Chapter Fourteen
Avery
David was already on shift when I got home, thankfully. I dropped my keys in the dish by the door and paused before continuing through the living room. I’d lived in the house for a couple of years, and had assumed I’d be living there for the rest of my life.
I used to actually think I was okay with that.
I’m not sure where I had been more delusional.
On the outside everything looked perfect.
Young couple, nice home. David had a well-respected job and a nice salary to go along with it.
He was objectively good-looking. He sure knew how to turn on the charm when it suited him.
Just ask my father how he felt about him.
Meanwhile, I’d been in love with a man I’d never actually met, and delusional in thinking he’d stay tucked away in my fantasies, and never materialize to turn my world upside down.
Part of me had clung to the hope that he would.
And now, he had, and I was about to implode my entire life.
I took a few more steps and stopped again as I caught my reflection in the ornamental mirror hung above the mantle.
“This is it,” I said to my reflection. “No more Sunday football barbecues. No more cozy home with my own space. No more officer’s spouse luncheons or fundraisers.
No more family…” I took a deep breath and narrowed my eyes.
“No more hoping he won’t scream at me when he gets home because he had a hard day and had to chase some fugitive down an alleyway. ”
The next sentence came out with a little more confidence. “No more washing all of his ugly clothes and being called stupid because I didn’t have time to match all his socks up before work.”
I uncrossed my arms and took a small step closer to the mirror. “No more bruises on my arms from him shaking me when I accidentally drop something or make a mess in front of him. No more fear. I’m fucking tired of being afraid.”
I turned around in a slow circle, taking in everything in the room. Everything I laid eyes on was his.
His pictures.
His decorations.
His couch.
His television.
His…home.
I’d been staying there forever, but I’d never moved in. There was not a single thing in the entire living space that belonged to me, or even whispered the fact of my existence.
He’d picked out everything. Most of it, way before I’d moved in.
We had gotten a new couch last year, but he’d gone and picked it out and brought it home one night after work.
I hadn’t had anything to do with it. Honestly, I’d preferred the old couch with the soft cushions over this leather monstrosity that was cold to the touch.
“Cold to the touch” was a term that could be used to describe this entire house.
After grabbing a cloth grocery bag off the hook behind the kitchen door, I pulled open the top cupboard on the left.
Standing on my tippytoes, I grabbed the three Starbucks tumblers off the top shelf.
Tucking them into the bag, along with a bottle of water off the counter, I made my way back to the front door.
Keeping my attention focused on James, and the life I actually wanted to start living, I didn’t look back. I knew I’d have to come get my clothes at some point soon, but I needed to rip the band-aid off first.
It wasn’t a long drive over to my parent’s house, and, despite driving well under the posted speed limit, I pulled into their driveway much sooner than I would have liked. With shaky fingers, I pulled the burner phone out of my jacket pocket as it buzzed.
JAMES: I love you, Avery. We’re going to get through this no matter what.
ME: I love you too.
I got out of the car, securing the handle of the bag around my wrist.
“Welcome home!” I called out as I let myself in the front door. Despite how terrified I was about the impending conversation, I was fighting a smile on my face from James’s text.
“In the kitchen!” Mom answered.
Her back was turned as she fiddled with the kettle on the stove. “You’re just in time. I was making some tea.” She turned around to pull me into a tight hug. “Thank you for taking care of the house, and did you vacuum?”
Shrugging, I turned towards the cabinet. “I got bored last night.”
“So, you vacuumed? Do you hear yourself?”
I ignored her as I pulled the three cups out of the bag and started to put them with the others in her cupboard. “Hey! You brought my cups back!”
“Yeah, I was cleaning out some stuff and found them.”
“That’s so… unlike you.” She put her hand on her hip and cocked her head as she looked at me suspiciously. “Wait…” she reached up and grabbed the green cup out of my hand. “This one isn’t even mine. I hate green. Avery, what's going on with you?”
“Where’s Dad?”
“We’re out of creamer, so he ran to the grocery store. Now, answer my question.”
“Well, I kinda wanted to talk to you guys about something.”
The palms of my hands began to sweat, and I nervously wiped them down the front of my jeans. I felt like I had rehearsed what I was going to say to them 100 times since I’d made the decision to leave, but suddenly, I couldn’t remember a single word of my monologue.
“Mom, I think… I… I’m not sure how to say this…”
“For Heaven’s sake, spit it out! You’ve already told me you’re gay; what could be worse?"
I felt myself instinctively tense up. “Mom, for real?”
She sighed and shook her head. “You know what I mean.”
“I’m not sure I do! I mean, I know you’ve never exactly been a PFLAG mom, but Jesus Christ!”
“Don’t take the Lord’s name in vain, Avery. It’s ugly.”
“Ugh, Mom!”
“Ugh, Avery,” she retorted. “What’s wrong with you?”
“I want to break up…”
“Avery, you’re 22 years old. Don’t you think it’s a little late to divorce your parents? You’re already out on your own.”
How does she always manage to be so infuriating?
“God why do you always interrupt? From David, Mom. I want to break up with David.”
My mother literally gasped. All that was missing was a clutching gesture at the string of pearls she wasn’t wearing.
“Avery Thompson! What are you talking about? David is wonderful, and your father just loves him. Are you insane?”
I could feel myself beginning to deflate. “Mom, I’m not happy. David is… he’s not that great when no one else is around.”
“Nobody’s perfect all the time. You think you are a bed of roses to be around on a consistent basis? I’m sure David has his own set of complaints he could express, if given the chance. That’s what being married is, Avery. It’s hard, and it’s dirty. Best you get used to it now.”
I wasn’t sure what reaction I was expecting from her, but, whatever the fuck this was turning into was not it.
“Mom, he gets violent with me.” My voice had lowered, but I managed to get the sentence out without it breaking. I thought that perhaps admitting that fact might have changed the direction of the conversation, or at least the tone of her voice. But she simply sighed and rolled her eyes.
Looked to the ceiling and rolled her fucking eyes!
“Avery, he’s a cop. He has a very stressful job, and you’ve always had a flair for the dramatic.”
I felt like I had been shot. It took me a moment to collect myself sufficiently to speak again.
“Just tell me exactly what happened, and I’m sure we can sort it all out,” she cajoled me.
“Wow…” I replied, not able to meet her eyes. “Of the thousand ways I imagined this conversation going, this was worse than I thought it could possibly be. Thank you for that, mother.”
Not bothering to retrieve the bag I’d left empty on the counter, I just turned and headed through the kitchen towards the door.
“Avery, don’t do this. Don’t throw your life away because of a tiff!” she called after me.
I managed to get myself out the front door and halfway down the driveway before the tears actually started to fall. I got my seatbelt on and the car in reverse before I choked and the first sob escaped.
***
I’d stopped crying about halfway back to David’s house as the shock of my mother’s response morphed from devastation into cold anger. I hadn’t texted James yet, as I’d been too focused on getting the fuck away from that house. I also wasn’t exactly sure what to say.
Oh, hey, so I was completely wrong, and my parents don’t actually give a shit about me. Looks like, if I leave David, I’ll be homeless…
Something told me that conversation was best had in person. You know, after I knew what the man I was throwing my life away for even looked like.
I caught a glimpse of my haggard reflection in the rearview mirror. My eyes were bloodshot and my lashes were all clumped together with leftover tears.
“You’ve always been a looker.”
I flipped the car around in the street and backed into the driveway. Despite a less-than-welcoming response from my mom, I’d still made up my mind that I couldn’t stand to sleep next to David even one more time.
If it meant moving into a shitty roadside motel, so be it. My emergency credit card had an untapped $5,000 limit, which ought to be at least enough for a couple of months somewhere lousy while I sorted everything out.
While we sorted everything out, I silently corrected myself. Running away from my life without James was too much for my broken brain to try to process at the moment.
He told me everything would be okay, and, goddammit, I had no choice but to believe him.
Taking a deep breath in a failed attempt to ground myself, I threw the car door open and headed towards the front door.
David should still be at work for another few hours, which should give me plenty of time to throw my clothes in a trash bag and get a few other things loaded into the car.
I’d call James once I was packed and safely out of the neighborhood.
I knew going into the house once wouldn’t be an issue. David would get a notification from the Ring camera app on his phone and he’d see me going inside.
Perfectly normal.
The issue was going to be when I was leaving with all my stuff. If he looked at that notification right away and saw me escaping, I’d have about 15 minutes before he’d be able to make it home from the station. It wasn't a lot of time, but it would have to do.
The first thing I needed to do was transfer my contacts from my regular phone to the burner. I knew David had access to the tracking on that phone, so it would need to stay behind.
I closed the front door with one hand as I pocketed my keys with the other. I headed straight to the kitchen to grab a few trash bags from under the sink. I had a duffle bag, but it wasn’t going to fit my wardrobe. It would be faster to just toss everything together and sort it out later.
I bent down, pulled three bags off the roll, and let out an involuntary shout as I turned around. Being startled mid-turn threw my balance off, and I grabbed the edge of the sink to keep from hitting the ground.
“David! You… you scared me,” I replied, trying to keep my voice even as my heart raced in my throat. He had framed himself in the kitchen doorway after I’d entered the room. “I thought you were on beat tonight."
I could feel a drop of sweat escaping my hairline.
An eerie silence fell between us. When I couldn’t take him standing there staring blankly at me anymore, I spoke again.
“Mrs. Jensen next door is out of trash bags, and asked if she could borrow one,” I chuckled nervously.
“I know she’s older, and it’s tough for her to get to the store, so I figured I’d bring her a few so she wouldn’t have to worry about it. I’m gonna run these next door.”
It took every ounce of strength I had, but I managed to smile and take a step towards the door. As I did, David put his arm up against the door jamb, blocking the entire exit.
“Do you think I’m stupid, Avery?” His voice was eerily calm.
“Wh-what? Of course not. Why… why would you say something like that?”
David reached into the inside of his coat and pulled out a stapled stack of papers he’d tri-folded to fit into the pocket. Before I could ask what it was, he threw them down at my feet, causing me to jump and take a few steps back.
From the little I could see, it appeared to be a graph with a bunch of information.
A log, maybe? I couldn’t read what was printed from where I was standing, but every nerve ending in my body screamed not to bend over to pick it up.
David was still spread out in the doorway blocking my escape, and, despite my best efforts, I felt myself taking another step back.
“Did you really think I wouldn’t find out about your little grease monkey boyfriend?”
“Grease monkey? You me-mean the guy who changed my oil? Honey, I already told you there’s nothing…”
“You’re a lying whore!” David screamed as he lunged across the kitchen.
I grabbed onto anything I could on the counter as he wrapped his arms around my waist and my feet came off the ground.
Pain exploded all down the side of my torso and arm as I slammed down on the tile, the cutting board, a pair of scissors, and three pens clattering to the floor around me.
I hadn’t even gotten the wind back in my lungs before David was on top of me. He grabbed a fistful of my hair and held my head down on the floor against one of the papers he’d thrown at me earlier. I groaned and struggled against him as the friction burned, grating against my skin.
“You stupid bitch. You think I don’t know that he’s the one you’ve been sending letters to in prison?”
David’s grip on my hair tightened as he dragged my face up and down the sheet of paper.
“Please, I don’t know what you’re… ugh!” With a grunt, I managed to roll my hips enough to bring my knee up to his groin.
With the weird positioning, it took two hits for David to drop his grip and move enough for me to free myself.
I started crawling away from him, and he cursed and grabbed my ankle.
I rolled over onto my back and grabbed the cutting board I’d dragged off the counter when he took me to the ground.
As David crawled a little closer, I used both hands to lift the wooden cutting board and slammed it across the side of his face as hard as I could.
David yelled and grabbed his jaw with both hands as I clambered to my feet.
I never looked back. I didn’t even close the front door behind me.
I jumped in the driver’s side of the car and fumbled with the keys, knowing any second David was gonna come through the doorway and get me. But he didn’t.
I managed to get the car started, and, with screeching tires, pulled out of the drive and raced down the street.