Chapter 17
Seventeen
Olivia
I’m curled up in bed, my bare legs tangled in the soft cotton sheets, in my favorite long t-shirt.
My reading light glows casting a pool of warmth over the pages of the spicy romance novel I just can’t put down.
After the number of books I read, I hit my reading goal before I get to halfway through the year.
I shift on the mattress, fingers lingering on a line that makes heat rush through my chest. God, does it really feel like this? The way the female main character melts under his touch, like her entire world narrows down to that one moment. Is it really this intense?
I always imagined it would be like that with Hayden. I started reading these types of books when Hayden and I still talked, and there would be days I thought about Hayden doing things to me like what I read about in my books.
My heart twists, even now after everything, I can’t read these damn books without picturing him. Without imagining his hands where the heroes are, his voice saying the filthy things these characters whisper into each other’s skin.
How I thought about his lips touching mine and making me beg for him to touch me.
A soft knock at the door makes me jump, I glance over at the clock on my nightstand. It’s one in the morning, who the hell would be knocking on my door at this time.
The knock comes again, louder this time.
I freeze. No one should be knocking this late.
I look around to see if there's anything around I can use as a weapon if I need it.
My dorm is on school grounds. The dorms are locked to outsiders after curfew.
Whoever it is must be someone from campus, but still, a chill traces down my spine.
I don’t know why but I tiptoe softly to the door, my book still in hand, thumb wedged between the pages. With a shaking of my hand, I open the door, and I stand there frozen to the spot.
Hayden.
He looks wrecked, he has cuts on his cheekbone, dried blood smeared across his brow. His shirt clings to his chest in patches, wet with sweat or something. I look out the window, it’s not raining.
“Hayden—what—what happened to you?” my voice is a whisper, barely more than a breath. He doesn’t answer.
His eyes flicker past me, sweeping the tiny dorm room like he’s checking to see if I’m alone. His presence fills the doorway, he’s dangerous and quiet and unreadable. I take a step back.
“Hayden—”
He reaches out and plucks the book from my hand without a word. Glances at the cover, then throws it onto the bed behind him.
“What the hell—?” He doesn’t let me finish. One stride, that’s all it takes.
One stride and he has me pressed against the inside of the door, the wood cool against my spine. His hands find my waist like they belong there. His mouth crashes into mine. It’s not soft. It’s rage. Hunger. Desperation.
Everything I read about.
It’s Hayden, and I melt at his touch.
My fingers grip the hem of his shirt, unsure whether to push him away or pull him closer. My mind screams confusion, but my body remembers the kiss we shared. Every night I dreamt of this. Every night I ached for him.
I taste the blood on his lip.
“Fuck,” I hear him as he pushes into me. A spark moves through me as he pushes his body against mine. I know this is wrong, and he hates me, but I’ve wanted this for so long I don’t care.
I can feel him hard against me, his lips move to my neck as he plants a kiss there.
“Tell me to stop, Olivia.” I hear him, and where his lips were, is now replaced with his hand. “I hate you. I hate what you did to me. Tell. Me. To. Stop.”
“N…no.” The word escapes in a whisper.
His lips are on me again and this time it’s harder, his fingers are rough as they move up my t-shirt, and straight to my panties, and the cage of butterflies opens as it’s finally happening with him.
He pushes his finger under the fabric, and I hear the growl from his mouth as he starts to rub me, and I moan.
“Fuck!” Hayden pulls away shouting, and I try to get my breath back. “Fuck!” I jump when he punches the wall beside me, and now I have a dent in my room. “I shouldn’t have—”
“Hayden—”
“No, you don’t get to come back into my life and think it will all go back to the way it was, the way it was meant to be for us,” he shouts, and I wipe the tears away because I know he’s right.
Hayden walks to the door, pushing me out the way and I try to grab his hand, but he pulls it away.
“Tell me, tell me what I have to do to fix this,” I plead with him, the tears escaping as all I want it my best friend back. Hayden turns to face me shaking his head. “Please.”
He places both his hands on the wall beside me, and leans in closer, and a look which is so dark, I don’t think I’ve ever seen anyone, ever.
“On your knees would be a good start.” The way the words escape him with so much hate, but at the same time the look in his eyes still has lust he had only a few minutes ago.
I stare at him for a moment wondering if he means it or not. I bite on my bottom lip waiting for him to say something, so I know if he is messing with me, or if he really means it.
“I’m waiting.” Hayden’s cold voice hits me like a blizzard. I blink and the tear lands on my cheek, and I take in a deep breath.
I’m crazy, I’ve read things like this in my books, never thought it would happen to me, but all I want is Hayden back in my life, that’s the only thing I care about right now.
I lick my lips, closing my eyes I slowly lower myself. I hear the zipper lowering on his jeans. The moment I open my eyes; they widen when his dick is in view. I never thought this was going to be how I saw Hayden for the first time, but here I am.
Hayden grabs my face, and he doesn’t give me a second when he pushes his thick dick into my mouth. Not slowly, not softly, it’s hard and hits the back of my throat making me gag. I try to concentrate on my breathing and sucking him.
Now I’ve read so many books where girls do this, how they do it, and in this moment, I’m going to make sure he remembers this one.
I swirl my tongue, gliding the base of his dick, then suck him hard, and I hear him moan out the word fuck, and inside I’m jumping with joy.
Hayden pulls back, just until the tip rests between my lips, and I open my mouth, looking up at Hayden, he looks down and the corner of his lip curls a little.
Aggressively he begins slamming back and forth, hitting the back of my throat with every thrust, not giving me a second to catch my breath. There is nothing sweet about this, this is him showing me that he hates me, and he’s going to make it hurt.
Hayden wraps his hand around my neck, tightening his grip, as he hits the back of my throat making me gag each time. I can feel the tears down my cheeks, as I find it harder to breathe.
“Fuck!” I hear him groan. “Swallow,” I hear him shout, both his hands grip my hair as he holds me there and his hips start to move faster. The only thing I keep telling myself is not to choke when he comes.
Moving faster, I feel his cum hit the back of my throat, Hayden continues to thrust, as I swallow, choking a little as I’m finding it hard to swallow while Hayden’s still inside me.
Once he’s finishes he grips my hair for me to look at him, giving me the moment to swallow every drop of him. “This changes nothing, you’re still—” He shakes his head, not finishing what he wants to say.
“Hayden—” Before I can even finish what I wanted to say, Hayden steps back, zips himself back up, and walks away from me. Stopping by my bookcase, I stand up, and walk over to him, and whisper.
“Hayden, I still love you—”
“Where was that love when I fucking needed it.” Not another word, he leaves my dorm, and I drop on the end of the bed, and do the only thing I can.
Cry.
Cry about what’s just happened. Cry because no matter what Hayden will never forgive me. Cry because I’m the only person to blame.
Do you think I slept last night? I didn't. My eyes were locked onto the wall where Hayden had punched it. A reminder of what happened last night, a reminder of how much he hates me. Yet he came to my dorm and he kissed me, again.
All night I kept thinking maybe the feelings he had for me once are still there, maybe, just maybe we can have what I ruined.
I tossed and turned all night, with question after question, and not one answer coming to me.
There was even a point in the night where I felt like a cheap whore getting down on my knees for him. Part of me was hoping it would help him realize that I'll do anything for him just to talk to me again. But no, it just made me feel cheap.
Most of my night was spent crying, and the only person I can blame is myself. I can't blame Hayden; God he is the last person I can blame.
I grab my books and start walking to class. I need to talk to him because I need to find out when I can get my car back. But I don't think he'll talk to me, not after the way he left last night.
But then again, I never thought he'd come to my dorm room last night and kiss me the way he did. So, anything is possible when it comes to Hayden, but I also don’t want to annoy him anymore than I already have by being back in town.
I don’t want to see anyone or even talk to them because they won’t be saying anything nice to me, but I have no choice.
Mason, he's always been the one that doesn't think, just acts and his threat yesterday, I actually think he meant it.
Miles has always been the quiet one, but you never know what he's thinking. Miles has that look on his face which says I’m up to something, but out of the two of them, I think he'd talk to me.
I look around as I reach the courtyard, I don’t see Hayden anywhere. I see Leo the asshole with his friends. I wish I could make him pay for everything he did, hurt him the way he hurt me.
I hope to have my car back soon, just so I can sit in there when I don't have class or at lunch as I don't speak to anyone. Well, I don’t want to be around anyone, Abigail keeps trying, but the conversations they all have are even about Leo and his friends, or Hayden and his brothers. They are both people I don’t want to talk about.
I'm just thankful Abigail got my necklace back, I didn't even ask her to, mostly because I didn’t think anyone would want to help me.
But when she returned it, she said she could see the look on my face and how much it actually broke me.
I don't know how she got it off the bitch, but I was so damn thankful she got it back.
But now I have no car, and there's not really many places I can go to hide from anyone.
As I walk around, I hear a group of girls laughing.
Bingo. Hayden isn’t there but his brothers are, and I stand there frozen for a moment.
Come on Olivia, you need your car back. A part of me is thinking of leaving it, once it’s fixed Hayden might give it back to me.
But I can’t risk waiting, what if mom needs me. Damn.
I walk over and I feel my legs turning into jelly.
Why is this so hard? I still remember the cinema nights we had, the whole family laughed and joked.
Mason and Miles laughed they thought I was going to have Hayden's babies.
On the outside, I was laughing, but on the inside, I was praying it would happen.
Dreams that's all it was, dreams I broke.
As I get closer, Miles stands up, he tilts his head a little to the right, Mason doesn't even look at me.
“Can I talk to you, please.” I quickly point to Miles, so he knows it’s him I want to talk to and not Mason.
“Sure.”
“Alone,” I whisper looking behind him as the group of girls laugh as they say something to Mason.
“Sure, but you know I'll tell my brothers after anyway.” Miles walks and I nod knowing very well he'll tell them everything.
As I walk away from the group, I hear some of them calling me names, and I take a deep breath and look up at Miles.
“You both turned out very handsome.” A small smile hits my lips, and Miles doesn’t say anything.
“I was wondering if you could—” I start looking through my bag and pull out the envelope.
“If you can give this to Hayden, please.” Putting the envelope between us, all he does is stare at it, and smile.
“I'll pay for the rest. I just have to do it slowly.”
“Hayden doesn't want your money.” Miles snaps, and his tone is cold, which makes me look at him. “All he ever wanted was you, he only ever saw you.”
“I know, I know Miles and there's nothing I can do to say how sorry I am. But if you can, please just give him this, and ask when my car is ready to pick up.” He takes the envelope from me as my hands begin to shake thinking back to the night everything changed for us.
“Why? Why did you do it?” Miles asks the same question Hayden asked me.
“I wish—”
“Olivia, all he wants to know is why?”
I close my eyes knowing I can’t say anything.
“All I can say is, it was Hayden or my mom.” I wipe the tears away, and take a deep breath because my emotions are all over the place now.
“I loved Hayden, I still love Hayden, and…maybe…I’m sorry…
” I quickly walk away from him, not wanting him to see me completely break down.
I’m sorry, will never be enough, I lost my best friend, and my first love all in one night, and there's nothing I can do to change it.