Chapter 30 #3
“Between you and Alexei?” I probe gently, looking at her downturned face.
Her head bobs slowly up and down. “He doesn’t talk to me,” she whispers.
“He won’t even look at me. Even when our families get together, he finds an excuse to be somewhere else.
” She shakes her head. “I guess I just thought that if he saw me play, that maybe he’d realize how I feel.
And that I’m not just some dumb kid anymore,” she ends dully.
I wince, remembering Lars’s throwaway line about getting the “kid” home.
I touch her shoulder. “Lars and Alexei are a lot older than you. And much as I hate to point it out, Alexei is technically your uncle, if only by marriage.”
“Seven years isn’t that much older.” Ofelia sniffs, making her seem even younger than she actually is. “And Darya and I aren’t related in any way at all. I didn’t grow up with Alexei. He’s less my family than Luke is. Ew.” She screws up her face. “See, now that would be gross.”
I bite my lip to stop myself from bursting out into extremely inappropriate laughter at the thought of Luke being considered gross.
“No offense,” she adds hastily, glancing at me. “You two seemed pretty close tonight.” Her eyes narrow speculatively. “Actually, now that I think of it, why was Luke here, anyway?”
“He’s been working here for a while,” I say, dodging the question. “Training up my new security team.”
“Oh.” Ofelia’s interest dies as quickly as it flared. “That’s a pity. I kind of hoped you two might have gotten together. Luke deserves someone really nice, you know? He’d be an amazing father one day.”
Oh, I know.
Corrosive insecurity seizes my chest, hard enough to hurt.
“Yes,” I say softly. “He would.”
And I need to change the topic. Fast.
“Does anyone know that you’re in love with Alexei?” I ask quietly. “Does he?”
For a moment I think Ofelia might deny it. Then she drops her eyes, shaking her head tiredly. “Who could I possibly tell?”
“What about college friends? Or Abby?”
“Ha.” She laughs humorlessly. “My college friends have no idea who my family really are. They just think I’m some kind of privileged Russian princess, and I don’t contradict them.
It’s easier that way. As for Abby . . .” She sighs.
“I love her, I do. But she and Dimitry . . . they’re Darya and Papa’s closest friends.
I couldn’t put her in that position.” She looks unhappily at me.
“I shouldn’t be putting you in that position either, I guess. I know you and Papa work together.”
“Let’s forget about that for now.” It’s hard not to feel desperately sorry for her. “What about Alexei?” I ask again. “Does he know how you feel? Have you talked about it?”
“As if.” Ofelia shakes her head. “Alexei barely talks to me, let alone looks at me. But I know—I know he feels something,” she says fiercely. “I know it.” She gives me a slightly defiant look. “Even if he won’t admit it.”
Unfortunately, I’m almost certain she’s right.
I saw Alexei’s face during her performance. Saw the white knuckles of his hand gripping the seat of his chair, noticed the way he barely breathed throughout the entire piece.
Whatever Alexei Petrovsky feels for Ofelia, I’m willing to bet it’s not remotely fraternal.
But Alexei is old enough, and has seen enough of our world, to know there’s absolutely no chance of making a romance between the two of them work.
Roman would never allow it. And quite beyond the obvious objections about age and family ties, from what I know of Alexei’s savage reputation, I can’t help but understand why he would want to keep any feelings he might harbor strictly under lock and key.
It’s what I should be doing, after all.
I take a large mouthful of wine.
“Sometimes,” I say slowly, “people have to make hard decisions, no matter what they feel.”
Ofelia’s head jerks up in surprise. “You’re not going to tell me I’m wrong?”
“No.” I half smile. “I might be much older than you, Ofelia, but I’m not blind yet.
It’s obvious that there’s something between the two of you, and that Alexei feels it, too.
” Seeing her eyes widen eagerly, I hurry on before I make a very sticky situation even worse.
“But I think he’s working extremely hard to move past those feelings.
And if you’ll forgive me for saying so, I think you should try to let him. ”
Watching the hope in her eyes die makes me feel like the worst kind of traitor.
But I go on anyway.
“Like you said, you’re twenty years old now. You’re not a kid.” Her eyes stay locked on mine as I speak. “You know the world your father and I live and work in. That world is Alexei’s, too. And from what I hear, his is even more dangerous than ours.”
“I know.” Ofelia speaks flatly, not shying away from it. “I can read the news like anyone else. I hear the stories and see the way even Papa’s men treat him. I know Papa and Darya wish he would stick to building a corporation with Lars. I hear them talking about it all the time.”
“But he hasn’t done that,” I say gently.
“For whatever reason, Alexei has chosen his path. And it’s one he can’t ever ask you to walk with him, not even if he wanted to.
He knows that Roman would never agree to it.
And more than that, he knows that to ask such a thing of you would be a dishonorable request. No decent person would want to drag someone they love into the darkness and danger of that life. ”
Every word feels like a reminder to myself of what I’m doing to Luke. Every cold, hard fact feels like another door clanging shut, locking my heart away in the prison in which it spent so many years, before Luke came along.
“But what if it’s my choice to face that life with him?” Ofelia stares at me, pale faced, all trace of tears gone. “Why don’t I get to make that decision for myself? It isn’t like I haven’t been forced to confront that kind of darkness. More than once, in fact.”
I don’t try to deny it. I know it’s true. And something tells me that Luke would make exactly the same argument.
Which is why I know precisely what I need to say.
“Facing the darkness through no fault of your own is one thing,” I say quietly.
“Choosing to bind yourself to it for the rest of your life is quite another. You have a career ahead of you, Ofelia. A brilliant one, if tonight is any indication. You’re stunningly beautiful, incredibly talented, and obviously very intelligent.
You have a lot of years ahead of you in which to forget Alexei Petrovsky and allow someone else to win your heart.
Someone who comes without the kind of very dangerous complications Alexei faces on a daily basis.
I know it’s frustrating to have him take the decision out of your hands.
But I’m going to be as honest with you as I can, Ofelia: if he behaved any differently, I’d be deeply disappointed in him. ”
The worst of it is that I’m speaking as much to myself as I am to her. And deep down, I know I’m fucking right, and I hate it.
For a long moment we stare at each other from opposite ends of my sofa, Ofelia searching my face as if she expects to find a lie there.
Then, finally, when she finds nothing but truth, she hangs her head and begins to sob, deep, wracking tears that come from far inside her and break my heart.
I rub her back slowly and hand her tissues, fighting back tears of my own, not only for the love I’ve just forced her to relinquish, but for the future that, up until now, I dared to dream Luke and I might be able to have.