ELEVEN
C ontrol .
My entire life I'd thrived on control, order, and being meticulous. Every move I made was calculative. There's nothing that irked me more than doing things on a whim or impulsivity.
If anything, it repulsed me and I found it absolutely abhorrent, but ever since I first encountered Gabriella, my control hung by a loose thread. One that was on the verge of snapping with each day that passed.
I shouldn't have gotten involved with her in the first place, but I couldn't stop myself. My self-restraint diminished before my very eyes, and unfortunately, there was nothing I could do to stop it.
I never thought the reason for my downward spiral would be curly, brown hair, dimpled cheeks, and big hazel eyes that made my fucking knees weak. Not only were my knees weak, but my defences.
She pushed me away every opportunity she got and I wondered why. It’s as if there were walls surrounding her after our night together. I told myself I wouldn't gather information on her in an unethical manner like I did, but fuck, I was beyond livid when I woke up alone that night.
Left with nothing but memories of our night together. Shadows of our interactions. Dreams. Silhouettes in the darkness that reminded me of her.
Prior to that night, my hands itched to find out every single thing about her, but I stopped myself. She shouldn't have left me. She shouldn't have given me a taste of what she had to offer, because now I felt like a fucking crack addict.
With each encounter between us, I could feel the tension growing. At what point would the confines crack and then explode, unleashing everything inside of me that I've kept locked away all of these years? My obsession grew drastically and I wouldn't stop until she was mine.
All mine.
My little butterfly could try to fly freely as much as she wanted, but it was only a matter of time before I caught her. Caging her in. I'd clip her wings if necessary.
"Keep scowling and I'm afraid your face might just stay that way," Kayden said, handing me a glass of whiskey.
"You're funny," I deadpanned. "Maybe you should ditch the intelligence analyst role and become a stand-up comedian, instead."
"Your vacation should've changed you for the better, but you came back all guns blazing. You're a special case." He laughed.
I sipped on my alcohol, looking at him with a straight face. "Marriage should've enhanced your personality, but you're still insufferable. "
"What are friends for?"
"Sometimes I wonder why I even bother coming over," I grimaced, making him chuckle again.
"You clearly have nothing better to do. Should I call Gabriella and tell her to keep you company when I'm too busy?" I didn't let on that the mention of her name made my fingers twitch.
"Who?" I feigned obliviousness.
"If you want me to pursue stand-up comedy, then you definitely need to dabble in acting. You're really good at it."
"I'll pick you up the next time there's auditions. There's nothing more I love than constructive criticism." I folded my arms across my chest, looking at him with a grin.
"You're also a master at deflecting."
"Is that so?" The last person I wanted to think about right now was her . She already plagued me. Day and night.
"Yeah. I suppose there's nothing wrong with being in denial, but with me, of all people, Nicolas? Come on."
"I don't have time to deal with women right now. You know where my priorities lie."
"She's not just any woman, though. The tension between you two was so thick at Amala's housewarming, I could've sworn I saw it floating around the apartment."
I huffed in annoyance. "My main focus right now is being cleared by that God awful therapist so I can return to work."
"That's only going to happen if you're doing better, mentally."
"I am," I dismissed him.
"Are you, though?" He raised an eyebrow. "So you're not having nightmares or anxiety attacks anymore?" I looked away from him, clenching my jaw in frustration. "That's what I thought."
I slid a hand over my face. "Any updates regarding Antonio?"
"Nothing so far. It's almost as if the man fell off the face of the Goddamn earth. No trace of him anywhere. No digital footprint, no credit card usage, absolutely nothing."
"It doesn't make any sense. He couldn't just have disappeared."
"Ares and I will figure that out. You need to rest and focus on your mental well-being. Even if your therapist is awful." I chuckled at his words and shook my head.
"Since when are you and Valiente so well acquainted?"
"We've resolved our differences."
"Right," I deadpanned. "Did that end in a brawl between the two of you?" He avoided my eyes, looking at the glass of liquor in his hand.
"Our resolution was more amicable than that, but we may have sparred. He had a busted lip and my jaw was fucked."
I nodded. "Just two grown men behaving like children. Nothing new."
"You're one to talk. You're pining after a woman who won't give you the time of day."
I leaned forward and laughed, grabbing my glass of whiskey from the glass coffee table. I downed the last bit of alcohol. "Careful, Sato. I'm not as forgiving as Ares. I'll knock your teeth out of your mouth."
Kayden snickered, smirking at me. "I'd love to see you try. Maybe we should invite your lover over and have her watch you getting your ass handed to you."
"Your investigation tactics require some work."
"If you think that's me prying for information, it's not. Judging by the way you look at Gabriella whenever you see her is more than enough confirmation of my suspicions."
I didn't say anything else and sipped on my alcohol. I was genuinely fucked and Kayden knew that, even if I didn't admit it.
Helena and I had been working hard for the past couple of weeks. We had multiple events coming up as it was the holiday season approaching, but our top priority was Asher Braun's charity event.
The guest list was forwarded to us a week ago and it confirmed what we already knew: a lot of wealthy individuals would be present. It was like a playground for the rich and elite.
I expected no less given the power Asher held over most of them. I stepped into my favourite café and inhaled the mouth-watering smell of freshly brewed coffee and sweet patisseries.
My heels clicked against the tiled floor as I slowly approached the cashier. There were a few new menu items, so I didn't know what I wanted, but I settled on trying their new decadent dessert.
A hazelnut praline brownie topped with salted caramel ice cream, a drizzle of fudge sauce, and a sprinkling of sea salt. My sweet tooth had me visiting the dentist often when I was younger, so I limited myself now that I was an adult.
Indulging every now and then surely wasn't a crime. I took a seat in the corner of the café and placed my bag next to me. "May I join you?" My movements came to a halt and I slowly turned my head in the direction of the voice.
"Nicolas," I said almost breathlessly, but regained my composure and hesitantly gestured to the empty seat across me. "Of course." I hadn't forgotten our last conversation.
By the grace of God, I was saved by his friends.
What are you so afraid of?
"Though I should warn you, if you try anything I'll scream," I quipped.
He clicked his tongue, running a finger over his bottom lip. "Wouldn't be the first time I've made you scream." Time stilled, seconds felt like hours as we maintained eye contact.
Every memory about our time together flooded my brain and I had to blink them away. How he managed to say the filthiest things in the most casual tone always had me wracking my brain and turned me into a mess.
He easily changed the subject and eyed the dessert in front of me, giving it a sceptical look. "What is that monstrosity?" he asked in a bored tone of voice. My eye twitched.
"First and foremost, good afternoon to you, as well. And secondly, it's a brownie, but you're looking at it like it's a corpse laid out in front of me and I'm ready to feast on it."
"It might as well be," he muttered nonchalantly, placing his elbows on the table. "You're one bite away from diabetes with that thing."
"I'm convinced you really are a stalker. You're always showing up at the most convenient times." I changed the subject.
"I'm not a stalker," he quipped. "I just have friends in high places."
"Like the Federal Bureau?"
"Oh?" he asked sarcastically. "Have you been doing research on me, Gabriella?"
"No," I responded quickly, making him hum. "I'd have to be interested in you in order to go to those lengths."
"So you're not interested in me?" He placed a hand on his chest. "That actually hurts like a bitch." I couldn't help but laugh at his antics and rolled my eyes.
"Try it."
"Excuse me?" He looked at me in confusion.
"The brownie." I moved the plate towards him. "Try it." He grimaced and eyed the dessert. "Please? "
"I'll try it." My eyes lit up. "On one condition."
"What's the condition?"
"You need to tell me why you left." I blinked slowly, weighing my options. If someone left me the way I left him, I'd be more disappointed than pissed.
I owed him an explanation, but was I really ready to share my fear with him? "Okay, fine," I sighed, pursing my lips.
Nicolas smiled, a satisfied grin plastered on his face. He grabbed the spoon, scooping up a hefty amount of the sweet treat, and brought it to his lips. I watched his movements, the way he ate was so…sensual. Instinctively, I bit my lower lip.
The action reminded me of—
"Not bad," he murmured, placing the spoon down on the plate. "I prefer indulging in various other sweet things as opposed to desserts." The hidden meaning behind his words had me shifting in my seat.
I wore formal pants and a thin shirt, but my body overheated. Nicolas' gaze remained on me and the scrutiny surely wasn't helping. "I'm sure you do."
"You'd know." He licked his lips. "Do you remember the way I ate your pu—" I slapped a hand over his mouth without thinking, heat rushing straight to my core.
I could feel him smirking underneath my palm and I quickly retracted my hand, feeling like he set it alight. "We're in public," I hissed.
Nicolas leaned back in his chair, grinning at me. "What's your point?"
"My point is that you need to act accordingly, somebody could've heard you," I whisper-yelled.
He sat up straight before moving forward, gesturing for me to do the same. It's like I'd been entranced by his wicked charms and a hypnotic spell, because I instantly obliged.
"I'd gladly let everyone in this vicinity know that I ate you out." Heat pooled in my belly and I gasped softly. "Sweetest pussy I've ever tasted."
He ate another spoonful of my brownie and suddenly my appetite disappeared, but my need for the depraved things he'd offer me came at me full force.
I hardly ever found myself in a predicament where I was speechless. Nicolas' deep laugh had goosebumps forming on my skin. He placed his thumb and index finger on my chin, forcing my lips closed. "Don't look so shocked. Now finish your dessert, we have something important to discuss, right?"