12. Quinn
CHAPTER 12
QUINN
“Want another margarita?” Jax asks me as he sits across the table from me, his dark-tan skin and killer smile on full display. I feel Levi’s arm wrap around my shoulder, pulling me into him with a familiarity that almost shocks me, but I don’t show that because I don’t want him to stop.
“Back off, fucker. I’ll get my girl a drink,” Levi says, his tone more clipped than usual. He’s doing a great job of being a fake boyfriend. I doubt Jax even meant anything by it. I’ve seen him out at a bar; he flirts so effortlessly it’s second nature for him. For Jax, it doesn’t even always lead to fucking—he just loves to talk and spend time with people.
Jax sits there, his eyebrow quirked up as he watches Levi, a little smirk forming on his lips. He must’ve noticed Levi’s jealousy, too, but he doesn’t say anything. Just sort of gives Levi a little nod and moves on to ask the rest of the table…well, everyone except Levi, but I’m probably the only one who noticed.
“So, that margarita…would you like one?” Levi says with a big smile, and it’s cute. It’s the smile I remember falling for when I first met him, the boyish smile that reminds me of when he was an adorable teenager.
“I mean, I was just offered one by a cute boy, but you sort of interrupted that,” I joke, and I feel his fingers grip my shoulder tighter—not in a way that’s painful, but in a way that feels more secure, more valued. In a fucked up way, the way he’s holding me makes me feel more cared for, and that’s scary because I don’t want to feel cared for. At least not by him.
Not when I know I can never really have him. I may have had his body countless times, and right now, I may be his “girlfriend,” but I'll never have his heart, and that's hard for me to swallow. Not when all I've ever wanted was a chance to be his.
Which is why I made the rule in the first place that we weren't going to be fuck buddies while this was going on. Too many opportunities for it to spiral out of control and for me to forget how to keep my feelings locked up.
Nodding, I give him a smile, leaning back into his arm as he holds me, his eyes locked onto mine, and for a moment it feels like we’re the only two people in this room. “Are you having fun? We can always leave if you're not.”
“No, I’m actually having a lot of fun. I only feel bad because I feel like you’re sitting here babysitting me instead of up playing pool or hanging out with your friends,” I tell him, looking around to see Cooper and Nash playing pool against Tabitha and Lena, two girls I’ve seen out with the team before when I’ve gone out with them here in Nashville, but they’ve never really talked to me except a simple hello when introduced.
My petty assumption is that they don’t give me the time of day because they’re always trying to steal Levi’s attention from me, or at least that’s how it used to feel. The last few times that I’ve seen them, though, they’ve seemed to sort of gravitate toward Jax or even Cooper, which shouldn’t be a surprise to anyone because those two are some of the biggest playboys on the team…maybe even in all of Nashville.
They’re just little flirts who enjoy casual hookups, often with different women—but they all have their “rosters” as I like to call them, their typical friends they’ll call when they want to get their dick wet. But it definitely goes both ways, and those girls they hang out with, they know the drill.
They’re not looking for a ring on their finger. They’re looking for a fun time with a professional athlete they can talk about with their friends.
“Who do you think I want to be hanging out with?” Levi says, looking around the room. “Either my friends are at this table with me, or they're off flirting somewhere, and I’m not about to intrude on that.”
I hear the words he’s telling me, but it’s hard for me to really understand that he’s not out searching for the same things. It’s not very often that we’ve been in the same city. I mean when I was in California, it was more often for him to fly there with the team because we had three NHL teams in the state, all within a few hours apart.
But even then, he would always hit me up to let me know he was in town, and we would sometimes meet up together or I’d go join him and the guys for a night out. I’d never reach out to Levi because I wanted him to get the opportunity to call his other girls, or even to just meet a new girl and have a one-night stand, but he always texted.
I mean, probably not always , because there has to be other women. I wouldn’t expect him to talk to me about it. We both know what we are—or were. Fuck buddies with no strings attached. Outside of that, we had zero commitment or attachment to each other.
Yet I’m still absolutely positive that he has to feel like he’s missing out on the same life his friends have, picking up girls at the bar or whatever, so I think I’ll always attempt to give him an out.
“I mean, don’t you want to hang out with them? I guess I just feel like I’m the biggest cockblock in the history of cockblocks and don’t want to do that to you if I can help it,” I tell him, my gaze shifting from his as I scan the rest of the bar.
“You realize you were the one I called if I wanted anyone, right?”
“I mean, yeah, I realize that it was a convenience thing, and we already know each other and know in what areas we aligned—but I know that’s not the end all, be all for you and hookups, and I’m just trying to respect that you have needs.”
“Don’t worry about me. You know I’m taken care of,” he winks, and I force a smile.
Just then, the waitress comes back over, and Jax and Levi place their orders for another round of drinks, Levi making sure to order my margarita before Jax can, and I just roll my eyes. These two are ridiculous, but it still surprises me to see this more possessive side of Levi.
He’s taking this fake dating bullshit seriously, which I won’t lie, I appreciate, especially knowing my uncle is on the other side of the bar with some of his friends and one of the guys from the team. Just what I need is for them to see Levi flirting with a puck bunny or something—then they would catch me lying and that, for sure, won’t help me.
“Levi, I meant to tell you, I can’t meet up tomorrow for a run,” Jax says from across the table.
“Aww, are you wussing out because you have a day off?”
“No fucker, my little sister is coming into town tomorrow and I want to actually hang out with her. I don’t need you there. Besides, that’ll give you more time to hide Quinn from us,” Jax jokes, and Levi shoots him a glare.
“Fuck off, I’m not hiding her.”
“You’re also shit at letting us get to know her, which, given everything going on, just seems a little fishy,” Jax smirks, and I’m confused.
“What?” I ask, immediately sensing the shift in Levi’s demeanor as he tenses up.
“I’m just not sure everyone understands as much as they think they do,” Jax says cryptically, walking away without another word, leaving me fucking stumped.
* * *
It’s after midnight when we finally head back to Levi’s house, and needless to say I’m glad we were able to rent a scooter to get home because I, for one, am in no shape to drive—or walk home. Thankfully Levi can handle his alcohol better than me, plus he stopped way before me because he is in charge of the scooter. I’m pretty much useless, my arms wrapped around his back like I’m a damn koala as we both stand up and cruise down the street.
I normally don’t drink this much because I hate the way I feel the next day, but tonight felt like as good a night as ever to let loose a bit. Everyone was so happy. Even my uncle was smiling at everyone, although he did give Levi a bit of a talk for the way he celebrated his hat trick. Apparently, it upset my sister.
I laughed at my uncle when he told me that, actually laughed at him because for fuck’s sake, he blew me a damn kiss; we didn’t fuck on the ice. It was awesome having the guys high fiving each other, including all of us as well.
My favorite part of tonight, besides seeing how happy Levi was when he scored that third goal, was when Jax came over and thanked me for all my help. It’s been little things so far, like helping him with the recovery aspect as well as some stretches and strengthening exercises to prevent anything, but it still felt good to have him acknowledge my role in his healing process.
It felt even better to know that just a few little changes are helping him feel more confident already. A lot of it was already put into place by him knowing his body and knowing he needed to work on his strength, but I love that it’s already noticeable since last season. Hearing that not only does he feel stronger, but that he feels like he’s skating so much quicker and with so much more agility, makes me thrilled, and even I’m impressed with his progress.
It was even better having him come up and thank me for all my help right in front of Ally and my aunt and uncle. My aunt was sweet, giving him a big hug, much to the dismay of Ally. My uncle was polite of course. I mean, he is his coach and all.
But all of that made it a night full of celebrations, plus it eased my nerves when it came to how to act around Levi. I mean, I’ve hung out with him and his friends before, but I’m almost positive they knew our arrangement. Now, it just feels weird because I know they know the new arrangement, and I guess I don’t quite know how to act anymore.
When I feel the scooter start to slow down, I hold on even tighter as we come to a stop. Keeping the scooter steady, Levi helps me get off before putting it on the sidewalk.
“This is a tomorrow problem,” he grumbles before grabbing my hand and leading me up the stairs to the front door.
He’s been confusing me ever since Jax got all weird on us. I tried to ask Levi what that was all about, but he wasn’t interested in talking about it. I thought for a while that he was mad because he got all quiet, but he also hasn’t left my side all night, even when the guys tried to get him to play a round of pool.
I know the logical answer is that he’s just doing what any good boyfriend would do, but damn, this whole fake dating bullshit can get super confusing. Just having him constantly touching me, little kisses on my forehead…it was nothing blatantly in-your-face obvious, but it was enough to make me feel like he was claiming me.
And dammit, I’d be lying if I said I didn’t fucking love that a whole lot.
We head straight into the kitchen where Levi starts by getting us both Advil, because now we are apparently at the age that hangovers sneak up on us, and instead of sort of feeling like garbage for a few hours, I usually feel like a dumpster fire for an entire day or two.
“Here you go, Angel,” Levi says as he passes me the water, his fingers grazing mine as he does, the simple touch sending shocks down my fingers.
“Thanks,” I mutter quietly, my mouth suddenly dry as I drink down the water.
Setting my glass down, I watch as Levi takes the medicine, his Adam’s apple bobbing as he swallows, and it’s hotter than it should be. Then, when he leans back against the counter after finishing with his own glass and placing it on the counter, he crosses his arms over his chest, and I feel like I’m going to melt into a puddle right here.
He’s wearing a fitted blue shirt, one that allows me to see the perfect outline of his muscles, from his biceps all the way down to his abs. With the crook of his finger, he lifts my chin up, forcing my gaze back to his, and I hadn’t even realized he was moving.
“My eyes are up here, Angel,” he says with a little smirk. Busted.
“No shame in my staring game. You’re fucking hot, and we both know it,” I admit with a shrug.
“Is that so? You’ve seemed so nervous around me that I figured you were starting to get the ick or something.”
“No, I just felt like I was kind of in the way. All your friends wanted you to hang out, and those girls kept trying to get your attention,” I ramble, trying to look away, but he holds my face still.
“I’m not sure what I need to say to get this through your head,” he snaps.
“Get what through my head?”
“You are the only person I call, Q.”
I freeze, my breath getting caught in my chest, and I just look up at him as I try to figure out what else that could mean because there’s no way he just calls me… right? His eyes drop from mine to my lips, and for a moment I almost think he’s going to kiss me, and I can’t tell if I’m terrified or excited.
Yet, I’m still confused. Levi has to have other hookups, right? There’s no way a man as hot as he is, who’s so charismatic, is going to go without sex during the months between our hookups. The man loves to fuck—he’d need to have more than just me.
I mean, I just haven’t had time to go out and meet anyone else, which is part of the reason it’s really only been Levi who I’ve been with for what seems like years. But that’s just me, and in the times I’ve wanted a hookup, it’s usually just my battery-operated boyfriend, BOB, who always does the trick.
“You don’t have to try to make me feel more important than I actually am, Levi. I know the arrangement we have, and I have never tried to make it something that it wasn’t,” I tell him, forcing a smile because I don’t want him to see that, although deep down I know these things, I still don’t like being reminded of them.
“Why aren’t you listening to me?” Levi groans. “I’m not trying to make you feel anything. I’m just telling you the facts.”
I swallow, the feeling foreign as I stare back at him, the frustration in his eyes evident, and I hate that it’s me he’s frustrated with. But it’s hard not to have so many doubts when all I’ve been told for years is that he wasn’t interested in me, my sister loving to remind me of this little fact anytime she could.
Don’t be needy…don’t be needy…don’t be needy….
“Could you repeat the…facts once more? Please?” I whisper.
“You,” he says slowly, “are the only person I call when I want to fuck. You are the only person, Q. If it’s not you, it’s no one.”
My heart starts racing, one tiny little butterfly escaping the vault I’ve locked them away in along with my feelings for him. It’s faint, but the tiny spark of hope is there, yet I can’t bring myself to talk because I just don’t know what to say.
Kissing my forehead softly, he leans back casually, one arm still around me, and he looks comfortable. “I’ve told you before, Q, when it comes to sex, we just work. It’s like we’re so compatible in that area.”
And just like that, the butterfly dies, burned by his words and the meaning behind them. I’m not an idiot. He likes me…in the bedroom. Outside of that, we don’t really click.
“We do, that’s for sure. I guess I’m just surprised there’s no one else,” I tell him truthfully, drinking back the last of my water.
He shrugs. “You leave me plenty satisfied,” he says, and whether I like it or not, that does give me a boost of confidence. I mean, yeah, we are good together in that way. I just also think we’re compatible in other parts of our life as well and wish he felt the same. But, at this point, it’s pretty damn clear that he won’t. That my sister has something I lack, and while I don’t understand it, it’s clear as day that Levi did.
So why the fuck aren’t we hooking up? If he’s never going to want me, I might as well enjoy this.
Bad idea. Reallllly bad idea.
But there’s a little voice inside my head chanting “Do it, do it, do it!” and dammit, I kind of want to.
But I refuse to be the one to crack and break the rules. I’m just going to make him break first.