Chapter 14 #2
Right now, the little boy was waving at the crowd who had responded to Nathan’s request for one more cheer with huge enthusiasm, and Theo was grinning again too.
She wondered if either of the boys had any understanding of Leo’s prognosis, or how quickly his disease might start to progress.
The language used in the speeches seemed to Rowan to have been deliberately vague, but she had no idea how she’d have handled it if Leo had been her child.
If he asked whether he was going to die, would his parents be honest with him?
She didn’t know, because there was no right answer.
This shouldn’t be happening at all. It wasn’t right, and it was impossible to imagine herself in that scenario because it was far too painful to contemplate.
What Nathan had said was so true though, Leo and his family should be able to look to the future and know it was going to come.
It might not be promised to anyone, but most people lived with the expectation that it would.
Leo’s parents had to live with the very real possibility that their son wouldn’t make it to adulthood and that the years before that would be filled with challenges no child should have to endure.
Losing a child wasn’t a prospect any parent should have to face and, as difficult as the last year had been for Rowan, it was nothing in comparison to what Leo and his family had to deal with.
‘Are you okay?’ Bex gave Rowan an appraising look when she went to find her a few minutes later. ‘You look like you’re about to burst into tears.’
‘It’s just Leo. It’s so unfair. There ought to be a cure, or something they can do to slow things down, he’s such a great kid.
’ A tear rolled down her face, but her throat was burning from holding back a thousand more.
She wanted to sob and rage against a world where this could be allowed to happen, but she couldn’t do that, not when Leo was only about thirty feet away from her, with a huge smile still plastered on his face.
She had a reputation to keep too. People expected her to be calm and professional, and she’d never been the sort to show her feelings in public anyway.
It gave people far too much to talk about and an insight into her emotions she didn’t want anyone else to have, because it made her far too vulnerable.
In the wake of her husband’s affair coming to light, she’d never once shown her emotions in public, even when she’d felt like she was dying inside.
Yet now here she was, with raw emotion dangerously close to the surface and she had to gulp air like a dying fish to stop herself from sobbing.
‘You’re right, he is a great kid and we’ve got to have hope.’ Bex squeezed her waist, seeming to realise that a full-on hug would have pushed her over the edge. ‘That’s why fundraising events like this are so important and it’s why Nathan set Leo’s Lions up, to give them all hope.’
‘Or to line his own pockets.’ Rowan recognised the man who’d just interjected into their conversation without invitation.
His daughter, Milly Harwood, was in Year 4.
Rowan knew she shouldn’t react to his comment and that she had to stay professional, but the sadness that had been welling up inside her seemed to have turned to white hot anger, and that was far harder to control.
‘You should be very careful what you accuse people of, Mr Harwood.’ She narrowed her eyes and there was an edge to her voice she barely recognised. Even when she was using her ‘headteacher’ tone, it never sounded quite as unforgiving as this.
‘Why? He’s got form for it, and you have to wonder why he does all of this.’ Mr Harwood gestured around him. ‘You can’t tell me he’s not pocketing some of the money.’
‘Gwen Jones oversees all the finances so that would never happen.’ Bex was the first to reply, but Rowan was right behind her, with an even more forceful response, one she seemed to have absolutely no control over.
‘How dare you accuse Nathan of something like that, when it’s obvious to anyone that he adores Leo and would do anything for him.
But you’d rather ignore the evidence and judge him for one thing, wouldn’t you, Mr Harwood?
Well, I hope you’ve never made a mistake you want to move on from, but if you have, I hope no one gives you an opportunity to do that, because you clearly don’t believe anyone deserves a second chance.
No matter how hard they work and how obvious it is that they’re a good person, most people never do anything as amazing as the things Nathan has achieved today.
Still, you can just go home and polish your halo, can’t you?
Safe in the knowledge that you’ve never done a thing wrong in your entire life.
The school will just have to work extra hard to teach your daughter that kind people show forgiveness to others. ’
It was as if the version of Rowan she’d pushed down for years had suddenly come busting out and, even if she wanted to, she didn’t think there was any way she could have stopped herself.
The colour seemed to have drained from Mr Harwood’s face; his mouth was moving but for a moment nothing seemed to come out, until he finally said just two words, before scuttling away and disappearing into the crowd of people still milling around the harbour.
‘I’m sorry.’
Bex looked at Rowan for a moment and then started to laugh. ‘That was brilliant, absolutely bloody brilliant.’
‘Was it? I think I might just have lost my job.’ Rowan blinked a couple of times, just to check that she was awake and that all of that had really happened.
‘Okay, what are you laughing at? What have I missed?’ Toni suddenly emerged from the crowd, but all Rowan could do was shake her head.
‘Our amazing headteacher just tore a strip off one of the parents for accusing Nathan of setting this whole thing up to scam money out of people.’
‘That is pretty amazing, and from the woman who wouldn’t even have a drink in public in case someone saw her. On that basis, I might have to upgrade what you just did to legendary.’ This was high praise indeed from Toni, a woman who wasn’t known for using any kind of superlative.
‘I hope you still think that when you’re having to set up a GoFundMe after I lose my job and can’t pay my bills.
’ Rowan still couldn’t believe she’d said what she had, but despite her fears about losing her job, she was glad she’d done it.
And as she looked at the expressions on her friends’ faces, she couldn’t stop a smile from creeping across her own.
‘Oh, don’t worry about Rob Harwood. He won’t want anyone to know he’s been told off by the headteacher, he’ll be straight down the pub to get himself a pint and lick his wounds.
Although he might try and prove that he was right by repeating what he said about Nathan and seeing whether he can find someone who agrees with him. ’
‘Sadly, someone will.’ The smile slid off Rowan’s face as she realised it was true, the thought turning anger to sadness again. Nathan didn’t deserve this, he was a good man. She was certain of it.
‘It doesn’t matter what a few judgy people think, Nathan Lark has you on his side, Rowan, and you’re a force to be reckoned with.’ Bex raised her eyebrows. ‘Although I must admit I didn’t realise quite how on his side you were.’
‘I’m not it’s just—’
‘Yes, you are.’ Toni nodded. ‘I’ve been where you are, trying to pretend that it’s something else, but you really like Nathan. You might not be willing to admit it yet, but it’s obvious you do. So if there’s a reason you feel like you need to hide how you feel, you need to get a bit better at it.’
‘Or you could just enjoy it.’ Bex linked an arm through Rowan’s.
‘You could stop being the woman who feels as if she needs to be perfect all the time so that no one can say anything bad about you. But, do you know what? Even being perfect will give people something to talk about behind your back if they want to. So why not do what you want to do for a change?’
‘It’s not like I’ve hidden my friendship with Nathan, we’ve being going out with the boys all the time since they became friends.
’ Rowan was doing her best to make it sound like that was all there was to it, but she could see the way her friends were looking at her – as if her feelings for Nathan were written all over her face for the whole world to see.
That was the last thing she wanted, so she was just going to have to try harder to have a poker face and pretend that this was completely platonic.
Unfortunately, Bex didn’t seem to be willing to let it go.
‘You have, but that’s for the kids. What about you, Rowan? What have you done that’s for yourself since you came back to Port Agnes?’ Bex didn’t blink as she held her gaze.
‘The kids are my responsibility, and I can’t just go out having fun, forgetting they exist, like their father did when he found someone else he’d rather be with.
’ Despite her intention to keep her cards close to her chest, Rowan seemed to have unlocked a part of herself she could no longer control, because she hadn’t meant to say that either, and Bex was squeezing her arm in sympathy.
‘That’s not what you’re doing at all. I’m sorry James didn’t realise how lucky he was.
If you want a night out where you tell us all the gory details and we verbally rip him to shreds, you know we’re there for you.
But we’re there for you practically too, to help out with the kids, and you’ve got great support from your family.
Even if James doesn’t step up and do his share of the parenting, don’t use the kids as an excuse not to do something for yourself, because Nathan might well be just what you need.
In fact, I’d be willing to put money on it. ’
Rowan nodded, because she didn’t trust herself to speak again; anything at all could have come out of her mouth.
She might have ended up telling her friends that she was scared of opening herself up to getting hurt again, or of making a fool of herself and everyone seeing her life fall apart at the seams all over again.
Part of her knew that Bex was right and that she could be bolder and more honest, because it had felt so good to tell Rob Harwood exactly what she really thought.
But that kind of behaviour got you noticed and gave people even more to talk about.
Rowan wasn’t sure she was ready to live that way or whether she ever really would be.