Three
Leta Pearl
I had been smiling like Miss Louisiana in the swimsuit competition ever since Haskel Moody started eating my biscuits.
That’s because it was the first step in my plan to restore our membership at the Falconhead Country Club and get me back in the Celestial Ladies Auxiliary.
Come hell or high water, the Abernathy name would finally be redeemed.
Emily, my eldest daughter, would be horrified. Because yes, I had sworn to her that I would never use the Aberdeen Mountain Oil, ever again, unless it was an absolute emergency. Well, this was an emergency, and anyone in my situation would’ve done the same thing.
How this whole thing started went like this: things were going just fine when Haskel and Trudy first started dating.
The very eligible Moody boy, who had recently been widowed himself, asked my daughter on a date.
Even though it took everything in my power, I did not get involved.
I just kept to myself and let things unfold.
But then, just when things were starting to get serious, Caroline Beaumont-Rickard (Jerry Don and Barbara’s daughter) came into the jewelry store with some girl named Trina, one of her former sorority sisters from Tuscaloosa.
Well, they were headed to Falconhead that very evening for Prime Rib Night.
And when I was in the back fixing the velvet box for Trina’s new earrings, I overheard Caroline tell her all about Haskel Moody and how she couldn’t wait to introduce them.
Naturally, this lit an angry hellfire inside me, the likes of which I had not experienced since 1968 when Barbara Beaumont had endorsed George Wallace for president on behalf of all the Celestial Ladies Auxiliary in her column.
Even worse, this Trina girl’s breasts were much perkier than Trudy’s.
Not to mention Trudy’s postpartum stomach and all the cellulite that was probably on her butt.
I panicked and I just couldn’t help myself.
I was not, for the life of me, going to let Caroline Beaumont ruin Trudy’s chances at the man of my dreams. Caroline had already done that once: at their 1975 Celestial Starlets Gala, when she “accidentally” knocked Trudy into the swimming pool.
Feeding Haskel a few little, itsy-bitsy, teeny-tiny love biscuits was the only way I could ensure he didn’t get distracted. So that’s what I did.
Now, I had every intention of quitting once they got engaged. And I did quit ... until Barbara Beaumont started stirring up trouble again with this whole Grady Grigsby, chemistry-teacher thing.
Thankfully, Haskel has only ever shown mild reactions to the Aberdeen Mountain Oil—nothing like my sister Lilly Pauline’s husband, Prentiss, after his first biscuit back in 1948.
Lord, we all thought he would plummet to his death after he climbed to the roof of Uncle Cricket’s barn to proclaim his love for Lilly Pauline.
Prentiss was so rapt on those biscuits, he thought he could fly !
Thank Baby Jesus he only broke his ankle, and those doctors in Huntsville were able to fix his dislocated shoulder.
Haskel was nowhere near as stirred up as Uncle Prentiss was.
To anyone who didn’t know me, it probably seemed like I was just trying to get back in the Auxiliary.
Well of course I was! That’s where I belonged!
However, was I not, also, doing my duty as a mother in the name of love?
A blind man on a galloping horse could see it: Trudy with a dead husband, Haskel with a dead wife, and both so young and vital as a sack full of kittens. It was meant to be if you ask me.
Mrs. Trudy Moody! I had to admit it had a special ring.