30. Leo
30
LEO
b leaker1212: Crawling back to the game after a week with your tail between your legs, huh?
bleaker1212: Speaking of between your legs…
A2ZBT: Let’s see ‘em.
4k2summit: Heard you choked on the competition. Was it Crickets?
bleaker1212: I have something you can choke on.
Good grief, could these guys be anything more like a pig? What did one call a group of swine? Ah, FILBERTS (Foul Insects Love Berating Everyone Because They Suck).
It was three in the morning. He had to be up in four hours, and yet here he was watching Sage play Welkin Wall. It was strange knowing she was also awake at this ungodly hour.
He knew he shouldn’t. He knew it wasn’t appropriate. But Leo couldn’t help but jump into her streams and watch like some creep (he wasn’t—obviously. He just liked to daydream that Sage was talking to him, that he could smell her strawberry shampoo and green tea—you know like a normal person. Not weird at all).
Currently, he was stalking her. Really, stalking was such a harsh word, he was merely checking in with her because something just still didn’t sit right with Leo. Jared was a total creep (unlike the lurking Leo) and a danger (Leo liked to figure himself dangerous but would settle for menacing at the moment), but some things simply didn’t add up.
Why trash her house?
Why ransack George’s room?
He let the questions simmer while he responded to comments.
bobfilbert123: oh no, @bleaker1212 I just had to text your mama all about your profanity and hatred toward women. She didn’t seem too happy.
Leo had gotten good, really good, at using some programs and doing a little coding for himself over the past few months. When Sage had been streaming, he had been practicing being a menacing (and dangerous) presence online. It piqued his interest, and he found himself wishing he had more time to dedicate to learning about cybersecurity. He even floated the idea of some continued education to the agency and maybe heading in that direction.
Leo blocked comments and waited for the bots to simmer down and eventually the chat found the right audience again. Sage babbled on about how Squash had a tumble down the steps but was otherwise unharmed (apparently her face had always been that crooked) and Sage talked about how she tried to make cupcakes for Tavy’s birthday but they were too salty and didn’t rise.
Sage’s face flicked over the comments, reading and pulling some up between matches. Was her smile because his username popped up on the screen?
“I miss popcorn,” she mused to the camera.
hunnymama98: Just make some.
misterym1n : Is it on your Amazon wish list? I’ll order you some if you respond to my DM.
Sage rolled her eyes at some of the comments, chatting about popcorn and when Leo’s name popped up on the stream (well, his alter ego as online personal Bob Filbert) he swore her breath hitched. She quickly recovered and laughed. “I like homemade popcorn. With coconut oil and extra salt.”
And then she dove back into the game, leaving Leo hungry for more.
T his particular job and new Subject were fairly easy. There was a lot of driving around involved and a lot of waiting in cars. While Leo hadn’t been slapped on the wrist or anything because of the last job and the whole, you know, Subject being kidnapped thing, he was given a few meetings where he had to reflect on what went well and what didn’t. (All parties agreed that the Subject being kidnapped was the shining moment of what not to do.) But still, the Agency seemed overall pleased about the fact that this job took up only one of their agents and was a great use of his time .
Now Leo was paired up again, this time on car babysitting duty. A glorified driver of sorts.
Whatever, it allowed him to people-watch from the side of the road, next to the giant courthouse while his sleazy Subject was inside.
He answered Tess’s call on the first ring, putting her on speaker while he continued to wait. He checked his watch, another two hours watching the doors for his Subject.
“What’s up, sis?” he asked, trying not to sound bored out of his mind.
“Why do you sound like you haven’t slept in days and are stuck inside a vacuum?”
Apparently, he failed. “I’m currently being blasted with air conditioning because I have the wonderful job of not being on point for this job and I am tired. Because no I haven’t been sleeping.”
Tess snorted. “Okay, Bob.”
Leo raised his eyebrows. “What do you know about Bob?”
“More than you think.” Tess yawned. “Anyway I just wanted to let you know that I mailed your box out and I just want to know when you’ll be back?”
Leo scoffed. “Miss me already?”
Tess snorted. “Hardly.” Which meant yes, she did. “But I’m heading off to Croatia for a month or so for a job.”
“A movie?”
He heard the smile in her voice. “Mhm. Action. Long days. All the fun.”
“You have to tell me the title. ”
Tess laughed. “I’m pretty sure the titles they gave us for set stuff are fake. But got some big names in it. If I meet Judy Dench I’ll have her sign something for you.”
Leo laughed. Tess sounded excited, which was fun to hear because she was so painfully even-keel about everything it made him look like the excitable one.
“Why do you want me home then?” he asked.
“Oh, I have some plants that need watering…”
“Liar.”
“Sage misses you. And I like her. You should keep her.”
“Shut up.”
“She’s funny. Kind of sad in some ways, but so are you.” Tess ordered coffee from what sounded like a drive-through. “But actually if you do come back this way will you set up a security camera? I should probably know that I don’t have a squatter in the condo, you know?”
“I’m not going back. Probably not for another few years. Maybe for Christmas.”
Tess just sighed. “That’s what I say, but there is something about home that keeps me coming back. I should move to L.A. It would be a good career move, but I just can’t. So I pay to have a vacant condo I can come home to and that’s fine. You just gotta accept the same fate.”
“What fate?”
“That there is something about Hollandsway that sinks its claws into people, dragging them back home. It’s less painful to resist the pull, promise.”
Leo sighed. “It’s never felt like home.” Well, not until recently.
“That’s what I said. Yet I keep coming back. ”
Leo needed to shift this conversation out of dangerous waters. “Well, you’re going to Croatia, maybe you’ll find a hot foreigner and fall in love and stay there. You can fly tours.”
He could practically hear her shudder from across the country. “Never. Just letting you know my apartment is open for you when you decide to come back,” Tess said.
Leo laughed. “Thanks, Tess. Keep me posted so I know that you’re actually alive, ya know?”
“If I die, you’ll be the first one I call.” She laughed at her own pathetic joke. “Give Squash a smooch from me!”
“If I ever kiss that dog I will die on the spot due to some unknown disease.”
She hung up.
Leo touched his lips, remembering the feeling of Sage and the taste of her, remembering the scent of her. He was a lost puppy ready to return home.
The problem was he couldn’t be sure where home was anymore.
He was left alone with his thoughts (a dangerous game really) until his Subject emerged and Leo drove him home. He had the evening off (the pros of having a Subject who required at least four security agents) and he spent his time like any rational person would: running for miles on end on the treadmill, chasing that runner’s high that was supposed to clear his brain.
All he got was a throbbing knee, sweat in his eyes, and more confusion .
T he phone ringing startled Leo awake. He glanced at the clock, for half a moment worried he’d somehow slept through dinner (a travesty) and it was morning and he was late for his rotation with the Subject. He hadn’t slept through breakfast (fantastic) and was even more delighted to find it was Sage calling him.
“Hey,” he said in his best “I am totally casual and my heart is not beating out of my chest right now” voice.
“Hey, sorry to bother you?—”
“Never a bother,” his voice went husky on the last word. So, clearly he failed at the whole nonchalant thing. But maybe it was the right thing to say because her voice went from tense to soft.
“I’m just a little concerned. The cameras are still up and stuff. Can we maybe postpone the guy coming to get them? And can we maybe turn them on? Or can I buy them since they are already installed?”
“Sage, what is going on?” Leo tried to keep the panic from his voice. Radio silence for three (3!) days and then she has the audacity to call him out of the blue and freak him out. Kind of rude, but he’d rather hear her voice than not at all.
“It’s fine, I think.” Sage sighed and he could imagine her sequestered in her office, rubbing her temples, a plate of long cold pizza rolls on her desk. “I just think there is a car rolling around too often to be normal. And I think someone tried to get in at one point when I was gone. Like they were maybe looking for a key or something. The flower pot by the front door was moved and stuff and?— ”
“Do you feel safe there now?” he asked.
“Yes.”
“Sage Moon, I swear I can feel your lack of eye contact right now.”
“Because there is no eye contact. We are on the phone!”
“Don’t make me FaceTime you to confirm that you're lying to me.”
“I feel…” Sage let the moment hang in the air. “I feel unsettled. Something is off.”
“Can you go to Roz’s? Or Tavy’s?”
“I think so.”
“If not, then Tess’s apartment is open and you can crash there.”
Sage sighed. “I’ll go to a friend’s. Something just feels wrong. I called Lily to ask what I should do, but she tried to be reassuring with the whole ‘Jared is behind bars and I promise we won’t hire any more felons or crazy people’ type of thing.”
“I’ll call the company. They are technically contracted with the Agency so I might be able to pull some strings. I’ll see if I can get them to turn them on.”
Leo went to work calling the appropriate people. Jenson, the big boss man was first on the list. Leo explained the situation. Once Leo finished what he thought was a very succinct but well-fleshed-out synopsis (Jenson had the gritty details in a report on his desk) he paused, waiting for Jenson to give him the green light.
“Leo, I think we need to have a chat about where all of this is going… ”
It’s going on a one-way ticket back home, that's where it’s going. Instead, Leo said, “What do you mean, sir?”
“I mean I can tell that your passion for this line of work is manufactured. There is more out there for you.”
“I’m sorry, sir. Have I done something wrong?”
Jenson laughed. How could he be laughing at a moment like this? He needed to give Leo the green light to do something about Sage right now.
“Look Leo, you have shown more excitement and interest in all the computer stuff we’ve been struggling with. By the way, we just hired two new IT guys who should be able to handle everything from now on.”
“Oh, great,” Leo said. “I fail to see how that is relevant to Sage’s case right now. Do I have permission to contact the company to turn on the cameras?”
“Yes, sure. Give them a call and turn them on. Do what you need to do. But Leo, this is a favor to you, understand?”
“Yes sir.”
“No, I don’t think you do. This is rather unorthodox but I understand where you are coming from to a certain degree. I have two other guys heading your way to relieve you of this job. Take a week's sabbatical?—”
“But—”
“Not a discussion. Not a suggestion. Not a punishment.”
“Sir—”
“I have an offer heading your way later this afternoon. Give it a read-over on the plane or something. Let me know your thoughts. ”
“Plane? Offer? Am I being transferred?” Could they even do that?
“I assume you are going to Miss Moon’s to check on her. Give my proposition some thought. Get your head out of the clouds.”
Leo ran a hand through his hair. “Sir, I have been trying to do that for the last three months.”
T welve hours later Leo was back in Hollandsway. Maybe Tess had been onto something about the pull it had on people.
Leo was relieved (fine—and disappointed) that Sage was not at her house when he waltzed through the unlocked (unlocked!) door. There was no sign of the rat dog despite Leo listening closely for a gurgle that was supposed to be a bark. The house was calm and empty and quiet. No sounds of chattering from her office, though Leo checked her office to be sure, lingering in the doorway. It smelled of lemonade candles and Sage and looked like a bomb of purple pillows detonated.
It felt like home.
He wished he still had her location shared on his phone.
Where we she? Did she make it to Roz’s? Or was she at Tess’s? She never did text him to confirm she got out of the house.
But that’s when he heard it. The telltale squeak of the backdoor slowly opening. The hinges, despite the obscene amount of WD40 Leo had used on it, were too old and decrepit to be brought back to life. Now he was grateful for the unintentional alarm bells ringing.
The sounds of heavy footsteps floated up the stairs. Leo rounded the corner, hoping to tiptoe down to the first floor unseen. He could take the steps two at a time, making sure to step on the far edges of the stairs to avoid making them creak.
The footsteps grew quieter. The intruder made their way deeper into the house. Leo’s heart beat with calm intensity. Adrenaline wasn’t part of the equation yet, which meant he was focused and in control. This would be a quick subdue and a simple car ride to jail. His training created muscle memory and his brain was on autopilot. He was a professional. This was his job.
But why did he feel embers of anger? Why did he feel personally attacked by this unknown intruder? Probably because he made his girl nervous.
His girl.
Keep your head out of the clouds, you moron.
By the time he reached the bottom stair, he was prepared to make his presence known and subdue the creep. Instead, the front door burst open and the lights flicked on and a sea of “get out of here” and “Who are you” and “What do you want” and “Squash, attack!” burst forth. Leo was suddenly blinded by a rainbow umbrella flapping in his face along with a stick hitting his knees.
“He’s in George’s room!” someone called. It sounded like Sage. “There are two of them!”
“Two?” another familiar voice said, holding the umbrella weapon (with dangerous precision). “We only spotted one. Abandon mission? ”
“Mission?” Leo, not about to be bested by a now familiar umbrella and grabbed the weapon (because that’s what he would label it in his report) and thrust it aside, blocking a rather well-timed slash of a cane across his chest with his arm. “Filbert?” Leo asked. “What on earth are you doing here? Is that Sage’s robe?”
Filbert wore a pair of yellow boots and a floral robe that barely covered Filbert’s own filberts. “Don’t worry, Sage! It’s only the Blondie Boy!”
Sage, who was nowhere to be seen, called from down the hall. “Fil, we messed up!”
A crash and then a small yelp followed.
Leo leaped into action, racing down the hall toward George’s room. Sage was standing on the bed, backed against the headboard, brandishing a closed umbrella at a figure looming in the corner. It was clearly a tall, but lanky man, wearing a ski mask, holding Squash in one hand. Not that intimidating of a figure, save for the gun leveled at Sage.
“Sir, you need to back off now,” Leo said, pausing in the doorway. Filbert joined him, gasping slightly when he took in the scene. “Just take a hike. This doesn’t have to get ugly.”
“I need the painting,” the masked man said. He wiggled the gun at Sage. “I know it’s here. Where is it?”
Sage swallowed, opened her mouth, and then swallowed again, clearly too terrified to talk.
“We moved all the paintings of value to a temperature and moisture-controlled storage unit in Portland,” Leo lied. “Isn’t that right, Sage?”
Her eyes were watery and her face pale. She nodded. It was a lie, but at least she held on to some eye contact for a change.
The masked man uttered several expletives but didn’t lower the gun.
“I have valuable vases.” Sage gulped. “In the closet there. Please let my dog go.” She lifted a shaking hand and pointed to the large walk-in closet, holding a closed umbrella to her chest.
Leo took three giant, but slow steps, into the room. The gun shifted and pointed at his chest. Leo held up his hands. “Just helping the lady from the bed. We’ll leave you to it.” He reached out to Sage and gripped her cold and shaking hand. He had to pull her toward him harshly enough for her to break her terrified and frozen state. She managed an ungraceful step off the bed and nearly tripped on the umbrella clutched in her hand.
The masked man gestured to the doorway where Filbert stood.
“Head out.” The masked man lifted the dog in his arm. It gurgled, which was the only indication that it was sleeping and not dead. “I know you love this animal, so it comes with me as insurance.”
Sage, who had been shaking like a leaf next to Leo must have gotten a surge of bravery because she stiffened. She stood taller. She looked ready to fight, which was the last thing Leo needed her to try.
This was supposed to be simple. Now he was a hostage with a senile of man, the woman of his dreams, and an elderly animal spawned from the depths of some unknown place .
No amount of training prepared him for this.
Well, if you can’t beat crazy, may as well join ‘em.
In a flash, Leo grabbed the umbrella from Sage and threw it at the masked man like a spear. It hit him square in the chest and he broke the eye contract long enough for Leo to launch himself over the small bed and tackle the masked man into the wall behind him.
“Get Filbert out of here!” Leo yelled. He really did not need another umbrella to join the mix.
Leo grappled for the gun with one hand and scooped up Squash with the other. The masked man was clearly no athlete because he tried in vain to kick out Leo’s legs. He made decent contact with Leo’s bad knee (just his luck) but one well-placed shoulder check into the man’s chin subdued him for long enough to toss the animal on the bed behind him. Squash landed with a fart and a grumble. The sound of Filbert’s rubber boots pounding the hardwood behind Leo told him that he had not fled as he had commanded.
“Good grief, get out of here you three!”
“You’re Ralph Emmerson. You wanted to buy a painting—” Sage gasped.
“Sage, I swear if you don’t leave right now and call the police I will never let you out of my sight again!”
He glanced back long enough to see Sage grab Filbert’s hand and pull him from the room. He swore he heard her mumble, “Is that a promise?” and they fled outside.
It took about two seconds for Leo to get the masked man, Emmerson apparently, wrestled into submission. They waited on the porch and about a minute later sirens and lights came down the treelined road.
It took a little bit of questioning, but Leo eventually pieced together the puzzle.
“So let me get this straight?” Leo asked once Emmerson was in the back of the cop car. Leo looked at Filbert, Sage, and the confused cop.“You didn’t take my directions to go to a friend’s house?—”
“I beg your finest pardon,” Filbert interrupted.
Sage shrugged and then nodded like it was true. “I went to a friend’s house, like you said.”
Filbert nodded, tamping the end of the umbrella on the ground. “It was my idea to set up the trap.”
Sage shrunk back, looking a little sheepish.
“Excuse me, a trap?” the cop asked. He looked exasperated, and he wasn’t even the one held at gunpoint.
“Yes, sir!” Filbert said. “Miss Sage here told all her innerweb friends that she was going to be gone all weekend. And that the house would be totally empty. We figured that bad egg would be watching and waiting for a prime opportunity to break back in. That photographer fellow?—”
“Jared,” Sage added, petting Squash who was asleep (or dead) in her arms.
“Yes, Jared. He was crafty but we figured there was another man wanting a piece of the pie. Thank you for that by the way,” Filbert said.
“No problem.” Sage looked to the cop and very earnestly added, “I brought Filbert a pecan pie yesterday. ”
“Right,” the cop said. He looked more confused with each passing moment.
“Anyhow,” Filbert went on, unwrapping the robe and flashing everyone in his attempt to tighten it around his waist. “We had a stake out. Which was why the pie was so nice. We about polished it off by the time we saw the sneak attacker go in the back.”
Now it was Leo’s turn to be confused (more than normal). “I came into the house by the front door! Which was unlocked, thank you very much!”
“Well, we couldn’t see the front door from our hiding spot!” Sage said. “Oh, this is a mess.”
“You have no idea.” Leo wanted to grab her by the shoulder and shake her and ask, “What on earth were you thinking?!” He also wanted to kiss her. He decided he’d settle for kissing her when this was all over. Then a firm talking to and then more kissing, obviously.
Filbert cleared his throat. “We were set up in the tree house?—”
“Excuse me?” Leo asked.
“There is a treehouse—more of a birdwatching set up in the woods out back. We used that as our lookout.”
“Dear heavens this report will be the death of me,” Leo whispered.
“Tell me about it,” the cop said, rubbing his forehead.
“We can’t see the front door from the bird platform out back. I thought I locked the front door and that would force someone around back. But I guess it didn’t lock up. Oops.”
“Oops?” Leo asked.
“Anyway, we saw the Ralph Emmerson guy go in. Of course we didn’t know it was him at the time, but we figured we’d shake him up a bit,” Filbert said, looking rather pleased with himself.
“And you figured that before or after you called the cops?” Leo asked, sarcasm etching every word.
Filbert stood tall and pointed the umbrella at the cop. “We did call. I raced home while Sage kept a lookout and called you folks. Nearly broke a toe I was racing so fast. Do you know what I got?”
“What?” the cop asked.
“I got a ‘not again, Filbert’ and then I got the ‘do you need me to call the state, Filbert?’ and then the cherry on the pie was the lady gal told me to call the non-emergency line!”
The cop shifted uncomfortably. “You know how often we get calls from you, Fil?—”
“So we decided to be the ones to take care of it!” Filbert saluted the sky. “We figured we’d bust in and?—”
“And what?” Leo asked, staring at Sage. “What did you think would happen?”
“Honestly, I thought it was another weird fan. We’d scare him off and that would be the end of it. I was going to call the cops on my cellphone when we got inside since I didn’t have any service out there and then we went inside and you scared us!”
“I scared you?” Leo asked, arms crossing over his chest. He had been the hero!
“You were much bigger than the man we saw and then we figured out there were two and there wasn’t supposed to be a gun involved!”
Leo ran a hand down his face. “You’re killing me here.” But he was also still preening over the fact that she had called him big. Obviously in an intimidating and macho sort of big way. He flexed his muscles to prove that point again.
Sage groaned. “This was not supposed to go this way. It was dumb but it also seemed like a good idea at the time. I was just scared and tired of living life scared.”
Leo softened a little. “Fear makes us do stupid things.”
Sage nodded, hanging her head. Filbert patted the top of her hair and then Squash’s head, whispering, “There, there. It’s all over kids.” Then he tapped the umbrella on the ground and said, “If that’s all, I’ve got a slice of pie calling my name back home.” He tipped an imaginary hat and walked away, whistling as if this were the most normal thing to have ever happened. Like it was just another Tuesday.
The cop scratched his head. “Are you alright?”
Sage nodded. “I think so.”
“I’ll make my reports. I'm assuming you want to press charges.”
Sage nodded.
“All right. You’ll be hearing from us. Have a good night. I’ll send someone to pick up Filbert tonight.”
Leo patted the cop on the shoulder. “That won’t be necessary. We’ll take care of him. I’ll call the state for services.”
Cop shook his head. “Whatever you say.”
Sage and Leo watched the cop drive off and they stood together in silence for a few moments before Leo pulled her into him, wrapping his arms around her tightly.
“You absolute idiot,” he whispered into her hair.
She was here.
She was okay.
She was stupid and perfect and in his arms and everything was right in the world again.
Sage sighed, wrapping her arms around him. “Fun fact: I missed you.”