even open the door.”
Leah took a deep breath and took a sip of wine. “Okay, listen. I wasn’t sure if I should tell you because I don’t want to make things messier, and I don’t want to give you false hope, but when I came back from my run on Tuesday, I saw Quentin standing in front of your door.”
I sat up straight. “In front of my door?”
“I think he was thinking about knocking on it, but he chickened out. ”
“Probably just to tell me what a terrible person I am.”
“You are not a terrible person, Kelsey,” Leah said sternly. “You struggled to find your way out of a very messed-up relationship. That does not make you a bad person.”
I laughed a dry, joyless laugh. “Explain that to Quentin.”
“No, you explain that to Quentin.”
I went silent, restlessly fiddling with the letter in my hand. “You think he might listen?”
“I don’t know. You hurt him. Badly. But then again, it’s Quentin. He’s pretty good at listening. And understanding.”
Leah was the smartest woman I knew, so I usually followed her advice, but that time, I couldn’t. I tried. I really did. Three times, I stood in front of Quentin’s door, and three times, I chickened out. I wanted to tell him the good news, but I couldn’t get our last conversation in the school’s hallway out of my mind. I remembered how hurt he looked, and knowing I was the one who’d caused it was just too terrible to face him again.
In the end, after the third failed attempt to talk to him in person, I chose the coward’s solution and shoved the results through the gap under his door so that he would find them when he returned home from work later. At least that way, he would know the evenings we’d spent together hadn’t been a complete waste of time.