Chapter 26
MAYA
Maya felt the muscles in her shoulders relax and a knot smooth out in her stomach, even as her shock at Lily’s words had her closing her mouth.
She couldn’t believe Lily had just laid it all in front of them like that, but she was immensely grateful.
She slipped a little deeper into the pool, leaning on the wall fully as she soaked in the relief.
They were talking about last night. They were going to talk about them—there was a ‘them’.
“Okay, what is there to talk about?” Hanna’s voice was huskier than normal, and she still looked a little green.
Maya felt the urge to roll her eyes. When they’d gotten up to find Lily gone, Hanna had tried to talk to Maya.
But Maya just couldn’t. She’d woken up with the determination to sit the three of them down and facilitate a conversation.
She hadn’t been crazy about coming to humid Florida in the first place, and she certainly wasn’t spending the remainder of the break navigating through Hanna and Lily’s tension.
She wouldn’t be able to stand it. Not in this heat.
“Hanna, come on,” Maya meant to sound encouraging, but her voice came out pleading.
Hanna looked at her first with mild betrayal but then seemed to register something on Maya’s face, and her expression softened.
“Look, let’s not fuck around Hanna, you know I’m bad at this stuff,” Lily chided.
“I’m sure that was not your first experience with a beautiful woman, Lily,” Hanna said sarcastically.
Maya wanted to throttle her. Hanna wasn’t typically this passive-aggressive. She was often way more direct. Maya was a bit floored and annoyed by this change in her typical behavior.
“No, it was not, but it was the first time I experienced you going off and drinking yourself into a stupor, only to end the night crying about it,” Lily said.
“I didn’t—”
“Oh for fuck’s sake, Hanna!” Maya didn’t quite shout, but her voice left no room for games.
“I cannot, I will not. You know what I went through last year—” She took a deep breath, thinking of all the brokered peace talks between her parents.
“We are going to lay it all out on the table. Lily is trying, you try too.”
Maya watched Lily and Hanna turn and exchange a glance that looked like guilt. Yep, she was not above playing the “my parents had a messy divorce” card.
Hanna grew resolute. “Fine,” she started, “I didn’t like it–like, at all,” she let out another breath, “but what right do I even have to be pissed? It’s not like, it’s not like—” Her voice trailed off.
“We’re together,” Lily filled in.
“Yeah it’s not like we are together,” Hanna said, her voice steely.
“No, that’s not what I meant. I meant, we are together,” Lily said, and Hanna’s expression showed surprise at the admission.
Maya was shocked too. “We are?”
“I have this friend, she’s got waaaay more ‘fuckboy’ energy than you two accuse me of having. But she always says if you sleep with someone more than three times, you’re in something with them,” Lily said.
“Okay, then,” Maya said, a smile creeping across her face. It was part relief and part incredulity that Lily was facilitating this conversation. “So let’s talk about what we are, then,” she said.
There was silence between the three of them, the slight swish of pool water the only noise.
“I looked up polyamory,” Hanna finally said sheepishly.
“Of course you did Banana,” Lily replied, and Hanna seemed to relax at the sound of the nickname. Lily moved in the water so that she was now on the other side of Hanna’s legs.
“And what did you find?” Maya scooted even closer to Hanna, so she was cozily sandwiched between her and Lily.
“Really just some definitions and…warnings about, well about how triads are hard and often not advised. That they usually start with people who are naive and don’t know any better.” Hanna said that last bit with disdain.
“We are new. And naive. And I guess…well, are we poly?” Lily said, as if she were thinking out loud.
“Well, are we a thing? That’s where we need to start.”
Maya had been about to ask the question, but Hanna, surprisingly, had beaten her to it. Maya beamed, proud to see her Banana back.
“We are a thing, we’ve established that,” Maya said.
“We just need to understand what this thing is. What does everyone want?” After a lack of immediate response, Maya said, “Ok, I’ll go first. I like the energy between us, but the dynamic of me having to resolve things or fix things is exhausting for me. We are all adults.”
“You don’t have to—” Lily began.
Maya cut her off. “And if I don’t, then we just have this awkward thing that grows between us. And I just want us to be chill and together.”
“I want that too,” Hanna said quietly.
“Okay, me too,” said Lily. “Fine. It’s just, how? I mean fuck, Hanna, you’d never even kissed a girl until last fall. How do you—”
“Oh my god, you’re not going to make me have the bi-validity and bi-erasure conversation Lily, are you? I’ve had this conversation with people before and it sucks.”
“Okay but you and Jeff—” Lily started, and Maya knew that was going to trigger the shrill growl that came out of Hanna.
“Jeff and I dated in high school.”
“And okay, you’ve had years at school and what? No other willing girls tickled your fancy?” Lily replied.
Maya could feel the prick of anxiety creeping up her spine. She needed to regain control of the conversation. “Maybe she was waiting for us,” Maya said confidently.
Lily scoffed.
“What? Maybe I was! I don’t know Lily, I just know how I feel now and fuck you for trying to question it. That’s your shit.”
“It is,” Maya agreed. “What are you worried about? I’m pan, are you worried about me?”
“It’s different,” Lily mumbled.
“How? Because I’m a ‘baby bi’?” Hanna asked.
“Yes,” Lily said quickly.
“Oh fuck you,” Hanna said and she made to get up, but Maya placed her hands on her thighs.
“We are getting through this,” she said, “and once again, I feel like I am playing mediator, which believe it or not, sucks. Fuck Lily, what are you so worried about?”
Lily lowered her head and sighed. She then turned so her body was leaning against Hanna’s thighs and under the water she rested a hand on Maya’s hip. Maya leaned into the touch.
“I’m sorry, you’re right. I am afraid, I’m afraid that this is some kind of experiment and that we don’t know what we are doing. I looked it up too, you know, poly stuff. Triads almost never work.”
“Every triad isn’t us,” Maya said.
Lily chuckled sullenly. “Said every ambitious naive trio of lovers ever.”
“I want to be with both of you,” Hanna said, and Maya and Lily both looked up at her.
Her face was serious, all hard lines. “I don’t care if it’s easy or hard or whatever.
There’s a lot of hate in this world and it’d be nice to be in this with the both you, extra love and all.
Maybe we are naive or too ambitious, or whatever.
Besides, I feel, you both, you both feel like—”
“Home,” Maya said.
“Home,” Lily agreed.
“I hate that you both are in Boston and I’m not,” Lily breathed out, “and I hate how that makes me sound needy.”
Maya squeezed her shoulder. “You’re not needy. I hate that you aren’t in Boston.”
“I hate that you aren’t in Boston too. I miss you like crazy Lil,” Hanna said.
“Really?” Lily asked, and she sounded genuinely surprised.
“Really,” both women agreed.
Hanna added, “It feels like a part of us is missing when you’re not around. But for the record, Maya and I don’t hang every weekend or whatever. Anytime we are together we’re hitting you up or talking about how we miss you too.”
Lily pushed up on her toes at the same time Hanna leaned down to kiss her. Progress.
“I think we have to accept we can’t be together physically all the time, but only till the end of this year,” Maya said, “which, it's not like we’re in our dorms twiddling our thumbs. We are all multi-hyphenated with plenty to keep us occupied.”
“Yeah, not long,” Lily repeated, looking at her and giving Maya a quick kiss on her lips.
Maya smiled at the idea of one more year.
“And shit, we are just going to have to figure this out. Like if two of us fight or break up or whatever, we have to talk about it,” Hanna said, like it was all simple. But maybe it was and wasn’t at the same time. They’d still need to figure it out either way.
They were quiet for a moment, but this time it was a comfortable silence. They were on the brink of something new, but the trepidation that hung around them was dissipating.
“Whatever this is, let it just be ours,” Maya said, leaning in closer to both women.
Ours.
“Now, can we get to the copious amounts of gay sex? You know, as a big fuck you to the current status of the Sunshine State?”
Maya laughed, a full laugh that rumbled her belly.
Lily.
“Of course, copious amounts, for advocacy reasons,” Maya agreed.
“Okay but first I need grease, and I need to hydrate,” Hanna said.
“Hmmmm but first we need a make-up kiss,” Maya countered and leaned in.
They all leaned in to press their lips together playfully, laughing at the initial awkwardness of the three-way kiss, and in that moment, even over the scent of the chlorine in the water, all Maya could feel and smell was them.