Chapter 6 No Shame in Any Game
six
no shame in any game
I stare at the little pop-up until it disappears.
SconesOfAyor:
Hey, I just wanted to say I’m sorry for being a dick
Last week and tonight
I didn’t realize I was being a dick, but I was and I’m sorry
I guess I thought if I ignored the assholes they would drop it, I didn’t realize it would seem like I’m okay with them
Because I’m not
So yeah, I’m sorry and I won’t let it happen again
I read his messages during the first loading screen, but soon the voice-over starts up and I’m drawn into the game, ready to let myself disappear for the next few hours.
I don’t need to worry about nemeses or awkward social interactions or any of that stuff.
I just need to frolic through a fantasy land collecting mushrooms and finding magic rocks and killing zombies.
There are several minutes of exposition and cinematics at the start of the game, before the character creation screen. My favourite part.
Despite my eagerness to just get playing, I intend to take my time building my first character, thinking through their background and motivations and the traits I want them to have.
It’s not just about attributes and skill points but creating a well-rounded person who has a reason to be here in the first place.
Someone with a personality that will guide me in making dialogue choices and solving ethical problems. I take the role-playing part of role-playing games seriously.
I glance at my second screen and notice several more messages that I’d missed while watching the intro, and for a moment I’m stunned.
SconesOfAyor:
What part are you at?
I just reached character creation so you know I’ll be stuck here for the next two hours
What was with that intro anyway?
It’s better than having a slug in my brain but still gross
SconesOfAyor:
Wait, how far are you?
No spoilers
What the heck is he doing?
He’s…chatting. With me. It’s like… I don’t even know what it’s like.
Are you going to liveblog your entire game at me?
SconesOfAyor:
Well you don’t seem to like when I say nothing
He has a point. And he seems to be taking it to heart, because he still doesn’t shut up.
SconesOfAyor:
What’s your character build?
I haven’t totally decided what way I want to go yet but:
What do we think of Gustav as a name for a Green Orc Rakehell?
I snort a laugh and then consider this for a moment before responding.
Does he have a moustache?
If his name is Gustav, I feel like he needs a moustache
SconesOfAyor:
You know what, you are absolutely right
A minute later he sends a screenshot of his character’s head, a greenish orc face with a swoop of blond hair and an equally blond moustache. I actually laugh out loud.
He continues to tell me about every choice he makes, asking my opinion once in a while, and in the end, he has the most ridiculous character I’ve ever seen. And I still haven’t picked a hair colour for mine, let alone a race or class.
SconesOfAyor:
Well, do you prefer ‘hack-n-slash’ or ‘kill it with fire’?
Stealth archer…
SconesOfAyor:
Hey, no shame in any game
Wow did you just make that up?
SconesOfAyor:
Let’s say I did
I just feel like my default play-through is always a Forest Elf Polymath with a bow and maybe I should try something different this time
SconesOfAyor:
Rock Troll Brute with a giant fucking hammer, smashing anyone who looks at you
I don’t think I’ve ever played as a Brute
SconesOfAyor:
Maybe not the best for a first run because it’s usually harder to do some of the quests in these games if you can’t use magic or stealth
River Gnome Miscreant with Illusion magic then?
Cause mischief and mayhem all across Ayor’s Rest
SconesOfAyor:
Get super rich and just hire mercs to do all the grunt work
It’s appealing
Though I think the companions are supposed to not suck this time
SconesOfAyor:
How dare you.
***
SconesOfAyor:
HADLEY
You’re a Hadley stan then?
SconesOfAyor:
Yeah and I know you are too because of your username
No one’s gotten that before
SconesOfAyor:
Such a good line though
You’ve romanced Hadley?
SconesOfAyor:
He’s the best one
Mona only likes you if you kill her abusive ex-husband, even though she’s supposed to be the professional assassin of the group
And Sammy is just so obsessed with you that it’s creepy
It’s like romancing Kaiden in Mass Effect
He idolizes Shepard and it’s not healthy
You have opinions, I see
SconesOfAyor:
I have many opinions
I laugh again and realize that I’ve not been working on my character at all for the past ten minutes, I’ve just been chatting with Scones instead. So I suggest that we switch to voice chat so we can talk while I build my character, and he agrees.
I’ve occasionally voice-chatted with Helmi while playing, but we haven’t had a chance to in a long time and I’m feeling self-conscious about it now as I get my headphones on.
I hit the little microphone icon when he gives me the thumbs up that he’s ready to go, and he picks up immediately, though neither of us says anything for what feels like forever.
“Hey,” I finally say; my voice sounds weird, muffled through my headphones.
“Hi,” he replies quietly before falling silent again.
“So…” I tap my fingers against my keyboard without actually typing. “How’s it going?”
“We’ve been chatting for the past hour,” he says with a small laugh. His voice is still low, almost whispering.
“Is everything okay?” I ask hesitantly. “You’re very…quiet.”
“Uh, yeah, sorry. Some of my roommates are sleeping and I don’t want to bother them.”
“Some of your roommates? How many do you have?”
“I share a two-bedroom apartment with three other guys.”
“Oh.” I’m glad he can’t see me grimace at that. “That sounds…”
“Cramped?”
“Smelly,” I answer, and he laughs again.
“Yeah.”
“If this is a bad time, we don’t have to—”
“No,” he says quickly. “It’s fine. It’s… Yeah.”
“Okay…” I say, and then proceed to ask his opinion on more options for my character.
He offers some useful advice, especially when it comes to allotting attribute points for the type of character I want to play, and some that’s less useful. (“Yes, she obviously needs a nose ring, Audrey.”)
I exhale in relief once I’ve finished crafting my character. I did take the better part of two hours, and I have to get up to refill my coffee before I move on with the game. I know I’m making terrible life choices right now but I don’t care.
“So how far are you, then?” I ask, leaving my headphones on as I go to get the pitcher of homemade cold brew out of the fridge. I’m going to have to make more soon.
“Oh, I stopped after I built Gustav.” He sounds a bit embarrassed when he says it. “I was waiting for you.”
“Why were you waiting for me?” I ask with a laugh.
“I dunno. I thought it would be fun if we…did the tutorial together? Maybe that was dumb—”
“No, it’s—That sounds cool,” I tell him, pouring oat milk into my gargantuan mug to top it up. “Just give me a sec.”
I set the mug and my headphones on my desk and take a quick bathroom break, since I suddenly realize that I’ve probably had to pee for the past hour without noticing.
I stare at my reflection in the mirror as I wash my hands, and it occurs to me that Scones and his friend recognized me tonight.
I don’t really understand how anyone could recognize me.
I have the most boring face. In high school, I kept getting mistaken for three other girls in my grade who also had curly brown hair, as if we were all interchangeable. There’s nothing noteworthy about me.
And yet he recognized me from watching a stream or two?
“How did you recognize me?” I ask as soon as I’m back at my desk, pulling my headphones over my ears.
“What—”
“At my mother’s shop, you seemed to know who I was,” I clarify. “But you’d only seen my speedrun at that point, I’m guessing, and I assume you didn’t even watch all of it. So how did you recognize me if you’d hardly seen my face? Or do you just look that freaked out by every store clerk?”
“Oh, um—” He clears his throat. “I…have watched your streams before?” He says it like a question but I don’t think he’s asking me. “I mean, I…pretty much always watch your streams. Or sometimes I catch them in your archives, but yeah.”
Well, that I was not expecting.
“I’ll put them on while I play Cloud Quest or something chill like that,” he adds. “Just to de-stress, I guess. And Malcolm’s seen them sometimes, since my computer is right in our living room, so that’s how he knew what you looked like. Sorry if that was weird.”
I don’t know what to say for a full minute. “I can’t believe you play Cloud Quest.”
He laughs gently. “You play Cloud Quest all the time.”
“Yes, but I am a Cozy Gamer, so I play cozy games like that.”
“Look who’s gatekeeping now,” he says, and I huff a laugh.
“Okay, fine. I believe you.”
“So… Are we ready to find out what this undead plague is or what?” he says, jolting my attention back to the fact that I’m supposed to be playing The Stones of Ayor 4 right now, the thing I’ve been dying to do all day—all decade.
I take a deep breath, one hand on my mouse and one hovering over WASD. “Let’s do this.”