21. Sage
21
SAGE
S he never slept well in hotels. Maybe it was the impending nightmare about clams that woke her up. Or maybe it was because she dreamed Leo Camaro was kissing her by the ocean, and she woke with a start.
She touched her face where Leo had last night, letting wild thoughts of Leo being hers cross her mind. She told herself she could dream about him until the morning alarm went off. A quick glance at the clock told her she had exactly twelve minutes to fall asleep and dream about him again. She didn’t. Instead, she let her mind wander and relive last night. They danced nearly every dance together. He held her close. Not intimately, but definitely more than a bodyguard should.
The alarm blaring in her ear was about as welcome as a crab in a kiddie pool.
But life goes on.
And she needed to get it together. Leo was leaving after the competition. This was just a job to him. She had to focus on the competition. Not the Leo leaving thing. She did what every person did when they felt overwhelmed. Chalked her feelings up to stress. Nothing specific obviously. Nothing named Leo.
They rode to the airport in silence and Leo took care of returning the car and checking them in. The early morning seemed to have surprised him as much as it had surprised her. She couldn’t wait to get home to Squash and take a long nap. She was peopled out and needed to recharge alone.
“First class again?” she asked with a laugh. Goodness, she’d been awake for almost two hours and still had a raspy morning voice.
“I will never cosplay as a sardine in a can.” Leo took the aisle seat and she watched the sunrise through the takeoff, enjoying the peace and quiet of the clouds and low hum of the plane’s engine.
That was before Leo dropped a bomb on her.
“Something happened,” he said quietly. “Yesterday. I didn’t want you to worry but I handled it. But someone broke into your house and ransacked it. Messed up your house but doesn’t look like anything was destroyed. Everything has been handled by the police but there are no leads. Don’t worry.”
“Don’t worry?” she seethed. “Did you bring this up while we were on the plane where I couldn’t throw a hysterical fit because what. The. Heck. Is. Happening?” She wanted to tear her hair out. She had just had one of the best weekends with Leo—er best weekends of her career—and this is the way it ends? “What do you mean there are no leads? You have like five hundred cameras! ”
“I know!” Leo rubbed a hand through his hair, looking equally as exasperated. “I know, I know. As soon as I got the notification of an intruder I contacted the police. They took almost 20 minutes to get there! Had I been there I would have apprehended the guy in twelve seconds.”
“What took them so long?” Wasn’t having a security presence supposed to stop this?
“I guess they read the address wrong. Essentially swatted the wrong home.”
“This must be a joke.”
Leo shook his head. “It’s not. They did a quick scan for prints but after I sent them the surveillance video they stopped because the guy was masked and wearing gloves. No physical evidence I guess.”
“Did this guy destroy my home?” Come on George, I know you’re up there. Kindly help me get this crap in order. Go haunt the bad guys or something.
Leo said nothing, just popped open a small bottle of Tums and handed her one. She took it, already feeling the bile rise into her throat. “Looks like your house is a mess but nothing was destroyed. I handled it, but I wanted to warn you that we were going to be walking into a mess. I’ve already contacted Roz and she’ll keep Squash another night so we can work on getting the mess cleaned up. No need to confuse the poor girl.”
“That bad?” Sage asked.
“Let’s just wait until we get back to assess everything.”
It was that bad. The mess was truly awful. It was like this madman got off on dumping drawers and dressers of things. George’s room got hurt the worst. Everything was in disarray, paintings pulled out of their frames, but not torn or destroyed. His closets had been thoroughly cleared out, and his things scattered over the floors. Her tech had been left alone. Pretty much everything upstairs had been.
“This doesn’t make any sense,” Sage said.
She got a text from Lily.
Lily: Heard what happened. Let me know if you need anything. Send pics to Jared. People need to know that you are being harassed and we take this seriously.
Ah. Yes. Another chance for content. She didn’t need a pity party. She needed a brigade of maids to help her clean this up.
Leo looked at it and smiled. “We can get this done in a few hours.”
She tried to laugh but it came out more like a choked sob.
“Hey,” he said, tossing his duffel bag onto the couch, clearly realizing a moment too late that it had been turned over so the bag crashed onto the floor with a thump. “Chin up. I’m putting on the tea and coffee and we’ll start one room at a time. Chef’s choice.”
“Living room,” Sage said, rolling up her sleeves. An object in motion stays in motion and she was not about to sit down when her house needed attention. She wanted it to feel like home once again. “Then the den. I want a movie night tonight.”
“Now you’re talking.”
“ 50 First Dates. ”
“Now you lost me.”
“Ugh, fine.” She had been on a bender with that movie and probably needed to pump the brakes. “ Mad Max?”
“Again?”
“It’s my movie night and you’re the one crashing it. I get to pick.”
“Pick a good one and I’ll make that popcorn you like.”
“Wait really?” He made this popcorn with coconut oil, sea salt, and a dose of secret seasoning and it tasted amazing. But he rarely made it because he hated cleaning up the pot of coconut oil after.
“Pick a good one.”
“ Burnt.”
“The cooking one with Bradley Cooper?”
“Figured an amateur chef could appreciate that choice and I am definitely angling toward some popcorn.”
“I accept. Consider me bamboozled by your perfect scheming. Except you’re sad so I would have made the popcorn despite what movie you picked,” Leo said, walking over to the upturned couch, kicking his duffel bag away, and pulling the velvet green couch back on its feet. He only grunted once. It was solid oak wood. At least that’s what George had told her.
A real sob burst through her this time.
Leo’s eyes went wide. “Okay, okay! 50 First Dates it is! Popcorn on the house.”
“I can’t go through George’s room. I already did it once and it was horrible. Now I have to do it again.” She quickly wiped tears from her face. She couldn’t be faced with his favorite sweater still hanging over the edge of the bed where he’d left it or how that last painting he bought was still sitting on his dresser while he had been waiting to find the perfect frame for it. The room smelled like him and had his fingerprints everywhere. It made her forget that her only family-like figure was gone and it made her think she’d turn around and see him and get to hug him and play chess with him and discuss tea and birdwatch and the world would be right again.
Leo walked over to her and pulled her into a hug, fierce and strong and it was like she was transported out of her own house to a world that smelled of Leo. She was surrounded by him and she squeezed her eyes shut, face pressed into his sweatshirt. “He was in my home. My space.”
“I know,” Leo said. “I know and I’m sorry I couldn’t do anything about it.”
“It’s not your fault.” She sniffed and another sob rattled her. She wrapped her arms around him and squeezed. “I want to feel safe in my own home and this just feels like a violation.”
He rubbed her back in slow circles. “I know, I know.” He pulled her back so she was looking at him. “But I need you to know that while I am here, you are safe. Nothing will happen to you. Know that while I am here you are safe.”
She nodded, ready to crumble under the sincerity of his words. “Okay. Okay, you’re right.” Time to get serious. She didn’t have time to cry.
“George’s room can wait. Let’s get the house where you live set back up and normal before you open that wound again, deal?”
She nodded, wiping her tears away, suddenly embarrassed. She broke away from him and the world felt colder. The embrace lasted maybe thirty seconds and she decided that it could never happen again. She was going to like it too much. She was going to grow used to him. His presence. His comfort. And it would be like a harsh withdrawal when he left. Platonic roommates are what they were. Occasional friends. But this was a Working Relationship. Period.
True to his word, Leo made her tea just the way she liked it—which is a totally normal thing a roommate would do—and they got the living room sorted and made decent headway on the den before Sage called it quits and turned on 50 First Dates (again). Leo joined her, quoting the movie as he made his entrance with a giant bowl of steaming popcorn.
Drew Barrymore was waking up in the Arctic when the reality that Sage was going to have to go up to her own room where a stranger had been and go to sleep like nothing happened crashed over her. How was she supposed to relax knowing that someone had lurked around in her room? Maybe even sat on her bed. Maybe he was still hiding under the bed.
Relax Sage. The police cleared the place.
There were no monsters under the bed. At least not real ones.
But anxiety often manifested itself into apparitions and she quickly clicked on Burnt, hoping the foodie inside Leo would be interested enough to stay for a movie encore. It had.
“Now you pick a good one,” he said, staring at the screen with a smile on his face. He settled into his side of the couch—yes it was totally normal for perfectly platonic roommates to have their preferred sides of the couch…
“I’m grabbing some water, want anything?” she asked, with new determination to go into the dark living room and kitchen without flinching at the shadows.
“Water would be great.”
She returned a moment later bearing sparkling water for him because she knew that’s what he had meant. Another thing a totally platonic friend would know, obviously.
They watched the movie in silence other than the occasional chirp of Leo’s phone where he would confirm that it was just an email and not an alarm for the cameras.
Bradley Cooper was finally leading his team of chefs to success and Leo made a move to stand up. “Good pick. Makes me hungry.”
“You going to bed?” Sage asked, trying to keep her voice normal. She must have failed because he looked at her and cocked her head.
“You going to watch another?”
“I was thinking Never Been Kissed?”
“A classic.” He leaned back into the couch. “You’re not going to go up to bed, are you.” It wasn’t a question.
Sage took a shuddering breath in. “Stay with me?”
He kicked off his shoes. “Just turn on Ever After. You know you want to.”
She did. And so she started the movie and felt the winding anxiety coiled inside her relax a little. Leo breathed in deeply and slowly when he slept. It felt like she was invading his privacy staring at him so intently while he slept, but she couldn’t help it.
At some point he startled himself awake, adjusted from his sitting position, and laid across the couch, his head toward her, only six inches away, legs hanging off the end of the couch.
He could have left. But he didn’t. She stretched out on the chaise, willing herself to sleep, knowing she had a full day of streaming ahead of her. Ever After ended in its happily ever after and she turned it on again.
She tried to sleep but it evaded her like a roadrunner hellbent on outrunning a coyote. Just as she drifted off she woke herself up, sitting upright and looking around the dim room. Her friends Dougray Scott and Drew Barrymore were still bantering on the screen, keeping her company among the sounds of Leo’s breathing.
By the third time of her jumping awake, Leo let out a long sigh. “You’re safe,” he mumbled. “Restart the movie, lay down, close your eyes, and try to sleep.”
She laughed nervously. She thought she had been quiet. As soon as she curled up on the chaise, Leo reached his hand out and clasped hers, holding it tight. “I’m right here.” He didn’t let go even as he slept.
Sleep never really did come for Sage, but now it was because she was simply distracted by the rhythmic sounds of Leo breathing and the weight of his hand in hers.
Yes, totally something platonic roommates would be doing right now.
T here was nothing left for her to do considering the situation. Butterflies had taken up residence in her stomach. Stars floated in her eyes. And that simply would not do. She had a competition to win! She didn’t have time for boys.
Well. A boy in this case.
Actually, a man.
Because yes she could grant him that title given all that he had done for her and his crisis management style.
And no boy would have shoulders that broad and muscles so well defined and?—
She mentally slapped herself. Enough. She stretched the hairband on her wrist and snapped it against her skin. It stung and was just enough to pull her from her day-dreamin’ and dilly-dallyin’ and back to reality.
She couldn’t be wasting time thinking back to his naked chest, water dripping down his neck, his well-defined abs, and…the pink teapot.
What was happening to her? She wasn’t the daydreaming type! She was the escape into another world of games to disassociate and recharge, not come up with fantasies and “what if” scenarios pertaining to her very real very serious life!
And yet the daydreams lingered. She thought about what it would be like to have him stay in town. Have a standing taco Tuesday night. Have him hold her hand on their nightly walks.
Speaking of. She stopped those strolls all in the name of streaming and putting more hours into gaming. Which was kind of true.
The competition was elimination style. Five matches, the top five of each round moving on until there were only the final five left. She was one of twenty-five vying for a spot in the top five. Five simple matches.
Easy, right? Right.
The days passed mostly in the same manner. Except they didn’t have any more movie nights. Sure, she would have liked to, but her late-night streams were edging into the territory of early morning hour streams by the time she was finished. She needed to get her sleep schedule back in order.
Leo was there, living in her house, but she never saw him.
And it was weird to admit to herself that she might actually miss him.
They didn’t eat together anymore. She usually ran late or bribed herself with food, promising herself if she ended on a solid match she could go down and eat. By the time that usually happened, it was well past eleven and there was usually a plate left for her in the fridge.
Squash was her constant companion and at times she almost forgot Leo was even there and for some reason, life didn’t feel any better. And the conversation with Lily didn’t help.
“Hey girly,” Lily started. She sounded far and away like she was doing four different things while being driven around. “I just wanted to check in and see how you were doing.”
“Fine. Have you caught any of the streams? I’m not doing too bad. Might play anonymously thought and practice a mess around with a few things?—”
“That’s great. Any more incidents?”
“Uh, no.” The few weeks that had passed since the whole “someone broke in and ransacked the place” issue.
“Oh good, good. Look I think you are going to rock the competition and then you can say goodbye to your little Bob guy.”
“Oh?” the word nearly got stuck in her throat. “He’s moving on?”
Lily muttered something to a drvier and Sage could hear the tapping away of emails and a siren blare past. “Huh? Yeah honey, once the competition is over there won’t be any need for him.”
The code wasn’t complex to decipher. It basically said, “Hey, the marketing part of you having a bodyguard won’t really be necessary after the competition so you’ll be fine on your own again, right?”
“Okay,” Sage said.
“What? I thought you’d be happy to have your space back, you introvert. He actually requested another agent to take over his job but they couldn’t on such short notice. They’re busy people. Luckily the competition is almost here. Just another two weeks for him is all. ”
Sage forced out a laugh. “Yeah, right. Sorry, just distracted. Been playing like crazy lately.” He’d requested another job? Why did that make her stomach twist?
“Glad to hear it. Keep me posted!” Then she hung up .
What would her life look like without Leo in it? Probably the same, just a bit dimmer. She’d do the same things, maybe even try to keep up the walking routine. But there would be something missing and she hated Leo for that. The super, perfectly platonic, not at all romantic, roommate.
She already missed him and he was sitting in the same house.
Ugh. She needed to focus.
The chat was disappointing today. Her regular mods couldn’t keep up with the comments and bots spamming the chat.
lorenziI2#!: Show us your boobs.
Block.
blokeazz: Chaz is going to absolutely murder you at the competition.
rewd1e: Shut up and play.
She blocked some other outright vile comments. There was no need to put up with threats to her life over a game, especially since they were probably 12-year-olds hiding in their private school dorms.
gordie9a9: She’s blocking people.
gordie9a9: Can’t handle the pressure, babe?
gordie9a9:It’s a free country you know.
gordie9a9: Freedom of speech.
“And I have the freedom to block people. Protect my peace and all that,” Sage said, highlighting the comments for the stream.
BobFilbert123: Hey, @gordie9a9 Does your mom know you talk to ladies like that? Phylis would be so disappointed.
gordie9a9: The hell? How do you know my mom’s name?
gordie9a9: This isn’t funny.
BobFilbert123: You also have a cat named Spider.
gordie9a9: Are you hacking me rn?
gordie9a9: Seriously dude wtf?
BobFilbert123: Not hacking so much as using the skills my mama gave me. Speaking of mamas, yours was just emailed a screenshot of your filthy comments. Maybe hop off and start explaining yourself, kiddo.
gordie9a9: left the chat
Sage laughed. “I should make you a mod.” She swore she heard the signature chuckle of Leo rumble from downstairs. “I’m gonna do it,” Sage said to the chat. “I don’t know who you are, Bob Filbert,” a lie, obviously, “But you sound like a good guy.”
BobFilbert123: Fun fact: in the 1600s filberts soaked in honey were thought to cure coughs.
“Lovely,” Sage said.
And BobFilbert123 went on the block and responded to and threatened to call the parents of unruly kids in the chat. And it was strange to know he was in her house watching her, but at the same time, she didn’t really mind him joining her in this world either.
L1L8TE: Girl, I love your thick hair, but you have got to try a middle part. You look so old with a side part.
She laughed. “No offense, but I just can’t get behind taking fashion advice from people who weren’t around during the low-rise jeans era or the early 2000s and who are actively trying to make mullets a thing.”
The bantering with the chat continued and she finished another few matches, playing for fun and not necessarily to show off her skills.
The stream was coming to a close, and she tried not to be disappointed when she couldn't find Bob in the chat. She ended with her usual “go pet a puppy” and Squash wave, ignoring the new wave of spam demanding she take off her clothes or start an Only Fans since she was “only good at being looked at” and “sucked at playing” and “needed to get a real-life” and to “quit being a pick me.”
She sat in silence and leaned back in her chair, taking her headphones off. There was a soft knock on the door.
“Yeah?” Sage asked, rubbing her temples. It was either a tension headache coming on or her headphones were too tight.
“I brought you some snacks.” Leo opened her door and hovered in the doorway like he was waiting to be invited in. He held up a plate.
“Why does it smell…”
“Like crap?” he asked. “Because this is your favorite crap.”
She was going to say “Amazing.” The scent of pizza bites, Cheese-its, and other junk food filled her office. “But why?” she asked.
“I wasn’t too clever with my username, and I figured you put it together?—”
“Bob.”
He chuckled. “Yeah. Well, some of the stuff was just vulgar. Awful. More than normal. Thought you could use a little pick me up.”
More than normal? How often was he lurking in her streams ?
“Wow,” she said. “Thank you.” She stood, grabbed the plate, and sat on the fluffy couch in the corner of her office.
He smiled, nodded, and turned to leave, pausing when she blurted out, “I’ve missed this.”
Leo turned back to her and leaned on the doorframe. “Me too.”
“Why did you want to leave this job?” she asked. It felt vulnerable. Like she was admitting that maybe she had been too harsh and that maybe, despite all her bravado, she wanted more. It felt like she was asking why he wanted to leave her.
He raised his eyebrows and plopped down on her gaming hair, spinning in a circle. “Who told you?” Leo stared at the ceiling.
“I heard it from Lily. She was cagey with details. Look I’m sorry if?—”
“I can’t be objective with you.” He sighed, running his hands through his hair, finally pausing and making eye contact with her. “I had to stop while I was ahead.”
Sage sighed. It was a lot. She was careening off a cliff and Leo was doing everything he could to keep them from both falling over and
she just wanted to let go and see where it went.
They would crash and burn. No other way around it.
“Thank you for your professionalism. But is there a chance you are overthinking it?”
Leo chuckled. “Maybe. But I’m a by-the-book guy.”
“I know. We’ll be careful. Professional.” They were dancing around The Forbidden Topic. And they both knew it and both agreed not to say the quiet part out loud. She sighed again, leaning into the couch. “Care to join me?”
“Afraid it’ll go too far?” he asked, eyebrows raised, smirk on his face.
Yes, she thought. “No,” she said.
He sat on the couch and only made fun of her horrible food opinions a few times until she finally admitted that her palate had seriously been elevated and that was totally due to Leo’s influence. His smug face had been missing these last few days.
“Now, care to join me?” he asked, stealing a pizza roll from the plate.
“Join you?”
“On a walk.”
And the walk was just a walk. Simple and normal and it felt too much like falling back into a comfortable routine. She chose not to think about how this routine was hurtling toward an ending. How this couldn’t be routine because this wasn’t real life. Instead, she pretended it was.