Chapter 36
JESSI
After we stop on the back road, we continue to ride for a few more hours, and I spend most of that time mulling over everything.
I have turned Jack’s life upside down, and remorse clouds my thoughts.
The ride helps clear my head. I didn’t realize I’d been holding my breath waiting for the day I would have to go back home to the house of horrors.
When Jack told me I could stay, it felt like the first real breath I had taken in a long time.
I need to repay him for letting me stay.
I’m not going to be a freeloader. I’m going to need to find a job.
I wonder if he’s thought more about me working at the club.
I can’t believe I’ve put it off this long.
I need to start saving for my own place as soon as possible.
The thought of not having to go back if I don’t want to is such a relief.
I lay my head against Jack’s back, my arms wrapped around his strong body, and breathe.
Later that night, I knock on Jack’s door. He came in from the garage a few minutes ago, so I know he isn’t sleeping. “It’s open,” he says.
I peek in. He has his shirt off. His jeans are hanging from his hips, already unbuttoned and unzipped, and his belt buckle is hanging open. I’m speechless. My brain is short-circuiting because I want Jack. All of him.
Somehow, I find my voice again. “Sorry,” I say. “I wanted to thank you for the ride and . . . everything. I really enjoyed the evening with you—after, you know. You always know how to make me feel better, and I’m thankful for you.”
He walks over to me and curls a finger under my chin.
“Jessi, eyes up here, baby.” I’m in such a lust-filled daze that I don’t realize I’ve been caught red-handed eye-fucking him.
“Has it not occurred to you that I want you with me, in my house, and on my bike? Stop saying you’re sorry and thank you, because I like you with me more than you know.
But that’s why you need to head back to your room, close your door, and lock it.
With how you’re lookin’ at me, I don’t trust myself to not do something I shouldn’t. ”
“Jack, wait. We need to talk.” Somehow, I peel my eyes away from him and focus on what’s been bothering me.
He must read the seriousness in my face, because the next thing I know, he’s guiding me to sit on his bed. One of his hands encircles my wrist, and I breathe out slowly, tamping down my desire. “Okay,” he says. “Talk to me.”
“I never really told you what happened at the other MC. It was . . . a lot different than yours. They looked at me like a piece of meat. I hate to judge anyone, but I got the vibe that bad things happen there. I don’t expect you to tell me everything, but I need to have a better understanding of what I’m dealing with.
What type of place was that? Is that how all MCs are deep down? ”
Jack rubs his thumb along my palm. “Tim’s club is skeezy.
They treat women like they’re worthless.
It’s disgusting. I hate that Tanner brought you there.
If it were up to me, you would never step foot in a club like that.
You won’t have to again, as long as you stay off other men’s bikes, that is.
” He pinches my chin between his thumb and forefinger, giving my head a playful shake.
“I will never lie to you, I promise you that. But I can’t talk about what we do, not until I’m sure of where you stand.
Believe me when I tell you, I’m not a good person.
I have done awful things, things I can’t forgive myself for.
Expect the worst from me,” Jack says, his face downcast.
I cup his cheek in my hand, bringing his eyes back to me. They’re so sad. “You are good. I know you, and I know whatever you did was because you had to do it.”
He pauses for a long moment. “You make me want to be good . . . for you.”
I can be good for you too.