Chapter 12
Blake
“Dad is staying over at his girlfriend’s tonight, so we have the place to ourselves,” Cooper says as we enter the house. He flicks the light on, illuminating a space that's quickly become the only place I feel at ease, apart from my house.
“Oh.” The idea of being alone with Cooper sends a flutter to my stomach. Whether in unease or excitement, I’m not quite sure.
“Is that okay?” Cooper looks at me over his shoulder, dropping his football bag onto the floor.
“Yeah, of course. Why wouldn’t it be?”
The corner of his lips kick up, and there it is, that smile that makes my heart race just a bit faster.
“No reason.” He chuckles.
I follow him into the kitchen. He heads right to the fridge, grabbing something to eat.
“Really?” I huff out a soft laugh. “We just ate.”
“Yeah, but that was like a half hour ago. Gotta have my nighttime snack.” He winks before taking a bite of whatever kind of sandwich is on the plate. “Fuckkk,” he moans, the sound adding to the already odd plethora of sensations I’ve felt tonight. “Hope Dad didn’t need this for work. It’s so good.”
“Cooper,” I grumble, lightly shoving him out of the way. “You can’t just come here and eat your dad’s food.”
Grabbing things out of the fridge, I work on replacing the sandwich this big caveman is eating.
“You don’t have to do that.” Cooper swallows.
“Well, if this is your dad’s lunch for tomorrow, I don’t want him to go without, because of me.”
“How is it because of you?” His brows furrow. “I’m the one eating it.”
“Yeah, well you wouldn’t be if you didn’t come here. And the reason you’re here is because you kidnapped me for a sleepover.”
“I did not kidnap you.” He chuckles. “You were in my car and we ended up here. Very different.”
“Why do we keep coming here?” I ask, not looking at him while I put everything together.
“What do you mean?”
“You don’t live here. You live at the football house.
So why, whenever we’re hanging out and it’s not at my place, do we come here?
Why not where you live?” A niggle of doubt sinks in.
“Are you embarrassed to be seen with me?” I hate the question as soon as it’s out of my mouth, but my stupid brain is always thinking the worst.
“Of course not.” His voice is a little harder than normal. “There’s no reason to be embarrassed because there’s nothing wrong with you. You’re kind, a good person and the best damn friend. Not to mention, super cute.”
That fluttering in my stomach intensifies, and the tips of my ears grow warm.
“I am not cute,” I mutter. “Kittens are cute.”
“Exactly.” He leans against the counter next to me. “You’re like a feisty little black kitten.”
I shoot him a glare, but I can’t deny his words are comforting to hear. I like when he talks about me like this. It makes me feel special. Maybe that’s stupid, but it is what it is.
“You wanna know why I don’t bring you to the football house?” he asks.
My eyes are on the sandwich again. “Sure, I guess,” I grumble, trying to act like I don’t actually care, but I do. I want to know the answer.
“Because Mickey is there. I don’t want to bring you to any place that will make you feel uncomfortable. I also don’t want that jackass anywhere near you,” he growls the last part.
My heart starts to race, my whole body flushing with nerves. “Really?” I lift my eyes and god, I want to cry. These feelings are so damn confusing. They’re new and scary and also exciting.
I’ve come to the realization that I think I have feelings for Cooper. The only thing is, I’ve never had feelings for someone before, so how do I know it’s not just me being very grateful for a friend like him, or something more?
“Yeah, Latte Boy,” he teases, reaching up to tuck a piece of my hair behind my ear. I swear to god my heart stops. “I care about you. A lot. Now, I’m gonna go wash this stink off me. When you’re done, you can use the bathroom down here. I’ll leave something for you to wear on my bed, okay?”
“Okay.”
With a smile, he leaves me standing there dumbfounded.
As soon as I’m done making the sandwich, I put it back into the fridge, then pull out my phone and find the group chat with my friends.
Me: SOS! 911! Help!
Rylee: What the hell is going on?
Davis: Do we need to call the cops?
Me: No. I’m just freaking the fuck out and I don’t know what to do. Or what's going on.
Rylee: Explain a little more, babe, so we can try to help.
Me: You remember that guy I’m tutoring. Cooper?
Davis: The super cute blondie. Yeah, I think you mentioned him a few times.
Rylee: Or a million lol. I think it’s safe to say he’s not just ‘the guy you’re tutoring.’ He’s a friend. Or a best friend?
Me: Best friend for sure.
Davis: So, what's the issue? Did he do something to hurt you? I’ll kill him!
Me: No, no, nothing like that. If anything, it’s the exact opposite.
Rylee: We need more, babe.
Me: He’s perfect. Too perfect.
Davis: How so?
Me: He’s super sweet, always thinking about me first. My feelings, what I think, standing up for me, doing what he thinks I’d like, or I’d enjoy.
Rylee: Holy shit. Babe, I think you hit the best friend jackpot.
Me: That's the thing, I’ve never had a best friend. Never been close with someone like this. And I’m not sure if the things I’m feeling are friendly, or... something more.
Admitting that right now has me wanting to puke. It’s like I know what these feelings are, I know what this means. But at the same time, I can’t seem to put them into words.
Rylee: And how does he make you feel?
Me: When he smiles, I feel happy. When he laughs, I feel happy.
Whenever I’m around him, I feel happy. When it’s just the two of us, I can’t stop looking at him.
Wondering what he’s thinking about. Whenever we’re not together, he’s all I can think about.
And I feel kind of jealous and lonely because I’d rather be with him than alone.
And when he winks at me, or gives me these little smiles that are just for me, I feel lightheaded and my stomach does this little cramping thing.
Rylee: OMG!!! Blake, baby! I’m so happy for you!
Me: Happy for me for what?! Wanna let me in on what we’re happy about, because I'm so damn confused.
Davis: Babe. I’m pretty sure you like the guy. And I’m not talking about just a little crush. He makes you feel safe, seen and wanted, yes?
Me: More than anyone in the world ever has.
Rylee: Then I think you might be in love.
I stare at the screen, my heart pounding a mile a minute. Love? No way. I’ve only known the guy for a month. Maybe a little crush, but love?
Me: Let’s not be crazy. I’ve only known him for a month, it’s too soon for love.
Rylee: There’s no timeline on feelings, babe. You feel what you feel, for the reasons you feel it for. He’s your safe place. The place you feel the most you. What about his friends, do you feel the same towards them? You spend a lot of time with them too.
Me: No. I mean, I like them. They’re nice people. They make me happy and I feel comfortable around them. Just not the way I feel when I’m with Cooper.
Davis: I’m going with what Rylee said. You have feelings. Hard. And that might be terrifying to you. I know it is every time I feel something for someone new. But don’t let that get in the way. This is exciting and something great.
My hands shake and I feel like I’m going to be sick. Are they right? Do I have feelings for him? Like, more than friends?
Me: I just don’t know.
Rylee: What do you feel when you think about him flirting with another man, going on dates, kissing someone else? Like, if he was to get a boyfriend, would you be supportive, like a friend would, or do you think you would feel something else?
The idea of Cooper touching someone else in any way makes bile rise in the back of my throat, and a new wave of panic hits me.
Me: It makes me want to cry? God, I feel so fucking stupid saying that. And it also makes me want to puke, and freak the fuck out. Maybe punch the nonexistent person in the face? And I don’t do violence!
Rylee: I think you have your answer, babe.
Me: What if he doesn’t feel the same way?
Davis: Talk to him. Tell him how you feel. From the sounds of this guy, I think there’s a good possibility he feels the same way. But you won’t know unless you talk.
Me: How about a less terrifying option?
Rylee: If you run, you have the possibility of losing him. Don’t let this eat at you. Take it slow, look for the signs if you need more proof before you dive in, if you have to.
Me: Okay. Let me think on this.
Rylee: Good luck, babe! We’re here for you.
Davis: You got this! Go get your man.
In Cooper’s room I find some clothes folded on the bed like he mentioned.
Grabbing them, I head down to the bathroom to shower. Placing them on the counter, I go to grab a towel, but don’t see any.
After searching in a few places and not finding anything, I head back upstairs to ask Cooper. He’s not in his room anymore. How long does this man shower for?
Not wanting to stand around and wait like an idiot, I go to his bathroom.
The door is cracked and I can hear the water running. So he is still in the shower.
Peeking through the crack, I see a shelf full of towels. Do I knock and let him know I need to grab one, or just sneak in and take one quickly?
As I’m trying to decide what to do, a moan coming from the bathroom has me pausing.
My eyes widen, lips parting as more sounds fill the air. He’s not doing what I think he’s doing, right?
Heart pounding, some irrational part of my brain has me pushing the door open to find out.
Steam fills the room, but I can see the glass shower. The breath in my lungs stills as I make out Cooper’s silhouette. It’s slightly blurred from the steam, but I can glimpse enough.
Arm on the wall, his forehead rests against it. He’s looking down, body tense as his arm moves. I can see the side of his face from this spot. His eyes are closed, lips parted as more of those sinful sounds leave him.