Free
OLLIE
DECEMBER
Every nerve ending in my body thrummed just below the surface of my skin. I’d been to the Mooneys’ house on many occasions. I’d come to dinner here, to parties, and all that. But never as Cash’s girlfriend.
It shouldn’t have changed things, but my brain just couldn’t compute the idea for some reason. Cash realized that as he slipped his hand into mine and held tight. Or maybe he was still half convinced that if he let go of me I’d try to run. I couldn’t exactly blame him.
But I had no plans on running. Not now.
As terrifying as it was to take this next step with him, there was also something exhilarating about it as well. And I was eager to chase the high of being loved by Cash Mooney.
Bad and Cheyenne were in the living room with her daughter, Stormie Mae, who crawled around, getting into any and everything.
I wasn’t really a baby person, but she was cute, I guess.
Almost a carbon copy of Cheyenne with gemstone eyes and light hair.
Bad manned the usual position in his recliner, but he stood up the moment we walked in.
He’d traded his faded jeans and one of his worn out t-shirts for a nice western longed-sleeve and starched Wranglers.
His lips twitched upward ever so slightly, a smug look sparkling in his eyes. I didn’t miss the way he kept looking at our interlaced fingers. “Merry Christmas, Miss Ollie,” he said before smirking at his son. “Happy birthday, boy.”
“What’d you get me for my birthday, Dad?”
“Same thing as I get you every year…” His lips pulled wide into a rare grin. “An ass whoopin’.”
Cash laughed, the sound positively infectious.
Chey rose from her spot on the floor, smiled, and offered me a bright, genuine smile. “Welcome to the family, Ol.”
Ol. I didn’t think she really liked me, especially after the last conversation we had over the weekend, let alone feel close enough to call me Ol, but as much I thought I’d be annoyed… I wasn’t. In fact, it was kind of nice to have people who felt familiar enough with me to call me a nickname.
Maybe I was going soft. But also, maybe that wasn’t necessarily a bad thing.
“Oh…I…” I didn’t really have words. No idea what to say as she stepped forward and drew me into a hug. “Thank you,” I finally managed to croak out.
She moved on to Cash next, squeezing him tight as she said, “Happy birthday, Mooney. Ready for some birthday shots?”
Cash let out a little crow of approval. “You know I ain’t ever turnin’ down free alcohol.”
“Charlie and Ryder will be here in a bit with the boys. They had to go visit her mom and his family first,” Chey said, scooping up Stormie. “Wanna hold her?” she asked me.
I froze. Oh, dear God. Please no. Babies were cute enough to look at but I think I was one of the few people in existence who didn’t feel a single inkling or urge to hold someone else’s baby.
They seemed so wiggly, so fragile, so fussy.
I opened my mouth to decline, but Cash swooped in, saving the day.
“Excuse me, little storm cloud, where’s the birthday love for your Funcle Cash?” He stole her out of Chey’s arms before heading down the hall. “Let me guess, Sourpus is grumblin’ in the kitchen?”
Chey’s laughter reminded me of birdsong—light and airy. “Be nice to him, his tiramisu didn’t turn out as perfect as he wanted.”
“Fuck, yeah! My favorite!” He grinned as he looked over his shoulder. “So, you’re sayin’ I should go try and steal a bite, right?”
“Do you wanna die?” Chey chuckled.
Cash’s grin was full of mischief and mirth. “Guess, we’re about to find out.”
Cash’s truck puttered down the gravel road at Mercenary Ranch.
Past Ryder and Charlie’s home, past the barn that was almost fully rebuilt.
His sprawling adobe-styled bachelor pad loomed up before us, bedecked in green and red and white Christmas lights.
After putting the truck in park, he hopped out, circling around to the passenger side to open my door.
“Look at you,” I murmured, “how chivalrous.”
He chuckled, but instead of helping me out, he blocked my exit, dragging me around in my seat to face him. Pulling me close, he settled between my legs. God, he smelled good, his familiar scent igniting desire within me.
His lips crooked up into a sensual smirk. “Did you have a good time tonight, sugar?”
Splaying my hands over his chest, I started fiddling with each of the buttons, slowly exposing the expanse of his gloriously sculpted body, one at a time. “I did. Thank you for having me.”
He cupped my cheek, running his thumb over my bottom lip, but something flickered in his gaze. “You okay?”
How was it that he had me so figured out in just a few short months?
I hadn’t lied. I did have a good time. Great, even.
I’d never been to something like that before.
Not that I hadn’t been to his parents before or it was this big, terrifying thing.
No, it was actually quiet—well, the Mooney house was never quiet—but there was this sense of coziness, normalcy that I wished I could commit to memory for when life felt heavy and lonely.
Bad once told me that I couldn’t have Cash without his family.
I hadn’t understood that at the time. Why would someone want to be that dependent on others?
But what Cash and his family had is exactly what little me wished and prayed for. Honestly, I still did.
And this man had let me in, willingly, gladly. I don’t think I’d ever be able to quite explain how grateful I was that he saw something worth chasing after, when I couldn’t even see it myself.
A lump formed in my throat as I thought of him throughout the night.
Doting on his mother, or giving his dad, Ryder, and Mav shit.
Joking around with Cheyenne and Charlie like they were his little sisters.
Rocking Stormie Mae, holding Railon once Ryder and Charlie got there, or playing and teasing Cason.
He was a totally family guy and, honestly, it was something that I loved very much about him.
But that was the one thing I couldn’t give him.
Pursing my lips together, I drew in a shaky breath. “I—uh…you know how I’ve told you before that I can’t get pregnant.”
The color leeched from his eyes, his skin turning pallid even in the glow of the twinkle lights hanging from the roof. “Are you p—”
“No, God no!” The words all but spewed out of me. I wouldn’t, couldn’t let him finish that sentence. That would be the biggest nightmare, like, ever. “No, I’m not pregnant. But that’s kind of the thing. I…I can’t get pregnant.”
His brows furrowed together. “Okay, well, thank God. That would be quite the damn surprise.”
How was he not understanding what I was trying to say? “I can’t have kids, Cash, nor do I want them,” I blurted out in a rush. My chest rose and fell in shallow gasps. “I had my tubes tied.”
His head cocked to the side, and I swear I could practically hear the little bells and whistles in his mind working.
“I…don’t understand, Ollie. Did I make you feel like I expect that?
” His breath fanned against my cheeks as he exhaled, frustration and sadness and guilt lurking in his words as he cradled my face in both of his palms. “What’s goin’ on? ”
My hands reached up of their own accord to wrap around his wrists.
He was like an anchor or a life raft in the stormy sea that was my emotions.
“No, you didn’t. I just… I saw the way you play and light up around the kids.
” My hands and my gaze fell to my lap, my words a choked whisper as I breathed, “And I just… If that’s something that you ultimately want, I’d rather know now than let this get any further. ”
Before I completely fell for this guy and he found out that I couldn’t give him the one thing he always wanted.
Kids were an absolute no for me. A non-negotiable.
I was selfish, prickly at best. I wasn’t warm and cuddly and kind like Cheyenne or Charlie.
I wasn’t mom material, and frankly, I didn’t want to be.
I’d searched every state far and wide that would let me get a tubal ligation as soon as I turned eighteen.
It was like finding a needle in a haystack.
But I’d found a doctor in the end who let me have the procedure done.
I wasn’t going to risk having and failing to raise a child like my mother had with me.
Cash’s smooth, deep voice drew me from my paralyzing internal thoughts. “Hey, sugar, look at me.”
My gaze betrayed me, locking with his light hazel eyes.
“Look, I ain’t gonna lie, for a while I thought that’s what I wanted.
It’s a big part of why I chased after Jacie Lynn the way I did.
But the more I pushed for that the more I realized that ain’t me.
I ain’t one for the white picket fences or a bunch of kids.
I want freedom. I want spontaneity, I wanna run wild.
” His thumbs gently scraped against my cheeks a moment before he pressed a feather-soft kiss to my forehead.
“With you I can have all that. I realized that just cuz Ryder and Mav have that life, don’t mean I have to want it too. ”
“But you might someday though.”
He shook his head, sucking in his bottom lip before smoothing over it with his tongue. “I don’t want kids, Olina, I want you.” His lips brushed mine as he whispered, “All of you.”
Tears pooled in my eyes. God, I was an emotional fucking mess today. Cash kissed them away as they slid down my cheeks before asking, “Why you cryin’, sugar?”
I shook my head and kissed him. No more talking about this. No more heaviness. Tonight was supposed to be light and happy and full of cheer. It was Christmas after all.
And Cash, the perfect fucking man that he was, seemed to understand that. His touches turned from sensual to urgent. Soft, to unrelenting. One of his hands drifted to my tits and he kneaded and squeezed as he peppered kisses to my neck.
“Fuck,” I moaned, arching into his touch.
He hummed in approval. “You know, I thought I remembered you saying somethin’ to Quinn about givin’ somethin’ to me earlier.”
I laughed, even as my head fell back as his caresses left me feeling lighter than air. “I thought it was rude to expect gifts. Isn’t the reason for Christmas more than just presents?”
I could feel the curve of his lips as he smiled and chuckled against my skin before asking, “So…what’d you get me?”
“What?” I met his scalding stare. “Are you saying my ray of fucking sunshine presence isn’t enough?”
He grinned. “What’d you get me?”
I rolled my eyes.
He kissed me and repeated the question. Again and again and—
“Okay! Fine! Dear God, you’re such a child,” I huffed in mock anger.
The shit-eating grin he offered up to me like candy gave me butterflies. “Takes one to know one, sugar.”
I stuck my tongue out at him and playfully shoved him off me so I could reach down into my bag. My fingers brushed against the box right on top. Pulling it out, I held it out to him. “Here.”
His smile vanished, a look of concentration washing over him as he grabbed the box and opened it.
“Big Daddy,” I crooned, “Will you do me the honors of being my buckle bunny this weekend?”
His gaze flicked over the lettering of the silver and gold accented belt buckle I had custom made for him, complete with turquoise gemstones encrusted into the four corners. It wasn’t anywhere near as fancy as the one Hux had made for Quinn, but I’d definitely paid a pretty penny for it.
His voice was hushed as he read the inscription. “Ollie’s Big Daddy.” And then he tilted his head back, a howl of laughter escaping him. The smile on his face was positively infectious. Bright, unbridled, and full of desire.
Gripping my chin, he leaned in, his mouth but a breath away as he murmured, “I’m your buckle bunny.” Our lips brushed. “As long as you’ll have me.”
And the way he said it… desire sparked like a wildfire in my veins. He was the ember to my flame. The fire to my gasoline. And loving him burned me up in the very best way.
I crushed my mouth to his, my arms going up to wrap around his neck as I drew him against me. And as if speaking the same silent language, Cash matched me, energy for energy. Kiss for kiss. Touch for sizzling touch.
My equal. My mirror. My new beginning.
When my lungs seared from lack of air, when I thought that his touch might kill me, I pulled away. “You know what, I like the sound of that, Big Daddy.”