Chapter 4 #2
“The library will be unoccupied for the next few weeks—I will leave Pemberley tomorrow. I have some business in town and then I will go and fetch Georgiana from Ramsgate,” he again addressed this mostly to the housekeeper.
“Oh, truly? We will be sad to see you leave, sir! But we look forward to your return, together with Miss Georgiana,” the woman said.
Elizabeth was silenced by a sudden distress she could not possibly understand. She felt Darcy’s gaze on her as he continued.
“Mrs. Reynolds, Miss Bennet, would you both be so kind as to dine with me tonight? I have some engagements today and there are still things we should discuss before my departure. I believe this would be a good opportunity if it is agreeable to you also.”
Mrs. Reynolds happily agreed while Elizabeth, still distressed and with her cheeks on fire, angry at herself for her silly reactions, nodded in acceptance.
“Good. I will ask Farrell to join us too. Wentley will travel with me.”
“May we help you with anything for your journey?” Elizabeth found herself asking, immediately regretting that she had made such a silly enquiry. He was the master—if he wished for something, he would certainly request it himself.
“No, thank you. I shall see you at dinner,” he concluded with a bow, then left.
Behind him, the dog hesitated for a moment, looked at Elizabeth, but then the master called him and he ran away.
As she glanced at the door, Elizabeth felt an unexpected and surprising regret and she needed a moment to gather herself before she resumed her task.
***
Fitzwilliam Darcy gazed out over the dinner table, trying to keep his concentration on what Mr. Farrell, the butler, was saying. However, as had happened several times in the last few weeks, he found himself distracted and struggling not to look at Miss Elizabeth as often as he would wish too.
His sudden departure was not so much necessary for his affairs as it was for his sanity and self-control.
For almost a month, he had been trying to conquer a most astonishing—even to himself—and disquieting battle, that he had never faced before in his seven and twenty years: a powerful attraction to Miss Elizabeth, the young woman employed to aid his household during this challenging time.
The first thing he had noticed even from the beginning were her pretty and uncommonly intelligent eyes. But he had seen many pretty eyes before—some of them most willing to please him—and had never been impressed for more than an instant.
Then he found himself impressed by her manners, her strength of character and her bright mind—which he had discovered from his observations from afar, as well as from his men, Mrs. Reynolds and even from some people in Lambton who were speaking of her.
Quite often he watched her from the window of his library, talking to some of the staff outside or simply walking in the garden in her spare time, followed by either his dog, who had grown much attached to her, or more than once by the two children, the sight of whom always pained him, reminding him of a distressing past.
Elizabeth always seemed at ease, whatever the situation or whoever her companions might be.
She always acted naturally; leading the staff in a way that made them follow her with loyalty, in such a short time.
He, Darcy—as his parents had done before—was always preoccupied with assuring his staff and tenants’ wellbeing, by providing them with what they needed.
Elizabeth gave them nothing except her presence, and that seemed to be enough.
Then, he was impressed by her taste in books—superior to most ladies of his acquaintance.
From the few and short encounters and conversations they had had, he noticed her determination in expressing her opinion and her stubbornness in reaching her goals.
She did not hesitate to express her disagreement even to him, although she always did so with politeness and regard for his position as her employer. She was respectful but never humble.
As the days passed, Darcy was forced to admit to himself that Miss Elizabeth was the object of his thoughts more than was appropriate, more than was safe. When he first dreamed of her one night, and when he was eager to catch a glimpse of her the next morning, he realised he was in great danger.
He did not fear that he might be tempted to behave in a dishonourable way towards her—not by far.
In fact, he barely saw her in person, barely spoke to her.
But he was more attracted to her than he had ever been to any other woman.
And he needed all his self-control to stay away from her, counting the days until her employment would end.
And then perhaps he might meet her again one day, in less awkward circumstances, and find out more about her, without the concern that he might overstep the boundaries of decorum.
Even if she was not his employee, Miss Elizabeth’s situation in life was an obstacle that should dispel any notion of a future connection between them.
The daughter of a small country gentleman from God knows where, with relatives and connections in trade and among his tenants, was as far from what the Mistress of Pemberley should be as possible.
But a simple, distant and proper friendship with such an intriguing and bright, witty and pretty young lady was a delight he might accept once she had returned to her family.
Perhaps he might call on her uncle and aunt in London sometime in the future and thank them for allowing her to accept the job.
But all those were dreams in which Darcy indulged himself during the last dinner before his departure, while watching Elizabeth’s lovely face, seen for the first time framed by her soft curls rather than distorted by the severe hairstyle and cap she usually wore when she was working.
For the time being, he had to leave immediately, hoping that time, distance, common sense and judgment would diminish that unreasonable attraction towards a young lady who was surely completely oblivious to his thoughts.
Miss Elizabeth Bennet was there with the only purpose of helping Mrs. Reynolds and putting the household back in order.
For that, he would fairly pay her for her effort and when she was finished, she would return to her family.
She was fully aware of her purpose and of her responsibilities, while he felt angry with himself for his weakness and ashamed of his reflections.
By the time he returned with Georgiana, it would be late July and he would only have to bear her presence at Pemberley for another month. Or perhaps—hopefully—his infatuation would be gone by then.