Chapter 16
The nights became longer.
Lionel had been well aware that he’d been able to fall asleep weirdly well the past couple of nights.
It hadn’t taken much for him to be able to nod off, head cushioned on a wall or a pillow or Mads’ thighs.
But now, as days and nights passed in a hazy fog of repetition, Lionel thought the nights seemed even longer than the days.
His mind refused to turn off, refused to let him rest, even as his eyes grew heavy and his body felt like it was wilting from the lack of energy.
He and Mads had been safe for a few days already in Lionel’s apartment, unbothered by creatures or other residents, yet every time Lionel tried to fall asleep, his body became hyperaware of the danger around them.
“Try to rest,” Mads had murmured to him a few times as he stroked a hand through Lionel’s hair. “I’ll be right back.” Every time Mads took the gun and left, he managed to come back with food and water, so Lionel wasn’t too worried about their supplies.
But, even without the lessening worries of resources and danger, Lionel couldn’t feel safe in their little haven.
All he could think about was the darkness surrounding them, the endless space the building was floating in.
Lionel shivered every time he remembered the sight or caught a glimpse between the curtains that Mads had securely shut.
He could tell Mads was worried by the crease between his brows deepening, how he kept his voice so soft and gentle every time he spoke, how he didn’t push Lionel in any way: he didn’t force him to go with him to get supplies, didn’t force him to talk, didn’t even try to sit beside him.
He left Lionel alone, trying to give him space.
It was the fourth night of endless wakefulness that Lionel finally sat up in bed, having had enough of it. He pulled himself up onto his feet all at once, startling Mads awake, who was leaning against the wall in the corner.
“Lionel?” he asked, voice rising in slight panic. He was standing a moment later, reaching out for Lionel’s hand. “Are you okay?”
“I can’t fucking stay here anymore,” Lionel said, shaking off Mads’ hand as he started pacing around the small studio apartment. He had a restlessness deep in his bones and felt like he needed to run, or maybe scream at the top of his lungs, to get it out. “I need to get out of here.”
“Get out of here?” Mads asked, eyebrows furrowing. “Like out of this room? Because this apartment seems like a safe zone—no monsters have bothered us here—so I don’t know if we should—”
“No,” Lionel snapped, interrupting. “I just need to… get out of here.”
“We can’t leave the building, you know that,” Mads said slowly, reaching for him again.
Lionel dodged out of the way of Mads’ hand, pulling his own out of reach. “I can’t just stay here,” he said, words quick. “We can’t just stay here. We’re going to die here, Mads, we need to—”
Mads stepped toward him, cupping his face between his hands, and brought their foreheads together. Lionel’s words petered out until they disappeared, his eyes slipping shut as Mads held him like that. He took a long, shaking breath before he let the man lead him back to bed.
He flopped down onto the mattress, staring at the ceiling with blank eyes. It was several moments later that he realized Mads was still standing beside him, peering down at him with an unreadable expression on his face. “What?” he asked after a second.
Mads jerked his chin. “Move over.”
Lionel blinked at him. “Why?”
“I want to sleep next to you.”
Lionel opened his mouth to respond, but the words never came. So, he shuffled to one side of the bed, leaving enough room for Mads to slide in under his duvet.
Lionel’s double bed was plenty big enough for just him—it had only had to hold more than one person a handful of times over the years since his parents got it for him in college.
And usually, if there were two bodies, they weren’t next to each other.
So, Lionel wasn’t terribly surprised when it was a bit of a tight squeeze with two large adult men in it.
They’d slept pressed together before when Lionel was scared Mads would freeze to death, but this was a bit different.
Neither of them was sick, neither of them needed the extra body heat, and both of them were well aware of the tension between them now.
Facing Mads, Lionel could only focus on his lips.
Those lips curled into a smile a second later. “You can kiss me if you want to,” Mads hummed.
Lionel’s eyes flicked back up to Mads’. He had grown so used to their reddish-purple hue, the constant movement as his pupils trembled. He had thought Mads’ eyes were so bizarre when he first saw them, but now he could only think of one word to describe them—beautiful,
He licked his lips nervously. “You want me to?”
“Well, I’ve now been the one to kiss you both times so far,” Mads said. “So I think it’s obvious that I want to kiss you. Your wants aren’t as obvious.”
Lionel blinked as he tried to remember if Mads’ words were true.
“I want to kiss you,” he said quickly when he realized Mads was right, his pulse rate spiking with the words as a flush grew on his face.
He almost wanted to laugh at the situation—how ridiculous it was for a guy in his twenties to be so embarrassed by the admission of wanting to kiss someone.
His face must have shown how he almost laughed because Mads asked, “What’s so funny?”
“How old are you?” Lionel asked suddenly.
Mads stared at him for a while. “Thirty-two.”
“Oh,” Lionel breathed. He hadn’t been expecting Mads to be that much older than him. “Then it would sound even dumber to you for me to admit that the idea of kissing you makes me nervous.”
Mads’ lips pulled up even further. “It makes you nervous? Have you never been with someone before?”
“Of course I have, I’m twenty-five! Of course I’ve slept with people!” Lionel said, swatting Mads’ chest as his face grew warmer.
Mads caught his hand and brought it up to his mouth. Lionel shivered at how cold Mads’ lips were as they pressed into the back of his hand. “Then is it just me who makes you nervous?” Lionel pursed his lips but nodded. “Why?”
“I don’t know,” Lionel said, too fast. He tried to pull his hand back, but Mads clung to it, holding it between both of his own as he tilted his head to one side.
His eyes were fixed on Lionel’s, barely blinking as he stared at him in question.
“I’ve slept with people,” Lionel started again.
“But I’ve never actually dated anyone—I’ve never actually liked anyone. ”
“So, then, do you like me?” Mads said, grinning.
“Maybe,” Lionel breathed.
His pounding heart couldn’t take Mads asking another question. So, when his mouth opened again to probe Lionel for more details, he lurched forward and connected their lips.
He felt Mads tense for a moment before relaxing against him, letting Lionel lead the kiss in slow, lazy movements of lips and tongues against each other. It wasn’t long until his eyes were shut and he was relaxed entirely against his pillows, Mads’ kisses lulling him into sleep.
When he blinked his eyes open, he was shocked to actually feel rested. He sat up slowly, rubbing his head blearily.
“Oh, are you awake?”
Lionel looked up and froze at the sight of Mads in the kitchen, shirtless and filling up a cup with one of the large gallon jugs of water Mads had found them the other day.
Lionel blinked as he scanned over Mads’ pale skin that was taut over his stomach and ribs.
He wanted to bite the flesh of his stomach right beside his navel.
“Yeah,” Lionel said instead, pausing to yawn wide enough that he felt his jaw crack. “How long was I asleep?”
“Several hours,” Mads hummed, coming over to hand him the glass. “Far longer than you have in a while.” Lionel nodded in thanks and downed the water. “You were still sound asleep when I got up a second ago.”
Lionel wiped a hand over his mouth and handed the cup back to Mads. “You just got up?”
“Yeah, I wanted water,” Mads said, returning to the kitchen a few steps away and pouring his own glass. “I’ll come back to bed in just a second, and we can get some more sleep.”
Lionel didn’t argue, just put his head back down and got comfortable again.
When Mads slipped back in next to him, lying with his chest pressed to Lionel’s back, he instantly felt tired again.
Lionel hummed to himself, smiling slightly, as he thought that maybe he had gotten his own personal sleeping pill.
When he woke again, he wasn’t sure how much longer it had been, but his eyes ached, not wanting to open at all, even as his mind came to. He squinted them open, realizing he must have been brought back to consciousness by Mads shuffling quietly beside him.
He watched as Mads sat up, looking around the room as though searching for something. His lips were pulled down in a scowl, his eyes narrowed. It was then that he heard the soft, scraping sound of what could only be nails on their walls—sounding like it was coming from just the other side.
Lionel inhaled sharply, struggling to open his eyes and trying to sit up.
“Shh,” Mads hushed him, putting a hand on Lionel’s shoulder and gently pushing him back down. “It’s okay, don’t worry, go back to sleep.”
Lionel wanted to listen to him, wanted to fall right back into his dreams as Mads sat beside him. His fingers carded through Lionel’s hair, scraping over his scalp and sending shivers down his spine until he was nearly pulled back into sleep.
Just when his breathing began to even out and his dreams started winding around his mind again, Mads moved from beside him and stood up.
Lionel peaked open his eyes and watched him walk over to the front door.
The same angry scowl was pinching his features as he unlocked the door and opened it without hesitation.