Gunshy
OLLIE
DECEMBER
You know how they say you learn something new every day? Well, it was true. And in the course of a couple months, I’d learned something new about Cash Mooney. Every. Single. Day.
Like the fact that his favorite color was pink.
Or that he loved Nerds Clusters, pumpkin spice anything, and chips and queso like the basic bitch he was.
His favorite food was basically anything his mom or Mav cooked.
He hated pie and cake, but loved cookies and ice cream—his favorite flavor was Rocky Road.
And his favorite movie of all time was, hands down, A Knight’s Tale.
He made sure to go to Church every Sunday he was in town with his mother, and basically every day of the week was just an excuse to get everyone together.
From dinners, to birthday celebrations, to boys nights, to roping or bronc practice.
He hated sleeping in anything other than boxer briefs, and was a total night owl.
He also moonlit as a karaoke rockstar whenever he had the opportunity.
His favorite number was Pink Pony Club, which he sang incredibly well.
But as revolutionary as I found all of those small details that made up who he was, what was even more shocking was that I wanted to know more. I ate up every little morsel of information about him, hungry to learn something new. It was different, exhilarating, but also downright terrifying.
So terrifying that I resorted to what I did best: running.
I’d stopped counting the amount of times I tried to run and failed—miserably I might add.
The first was the night we got back from the rodeo.
After the weekend meeting his mom, all the drama that ensued, and our hookup in the arena, I’d been completely overwhelmed with the emotions stirring inside of me and took off in the middle of the night.
I made it to the main street in town before drowning away my worries at the Hitching Post until last call.
Quinn came to pick me up and talked me out of leaving.
The next time Walker managed to convince me. Hux the next time. Bad and Mav the next. Quinn and Hux a couple more times together as a unified front. And sometimes, I was the one to talk myself off of that proverbial ledge.
Cash never pushed or asked for anything more than what I gave him. He never questioned or pressured me to define our weird situationship. He seemed perfectly content with just taking it day by day. Minute by minute even.
He wasn’t the problem in this…I was. Or everyone asking me about it was. Every question, every comment, every look I got made me feel like I was being backed into a corner and I was the poor, scared little animal ready to lash out and bite.
My phone buzzed again as I exited a gas station just outside of Killeen.
Furthest I’d ever gotten without going back.
Maybe I wasn’t a pathetic little bitch after all.
Since taking the job at Hux and Quinn’s everything had changed.
Everything I thought I knew about how I viewed myself, others, relationships…
it was all different. Like my world had been tilted off its axis and I was stuck in this weird limbo trying to figure my shit out.
My fingers ached from the cold December wind that nipped at my skin as I fished my phone out of my jacket pocket.
My heart lurched in my chest, a lump forming in my throat that made it damn near impossible to breathe. Cash’s name flashed across my screen.
Cash “Big Daddy” Mooney : Brought you a surprise.
Cash “Big Daddy” Mooney: You must be running errands for the boss man. Surprise is on the counter in the bunkhouse.
Cash “Big Daddy” Mooney: See ya tonight sugar.
Guilt ate and clawed at my insides like a wild, rabid beast.
I knew that it wasn’t a relationship, but it sure as hell felt like one.
And what was even more terrifying, is that every day that I saw him—which was every one at this point—I felt myself falling more and more.
He’d cracked the icy armor around my heart.
And now I was positively, thoroughly fucked. With a capital F.
I was an idiot. A damn fool. Shoving my phone into my pocket, I marched for my bike. It just had to be freezing cold today after weeks of warm, pleasant weather, didn’t it? I glanced up at the dark, dreary sky, noting the heaviness. Great, even the weather wanted me to stay apparently.
Stop it. I couldn’t let that stupid, weak little voice in my head win out yet again. I was leaving. I had to leave. Before I made things worse. And one thing about me was that I could always make it worse.
Each step forward felt like trudging through wet cement, but by some small miracle I made it to my bike. Another buzz reverberated in my pocket. This one longer. Consistent.
Even as my mind screamed not to, it’s like my body was working on autopilot. Pulling my phone out, I blew out a breath.
“Hey Quinn, what’s up?”
“Hey, Ol… Oh, are you okay?” Her sunshine tone lost all its warmth by the end, concern in its place.
“Yeah, why?” I snapped. Jesus, get it together, stop being a bitch for no reason. Then softer, “Sorry, it’s fuckin’ cold out.”
Not a complete lie.
“Oh, okay, you just…I don’t know, you sounded sad.”
I snorted. “No, I’m all good. What’s up?”
“Walker and I are gonna bake cookies. Wanna join?”
Well, fuck. I wondered if Walker was planning to make snickerdoodles again. They were probably one of the best things I’d ever eaten save the chocolate croissants that Cash brought me damn near every time he saw me. Not that I was complaining.
Quinn knew exactly how to tug at my heart strings.
I blew out a breath. “I—”
“Oh, come on, please? Everyone’s been so busy and I feel like we haven’t gotten to catch up in forever.”
I wouldn’t call a day ago forever, but I also wasn’t codependent like all the other people who’d managed to worm their way into my life.
I chewed my bottom lip, looking out at the storm clouds overhead. Tomorrow. I’d leave tomorrow.
“Fineeee,” I said on a dramatic sigh, drawing out the e far longer than necessary. “Give me a couple hours. I’m running some errands.”
“Ooh, Christmas shopping?” she asked, her tone turning bright once more.
I rolled my eyes even as one of my lips pulled up into a silent snarl. I hated Christmas. Might as well be the grinch. But even still, I answered, “Sure, something like that.”
One of those cheesy Christmas movies was playing in the background when I got back to the bunkhouse. The other hands were out doing whatever chores or fucking around they normally did. I’m sure they’d be in soon once they found out Walker was baking.
“Finally!” Walker popped up from the couch as I walked through the front door. “Took you long enough.”
“There was an accident,” I lied, hating that I didn’t have the guts to tell them what was really going on. They were my friends—honestly, more like family at this point. Which was weird. It felt wrong in so many ways, while at the same time feeling right.
I didn’t know how to deal with the paradox of it all.
For so long growing up, I’d dreamed of nothing more than having a family like this.
People who cared about me, who could tell when I was sad or angry or happy all without a single word.
But as the years went on and the harsh reality of my situation became more and more abundantly clear, the hope in my heart hardened to stone as anger replaced it.
I was broken, bitter, and untrusting. Family had no choice but to love you, you were blood. But who the hell in their right mind would choose someone as selfish and flighty as me? I sure as hell wouldn’t. But they did.
Hux and Quinn and Walker and the ranch boys.
And that wasn’t even considering Cash and his family.
Bad adored me, Mav and Ryder loved how much shit I gave Cash.
Charlie and Chey had warmed up to me as well.
Hell, even Violet had softened quite a bit.
Though I don’t know if that was more so because she simply got tired of hating me or wasn’t at her best lately because of her treatments.
I liked to think that it was the former.
Walker all but dragged me toward the center island that was covered in baking supplies. Quinn was there a second later grabbing mugs from one of the cabinets.
“Hot cocoa?” she asked over her shoulder.
I was half frozen from riding my bike still, to the point my hands felt stiff and numb. “Please, and grab the bottle of whiskey.” No quicker way to warm me up. And with the emotions roiling through me like a stormy sea, I needed it.
“So, who were you gettin’ presents for?” Walker asked, washing her hands in the sink.
I frowned, offering her a blank stare.
She shrugged, nodding toward the dish towel beside me. “Quinn said you were Christmas shoppin’.”
Oh, shit. Yeah. I forgot about that. Bringing the rag over to her, I settled before the sink as well, savoring the scalding hot water that ran over my half thawed fingers. “Oh, right. And I’m not telling you nosy bitch,” I added with a smirk.
Walker bumped her hip with mine before settling at the center island, already diving into her work. Quinn and I weren’t really going to help her. Okay, well, Quinn might, but they didn’t want me in the kitchen unless they wanted the house burned down.
“So, y’all ready for Christmas?” Walker asked as she poured ingredients into the oversized mixing bowl, reminding me of a cozy little witch mixing up potions in her cauldron.
Christmas was still a little over a week out and I was already sick of everyone talking about it. But Quinn and Walker were Christmas ho-ho-hoes through and through, and even being the Scrooge I was, I couldn’t bring myself to ruin their favorite holiday.
Quinn placed a bottle of whiskey down beside me on the counter top along with a mug of hot cocoa. “For you, my lady.”
I scoffed, my lips quirking up as I dried my hands and opened the bottle. “I know you’re not calling me a lady.”