7. Vivian
Chapter seven
Vivian
Pulling up to park across the street from Java Jive, I slide my tablet in my handbag as I get out of my white Cadillac XT6. I sold our pair of black Mercedes-Benz SUVs back to the dealership before I left Chicago. Trent always insisted we drove only black Mercedes. He grew up with a single mother who had to work two jobs to keep a roof over their head, so driving a nice black Mercedes became a status symbol to him as a young boy. I knew it was important to him so I never pushed back on his demands.
Shortly after we arrived in Tennessee, my brother Ryan took me to the dealership our family goes to in Nashville to get a new SUV. I wanted to pick something new, different, and definitely not black. The mid-size SUV is perfect for me and Eloise, and I love seeing the Tennessee license plates as a daily reminder that I’m home.
I wish every part of the move had been as easy as handing over keys and picking out something new. I’m not ready to make a final decision about our place in Chicago quite yet. It no longer feels like home to me, but I know it still does to my sweet girl. My former neighbors—and the only people I really miss—thankfully provided a temporary solution. Jill’s sister wanted to move to Chicago after her recent divorce and needed a furnished unit as she started over. The only furniture I moved to Forrest Falls was Eloise’s bedroom set and it felt easier to rent our condo to someone I knew, while also buying me some time to make up my mind.
My cell vibrates with an incoming text message and photo.
Daddy
I don’t know which one of them is having more fun right now?!
In the photo, my brother Finn is sitting next to Eloise, who has commandeered Daddy’s entire kitchen island with coloring books, crayons, and markers as she works on one of her masterpieces. A small smile crosses my face—it’s so nice to know that we are both surrounded by so many people that love us. I dropped Eloise off this morning so she could hang out with her papa and I could have some time alone with my favorite cup of coffee. I wish I could spend the morning reading the novel I started last night, but I need to send a few emails regarding the rental and utilities then contact my employer.
I walk into Java Jive and the bold, smokey smell lingering in the air welcomes me like a time warp. I don’t think this place has changed at all since I was in high school, and likely not even in the decade before that. The building is one of the oldest in town and it still has the original white oak plank flooring, but the worn grooves and scuffs left from foot traffic over the decades only add to the charm of the space. As I step up to the large square counter to order, I’m tempted by their legendary seven-layer bars and delicious pastries in the display case. The barista behind the counter welcomes me with a warm smile as I order my favorite iced Americano with sugar-free hazelnut and cream.
With the espresso machines and equipment in the middle, the other three sides of the island still have their signature, retro, robin egg blue bar stools. The counter is deep enough for customers to spread out with their coffee, computers, or even newspapers—which I would never see back in Chicago. I smile recalling the countless hours my friends and I spent at Java Jive during high school, whether studying, gossiping, or dreaming about what life was going to be like after we graduated.
I snap back to the present when the barista calls my name and grab my drink before finding an empty table by the large windows up front. Just as I sit, my phone vibrates with another message.
MK
Vivian Grace, girl, how long am I expected to let you settle in before I drag you out for drinks and catching up? Ladies, please launch a full-fledged guilt trip for her to come out and play so we can welcome our little Vivi back home.
A giant smile spreads across my face as I read the message. Mary Kate Carlson, or MK as everyone calls her, is one of my best friends. She married her high school sweetheart, Drew, after our sophomore year of college and has been happily back in Forrest Falls popping out babies and living her dream of being a stay-at-home mom. Drew has been best friends with my old high school boyfriend, Chase, since we were little kids, and once upon a time, I thought we would all live next door to each other raising babies together. It may look different than I originally imagined, but I’m thankful to be back home so we can force our kids to all be best friends too. Without MK’s efforts, I’m sure our group of friends would have lost touch over the years, but MK would never allow it. Her constant friendship has always been a gift, but it’s been a lifeline since Trent died.
Willa
The schmuck has my baby this weekend, what about Friday or Saturday night? I miss your face, Vivian Grace! I think we need to show O’Dell’s that we still have it. Let’s go, ladies!!
During our senior year in undergrad, Willa married a rich trust fund baby from Nashville in a shotgun wedding to save face with his family when she got pregnant. We never liked Bradley—who also made sure we never called him Brad; it was always Bradley like the pretentious snob he is—and he partied way too much. After college, he didn’t stop his partying ways, and when Bradley was caught embezzling money from his family’s corporation to fund his cocaine habit without his wife finding out, it was the final straw for Willa. Their divorce was messy but because his family was ultra conservative, there wasn’t a prenup and Willa took him to the cleaners. Willa can stay home with Charlotte thanks to the very generous divorce settlement, but she chooses to work part-time editing books for independent romance authors and has a waiting list of at least a year. Bradley only has the option to see their daughter one weekend a month and according to Willa, on the weekends he even shows up, Charlotte spends the entire time with Bradley’s mother and a nanny. He really is a schmuck.
Lauren
Y’all name the time and place and I’m there!
Lauren teaches third-grade at Forrest Hills Academy. I know she wants to find the right guy and live the American dream but just hasn’t met him yet. If my friends were ice cream flavors, Lauren would be as vanilla and as sweet as they come, with sprinkles and a cherry on top. With her long blonde hair and big blue eyes, she appears to be wholesome and every stereotype of a sweet elementary school teacher, but I also know she reads the dirtiest books out of all of us. It’s always the quiet ones that surprise you the most.
Brittany
About damn time. Viv, what’s your schedule like? When works best for you and finding someone to watch Eloise?
Brittany is the spice in our friend group. She is sassy, straightforward, and loyal to a fault. Drew’s cousin Zander ended up at the same med school in Boston as Brittany so MK introduced them so they would both know someone. No one expected Brittany and Zander’s whirlwind romance, but they proved that sometimes love at first sight is not only in fiction, and it can happen in real life too. It didn’t take much for Brittany to convince Zander that life in Forrest Falls would be better than anything Boston had to offer. I think that man would follow her anywhere. Zander is a doctor in the emergency department at our local hospital. He’s a nice guy, and it doesn’t hurt he is also ridiculously good looking. I’ve joked that Brittany and Zander are committing a crime by not having babies, but neither of them ever really wanted kids, although they spoil our children like they were their own.
Me
Miss you all too! I’m in, I’m sure Savannah will take Eloise Saturday evening if that works for everyone else? Just need to double check with her.
MK
O’Dell’s, Saturday night at 8 p.m. Attendance mandatory. I’ll get a table and shots ready to go, do not plan on driving home, ladies! xoxo
If Savannah can’t watch Eloise for some reason, I’m sure Daddy would be okay having her stay at his place too, or one of my brothers could come over. With a small sigh, I realize that since moving home, finding childcare is no longer a stressful task because I know there are so many options from people I trust. I didn’t feel that way in Chicago. Yet another reason I am so thankful to be home with people that love me and my daughter so well.
I watch the cars and people go by outside as I turn on my tablet. I’ve been on leave for a few months and need to make a decision about my career. Trent and I met when we were both undergraduates at Georgetown, and we lived in DC until moving to Chicago for his fellowship. I worked full-time as a corporate lawyer for a firm in Chicago until I had Eloise four years ago. I could’ve followed a partnership track, but I wanted more time with my babies, just like my own mama. I switched to part-time and my law firm allowed me to work from home. I didn’t think I would ever want to be home full-time; I worked hard for my degree and really enjoyed my work. Like a lot of things in my life before Trent’s murder, that decision felt so black and white. I could work and be a present mama, I could have my cake and eat it too without anyone missing out.
That was all before everything changed.
Now, my only concern is doing whatever is best for Eloise and what is going to help us heal. I know not every widow has the financial freedom I do in making these decisions, and I’m fortunate that between Trent’s life insurance, our investments, and our combined savings, I don’t need to work. If I wanted to, I wouldn’t ever have to go back to work and we would be more than comfortable.
Our stay at my sister’s may be temporary, but I don’t see us moving back to Chicago. I’ll probably buy a house eventually, but for now we’re comfortable in my sister’s pool house. There’s a part of me that finds comfort in being physically close to my sister. I can send her a text when I need her or when it all feels too heavy, and Savannah will walk through my front door within minutes. That wouldn’t have been possible if I was still in Chicago. We talked on the phone daily, just like we did with our mama, but sometimes a girl just needs a hug from her sister. I would give just about anything to be able to hug my own mama right now; Savannah’s hugs are almost the same thing, not quite, but almost. I can feel the tears creep in as I think about hugging my mama. Sometimes I miss her so much it physically hurts in my chest and losing Trent has made her absence that much more pronounced in my life. It’s like the grief of Trent’s passing has amplified the grief I’ve lived with since Mama passed. I wish I could get her advice on how to navigate everything, not that I always listened to her advice growing up.
Mama tugs the blanket a little closer as we sit on the back porch swing. She loves watching the sunset. She believes it’s a good opportunity to pause and reflect on the good parts of your day while letting the bad parts fade away. Mama also loves to have heart-to-heart conversations on this swing, when the noise of life seems to hit pause.
“It feels like you’ve barely been home this break,” Mama says as she wraps an arm around me. I snuggle under her arm and gently push the swing with my foot. I take a deep breath and inhale the signature vanilla scent of Mama’s favorite perfume.
“I know, it went fast. I feel like it’s hard to even believe I’m already in my sophomore year at Georgetown,” I reply.
“You’re telling me, honey. I feel like you should still be hustling home to meet your curfew after the football game on a Friday night,” Mama says with a smile. “Next time you come home, maybe Trent can come back with you.”
“That would be ideal, it’s just hard with his med school course load. He’s so focused on being the best, but it takes up a lot of his time.”
“Mmm. Is he also focused on being the best for you?” Mama asks.
“I think he’s pretty great,” I answer her. “It would be nice to see him more often, but I understand this is just a season of life right now.”
“Life is just a collection of seasons, baby. And I am curious if pretty great is the same as the very best. That’s all. You deserve the very best, my sweet girl,” Mama says. “I know he cares about you, that is evident, but if he is your forever, I want you to be his first priority in any season.”
“I don’t know about forever, I mean, we’ve talked about it. I can see us getting married,” I reply. Mama nods her head as I go on. “How did you know Daddy was your forever?” I ask. “I knew Chase was not my forever, but I don’t feel that hesitation with Trent.”
“It’s not about lacking hesitation, baby. Does he have your back? Do you trust him? Does he make you happy? Those aren’t small things—they are everything.” Mama gets a soft smile on her face, and I know she’s thinking about how Daddy is all of those things for her.
“For the most part … I think so,” I answer ho nestly.
“Well, then it’s probably a good thing you aren’t getting married tomorrow, baby. It should be a resounding yes to all of those things. He should make you feel like you are his sun and without you, his life is diminished and lacking the joy and light you bring into it.” Mama kisses the top of my head. “You deserve the absolute best, Vivian Grace Callahan because you, my dear, are already the very best.”
I don’t know if I was ever Trent’s sun, even if I convinced myself our relationship was enough. But I do know Eloise is the sun in my life now and everything revolves around her. Moving back to my hometown was the right decision. Eloise has even started smiling again, although not as often as before everything happened. As a single mother, every decision I make in this season must be in her best interest. Her therapist in Chicago encouraged me to focus on a routine for Eloise and keep things as predictable as possible. The move was a massive interruption in her routine, but I believe it was for the best.
Unfortunately, I don’t see corporate law being an important aspect of this season, even remotely from Tennessee. I open my email and write a professional, grateful email to the partners of the firm. I thank them for the last seven years and respectfully let them know I will not be returning from my leave of absence. It’s not an easy email to write but the significant weight I feel leave my shoulders after I press send reaffirms it was the right decision. I pick up my drink as I look out the window and take a deep breath while I soak up this rare moment when I feel like I actually know what I’m doing.
My peaceful moment is far too fleeting.
“Well as I live and breathe, Miss Vivian, is that you, sweet girl?” Like nails on a chalkboard, the high-pitched voice is distinct and belongs to the one and only Marcie Claire Riley. Marcie Claire’s son Chase was my high school boyfriend, and while she always liked me, I’ve never felt fully comfortable around her. She always seems to have an agenda. I plaster on a well-practiced but fake smile before turning in my seat to greet the unwelcome intrusion.
“Yes, ma’am, one and the same. How are you, Mrs. Riley?” My mama taught me manners so even if I really don’t want to visit with anyone, let alone Marcie Claire, social etiquette requires I quite literally grin and bear it.
Without asking, she sits down at the other side of my table. “Oh, honey you know it’s Marcie Claire. How are you doing, darling? My deepest sympathies for everything that happened, but so glad y’all are back home, even under such sad circumstances. Your daddy must be happy to have you back and safe under his roof.”
Marcie Claire is one of the biggest gossips in the entire county and I know anything I divulge will quickly be broadcast to anyone who cares and many who do not. “Thank you, ma’am. It’s nice to be closer to family. I’m actually staying at my sister’s until I figure out what is next for us.”
“Oh, that’s right, she and Shane just remodeled their pool house. I heard they spent quite the pretty penny on that addition. How perfect for you! Where is your little girl? She is just precious, looks just like her mama if you ask me and is definitely going to be a heartbreaker! Bless her little heart. I’m sure she will love Forrest Hills Academy. I assume you will send little Ellie there, right? Only the best for our angel girl!” Marcie Claire weaves her compliments like an expert all while she digs for information.
Internally I’m rolling my eyes at her, but I keep my smile in place. “Yes, ma’am, that’s the plan. We missed the fall enrollment cut off, but Shane is on the board so hopefully we will find a way to make it work. It would be nice for Eloise to be at the same school as her cousins. ”
“Oh honey, you know those enrollment dates don’t apply when you know the right people. In fact, I know the head of admissions over there, his wife Colleen is in the garden club with me. I would be happy to call her and make sure there are no issues for Ellie.”
I know I should correct her that my daughter’s name is not Ellie but I can’t be rude, especially if it helps Eloise get into the best—and only—school in town. Marcie Claire has always lived in an alternative reality but I don’t like owing people favors and my fake smile gets a little tighter. “That’s so kind of you, Marcie Claire. I really think Shane will be able to help get Eloise in. We’ll know in the next week or two.” I can tell by the slight narrowing of her eyes that she wanted me to accept her help, but it’s barely noticeable to the untrained eye. However, I’m not a novice when it comes to Marcie Claire Riley’s ways.
“Of course, dear, of course. I’ll still call Colleen and make sure she helps too. You poor dear, I just can’t imagine all that’s on your shoulders. Please let me know if there is anything I can do to help you both settle in.” She reaches out and pats my hand. Up until that moment, I never thought a touch could feel so condescending. The light bell over the front door chimes and none other than Chase Riley himself walks in.
We grew up together and dated our junior and senior years of high school. He was the star athlete who made all the girls swoon with his charming smile and killer dimples. Despite what one might assume, Chase’s beauty went beyond what you could see on the surface; he has a good heart and a kind soul. The feelings between us were genuine, and we experienced many firsts together. We both agreed to end our relationship the summer after we graduated so we could fully embrace the college experience. Our breakup was amicable, and we’ve always been friendly and cordial when running into each other over the years. I no longer have any romantic feelings for him, but I care about Chase as a friend and wish him the best. We see updates about each other’s lives on social media but haven’t actually talked in person in a few years. Time has been kind to him. He’s still quite handsome with his mischievous smile and dimples; maturity looks good on him.
“Hey there Viv, I heard you were back in town.” Chase gives me a kind smile as I stand up to say hello. He puts his arm around my shoulder for a platonic side hug. He really is a good guy and was one of my best friends for a long time. Just the simple act of seeing someone that I have so much history with warms my heart a little. This is why I needed to come home, I needed to come back to the people that know and love me, not that want to use me to provide sordid details for their next gossip session with other clucking hens. Although, Marcie Claire can definitely cluck with the best of them.
“Hey there yourself, buddy. The rumors are true. Back home, well, back at my sister’s as I figure things out.” Just a few things, like my life and where I go and what I do after everything has fallen apart—you know—minor details.
Chase greets his mama with a kiss on the cheek. “Hey Mama, nice to run into you. What are you ladies up to?”
“I was just popping in to grab a few coffees before I head over to Sue Ellen’s for our committee meeting. The Forrest Falls Women’s Society is planning our upcoming annual fundraiser. We’re going to announce our fundraising focus for the season soon but I can give you the inside scoop. This year it will be the National Kidney Foundation, which is so much more pleasant than last year’s topic. I have a garden club meeting this evening so it will be a busy day. I’ll leave you two to it. Vivian, if you have any interest in volunteering for anything once you get settled in, you let me know, dear.” With a wave fit for a queen, Marcie Claire heads to the counter to pick up her order .
I notice Chase roll his eyes and shake his head as we watch his mama leave. We stand next to each other for a minute and my curiosity gets the best of me. “So, what was the focus of the society last year?”
“The county’s domestic violence shelter needed funds for a new building. Mama thought it was an unsavory topic for social gatherings.” Chase raises his eyebrows and gives me a look letting me know that some things never change.
“Of course she did. How untoward for ladies to talk about such lowly topics like safety and healing for women and children.”
He shrugs. “That’s Marcie Claire Riley for you.”
“I’m assuming the selection of the National Kidney Foundation is because of your Uncle Frank, right? Daddy told me he isn’t doing well.” Chase’s Uncle Frank is one of Daddy’s best friends. Frank has had chronic kidney disease for years, but Daddy mentioned the other day it has progressed to the point where Frank now needs dialysis while he waits for a transplant.
“Yeah, we’re all getting tested soon and hoping one of us is a match. The dialysis is buying us some time, but we are hopeful.”
“Finding a match can be challenging for some people. What’s his blood type?” I ask him. One of Trent’s friends was a nephrologist in Chicago and we attended multiple fundraisers over the years benefiting organizations helping patients with kidney disease find donor matches. I know if the donor kidney’s blood type doesn’t match the recipient, the recipient won’t accept the transplant.
“Unfortunately, Uncle Frank has type O blood, so he can only accept a kidney from a donor who is also type O.” I nod in understanding but also know that it’s going to be that much harder for Frank to find a compatible donor. “Hopefully with our immediate and extended family getting tested, one of us will be a match.”
Chase checks his phone as it vibrates with a notification. “I was just grabbing a latte before I head back to the office. But it really is nice running into you, Viv. I am so sorry for everything you and Eloise have been going through. Can I help with anything?” Chase is forever the good guy. We had a genuine friendship long before we dated. He sent a beautiful floral arrangement to Trent’s funeral, and even though the card said it was from him and his girlfriend Chloe, I know it was really just from Chase.
“I’m sure something will come up at some point, but I think we are okay for right now. Daddy, my brothers, and Savannah have helped with everything since the move. I have to figure out a few things, and hopefully get Eloise enrolled at Forrest Hills Academy so she can start preschool there this fall. I know it’s tricky since we missed the registration deadline but I’m hoping I can call in a few favors.”
“Ah yes, the ol’ Callahan Cavalry can move mountains so it’s not surprising that moving you and your daughter was seamless.” Chase gives me one of his classic smiles, but he’s right, the Callahan Cavalry gets things done. “You know this town, it’s usually not what you know but who you know. If you hit any snags, let me know, alright? I mean it, Viv. You’ve been my friend for as long as I can remember. I hope you still consider me a friend that you would let help you, even if it’s something small.” Chase reaches out and squeezes my arm, but unlike his mother’s touch, his is kind and genuine.
“Absolutely. You know there was never any bad blood between us, well maybe Chloe has some toward me but that’s not mutual on my end.” I grimace as I mention his girlfriend’s name.
“You know, I don’t get that, y’all were friends back when we were in middle school. What happened? She doesn’t like it if I talk about you, so I never heard the whole story.” Chase’s eyebrows draw together, but I don’t really have an answer either.
“Yeah, we were friends, or I thought we were at least, right up until you and I started dating. I think she may have had a crush on you for a lot longer than anyone knew. But that’s all water under the bridge. I’m happy so long as you two are happy together. I hope you know that.”
“You’re a good one, Vivian Grace.”
“You too, Chase Riley. Now go on back to the office, I’m sure you need to rack up some billable hours.”
“Good to see you, Viv, and welcome home.” He leans down to look me in the eye. “Offer stands, call or text if you need anything, alright? My number hasn’t changed.”
“Thanks, Chase. I appreciate that.” Chase squeezes my arm once more and heads to the counter to order his latte. I do appreciate his offer, but I don’t know that I will actually reach out for anything because I don’t feel like dealing with Chloe’s wrath. I don’t quite understand how we were friends for so long; either she really changed or I must have been really blind to how she treated other people. Chloe Jones is not a kind woman. I’m not sure how a good guy like Chase can be with her but that’s not my business. He seems happy, so that’s what matters, even if I think Chloe seems like a snarky queen-bee.
In fact, now that I think about it, Chloe reminds me a lot of Chase’s mother Marcie Claire. The idea of Chase dating his mother’s mini almost makes me laugh out loud. He would be mortified by that comparison, but the genuine smile feels nice, if not a bit foreign on my face. I haven’t had a lot of those in the last few months.
It’s good to be home.