Chapter 21
Serenity
Isit in the passenger seat of Victor’s SUV. Summer is back at Sully’s, already tucked into bed. After all the girls packed up and left this morning, I called Victor to invite him to Frank’s tonight. He agreed, saying that would give him enough time to get through his scheduled meetings.
My stomach is tied into knots as I consider how to ease into a decision I made while agonizing all day about it.
“How did work go?” I ask, resisting the urge to wince at how high-pitched my voice sounds.
It’s a simple enough question, but I haven’t been able to ask about someone’s day in years. The words were foreign coming out of my mouth.
He moves his head back and forth as if to say “so-so.” “Things are progressing with the new phone but not as quickly as I’d like.” As he parks the car, he turns to look at me, giving me his undivided attention. “How was your night with the girls?”
My heart swells. I had a few girls’ nights when I was with Paul. He always put up a fight about me leaving, so it wasn’t monthly like it is now, but he never once asked how it was. No, instead, he flung accusations at me.
I hold Victor’s soft gaze, and my chest tightens. I shouldn’t compare him to Paul. I know it’s not right. Everything he does and says is the exact opposite of my late husband.
And this is why you want to conduct a little experiment.
Inhaling, I try to refocus. “I had fun.”
Those three simple words make me feel silly, but he smiles encouragingly, like he wants me to continue.
I fill him in on our forever movie we watch, and even though I can tell he’s never even heard of it, he nods along as if he’s interested. He has been putting in so much effort with Summer and me, and all I ever do is push him away.
Maybe now is the time. My pulse pounds in my ears, but before I can lean forward, Victor shifts away. His fingers tap vigorously on his leg as if he’s playing the piano. This isn’t the first time I’ve seen the movement, and I can’t help but wonder if he does it when he’s nervous.
“Have you thought more about what I said?” Victor asks. “If you aren’t ready, I won’t push you. But if you think maybe in the future, you might agree to at least a date, I can wait.”
I bite my lip, and our gazes collide. My chest almost feels like a hundred-pound weight has been dropped on it without warning as his vulnerability shines through his bright blue eyes.
I’ve given what he proposed a lot of consideration, but I’m not sure how to love a man when my heart is in splinters.
I can’t bear to look at him any longer. Dropping my head into my hands, I whisper through my spread fingers, “I can’t.”
Paul has ruined everything. Our home. My memories. Me.
Tears fill my eyes, but I don’t let them fall. Victor’s gentle touch lifts my chin, and I meet his eyes through the wetness. There’s no anger or resentment in his gaze, but I sense something else. Maybe sadness?
Our faces are so close his breath caresses my cheeks. I plant my hands on the seat, grounding myself before I do something we both will regret. If I could give in and lean forward, our lips would touch. I wouldn’t have to wonder what a real kiss from him would be like anymore.
“I understand.” His words are soft but firm, and my heart drops. “A real relationship wasn’t part of the deal.”
The devastation on his face pulls me toward him as if he’s a magnet, and I can’t resist it any longer. I reach out and touch his face. His eyes widen as if he’s as surprised by my touch as I am.
“I trust you, but you deserve more than a broken woman. You deserve someone who can love you with all their heart. Mine has big chunks missing.”
I haven’t felt so safe within a man’s arms. To me, they all look the same, ready to break and use any woman who crosses their paths.
But not Victor. I’ll never wish I hadn’t met Paul because I wouldn’t have Summer.
I’ll never allow that thought to enter my brain.
But I also won’t deny he destroyed me to the point that I’m so broken I don’t know what it means to be whole anymore.
But again, this isn’t fair to Victor, who has his whole heart to give.
My eyes flicker to his mouth, and I can’t help but study it. His lips beckon me. Perhaps I can give us this one chance. Not to get him out of my system, like I said before, but maybe to show him I do care, just not in the way he wants.
He nods once as if he’s reading my mind. “Kiss me.”
I don’t hesitate. Closing the last of the gap, I move my hands to wrap around his neck, pressing my mouth to his.
One of his arms goes around my waist, fully pulling me over the armrest and onto his lap.
My lips part on a sigh as his hands tighten around me.
His tongue darts out, taking advantage of the opportunity, and clashes with mine.
We spar, fighting for dominance like we always do.
We burn together as if a spark finally ignited on dry kindling.
His soft hands roam up my back, exploring my curves like he’s trying to map out every imperfection to keep it for after we’re done. For after the contract inevitably ends. They don’t stop until they reach my hair, tangling in my wild curls.
I love it.
I hate it.
I hate that I love it.
A knock on the back window yanks us apart as if we’re teenagers parking and got caught by the cops. The windows are already a little foggy, and my cheeks heat, clawing down my neck.
“We should go,” I say, climbing off him and going back to my seat.
Victor grabs my hand and brushes his lips on top. “I’ll go out first so you can fix your hair.”
My hands instinctively go to my locks, and I run my fingers through the tangles the best I can without taking too much time. I climb out, my heart still beating so fast it’s about to run a marathon.
I’m not sure if Harmony or Elias knocked on the window, but whoever it was had to have seen something. She eyes me before slipping her arm in mine while her free hand holds onto Elias’s.
Victor trails behind us, and my heart leaps when he twines his fingers with mine. Just like how my sister and her boyfriend are. It’s nothing. Simply holding hands while we’re in public. Yet, after his confession, and kissing, it feels like more.
Stop trying to read into things.
Frank’s restaurant is alive with chatter when we enter. The hanging lights are dimmed, and candles are lit on the surrounding surfaces, creating a more intimate atmosphere. Harmony releases me as we maneuver around the tables.
Victor’s grip tightens for a moment, and when I look over at him, he gives me a reassuring smile.
Heat fills my chest and climbs up my neck, not stopping until I’m certain my cheeks are pink.
Can everyone sense I just kissed my temporary husband?
I swear I have a sign on my forehead that says, “I kissed Victor Barlowe, and I loved it!”
The hostess guides us farther into the restaurant, past every packed table.
There’s not a lot to do in Granite Falls, so this restaurant is usually the hub on the weekends.
If I was still working, this would never happen.
Any free moment I had, I spent with Summer, but now we have all the time we want together.
Everyone’s eyes turn to us as we sit at a table, and it becomes silent. I adjust in my seat. Last time I was this scrutinized in town was when I lost Paul, but back then they offered me sympathy. Now I can’t help but think they’re looking at me like I’ve lost my mind. But why?
After Victor excuses himself to go to the restroom, Harmony leans forward and says, “Why does it feel like everyone is watching us?”
“I think they are,” Elias says as if it doesn’t bother him. “There must not be much to gossip about right now.”
If only they knew we weren’t a real couple. They’d definitely be gossiping.
“People need to mind their own business,” Harmony says, glancing around at our neighbors who don’t try to hide their interest. “I’ve caught a few people talking about you two at Cutesy’s. It’s as if they want me to hear so I tell you.”
“Are you—”
I cut my words off when I catch sight of Victor’s blond hair and blue eyes over the tops of everyone’s heads. It’s only been a few minutes since he went to the bathroom, but my reaction is visceral, and my mouth turns dry. I was so totally wrong thinking if we gave in, I’d get it out of my system.
When our eyes clash, a small smile tips up the corners of his lips, and my stomach turns to goo. Harmony peers over her shoulder before turning back to me.
Her eyes widen. “I never thought I’d see the day.”
My eyes stay on my husband. “Shhhh.”
Am I a teenager again? My sister is teasing me about a boy, and I shushed her. What next? Spin the bottle? No, screw that game. There’s sadly only one man I want to kiss, and he’s prowling toward me like he’ll order me for his meal.
I lick my lips, and Victor’s eyes narrow in on the movement. Maybe he’s as ready for round two as I am.
Shit. This is why I wasn’t supposed to give in. Now, it’s all I can think about.
He sits in the chair beside me more gracefully than anyone else I’ve ever met. “What did I miss?”
Harmony looks around. “Not much, just watching the town gossiping.”
I shoot daggers at my sister. He shouldn’t have to deal with the drama, yet she’s pulling him in.
“I’m used to people talking about me,” Victor says with a shrug.
“But this is our town. No one here should talk about you,” I reply.
He places his hand over mine, and my entire nervous system fries on the spot. “It’s really okay. I promise.”
Victor’s eyes connect with Elias’s before both men turn to us. My heart drops when Victor’s face turns serious.
“I need to talk to you about something,” he says, and Elias nods along.
My pounding heart is like a battle drum, ready for me to go to war at any moment as I adjust in my seat. “What is it?”
He takes one deep breath. “Someone broke into your house.”
I still, and my lungs seize. So many questions flash through my mind, but I focus on only one. “How do you know?”