39
SYLAS
“I need my test rat,” Anna sings, setting a plate with an assortment of miniature cakes and two water bottles on the worktable.
Fuck, I missed her calling me that.
We’re in the back room of her bakery. The Sirens, my favorite band, plays softly in the background.
She didn’t tell me what we’d be doing here, but I have a pretty good idea now. And I’ve never been more grateful. Being inside the condo made me feel like I was suffocating, and I knew if I stepped onto the terrace, I’d pick up a cigarette.
I don’t feel guilty anymore after talking to Anna, but I don’t want to depend on them.
“What’s all this for?” My mouth waters at the sight.
She drags a wooden stool next to mine and takes a seat, handing me a spoon. But she’s not close enough, so I grab the legs and scoot her closer to me, until her arm brushes against mine.
Anna grins at the lack of space between us.
“A couple came in the other day to order a cake for their wedding. They know exactly what they want for the design but can’t decide on a flavor.
They have so many favorites, but don’t want the flavors clashing since it’s a small cake.
They love these flavors equally but can’t decide, so they asked me to pick. ”
I eye the six small cakes, licking my lips. “What happens if they change their mind or don’t like what you picked?”
She pushes her glasses up the bridge of her nose. “They’ve ordered from me before, so I know they’ll be happy with whatever we choose.”
“We? You want me to help you decide?”
“Yeah, I trust your judgment, and I have a feeling we’ll pick the same one. If we don’t, we’ll flip a—”
I’m embracing her before she finishes her sentence. “I missed you in ways I never knew was possible. I can’t believe I ever let you go.”
Anna wraps her arms around my shoulders.
“I know you think you shouldn’t talk about the things that bother you, that upset you, that make you angry, but you should.
Whenever you’re ready, I’m going to be here.
It could be about anything, and I’d want to hear about it.
Especially about your parents. You can talk about them with me. ”
I hold her tighter. “I promise you don’t want to hear about them. You’ve dealt with enough. You don’t want to—”
She draws back, cupping my jaw with both her hands.
“It’s not your fault they’re your parents, but they’re going to be as long as they exist. There’s nothing you can do about it, and I knew that when I decided to give you another chance.
If you want to talk about them, then I will listen.
I will be here for you, like you are for me because that’s what people do in relationships. ”
Before this very moment, if anyone had asked about my parents, I’d give them whatever answer Thea and me were trained to give. And sometimes when I couldn’t fake it enough, I wouldn’t say anything at all.
Lying or keeping quiet has always been easier. How could it not? My sister and I were constantly reminded of how easily everything could be taken away.
But now talking to Anna, I realize that I’ve been trained for so long to act and say certain things that I don’t have to keep quiet.
I didn’t sign an NDA or anything that would prevent me from talking about them.
My father isn’t the only one who needs the reminder that I’m not someone he can push around anymore.
The realization is both jarring and freeing.
“You hear me?” She rubs the pad of her thumb on my cheekbone. “I’m here. You don’t have to be the Sylas Lenoir Alves with me. You’re just Sylas or Sy. Okay? And ‘babe’ on the days you get on my nerves.”
“I hear you.” I drop my forehead to hers, chuckling. “You and Rosie are the best things to ever happen to me.”
She presses her lips to mine, murmuring, “It’s all going to be okay.”
And I believe it.
I kiss her once before I pull back and pick up my spoon. “So, what are the flavors?”
She sounds so animated as she describes each cake. It reminds me of the first time she told me about her business at Strangers. We may have been buzzed, but the way she looked then is how she looks now.
“And this one is a pistachio cake with milk chocolate ganache, and crushed pistachio Swiss meringue buttercream.”
“I swear you never stop amazing me,” I tell her, and sweep my gaze over the bakery. I’ve never been more enamored by someone. “I’m so proud of you.”
Her cheeks grow pink, and a sheepish smile curls on her face. She gets awkward over compliments—I remember from when we started dating. She’d get really shy and doesn’t accept them as if whatever she’s doing isn’t something worth praising or celebrating.
“Thanks.” She scoops a spoonful of the pistachio cake but doesn’t bring it to her mouth. “Rosie was a good inspiration. I almost didn’t go through with this. Having to pay your parents back and—”
“I’m sorry.” I know why, and I hate that my parents are the reason for it.
She shrugs, unperturbed. “Please stop apologizing. It’s not your fault. It never was. I think we should start looking at the positives and stop focusing on the past.”
I lay my palm on her thigh, rubbing it. “Yeah, we should, shouldn’t we?”
She smiles and nods. “Rosie.” She stuffs the spoon in her mouth, and I hold a finger up.
“The best positive.” I grin, grabbing a spoonful of the cake.
She hums, chews, and swallows. “The bakery.”
I hold two fingers as I bring the spoon to my mouth. I moan immediately, savoring the nutty and rich taste. “Jesus, baby.”
“And that’s just the first one.” Anna beams.
I take a sip of my water, ready to eat some more. “Today’s game was the best I’ve played in a while.”
She holds up three fingers, and pride radiates off her. “Rosie’s four-leaf clover.”
“Rosie’s four-leaf clover,” I echo, patting my wallet in my pocket.
Her gaze flickers to my hand on top of my pocket. “That’s where you put it?”
“I wanted to keep it somewhere safe, somewhere I could carry it with me everywhere I went.” I fish out my wallet and show it to her. “She called me daddy today. That was…I really liked that. I hope she doesn’t stop.” I hold up four fingers.
“I don’t think she will.” Anna scoops a spoonful of the coconut cake with the passionfruit gelée. It has toasted coconut crumble and coconut meringue buttercream. “She loves you.”
“I really love her.”
Anna stares at me as if I had given her the serum to live forever. Stars twinkle in her eyes, and a smile so fucking bright stretches across her face.
“Maya’s back in my life.” She holds up five fingers and stuffs the spoon into her mouth.
I do the same and drop my forehead to the table, chewing slowly. “Fuck my life, this is insane. Are you kidding me, Anna? Baby, my love, this is delicious.” I sit up and swallow. “Can we have this at our wedding?”
Anna chokes on her cake. “You want to—” She clears her throat. “Get married?”
I already have a ring. You designed it, you just don’t know it, I want to tell her, but I don’t want to freak her out.
We’ve talked about it before, but it’s been a while. She could have changed her mind.
“With you, if that’s something you’d want to do, but we don’t have to talk about that now. We can whenever you’re ready.”
“It’s something I want.” She glances at me briefly before she scoops up the piece of the pink champagne cake.
My heart stutters. That gives me so much hope.
“When did you and Maya start talking again?”
“She showed up a few weeks before I saw you again. She’s not talking to our parents anymore.” She sets her spoon down, grabbing her water bottle. “They weren’t happy about her not wanting to go to medical school and ending her engagement.”
I grab her hand, twining our fingers. “I’m sorry. I hate that for you both.”
“It’s okay. Some days I do miss them, but it’s better that I’m not talking to them or seeing them.
” She takes a long drink. “It was draining trying to meet their expectations. I was constantly second-guessing if I was doing enough. It sucks, yeah, but I’ve never felt happier.
I know Maya feels the same way. And even though neither of us is talking to them, we have each other, so that’s positive. ”
That makes me think about Thea. We don’t see each other often, but we’re pretty close. “I’m glad you have her. She’s great with Rosie.”
“She is, isn’t she?” She chuckles but abruptly stops. “She heard us the other night. We’ve not only traumatized your sister, but mine.”
It’s not our fault Thea decided to come over unannounced when I lived at the penthouse in New York.
“Speaking of Thea, she’d love to meet Rosie one day.” She’s asked half a dozen times already, but I wanted to earn Anna’s trust first.
“Does she know?”
“She knows everything.”
“She’s not mad at me for blocking her number, is she?”
“No, if anything she’s sorry that our parents put you through that. She also wanted me to tell you…” I roll my eyes, hearing her smug voice in my head. “That I’m a dumbass for leaving you and that if you take me back, I will never do anything stupid like that ever again.”
Anna snickers. “Did she really tell you to tell me that? And she can meet her whenever she’d like.”
“There was more to it, but that’s the short version of it.
She really likes you. She almost stopped talking to me when I told her about the breakup,” I admit shamefully.
“I wish I hadn’t been so stupid.” I sigh, wiping my palms on my thighs.
“Hockey has been my whole life; it’s all I’ve ever trained for, worked hard for.
When they told me that I likely wouldn’t play again, I had a panic attack.
And it happened before you showed up that day. ”
She takes my hand in hers, but she doesn’t speak, and I’m certain she’s saying take your time.
My chest feels tight at the memory. “It wasn’t the first time, but it had been the first one in a while.
I was so embarrassed that I couldn’t stop that from happening again.
” My throat constricts, making the words hard to get out.
“My father was mad. He said I was weak because that’s never happened to him or anyone in the family.
He couldn’t figure out what was wrong with me, and I couldn’t either. ”
Her hands tighten around my fist. “You were just hurting. There was nothing wrong with you.” She doesn’t sound like she pities me, but more like she’s devastated for me. “There never has been.”
“But in that moment, I hated everything I was, everything I was feeling, and then you showed up, and I couldn’t be the man you were used to seeing. I fucking hated myself,” I answer flatly, feeling that dread and shame.
Or at least I was. It fizzles as Anna stands and hugs me. I lay my head on top of hers as she rubs my back.
“You’re not weak, Sylas. You’re human. It’s okay to have bad days. It’s okay if you don’t feel like yourself somedays. I hate that he made you feel that way and that you think you couldn’t be yourself in front of me.”
“I was so embarrassed,” I say again. I never thought I’d say those words out loud, but now that I have, I feel less anxious.
“Don’t be.” She kisses my temple. “I don’t need perfect. I just need you as you are.”
I smile, exhaling a breath of relief, but it slips as I think about earlier. I almost don’t tell her, but I’m tired of holding back. So I tell her everything while she still holds me.
“He hardly ever hit me, but I think I would have preferred that over the punishments.” I heave a dry breath. “Yeah, he pushed me hard, but there was nothing like his silent treatment. Growing up with that was unbearable.”
I slip my arms around her waist and spread my thighs so she’s standing between them. I never realized how good it’d be to talk about this stuff out loud.
“You’re not weak, Sylas,” she repeats, gently raking her fingers through my hair. “Feeling the way you do doesn’t make you any less of a man. It just makes you human. But there are ways to cope and start feeling better.”
“I know…I’m going to talk to a therapist.” I had Harlow find me one. She suggested it once, but I didn’t put too much thought into it. Not until recently.
I’ve seen one before, but it was brief, and I didn’t gain anything from it.
“I’m so proud of you.” She pulls back, and a sweet smile blooms on her face. “I’m sorry about your parents.”
“It’s okay.” I mean it when I say that. Actually, I feel better than I did earlier. My chest doesn’t even feel tight anymore as I think about our interaction. I was done with them, but this just solidified that. “It’s all going to be okay.”
“Don’t forget I’m here for you,” she says in a warning tone.
“Same goes for you, Little Miss I Don’t Like Asking For Help.”
She rolls her eyes playfully. “I’m working on it, okay?”
My cheek twitches. “So you’re not going to fight me when I try to help you?”
She pauses, humming. “But I like fighting with you.”
I smirk at the insinuation in her voice. “Promise me you’ll let me know.”
“When I need it, I will. I promise.”
I glower. “Stubborn.”
“Arrogant,” she shoots back.
“Smart-ass,” I counter.
“Pompous asshole.” She grins.
“We’re going to be okay.” I stand, towering over her. I cup her jaw, leaning down.
“We are.” She seals the space between our lips.
“Now let’s finish trying these cakes. The brown butter one is calling my name.”