7. Sage
7
SAGE
S o. Christmas. That time of year when people spent way too much money on people and way too much time surrounded by their great Aunt Bettys. Sage assumed everyone had an aunt or two named Betty.
Normally Sage and George would spend the first week of December doing all the Christmas decorating and shopping (George loved any excuse to add more eclectic décor to the house and shopping was his passion) and then they’d spend Christmas morning together making tea, playing chess, and exchanging gifts. They’d make cider and drink more tea and end the night with some of George’s most expensive whiskey, all in front of a roaring fireplace, of course. George loved the holidays. He loved the snow, the decorations, the lights, and Christmas music.
Christmas felt a little more gray this year.
So what? Christmas was going to be different, and she vowed only to cry a few times throughout the ordeal. Luckily for Sage, she only had to shop for two people (and Squash).
Tavy was classy, and she came from money. Like money, money. So, Sage had to get more creative when it came to her gifts. Luckily, Tavy was painfully practical, so Sage got her fancy Bluetooth headphones with a custom monogrammed case. She was sure Tavy would gush over the case more than the actual headphones, which was just the sort of thing sweet Tavy would do. She’d also write a thank you note to send about two weeks later despite Sage telling her that it was always unnecessary and that she was wasting a stamp.
For Roz. Well. Roz was a firecracker. She barely graduated high school and flunked out of community college but she managed to get pretty well known for being an amazing artist. She started out designing stickers and invitations and started doing portraits. Weddings were her bread and butter and she often did family watercolor portraits. Naturally Sage gifted her with a waterproof backpack, perfect for storing her things on those days when she wanted to paint in the park.
Their usual tradition was to spend Christmas Eve brunch together before all of their family events took over. But Roz was out of town with her new boyfriend. Sage wanted to hate him but he spoiled Roz relentlessly and, despite being skeptical at first, Sage had to admit he was pretty nice.
Tavy, sweet Tavy, offered for Sage to come over and join her family for Christmas dinner but Sage said she would rather eat a box of rocks than have to sit through a fancy dinner with her parents. Tavy asked to join her at the rock-eating party. It had been a short laugh between them but spending Christmas alone was the better end of the deal than having to spend it with Tavy’s posh and peevish parents. Look who’s good at alliteration now?
All of this led to Sage sitting in her much cozier living room (she had tried to liven it up a tad and moved most of the boxes of antiques to George’s room) and watching Lord of the Rings and sipping on some tea. All things considered, it was the cozy and quiet night that she needed. No stream chats to talk to. No games to play. No social media posts to make or photos to take. Jared had come by weeks ago and had taken a million photos of her to “batch content.” Whatever that meant. All Sage knew was that he ended the session with his signature “Everything is perfectly peachy” which was a sign that he was at least going to leave her alone for a few days.
All Sage had to do was relax and be merry. And she was until the thought of tacos entered her mind.
Tacos were delicious.
Tacos could definitely be considered a Christmas Eve tradition.
Tacos could be the start of her brand-new solo Christmas Eve tradition she was starting this year. At this moment, actually.
The thought of tacos could not be ignored. She bundled up Squash (who looked positively squeamish at the mention of a car ride) and left her snoozing on the couch as Sage searched for her keys.
Taco Bell was a quick five-minute drive away. Seriously, how could someone hate small towns when everything you ever needed was within such a quick driving distance?
“Because some people like more than two restaurants and want to see Target every once in a while,” Tavy said when she was leaving for college in the big city.
“Well I have a target in my sights tonight,” Sage said to herself, thinking of tacos, and she stepped onto the porch. “Holy Crunchwrap it’s cold.”
Sure, she could run back in and grab another coat. She looked at her slippers (pink bunnies with ears) and considered some more practical shoes, but a glance at her phone pushed her to the car. There was no time! Christmas Eve hours listed had Taco Bell closing at nine. She had about half an hour to get there and grab the goods and she was not going to be one of those customers that showed up a minute to closing.
If only she’d known what was to come. She would have worn boots instead.
It was cold and trying to snow. The rain that fell turned into this slushy mess that wanted to call itself snow but it was really more thick water that froze to the ground. Other people might have called it ice. Locals of the valley referred to this as “slush” that would later turn to ice and then be labeled as frozen rain, because that was, apparently, very different than ice. Or so George had told her, and who was she to distrust a man with 80 years of weather experience?
Still, the heater in the car worked like a charm and she pulled out onto the empty roads and five minutes later into the drive-through, which had no line. No surprise there .
That’s when she realized she’d forgotten her wallet.
“Take Apple pay?” she asked the man working.
“Not at this location. But in Hurley they do.”
Sage was not about to drive half an hour to the next town over for tacos when she could go home and grab her wallet like a normal person. She told the man just that.
“I’ll be here,” he said with a sigh that reeked of boredom. “And just so you know,” he gestured between them, “None of this is normal for Christmas Eve.”
“Ba-humbug then,” Sage said with a smile. The scent of fake Americanized tacos (that really had no business marketing themselves as tacos) was getting to her.
The man laughed. “Don’t be late. I’m closing up shop here in about fifteen minutes.”
Sage needed no more prompting to peel back out onto the road and make a loop toward home. The timing was going to work out perfectly.
That was until a mouse ruined everything.
Yes. A mouse.
One of the perils of the incoming cold weather was that little critters would occasionally take up residence under the hoods of cars and in the engine areas. Sage actually wasn’t entirely sure where they crawled to get warm, but in any case, this one crawled right up through her heater vent and flopped right into her lap.
She handled the stowaway with surprising grace.
She screamed, swerved, and drove with her knees all while trying to keep one eye on the road and the other on the mouse scrambling up her sleeve. She flung her hand into the window where it just knocked the mouse back onto her lap where the scene repeated itself .
“Get off, get off!” she yelled at the mouse who was not handling the situation with much logic either.
Sage rounded the corner fairly well before she slid out on some of the frozen slush. When she landed in the small ditch both hands were free to properly smack the mouse away. It landed on the seat next to her and looked a little dazed and confused.
“I’m sorry little dude,” Sage said, looking for a napkin, book, newspaper (but who read those anymore) really anything to help keep the furry thing at a safe distance. Still, Sage leaned in slightly closer to check that it wasn’t foaming at the mouth or anything. It wasn’t.
At least she wasn’t going to get rabies.
Bubonic plague? Maybe. Or was that from a rat?
Was this just a small rat?
Before her stream of questions could properly take on the form of a raging river, blue and red lights flashed in the rearview mirror.
“Just great,” Sage mumbled, kissing her scrumptious tacos goodbye. She doubted the drive-thru guy would wait up for her. It felt like she was standing up a date.
A tall, lean officer with piercing blue eyes tapped on her window. Sage only had a moment to glance at him before returning her attention back to the mouse. Or rather the empty seat where the mouse should have been.
Sage squealed when she felt it run over her feet and kicked. Except it wasn’t the mouse (probably) it was just one of the bunny ears on her slippers tickling her ankle. Right?
“Miss?” the officer said, a stern look on his face. His breath fogged up the window. “Roll it down please. ”
The please sounded more like a warning.
Sage was quick to obey and plastered a smile on her face despite the thundering in her chest. Was it because she was nervous about the officer or because she just fought for her life against a mouse (and won—barely) while driving down an icy road?
The wind kicked up and blew frigid air into her car, vanishing the remaining warmth of the heater. Sage shivered. “I’m okay,” she chuckled. The ditch was rather small and she was certain she had four-wheel drive and could get out. But to be fair, she thought all cars had four-wheel drive. They all had four wheels after all.
“I am not so much worried about your safety as much as the safety of others when you are behind the wheel,” the officer said. He looked so familiar. He had a fair mustache that wasn’t totally full but it was distracting enough that Sage really couldn’t place the face. Kind of like he took some leftover straw and hay from the Halloween décor of months past and taped it to his upper lip.
“Right,” Sage said. “You won’t believe what?—”
“License please.”
Sage cleared her throat and rubbed her hands together. “Well, I was actually on my way back home to grab my wallet since I?—”
“Have you been drinking?”
“What?” Sage wrinkled her nose. “No! I was just on my way back from picking up tacos.”
“I don’t see any.” The officer made a show of peeking into the car.
Well, this was not going well. Her eyes darting around looking for the vanishing mouse likely didn’t help her situation.
“Please step out of the car, Miss.” The officer took a step back and allowed Sage to open the door about two feet before it got stuck in the mud. Still, it was just enough room for Sage to slip out but she paused and asked. “Is this really necessary? I don’t want to ruin my…shoes.” If one could call them that. They didn’t have rubber soles. They were pink and plushy and about to turn brown and soggy. “Please?” she asked.
“If you refuse to get out and take a field sobriety test I will be forced to take you in,” the officer said, jangling the cuffs on his belt for emphasis.
Sage, smartly, decided not to tell him that taking her in would also require her to vacate the car. She took one last glance around the car, hoping the mouse would show itself. It continued to hide, the cheeky thing. She mentally informed the mouse that she would be using its hide to repair her soon-to-be ruined slippers, hoping her fuming frustration would reach the mouse.
It did not.
Sage sighed and stepped into the mud. It squelched under her feet and she stumbled the three steps onto the road. It was not a busy street, and even less so at this hour, but she was still uneasy about standing on an icy road, in the dark, with a stranger.
To add insult to injury, her stomach rumbled again, protesting about the lack of Christmas Tacos.
“What’s your name?” Sage asked, trying hard to sound extra sober even though the only thing she drank in the last month was tea and the occasional water (you know, for health).
“Officer LaBrant.”
“Seth LaBrant?”
“Do I know you?” Officer LaBrant asked, reaching around, and grabbing a flashlight. “Please close your eyes and touch our index finger to your nose.”
“We went to high school together. This is all a really funny story if you’ll?—”
“Now do it with your other hand.”
“Okay,” Sage said, still keeping her eyes closed. “So, there was this mouse that got in my car and it totally freaked?—”
“Open your eyes and please walk toe to heal in a straight line until I say stop.”
Sage froze (figurative and literally). She pointed down the dark and sleet-covered road. “I’m afraid I’ll fall on the ice.”
“No ice. Just a few paces unless you’d rather come in for a breathalyzer test.” The officer crossed his arms over his chest.
“This is ridiculous,” Sage said, crossing her own arms over her chest, more for warmth than anything. It was freezing and the wind was blowing and it looked like it was going to start slushing again. She already felt a drop land on her head. “You haven’t even asked me my name. Can I please call someone?”
“That won’t be necessary,” the officer said. “If you pass the walking test, you’re free to go.”
Sage looked at the car stuck in the muddy ditch. Sure, it wasn’t a big ditch, she pretty much rolled into it, but even she knew her tires wouldn’t get any traction with the goopy mud. It just wasn’t frozen enough. Instead, it was like really cold, slimy, quicksand. She looked at her now mud-covered slippers, already resigning herself to the fact they couldn’t be salvaged.
On with the walking in a straight line show.
Sage took two steps before falling backward like a cartoon character on her bum. She groaned and gingerly stood up just to fall again.
“I thought you said there wasn’t any ice!” Sage yelled at LaBrant who was busy watching with a halfhearted attempt at concealing his laughter.
“There wasn’t. Temperatures must have dropped.”
Sage couldn’t prove it, but she was fairly certain that was not how icy roads happened. Well, they did happen like that, but not in the span of two minutes.
“Look!” Sage pointed to her open door. The light was still on (she hoped the battery wouldn’t die as it was known to do). Sitting in the yellow glow of the car, right on the top of her steering wheel, was a little mouse. She swore it waved at her.
“What am I looking at?” LaBrant took a step toward the car but immediately stopped when his boot hit the mud. He pulled his coat tighter around him when a gust of wind whipped by.
“The mouse!” Sage turned around just as the mouse did its vanishing act. That’s it. She was making mouse slippers. Someone had to pay for her new slippers and it was going to be that sneaky squeaker who had the nerve to ruin her taco night. She wanted a pound (or ounce in this case) of flesh !
The lights of the cruiser illuminated what had to be snowfall. Long gone was the slush. LaBrant raised an eyebrow at her. “It’s Christmas Eve. I’m giving you a warning. Now drive safe.”
“I doubt I’ll be able to do that with the car stuck in a ditch.”
The radio in the cruiser buzzed with some robotic voice and Sage could practically see LaBrant’s ears twitch. “It’ll pull out fine. Just use your flashers until you’re on the road.” As he spoke he backed away and entered the cruiser, slamming the door behind him. He sped off into the night, red and blue lights still flashing, leaving Sage in the dark. Even the moon seemed to dim, hiding behind the clouds in secondhand embarrassment.
Sage swore she heard a tiny mouse laughing.