Chapter 11 #2
But after a sleepless night, full of emotions, speculations, turmoil and little rest, the suggestion felt sound and useful, so she followed it.
The late autumn morning was chilly, the ground slippery, the trees and the grass covered with frost. The fresh air immediately dissipated her tiredness and raised her spirits, ready for a new day.
Her father had planned to visit Mr. King that very day and she wondered if Darcy had met with the colonel.
She was still shocked by Wickham’s impertinence.
To have the audacity to speak ill of Darcy when she knew he was guilty of so many horrible things was unthinkable and detestable.
She thought of those young maids abused by Wickham—almost children themselves when they had their own children—and she realised he must have done it while the late Mr. Darcy was still alive.
Could a betrayal be more horrible? And he wished to be a clergyman! What a cruel, horrible joke!
Preoccupied with her thoughts, Elizabeth failed to observe the man standing in front of her until he called her name. She startled, and then joy filled her soul when she saw Darcy smiling at her.
“I hope I have not frightened you, Miss Bennet.”
“Not at all. I am only surprised to see you, Mr. Darcy. I walk this way quite often but rarely meet anyone else.”
“Mr. Bennet indicated this path as being your favourite and I have been waiting here for a while, hoping to meet you.”
Straightforward, open, honest. No disguise, no excuses.
Despite the cold weather, she felt warm inside. “I hope you have not waited for too long. It is rather chilly outside.”
“I lost track of time, looking for you,” he said, stepping forward.
“You could have come to Longbourn anytime,” she said, slightly troubled by the fact that they were alone.
“I could have. But I hoped we would have the chance to talk privately for a few minutes. If you do not mind, of course…”
“I do not mind...”
“But do you wish to? Do you enjoy speaking privately to me, Miss Bennet?”
His words and his voice, as well as his countenance, were serious, even grave.
“Of course. Why would you assume otherwise, sir?”
“I am not assuming. I just fear imposing my wishes on you, and that you may accept them out of obligation.”
“Do I have an obligation to you, Mr. Darcy?”
“No, not at all…”
“Then you have no reason to worry,” she said. The more troubled he appeared, the calmer she became. She finally understood his restraint and his concern and was willing to dismiss them.
“I hope not… I have wished to speak to you for a long time, but never dared, never found the right moment.”
“I am very sorry to hear you hesitated to speak to me, Mr. Darcy. Especially since we have talked many times, on so many subjects.”
“We have spoken of everything, except what is most important to me.”
He looked at her and she held his gaze for a moment, waiting.
“What would that be, sir?” she whispered.
“Can you not imagine, Miss Bennet? Do you not suspect it? If so, the subject might make you uncomfortable, so I might be better not to open it yet.”
He sounded truly concerned and Elizabeth searched for the proper words to put him at ease, still doubtful herself about the course of their conversation.
“Mr. Darcy, you trouble yourself too much, sir. I try not to imagine, as it is dangerous for a young lady to assume too much. But I am waiting for you to tell me.”
He forced a smile, and then looked at her again.
“Your letter gave me much pleasure, even though it was written by your father. I felt grateful that you had taken the trouble to inform me.”
She was not completely puzzled by the sudden change of subject. She had expected, she had hoped, she had wished, to hear him address her and instead, he spoke of the letter.
“I felt I should inform you, so you could return and settle the affair with Mr. Wickham, especially when I heard his attempt to pollute your name and your character.”
“I returned sooner than I intended because of your letter, but not for Wickham. I returned because I wished to be here.”
She blushed violently. “Mr. Bingley must be very happy that you returned before the ball,” she said, her lips dry under his dark scrutiny.
His nearness was now making her dizzy. She knew she understood him correctly but she still feared trusting her senses.
“I have not come for Bingley either and even less for the ball. I have come because I wish to be nowhere else except where you are.”
She looked at him, bewildered, wordless, incredulous. He spoke further.
“I have long wanted to tell you that, but circumstances did not allow me. First, because you were under my protection at Pemberley, then because I have barely gained your forgiveness after my rude manners at the assembly. Now the time might not be perfect either, but I feel it is better. I have come, but I will stay only if you wish me to.”
She had not time to answer, as the sudden lump in her throat and the grip in her heart made her feel like a silly girl, trembling with joy.
He could not read her silence. “Please do not answer me immediately, Miss Bennet. I do not want to hurry you or to force your answer—”
“I wish to answer you immediately, Mr. Darcy,” she interrupted him. “I do not need time to think. I was sad when you left and happy when you returned. I wish you to stay!”
“Do you? Not as your father’s friend, not as your friend’s brother, but as the man who has ardently loved and admired you for many months. Someone who watched you leave Pemberley with a broken heart but did not dare ask you to stay.”
She stared at him in disbelief. Did he speak of ardent love that had lasted for months? Those months when she felt she could be nothing more to him than an efficient employee? Could it be possible?
“You wished to stop me from leaving Pemberley?” she asked. “I never imagined… You barely spoke to me during my stay there. I only met you a few times…”
He took her hands in his and brought them to his chest. Barely conscious of what was happening to her, she leaned against him.
“Because I tried to conceal my feelings from you, and from myself. I shall not deceive you and I shall not pretend to be braver than I am. I have admired you from almost the beginning of our acquaintance. But for a long while, I dismissed any possibility of a connection between us, due to the differences between our families. I knew you were everything I have ever desired in a woman, but I felt my desires meant too little compared with my duties and what was expected from me. Until…”
“Until?”
“Until I saw you again here, in Hertfordshire, after weeks of turmoil and despair. At that moment I understood that my duties were not opposed to my desires and that I could better accomplish what is expected of me if I had someone to help me, to support me, to complete me... But then…”
“Yes?”
“My wishes meant little without knowing yours. Yes, I know your good opinion of me, I know your sisterly friendship with Georgiana, I know your father is fond of me. But all this made things more difficult, made me fear and hesitate and doubt. And I still do…”
“I have admired your character from the beginning of our acquaintance, Mr. Darcy and I fell in love with you almost at the same time. I bore the torment of finally knowing what love meant, being certain it was meant to remain forever unrequited. I was flattered and pained by your consideration and your friendship. When I left Pemberley, a part of my heart remained there. I feared, I hesitated, I doubted too. I never allowed myself to imagine, to assume, to hope. But I never imagined our feelings might have been so similar for such a long time.”
“Similar?” he enquired, his arms closing around her. “I doubt it, as I have ardently loved and admired you for a long time, my dearest loveliest Elizabeth.”
She felt she would swoon in his embrace. “So have I, my dearest Mr. Darcy. Do not doubt it for a single moment.”
A moment later, his lips captured hers and she spoke no more. The sweet, tentative, tender kiss soon grew more passionate, just as their feelings were finally freed. She did not swoon in his arms but remained there for a long time and both felt she belonged there. That they belonged to each other.
“Elizabeth?” he whispered after some time.
“Yes?”
“So, will you marry me?”
“Of course I will. Do you still doubt it?”
“Not anymore.” He sealed their complete understanding with another kiss.
“I would like to speak to your father today,” he said when they finally separated a few inches.
“I would like that too. And I suspect so would he,” she joked, still in his arms, her face lifted to his. “And I will write to Georgiana today. But…”
“Yes, my love?”
“Could we announce our engagement after the ball? It is too much upheaval in such a short time. Except for Papa, I will only tell Jane. I wish to enjoy our understanding in peace and quiet.”
“I could not agree more. And Elizabeth?”
“Yes?”
“Would you do me the honour of dancing the first set with me at the ball? And the second? And the third?”
She laughed tearfully. “Surely you are joking.”
“Not at all. I must compensate for the assembly.”
“If so, you must dance with other ladies too, Mr. Darcy. It is only fair.”
“Very well. But may I have at least the first and the supper set from you?” he asked, lowering his head towards her again.
“You may have whatever you wish from me,” she whispered, only a moment before she was silenced by another passionate kiss.
***
Netherfield was lit by many torches, the stone building shining in the night. It was cold and a crisp breeze brought with it the smell of winter.
Elizabeth stepped down from the carriage, followed by her family.
Immediately, Mr. Bingley hurried to them and his haste made Jane’s cheeks colour.
But Bingley’s smile was this time not directed at the lady of his admiration but at Elizabeth, expressing his silent congratulations.
And then he moved to Jane, offering her his arm.