21. Levi
CHAPTER 21
LEVI
“Good morning,” I say with a smile as I walk through the front door of Pine Ridge Nursing home.
“Good morning, Levi, you're here early,” Nurse Holly says, checking her watch like she's shocked I made it here before ten a.m.
That makes two of us sweetheart.
Only the best of the best for my nana, and a big part of that is sweet Nurse Holly who always makes sure everyone is taken care of. She even takes the time to call patients’ families more often than most, just to give us updates.
It's always been one of my favorite things because the updates weren't too frequent, and they were usually just to tell me there were no changes lately.
Until recently.
In fact, I'm here earlier than normal today all because of a phone call with Holly the other day. I would've come sooner, but unfortunately most of my life has to revolve around hockey. But I'm here now.
Holly warned me that her memory seemed to be slipping a little more than usual, that she was repeating herself a little more frequently and asking odd questions about things she was once considered damn near an expert on.
I mean, Holly told me Nana had to ask her how to play bingo, and that’s something she’s done weekly for at least the last ten years. Holly said that although she tried to play it off, she could see the fear and unsteadiness in her eyes.
But time to see for myself.
“Yeah, I know it's early, but we have a later practice today, so I figured I'd use my morning efficiently and come see Nana, and all of you ladies of course,” I tell her, shooting her my biggest smile, and she just laughs me off.
“Oh boy, if only I was forty years younger, you'd probably get me with those lines and that smile,” she jokes before straightening up a bit. “I will say, I’m glad you're here today. It's a much better day than we have seen since you were here last week…but I think you’ll still be able to see what I’ve been noticing. She’s just…off, almost like she seems lost.”
My heart sinks, the reality that I'm not going to walk down that hall and find my nana laughing with her friends, going back and forth with Delilah until they both forget what they were even arguing about and then going to raid the kitchen for cookies together.
I'm well versed in what Alzheimer's looks like. I got to know my great grandpa, my nana’s dad, when I moved in with Nana. He lived with her for a while, until he faded away, and it was so hard watching him lose himself to this terrible disease. My nana always said the hardest part about her dad dying wasn't him actually dying—it was the time leading up to his passing when he was trapped in his body, lost and confused, when all he ever wanted to do was be with his loved ones.
I never quite understood just how heartbreaking that could be, how helpless you would feel watching everything fall apart and knowing there's not a damn thing you could do to stop it.
But now it's Nana. My best friend. The last bit of my family left in this world.
It feels like proof that no one in my life sticks around, and that fucking sucks.
“Thanks for taking such good care of her,” I finally muster out, not trusting myself to say much more than that.
“We all love her here, and you know we will do whatever we can to help you. I just wanted to give you a heads up, that's all sweetie,” Holly says, her soft smile doing what it can to warm my heart, but damn I hate this.
“And she loves you. Do you know if she's in her room or in the common area?” I ask, tapping the counter as I push away.
“Last I saw, she was in the common room. They were going to play Dominoes, but Delilah couldn't find the Dominoes again.”
“I'll see if I can help.” I laugh before walking down the hall until I get to the big room filled with couches, recliners, more TVs than even in my TV room, and so many tables for games, puzzles or whatever else they want to do that day.
I love that everyone hangs out here most of the time. It makes me happy to know she's surrounded by people, never alone.
The sound of dice being rolled and someone shouting “Yahtzee” tells me I'm in the right place.
“Well, hello there. Are you stopping by to cause more trouble,” Delilah says as she slaps on her devilish smirk as she sits in a recliner reading a book.
“Who, me?” I say, pointing to my chest as I make my way over to her.
“Yes, you. You're always causing mischief when you're here.”
“Now Ms. Delilah, how long are you going to hold a grudge over me for beating you in Monopoly?” I say as I take the seat next to her, my eyes gazing around the room looking for Nana.
“How do you know it's that and not that I caught you cheating in bingo last month?”
“For the last time, I wasn't cheating! It's not my fault you gave me 3 winning cards in a row. I guess I was just lucky that day,” I shrug, looking at the other recliners still.
“She’ll be back. She went to the bathroom and to grab some chocolate. Said she felt like relaxing instead of playing games.”
“Nana wants to read?”
Shit maybe this is bad.
Nana has never been one to pick up a book and read it for fun. She’s more of a TV and movie girl, if anything—she usually preferred to be out doing something over anything else. It’s how we got started playing bowling and playing bingo. We played a lot of bingo in the beginning before she started branching out.
All of that just to say her sitting down to read…that’s weird as fuck.
Delilah shrugs. “Yeah, said she was bored of bingo for now and wanted to try something different. I found one of my books back in my room and thought she might enjoy a little accidental wedding in Vegas with the most delicious MMC that does delicious things. Dalton and Dia can cure any bad mood.”
“Delilah, are you speaking English? MMC? Delicious things? What are you getting into?”
“MMC is the main male character in a book, you nitwit.” She scoffs like everyone should know that.
I know a handful of things really well in this life…hockey, bingo, Murder She Wrote thanks to Nana, and Quinn. I’ve picked up a pretty eclectic mix of knowledge, but that last bit is starting to worry me—because the more I learn about Quinn, the more I truly get to know her, the more terrified I am of how quickly these feelings are growing.
I feel like I’m in the path of a tsunami, watching the water rush towards me knowing if it gets to me, if I let it happen, it’ll swallow me whole, drown me in its power.
But all that power could break me. To allow another person to come in my life, to make me care about them, only for them to hurt me, leave me. I don’t know. All I know is that the only thing fake about this situation between me and Quinn is that we keep saying it is. Nothing about the way I feel about her is fake.
I just need to figure out if I’m going to tell her how I’m feeling. If I’m willing to hand her my heart on a platter knowing she could devastate me, but hoping she feels the same way and will protect my heart instead of destroying it.
“As for what your nana is getting into, that’s none of your damn business and you’d probably do best not to push that subject. Might put some thoughts in your mind you’d much prefer to not have.”
“Gross…” I shudder.
“Your nana has been off,” Delilah says quietly after a moment.
“What do you mean?” I ask, swallowing down the lump in my throat.
“She’s been nice. And that’s not your nana. At least not to me. I mean, she’s not mean. But she’s not nice. Hell, I don’t know Levi, you know our dynamic.”
I laugh. I can’t help it. Those two are water and oil, but damn sometimes they’re just a riot.
“I do. Maybe it’s just a phase. Enjoy it while you can.”
“That’s the thing. I don’t enjoy it this way; I miss it the old way,” Delilah grumbles right as my nana walks over, her eyes dazed as she sits next to Delilah on the other side before finally noticing me.
“Oh, bless,” she mumbles as she stands back up and comes over to give me a big hug, looking up at me with a smile, bringing her hands to my cheeks. “How’s my boy?”
“I’m great Nana; how are you?” I ask, looking down at her, searching for any indication that she's getting worse than the last time I was here.
But she just smiles up at me. “Oh, I’m good. You know me, just living the dream,” she says with a smile before looking back over at Delilah.
“Did you bring me more books?” she demands, and I nearly laugh. See, I don’t know what Delilah is talking about. My nana could never be entirely nice. I mean, she’s always gotta have a bit of her usual sass. It’s what makes her so special, and I love that it’s still here, even if it is the much milder version of her spicy attitude.
“Did you bring me my chocolate?” Delilah deadpans, her eyes peering over her glasses.
My nana pulls out a bag of chocolates, the special kind with the foil wrappers, and sets it on the table next to Delilah. “There. Now give me my books. I wanna meet Dalton. He sounds delicious.”
“Oh, oops. I left the book back in my room,” Delilah teases, but she only lasts a second or two before pointing to the table next to my nana’s chair. “He’s already waiting for you. I’m not that cold hearted.”
“Oh yippee,” Nana squeals. “For a second I thought I was going to have to start messing with your nail polish again.”
“That was you?!” Delilah says, wide eyed, before leaning back with a smirk. “I guess that makes us even.”
“How?”
“I bought you jeans two sizes too small to match every pair you owned and kept switching them out, so you thought you were getting a big ass. I remember you said it was your worry…and I wanted you to share your chocolate more.” Delilah shrugs while Nana grins.
“Part of me wants to ask what this is about, only another part is afraid that I don’t want to know the answer, so I think I’m just going to let this one go,” I say, and they both giggle.
“Our conversation or the books.”
“I think both?”
“Are you sure? I just got another one of hers and it’s a baseball book, but from what I hear, they do a lot more than play baseball at the field if you know what I mean.” Delilah winks.
Oh, for fuck’s sake…yet I’m intrigued.
What else are they playing if it’s not baseball? Hide and seek?
No! Change the subject!
“Don’t you want to go play bingo?” I ask, taking the seat across from them as they lean back and get comfortable, both grabbing their books and putting them in their laps, making it clear they’re already doing what they want to be doing.
But she loves bingo.
“Are you sure Nana? You always have so much fun.”
“I haven’t played bingo in so long, sweetie,” she says as she pulls the blanket from behind her on the chair, covering up and getting just a bit more comfortable. “I think one of the last times I played was with your grandfather, so I mean it’s been five? Maybe ten years since I've played.”
I swallow, the lump in my throat getting bigger as she continues talking, the hope I had when I first got here gone, replaced by fear, uncertainty, and the intense need to make it all better. But I can’t. And I know that.
* * *
“Hey, Holly,” I say as I walk back up to the main desk. She smiles but holds up her hand to wait, so I take a seat near her desk.
I agree that Nana seems to be struggling, but I’m not entirely sure what to do about it. I need advice. But first, I want to get my nana to one more game…while she can remember it. I wouldn’t be where I am today if it wasn’t for her, so I’d love to get her out there to see it just one more time.
Some of the ladies have come out to a game before, but that was when they were traveling more. When I was in college, it was more difficult to get them to a game, but this…this is fifteen minutes away and should be no problem. I’m not an idiot, though. I know they change policies, or at least they have preferences for their patients when they struggle with their memory because going someplace new, some place they don’t remember, can be scary as fuck for them.
But just this once, I want to be selfish. Just this once, I want to do this for the both of us. Because without her, I wouldn’t be me. I’ll buy out the suite this weekend for the game against New York. Then Stella and everyone else and their damn mother can be there, and Nana can be comfortable and safe.
“Sorry about that, Levi. How was your visit?” she asks, her face back to the warm, kind one I’ve grown fond of—the one that sits with me on hard days and talks me through big decisions. She’s proof that the term “just a nurse” is utter bullshit. Nurses are saints on earth, dealing with the bullshit yet always getting the job done.
“It was okay…a little rough,” I say, honestly.
“Sorry about that, sweetheart. I’m sure there will be good days and bad days, so don’t let this get you down too badly.”
“I won’t, but I appreciate that. I actually need a favor. Or I have a question; I’m not actually sure what to call it.”
“Alright,” she says cautiously. “Well then why don’t you just tell me, and we’ll figure it out together.”
“Delilah and Nana, as well as a couple others, have talked about wanting to come to a game. If I can arrange transportation and a suite, would it be okay?” I ask, her face getting serious, but she doesn’t look upset. Just like she’s thinking.
After what feels like an eternity, she finally nods. “I don’t see why that would be a problem. I mean, yeah, we usually try to prevent a lot of travel and confusion later down the road, but your grandmother is really just starting to show these signs, at least from what I’ve seen. I know how much you both love when she gets to go to a game, so I think we can make it happen. Can you just email me the information and I’ll get transportation figured out as well as who’s going.”
“Seriously? I thought I would have to beg or bribe you.”
“Nah, but you bet your ass I’ll be at the game with them!” She winks and then she’s off.
Well, I guess now that that’s done, it’s time to go to practice where I'm sure Coach will continue his warpath on me, still pissed off about dinner—but I stand by everything that went down that night. I have no regrets unless you count me wanting to throw Ally under the bus for cheating on me, but I decided that wasn't the time to let Coach in on the information.
I figured out that's why he's been so cold to me when I overheard Ally and him talking in his office the other day as I was heading to meet him. He was complaining that it was hard having someone who's been unfaithful on his team solely because he feels like it shows a lack of commitment. A lack of ownership. And a lack of loyalty towards something you claim to care about.
I thought he was talking about Ally and how she cheated on me, only for her to say she felt sorry for me because I lost out on her due to my infidelity.
I kept my mouth shut knowing I'd already been pissing Coach off, and I didn't need to give him a reason to bench me. Or worse put me up for trade before the season’s up. We still have a few months until the trade deadline, with the first month of the season approaching its end, and I know it's in the back of his mind to get rid of me.
Here's to hoping he cares about Quinn more than he shows and keeps me around to make her happy.
Fingers crossed, but I wouldn’t bet my life on it.