Chapter 17
EXCUSE ME WHILE I CLAIM TEMPORARY INSANITY
WADE
Iswallow thickly attempting to coat my dry throat with something other than sandpaper and nerves.
I have no idea where my confidence is coming from…actually, I do. It’s coming from the gorgeous woman currently sitting on my lap, looking down at me with nothing but admiration behind them and a satisfied smirk on those plump lips of hers.
Lips I lost myself in twice today.
A sound rustles behind her but I ignore it, knowing it’s Jasper slowly inching his way toward us. Instead of looking at him, I keep my eyes locked on Abby, drawing the assurance I need from her.
Her long, dark hair drapes over her shoulders, covering the top half of her body almost entirely. I want to cup her face and tuck the thick curtain behind her ear but I almost feel as if it’s blocking us from the outside world. The private serenity gives me the courage I’ve been searching for.
How is it that she’s known all of us for only a few short hours, yet it feels like a lifetime she’s been part of our circle? The comfort she brings is undeniable. And I know if I asked the guys the same question, they wouldn’t have a reasonable explanation either.
Jasper appears in my periphery, he’s pulling his normally shaggy hair into his signature manbun and I love when he wears it that way.
I’d never admit that to him though.
He kneels down beside the chair that Abby is straddling me in, but still I keep my eyes on her.
I don’t trust how my body or mind will respond when I see him sitting so close to me.
I already feel him when he’s close, like my entire body is a Jasper locating radar and my body starts to tingle whenever he is near.
Abby gives me a comforting smile and I mirror it back before closing my eyes and sucking in a deep breath.
As I reopen them, they shift over in the direction of the man that I’ve trained myself to despise, knowing if I allowed myself to open up to him, I would lose all sense of myself.
But as our eyes connect, it’s the first time I don’t care about the normalcy of my life or fight with myself to stop the natural response my body has to him.
I just want him to kiss me like his life fucking depends on it.
I want him to claim me, like he claimed his best friend.
Abby begins to lift off me but I tense my hands tighter around her hips. I need her to stay. Not only is she a comfort blanket that is covering up my massive erection, but she’s protecting me from full exposure to Jasper. Which is something I know I need.
She stops pulling away from me and sits back down, placing one hand on my shoulder while her other hand cups my jaw, forcing my gaze back to hers.
Without any other warning, she leans into me kissing me again, and this time knowing it’s because she really wants to and not because it’s a dare, makes my stomach flip and my heart beats so hard I can feel it in every corner of my body.
She releases her hand from my jaw and I hate how the cold air hits my skin so I pull her flush against my body, needing more of the comfort she brings.
Her other hand moves up the column of my neck, gripping the hair at my nape.
It’s gentle but commanding and when her lips leave mine, I know exactly what to expect when I open my eyes.
But that still doesn’t prepare me against the foreign sensation of seeing Jasper’s face just inches from mine as she guides us closer together.
His tongue darts out, wetting his bottom lip and the feral look in his eyes is a complete reflection of my own.
Our bodies slowly eat up the space between us as my eyes bounce between his lips and eyes. The incessant flipping that was happening in my stomach earlier is now replaced with an amusement park of roller coasters, going nonstop and uncontrollably faster, as Jasper slowly leans closer to me.
With his hair pulled back, it shows off the sharp features of his chiseled jawline and high cheekbones.
His face is never clean shaven and almost always has the short stubble that looks like he forgot to shave, even though I know he does because the short blonde shavings are always left in our shared bathroom sink, and I always find myself cleaning them up for him.
The darkness of his pupils are invading the crystal green color of his irises, giving him the look of a wild animal instead of the playful Jasper I’m used to seeing. They’re usually light and perky. But now, they’re dark and needy, laced with a trepidation I’m not used to.
And I realize for the first time since I’ve known Jasper, he’s nervous. His breath is labored with heavy short breaths and his eyes dance around every corner of my face as if committing it to memory.
I lean closer, as if to comfort him but I feel resistance as Jasper pulls back and my heart drops, fearing rejection.
His head moves slowly from side to side, like he’s talking himself out of it, then he sucks in a commanding breath, whispering, “I’ve wanted to do this for so fucking long,” then he crashes his lips against mine.
An unruly, guttural moan escapes my body and I wish I could take it back, until I hear Jasper release one of his own.
My lips part further as his tongue dips into my mouth and the sensation is so unbelievably foreign yet so fucking incredible, I can’t help but push my hips into Abby, needing more, begging for more.
A mix of the cedar, sage scent I know so well of him engulfs me again today and I flashback to our discretions in the dark in my room earlier and my cock twitches at the thought.
Abby rolls her hips into mine and I have to grip her hips to hold her in place because I will absolutely lose all control if Jasper keeps kissing me like this while she does that.
A muffled, “fuck,” comes out between my lips. I never want this to stop.
The sensation I have can only be described as Jasper said. It’s the same feeling I get when kissing a woman. The same powerful desire, the stomach flip. All of it is there.
My eyebrows pinch together, as if confused by the thought. I break our kiss and dip my chin to my chest, peering down to avoid eye contact.
I shouldn’t feel ashamed of these feelings but I do. I shouldn’t like any of this. I internally scold myself, blinking quickly trying to pull myself together.
Jasper’s fingers grip my face, forcing me to look at him and I hate that he’s doing that.
He’s not giving me a chance to work through my puzzled thoughts, the ones making me pull away from both Abby and Jasper.
And I don’t want to allow myself to look over at Major to try and figure out what he might be thinking.
But when my eyes connect with Jaspers, he’s still feral and needy. They’re just laced with a concern I can relate to, and I see him trying to understand that I need time. But because it’s Jasper, he doesn’t give it to me.
“Don’t you do that.” He shakes his head at me. “I know what you’re thinking and you need to knock it the fuck off, right now.”
His eyes flicker between my eyes and lips again and I see how much restraint he has with himself.
This time it isn’t a dare that’s pulling us together, it’s his choice, and maybe mine too.
I can’t tell if I’m leaning into him too, or if I’m frozen in time, afraid to do anything to take me out of this moment.
A loud buzzing suddenly takes over the space around us and something begins to vibrate on my leg.
Abby’s breath hitches as she startles and now my brows really pinch in confusion.
I look down between where Abby is straddling me and where the vibration is coming from and I see Jasper do the same.
Then a ringing sound echoes through the room and she jumps, patting the back of her pocket as she reaches for her phone.
“I’m so sorry. I have to take this,” she says, answering her phone, then whips one leg over my body and stands walking away from Jasper and I, leaving him kneeling on the ground next to my chair in an awkward ending to that mind-blowing kiss.
I rip my eyes away from Jasper, afraid of what I’ll feel and see when I look at him. Without the Abby wall of infinite protection I feel exposed, vulnerable, and I’m not sure I can do anything without her here.
I avoid him by glancing over to Major, wondering what he’s thinking and it’s clear he’s just as confused as I am. But where my expression is laced with confusion and fear, his is different.
And I realize when he side-eyes a glance at Abby as she walks toward the front entrance, that she’s the one causing his confusion, not from what Jasper and I just did. His expression fades quickly, as most do with Major, then he presses into his heels, standing to his full height.
“It’s about fucking time you two did that,” he says, as he passes by us to follow Abby.