Chapter 4
JESSI
“Ilook hot as hell in this dress, don’t I?
” Rachel says after spending the last two hours getting ready.
She’ll never admit that she wants Austin’s attention, probably out of fear that I wouldn’t hang out with her anymore—but I see through her front.
What she doesn’t know is that I’m in the same camp.
If I call her out, I run the risk of losing my only friend.
Therefore, both of us will keep pretending.
She really is pretty, in a seductive way. Her red hair corkscrews down her back in dizzying curls, and her cleavage heaves out of her shirt. I think she’s trying too hard. No amount of primping will get Austin to date her.
Still, I beam, embracing my role as her supportive friend. “You’re beautiful.”
She smirks. “Well, you look hot as hell too.”
I let Rachel dress me for the party because she wouldn’t shut up about it. “You have to be the best dressed at your birthday party,” she told me.
Oh, what the hell, I thought after the fifth plea. It’s also a rebellious pushback against Shannon. If she is going to make me attend my unwanted party, I can wear whatever I want.
If I’m lucky, my neighbor Jack will be here tonight. I spend my days daydreaming about him, but I don’t think he sees me as anything other than a teenager. Why would he? I’m nineteen.
I try to catch him whenever he’s outside, in hopes of getting to know him better, but all it ever leads to is small talk.
He’s a golden retriever type, but I can tell there’s another layer to him beneath his niceness.
You don’t end up in what I assume is a motorcycle club by being sweet and docile.
Still, he always asks me if I’m okay and says that if I ever need anything to let him know.
I never notice women coming and going from his house, despite my FBI-level surveillance out my window, but I’m sure women are lined up to jump his bones.
He is powerfully built—the sleeves of his shirt strangle his biceps, and his forearms bulge when he works on his bike.
His long dark brown hair looks unkempt, but I know it’s a style, not bedhead.
Whenever we talk, he brushes it out of his beautiful green eyes.
I would love to run my fingers through his hair sometime.
Or stroke my hands down one of the tattoos lining his arms. Or stare into his eyes and learn all his secrets.
I sigh. My rare interaction with him is the single good thing about moving to this godforsaken town.
Coming back to reality, I giggle. “Thank you. My outfit isn’t as bad as I thought. Actually, it’s kinda cute.” I never imagined wearing a short skirt and a shirt that shows my stomach, but here we are, and I don’t hate it.
This isn’t the first party held at our house.
Austin has thrown two since we moved in, both when my dad was away on business and Shannon was wherever she goes when Dad leaves town.
Dad’s new job has him traveling more lately.
A few years ago, he started a private equity firm, but he demands to be directly involved with the initial takeover of every company they acquire, and that means he goes where the business sends him.
I’m really proud of how far he’s come. I just wish he wasn’t gone all the time.
However, more companies acquired means more money to spend, and Shannon can always burn through more cash.
She used to go on business trips with Dad, but lately she books girls’ trips, claiming she needs to “destress.” What she needs to destress from, I’ll never know.
I’m almost sure she’s cheating on him, but I have no proof, and I’m not sure Dad cares.
As long as there is someone to handle talking to the school, dealing with doctor’s appointments, and making sure there is food in the house, he doesn’t question what she does.
We head down, and all the people I’d expect are there—the football team, some other athletes, and all the girls who want them.
I wonder if Shannon put out a dress code, because all the girls wear the same boring shit—cropped spirit wear with skin-tight shorts that might actually be boyfriend underwear, and bleached-blonde hair.
All the who’s who of the town are out back, scattered around the pool and in the pool house.
They may dress more professionally and drink cocktails from real glasses rather than solo cups, but their motives are the same.
They want an escape from their miserable lives, and they desperately want to fit in.
It’s sad, really. Is this what I have to look forward to in life?
The idea of going off to college, finding someone my dad and Shannon approve of, that will fit right into the many dinner parties and charity events they attend curdles my stomach.
“There you are,” Dad says as I peek my head out the patio door. He’s holding a stack of empty glasses and making for the kitchen behind me. “Wow. You look exactly like your mother.”
A shadow of sadness crosses Dad’s face, and I hate the woman who abandoned us and made Dad settle for second best. “Thanks,” I say flatly.
“I know you hate that, but it’s true. And she was beautiful.”
“Dad, she’s a bitch for leaving.”
He doesn’t respond. “Well, happy birthday. Shannon has planned a beautiful party to celebrate you. Isn’t it great your friends are here too?”
“Dad . . .”
“You can make new friends, Jess.”
I roll my eyes. “I’m not interested.”
He nudges me. “Give it a try.”
Dad goes to the kitchen while I turn around to head to the living room.
Music pulses through my body as I scan the people clogging my favorite spot in the house.
A few couples sit off to one side, running their hands all over each other.
Austin and David huddle with their friends in a corner.
A plastic bag passes between them and I glance away.
How Austin got involved in drugs, I don’t know.
And how he gets away with it is a mystery.
The fact that none of the adults here seem to notice or care about us kids is further evidence of the escape they seek. Austin banned alcohol at this party, per Shannon’s request, but anyone paying the slightest attention can see that most of these kids are buzzed.
Austin and David stroll up to me.
“You decided to have some fun tonight?” David asks.
I yank my skirt down and hug my stomach. This outfit was a mistake. I cringe at David’s perusal of my bare skin. “I guess. It’s my party, after all.”
Austin glares at me. “Rachel. She wants this dick so bad, it’s almost embarrassing. If I can’t find anyone else tonight, I might let her ride it.” I almost gag, but he continues. “It looks like you want some attention too.”
David slaps Austin’s arm. “Don’t be an ass, dude.”
Austin chuckles and squeezes David’s shoulder before walking off.
I stare at my feet, trying to avoid David’s fixed gaze.
I’m going to kill Rachel for making me wear this outfit.
David is good-looking, tall, muscular, always clean-shaven, dresses like he walked out of a Ralph Lauren ad (if that’s your type).
But he’s an asshole most of the time he speaks, which ruins everything.
I’m not into the athletic god mentality either.
David steps in closer. As I retreat, he lightly grabs my hip, where my bare skin shows most. “Austin can be a dick. But you look really pretty tonight.”
My cheeks pink and I step away. “Um, thank you.”
He takes a half step closer, gazing down at me. “You know, I never get to talk to you alone. You never come to parties, and I’m always with your brother at school. I know I act like a jerk, but it’s all for show. You know how it is. When you’re popular, you have to keep a certain image.”
I raise my eyes to meet his. He has never been nice to me. Or maybe I’ve never stayed long enough to notice. Could it really be a show? “Why do you want everyone to think you’re a jerk?”
He shrugs. “Austin calls the shots, and I follow. It’s no secret that I like you. Let me take you on a date so I can show you the real me.” I tap my foot, unsure of what to do.
“David, over here. Now!” Austin yells from across the room.
David brushes a finger under my chin. “Let’s talk later, me and you, before you decide.”
I nod, not sure about him at all.
He produces a baggy full of colored pills from his pocket. “Want a party favor? On me?”
“Nah, I’m not into that.”
“You sure? Have you tried one?” he asks, nudging my shoulder.
“Yes, David. I’m sure.”
“David! Now!” Austin screams.
My gaze flits around the room until I find Rachel, hovering by Austin. She must have been watching the exchange because she gives me a thumbs-up and winks at me. I raise my shoulders, mouth Crazy, and point to David. She gives me another thumbs-up.
I take the opportunity to be a good daughter and thank everyone out back for attending my party.
My dad finds me again as soon as I walk through the French doors. He beams with pride and waves me over. “Honey, meet Evan. He’s the CEO of the newest company the firm invested in.”
I hold my hand out to shake his. He gives it a soft shake. “Nice to meet you, Jessi,” says Evan. “I’ve heard a lot about you. Happy birthday. Your dad mentioned you’re heading off to college in the fall. What do you plan to major in?”
I grind my teeth and my lips thin. “Oh. I am undecided at the moment.” Undecided if I’m going, that is.
Evan gives me a genuine smile. “You could follow in your dad’s footsteps.”
“Excuse me!” Shannon calls. Everyone’s attention swerves to the cake table, where Shannon stands waving her hands. “Thank you all for attending. We’re so lucky to be the newest members of this wonderful community.”
The cake stands three feet tall, and stacks of cookies and cupcakes teem around it. Nothing says Happy Birthday on it anywhere.
“She has enough to feed the town,” I mutter.
“Jessi, Jeremy, it’s time to sing happy birthday to our girl.
” If I didn’t know Shannon, I would think her hospitality was genuine.
She pinches my side so hard that I bet there will be a mark tomorrow, and says under her breath, “I cannot believe that you wore that. Are you trying to look like a whore?”
I’m stunned into silence as everyone around the pool begins to sing happy birthday to me. As soon as they finish, I sprint inside, holding back tears.
The indoor party is in full swing now. Some kids are passed out on couches, some can’t walk straight, and quite a few are still making out. The music has gotten louder, and anyone coherent enough to talk has to yell over each other. I bet Austin snuck in some alcohol to give everyone too.
I run up to my room to take a breather. I want to hear myself think.
While sitting on my bed, I continue to mull over David and my strange exchange.
Does it matter? If he acts one way at school and another around me when we’re alone, how do I know when he’s being himself?
I don’t want to play games. And I don’t want to be with anyone who’s into drugs.
I groan. Why did I agree to talk to him later?
I peer out my window to see the light above Jack’s garage shining.
My stomach flips. He must be working on his bikes.
I’d hate if he was trying to sleep through all the noise over here.
I close the blinds and decide to rejoin the party.
I can’t decide if I’m hurt that he didn’t attend or if I admire his refusal of Shannon’s invitation.
As I walk down the stairs, I notice David talking to some of his teammates.
His back is facing me, but Austin clearly watches me pad downstairs.
David is talking louder than necessary, slurring his words.
And his hands are trembling as he moves around.
I thought dealers weren’t supposed to partake in what they sell?
He is going to be passed out with the others soon enough.
Good, I think. Crisis averted. I don’t need to devise a plan to get out of speaking with him later.
“We’re supposed to talk alone about going on a date,” David is saying. “She totally fell for my charm. I knew she wanted me. It’s almost too easy with these bitches. I’ll have her on her knees upstairs tonight. If she can suck cock, I’ll take her on a date and then get her to spread her legs.”
Austin’s gaze glints as it meets mine, but David is too lit to notice Austin’s diverted attention.
My cheeks burn. I’m sick of everyone ignoring me or using me.
I glare at David and navigate the remaining stairs before barreling up to the group. “You asshole. Don’t even think of speaking to me again.”
I don’t wait for a response or an apology. I simply run to find Rachel, desperate to head to her house.
She’s making out with a random guy in the corner. Great.
I bolt outside, hoping fresh air will calm me down. I need to get away from all these people and this stupid party.
As I plop down on the porch, a familiar voice calls out, “Jessi, is that you?”