16. Thalia
Chapter sixteen
Thalia
Idon’t know why, but my heart drops. I grab his wrist, my whole being locking with the fear of him leaving.
“I’m not going anywhere,” he says quickly. “We’re switching seats.”
“Why?” I ask, my voice wavering as I finally slow to a stop with relief sweeping over me.
He isn’t leaving.
Calm down.
He takes his seatbelt off before opening his door and walking around the hood with long strides. Cars pass on the main road, and he waits until there’s a break in traffic before opening my door and taking my hand in his.
“Let me take care of you,” he says softly.
The words hit harder than they should, causing heat to spread across the back of my neck. My pulse flutters wildly as I allow him to take control. The whole time he guides me to the passenger side, a mantra plays in my head.
He’s safe.
He isn’t them.
He’s Reed.
He’s gentle with me as he helps me ease down into the seat and buckles the seatbelt across my chest. I watch him the whole time, spellbound by how someone as big and burly as him could be so delicate.
It feeds my delusions, of course. The darker side of me is outright fucking kicking her feet and giggling.
Once he’s content with his work, he shuts the door and rounds the hood before settling next to me. He gives me a small smile, but there’s so much meaning behind it that it feels profound.
I play with my fingers in my lap as he rejoins traffic, feeling bashful about my earlier moment . “I’m really okay, Reed.”
“Mhm,” he hums. “Then consider this practice.”
“Practice?”
“For the future,” he shrugs.
The future.
He’s unaware of what those words are doing to the sick and twisted part of me—the things I want to do to him. There’s a future. This little mishap isn’t driving him away…
I roll my lips in to mask my smile as he pulls into the parking garage of his apartment building. Before I can reach for my door, he pinches my cheeks between his thumb and finger and drags my eyes to him.
“Don’t you dare,” he warns.
My eyelids lower into something sultry. “And what if I do?”
“I’ll throw you over my shoulder and spank your ass, Thalia.”
My hand shoots out, and I grip the door’s handle before shoving it open a crack.
Reed’s head tilts as he gives me a patient stare.
I don’t even try to hide my smooshed smile beyond his fingers as he sighs exaggeratedly and exits the car as if he’s irked beyond belief.
As soon as he releases me, I press my fingers to my lips to keep my giggles contained.
Every step he takes towards my side of the car amps up my pulse and causes an outbreak of fluttering in my stomach.
He rips my door open, and I nearly launch myself at him. Laughter bubbles up my throat as he slings me over his shoulder, and I kick my feet with a heated blush spreading across my cheeks. I can feel his shoulders shaking beneath me with silent laughter as he tries to keep his composure.
A large hand slaps over my ass, making an involuntary sound crest past my lips at the sting.
“You deserve more than that,” he mutters deeply.
My hands cup my jaw as I sway with his long strides. “Yes, sir.”
His hand smoothes over my backside before he squeezes a bit of the flesh where my ass meets my thigh. “You know what that does to me.”
“I sure do,” I purr as he brings me inside the building.
It’s pretty late, so it’s no surprise that the halls and elevator are empty. The whole way up to his floor, I’m a blushing, ditzy mess as he stands firm and strong with me hefted over his shoulder. There are hearts flooding my eyes as he kicks his apartment door open and stalks inside.
I’m a little thrown off when he lowers me softly to the ground before cupping my face as if he’s examining me with a tender gaze. His look isn’t that of a doctor—a trained professional who’s spent years in his field. No. This is the expression of someone who’s making sure their girlfriend is okay…
My heart could beat out of my chest at the care and compassion in his eyes.
He has no idea about our stark contrasts.
He heals and fixes things with his hands while mine are washed in so much blood it could taint his perfect soul.
He would no longer be the innocent doctor left to help the world.
He would be infected by my ways and mine to control.
I like the sound of that.
I slowly reach up and wrap my fingers around his wrists before turning into his touch and placing a gentle kiss on the inside of his wrist as my eyes flutter. His skin is so warm, and I can feel his pulse racing beneath his flesh.
Without thinking, I do exactly what I want.
I open my mouth before biting him so hard that I draw blood and copper explodes across my tongue. Reed hisses, dragging me into his chest and squeezing me as he rides out the pain. The whole time, he strokes a hand down my hair, creating such an intimate moment that I never want to let him go.
“Little vampire,” he chuckles.
I reluctantly release him before examining my work. “You should get this tattooed.”
He spins me around before wrapping an arm around my chest and holding up his wrist for both of us to see.
“I do like the way it looks. I’ve always wanted tattoos, but the profession I pursued made them seem so inappropriate and unbecoming, as if the ink in our skin would prohibit us from diagnosing GERD. ”
I snort. “And do you think that?”
“Of course not. It’s a dumb rule created by old men to have some say in what professionalism is.”
So, in other words, he’s giving full consent to be tattooed…
Oh, that’s perfect.
Reed squeezes me tighter, his embrace warm and gentle as his lips graze my ear. “Maybe now we can discuss what happened?”
I emit a wheezing sound. “What? Nothing happened—”
“Thalia,” he says patiently.
I close my eyes, my face screwing up as if the mere thought of shattering our reality could drive him away. I don’t want that. I want this.
The Reed who thinks I’m an amateur criminal with a small record but a heart of gold. Not a lethal assassin who’s preyed on and killed more people than can be kept in a single log in Rowan’s office.
How would he look at me if he knew the truth?
Would he be disgusted?
Angry that I’ve lied to him for so long?
Would he even want to see me again?
“I can’t,” I whisper with fear and doubt circling my stomach so heavily it makes me nauseous to think of him pulling away.
“And why not?” He says softly as he brushes my hair behind my ear. Always so thoughtful and kind. He’s delicate with me in a way no one has ever dared to be.
Because he doesn’t know you’re a monster, that little voice reminds me.
I swallow past the emotions clogging my throat. “Because then it would become too real.”
His fingers slide along my jaw before he turns my head to look over my shoulder at him.
He isn’t offended by my words. If anything, it’s like he’s trying to understand what I’m meaning—trying to see past my words into something much deeper he can’t quite reach.
He stares at me with steady interest, a slight furrow between his brow, and a tilt to his head.
“What would become too real?” He asks quietly.
I’m stuck.
He’s rendered me completely helpless in this situation. I can’t destroy him. I have to give him some kind of an out…
I lift my hand to his face, cupping his cheek as the bridge of my nose begins to sting with unshed tears. I don’t know why I want to cry, but Reed brings out something so profound in me that it’s frightening.
“What if I told you that I’m not who I say I am?” I ask, the words settling heavy and dense between us.
His mouth twitches. “You’re not my girl?”
My pulse slams as I press my fingertips to his lips. “I want to be…”
“Then be,” he murmurs before kissing my skin.
“No, Reed,” I take a deep breath, mentally commanding my voice to be still, “I’m not a personal assistant.”
His brows rise. “I figured as much.”
Of course. He’s too smart to believe my pitiful lies.
He’s still trailing kisses over my knuckles as he takes my wrist in his hand and peppers his lips further down my arm. It’s so achingly sweet and makes the war inside my own head violent.
Give him an out. He deserves to live a normal life.
Lock him in my basement and don’t give him a chance to escape.
What would Rowan do?
The fact that Rowan would handle this like a well-adjusted, functional adult is deeply inconvenient. Unless it comes to his wife. Fuck.
I’m not even gonna fucking try with Atlas. He would be team basement before I could fully get the words out.
I turn towards Reed and take his cheeks in my hands as I smoosh his face and drag him down to nose level with me. His eyes widen slightly, and I soak in those brown pools.
“I can’t tell you everything yet, but I need to give you an out.” It hurts to force the words past my lips. My chest aches in a way that almost feels searing. I don’t even want to listen to his response—
“An out?” He questions. “Thalia, nothing you have done will drive me away.”
I suckslate in, shaking my head. “Reed, you have no idea what I’m capable of.”
He looks down, clearing his throat. “Can I tell you something I’ve never told anyone before?”
I nod once.
He appears ashamed as he avoids my eyes.
“When I was first starting out in my residency, I had never worked in the healthcare field before. I was a clean slate, and had no idea what I was doing or getting myself into.” He chuckles at the memory, but it’s a lifeless sound as his mirth quickly fades.
“I was a week in and my patient in the ICU coded. He was losing his vitals quickly, and I was the only person around at the time due to such an influx of patients. Somehow he had ripped his trach out and he was drowning in his own blood.” He turns away from me as if the memory is too painful to see the look on my face as he continues.
“I was stunned. I-I didn’t know what to do.
I had never come across anything so bad before.
It was a shock to my system, and I froze.
Me. The medical professional. I was supposed to be saving that man, and instead, he passed before the code team could make it upstairs.
I was ashamed, and I had failed as a doctor that day.
I wanted to drop out of the program completely, but Taryn forced me to stay.
After I was put on probation by our professor, I worked harder to put myself in those tough positions so I would never lock up again and lose someone because of my fear at that moment.
Eventually, I became desensitized to the blood and the gore and even found comfort in it.
But I think about that patient every day.
I still send his wife letters and flowers on their anniversary. ”
I frown as I place a hand on his bicep. “You were new and hadn’t been exposed to something like that before. It’s understandable to lock up.”
He releases a breath before giving me a wobbly smile. “The moral of this story is that I’ve seen it all, Thalia. Nothing you could say or do would drive me away.”
“What you did was an honest mistake…” I trail.
He chases my eyes. “And you’re saying what you’ve done isn’t?”
I roll my lips in as I turn away from his prying eyes. I feel so fucking small that I can’t stand how understanding and caring he is. I’ve never had that before…
Fingers curl around my chin, forcing me to face Reed and his soft expression. “Then show me.”
My eyes widen as the moment between us stretches. If a pin would drop, I’m sure I would hear it.
“What did you say?” I finally whisper.
“If you can’t tell me, then show me.”
“You don’t know what you’re asking me to do,” I laugh in disbelief.
He shrugs with a crooked smile. “Then I guess I’ll just have to see for myself, right? I’m not in this for a warm body, Thalia. I’m in this for you. All of you. Your secrets, your fears, your hobbies.”
He watches the conflict flicker across my face, and something in his expression softens even further. Not pity, but patience.
The worst part is that it makes me melt.
“Reed...” My voice cracks on his name.
His thumb brushed against my jaw. “Hey.”
“I can’t.”
His smile fades, but he doesn’t let go. “Can’t or won’t?”
The question lands like a punch. Because I don’t know. Maybe both.
My gaze drops to the floor between us. “You keep acting like this is something small.”
“I never said it was small.”
“Then stop looking at me like whatever I’ve done doesn’t matter.” My voice rises in the space between us, but it doesn’t rile him one bit.
The silence stretches between us as if he’s picking his words carefully.
“I’m just saying that you’re carrying this around like it’s a death sentence.
” His eyes search mine. “And maybe it is bad. Maybe it’s awful.
Maybe I’ll be shocked.” My stomach twists painfully at the truth.
His fingers slip from my face, but only so he can grab my hand.
“But I’d rather figure out the truth than watch you torture yourself.
However, you have to do it. Show me the real you. Please.”
A shaky breath leaves me. The plea in his voice is what finally breaks me. Not because he’s demanding anything from me. Not because he’s trying to pry. Because he’s asking. Because somehow, after everything, he’s still standing here.
Still choosing me.
“Okay…” I whisper, the sound cementing this proposition in stone. I’m so weak for him that if he wants to see that side of me, I can’t tell him no. No matter how badly it could damage us in the process.
Something inside me finally cracks.
Not loudly or dramatically, like a crumbling building. Just enough for the weight I’ve been carrying to shift.
And for the first time in a very long time, I find myself wondering what would happen if I stopped fighting so hard to keep everyone out. What would happen if I showed Reed just how crazy and possessive I feel about him. And if he doesn’t buckle under the pressure…
“I don’t have much for sleepwear, but I do have plenty of t-shirts if you would like to take your pick?” Reed asks from the open doorway of his bedroom as he gives me a crooked smile.
I tuck my delusions into the back of my mind, painting on a pretty grin as I trail after him. I get one foot past the threshold before he grabs my cheeks and forces me to look at him.
“And I expect you to still be in my bed when I get up, okay?” He’s stern and downright filthy with that controlling aura.
I save this mental image for my spank bank before nodding. “Mhm.”
“Good girl,” he kisses my hairline sweetly before I tuck my head and follow him to his dresser.