23. Quinn
CHAPTER 23
QUINN
Waking up on game days should be exciting, they’ve always been so much fun, especially when it’s a home game. I mean even when I was a kid and just going to the game to see my uncle coach, I’ve always loved it. It became even more special to me since I’ve become an official member of the staff for the team I’ve always loved.
Only today it’s almost depressing as I watch Levi get up and go through his usual game day routine knowing that my job with the team is currently hanging in limbo, and I still have no idea which way it’s going to drop.
I don’t know why I honestly thought my uncle would call me. Even just shoot me a text to reach out to me after I left him sitting in the conference room at work last night.
I knew walking away from him the way I did was a bold move that would inevitably piss him off, but at that point I didn’t see any other option for him to start taking me seriously. He’s been fed so many lies, and for years I’ve kept the peace by keeping my mouth shut…but that was before he decided to blatantly disrespect Levi to my face—repeatedly.
Which I would understand...if anything he was told had been true. But since it’s not and he refused to get these fucked up views out of his head regardless of the fact that he knows I'm dating Levi and should trust me…yeah, I'm over it and refuse to let it slide any longer.
Even with that, I won't pretend it doesn't hurt as I watch Levi get all his things ready to head into the game knowing I'll be watching it tonight on TV.
“Are you sure I can't convince you to go? My nana would love to see you tonight,” Levi says as he walks into the kitchen to make his game day protein shake—cookies and cream flavor this time.
“I really would, Levi, I just feel…awkward.”
“Well, what if I told you that Miles called earlier and said that Kenzie won't be able to make it to the game tonight, so they have an extra ticket if you wanted to go with them?” Levi says sweetly.
It's adorable how much he's been trying to get me to go, and the truth is, I think he knows I'll be pissed if I don't.
I'm loyal to Nashville, always have been. The Firebirds have had a place in my heart since I was a kid. Even when we moved to California for a bit while I was in school, it was still the Firebirds I rooted for.
I may have been wearing a Stingrays jacket last year, but we all knew where my heart always was. With my home team…and one of its players.
“I mean, I guess that would be better. But only if you let me drive myself,” I tell him, crossing my arms across my chest.
“Quinn. I'm not sure why you argue about this. I just like driving with you.”
“All I'm saying is that if you want me to go, I’m driving. I don't want to go through the back, no employee or family or even girlfriend privilege today. Not until my uncle finally calls me.”
“Fine. But stay with Stella. And text me when you get there,” Levi finally concedes. “I'm going to go shower then head in…I'm really glad you're coming; I think I'd be nervous if you weren't.”
“Nervous? Why?”
He blushes as he looks at me, a little shrug as he tries to look away. “I kind of like knowing you're watching me.”
I roll my eyes playfully. “You know I'm not just watching you, right?” I tell him and he glares. “I'm watching all the hockey boys.”
“Don't lie; I've caught you one too many times to think you don't watch me any spare moment you get.”
Busted.
I just shrug. “Not my fault you're hot,” I tell him before looking at the clock. “You need to go shower so you can leave on time, the last thing either of us needs is for you to be late and give my uncle another reason to hate us.”
“Ugh, fine,” Levi pouts before surprising me with a quick kiss on the cheek. Nothing over the top, but it was simple and sweet and felt totally normal.
Which is why it strikes me as odd because there’s no one around. It has me wondering what's going through his mind.
“I'll see you tonight.” I smile as I watch him walk away.
Maybe tonight we should finally talk about what is actually going on between us.
But first I need to figure out what to wear that isn’t my team gear. I’ll be damned if I’m wearing that tonight. I don’t want anyone thinking I’m supposed to be working right now when I’m for sure planning on having a couple of bevvies.
* * *
I’m already surprised I’m having as much fun as I am tonight here at the game with Stella. I figured I’d be too focused on watching the bench or seeing how the players were doing…or even worse, seeing what my uncle was doing and stressing out because I should be down there working.
Thankfully Stella knew exactly what I needed and instead of going in with the guys so that we could enter through the back, we actually met up at her bakery and then went and had a drink first, which definitely helped to ease my nerves.
Plus…by meeting up beforehand without the guys, Stella was able to see my outfit first and she loved it. Miles and Stella are two people who really understand the dynamic between Levi and me. I mean, they were sort of in the middle of it nearly a year ago when Levi and I decided to flirt with anyone and everyone who weren’t each other, which didn’t last long—mostly because Stella and Miles were playing the same game, only Miles snapped first and let’s just say, him and Stella are now as happy as can be.
It gives me a little hope for mine and Levi's situation. I mean, we may be dysfunctional, and it may be a little bit of a fucked-up situation, but somehow it perfectly suits us and I’m starting to realize that it’s okay for it not to look the same as everyone else’s. It’s our story.
I liked my choice of outfit, which I won’t lie, I was nervous about wearing without asking if it was okay first.
I stood staring at my clothes for a good hour after I got out of the shower and couldn’t decide on a single thing to wear. Mostly because all the clothes in my closet now are part of my uniform, or at least say my position with the team on them, and tonight I don’t want to feel like I'm working. That’s when I realized if i was going to be affiliated with anyone tonight, it was Levi. Plus, I figured if I did run into my uncle, it would be a nice way to drive the point home of exactly who I’m standing by.
I might’ve secretly also been hoping I would get to see Levi’s reaction, but so far, we’re already well into the second period and we still haven’t noticed each other at the same time. Stella said he waved over at us once, but of course it was when I got up to go to the bathroom, so I missed him.
Me and my damn small bladder.
It doesn’t help that they’ve also really had to keep their eye on the game, because it’s been a close one. We are currently tied at two with five minutes left in this period, with Levi hopping over the boards for his turn on the ice, already skating directly towards the puck as the Cyclones skate down the ice towards our goal.
It’s intense, back and forth as the puck gets stolen away, but they try to clear it down the ice only to be stolen back by the Cyclones. Levi is on Miles, hot on his skates as he tries to get the puck back from him, but Miles isn’t letting him have it easy. Pressing Levi against the boards, Miles yells something in his face as he passes the puck to the guy behind him, obviously using whatever he said as a distraction.
When his eyes lock on mine, immediately finding me in the crowd, I realize that I am the distraction. I can see the smile from here as he looks up at me, only they’re not looking at my face, he is totally zoned in on my jersey, and based on the big, goofy-ass smile that man just got on his face, it’s something he definitely likes.
The crowd starts to notice him standing there, eyeing me for a moment, and then he throws up his hands towards me in a heart gesture. Stella starts to giggle, my face flaming red. “See, he can’t even deny he’s in love,” she whispers, and my cheeks heat immediately
“Oh, hell,” I whisper. “I’m going to go sneak off and grab a lemonade. I need to cool off a bit.”
“I bet you do,” she says with a laugh. “I’m good though, still got plenty.”
Slipping past Stella, I head down to concessions, wanting one of those big lemonades they actually put the halved lemons in. I pass a lot of the booths, finally finding the one I need, and get in line. Thankfully there’s only one other person ahead of me—the perks of going during the middle of game play, I guess—but I was thirsty and embarrassed and wanted away from all the people staring at me over Levi’s reaction when I haven’t even really been able to process just how much he looked like he enjoyed seeing what I was wearing.
Which is what makes me decide that I’m not going to do anything about it the second I see him tonight, but I will be talking to him soon—hopefully tonight…and if not, tomorrow. After getting my lemonade, I start to head back towards my seats, except I hear a voice yelling at one of the workers and a security guard who are trying to escort her back from the employee only area. It's one of the areas that the trucks can pull up to that has a gate, except it looks like it had been propped open so people could bring in deliveries based on the case of soda used to hold the gate open.
“No! I will not come with you,” the woman yells as she pulls her hand free. Something about her sounds familiar, and it’s unsettling. “I’m just trying to get back to my seats and they’re up this way,” she snaps out.
It’s Nana.
I look around and don’t see anyone else around her, none of her friends, not Nurse Holly.
Fuck. This isn’t good.
Thankfully I know both of the people trying to help Nana, so I walk over with a smile and nod at them, asking for their permission to talk to her. They both nod quickly, and I can tell they’re thankful for the help. It’s never fun to be the reason someone’s getting upset, especially in a situation like this.
“Hey, Nana,” I say calmly, her eyes popping up for a moment before looking back at the people who she was just talking to.
“I told you I knew people here,” she snaps, and one of the guys laughs.
I bet there’s a story there…
“Hey, guys, this is Levi Crosby’s nana,” I tell them with a soft smile as I look down at Nana, both of the guys introducing themselves, piggybacking on the conversation I’ve restarted with her.
She is still very unsure of both of them, but she looks up at me with a smile, and although I can still see the void in her eyes, the hollowness from the confusion she’s experiencing, I’m just thankful to be an anchor she can hold onto for the time being. “Hi, Quinny,” she says quietly. “Are you here to help me back to my seat?”
“I am,” I say, offering her my free hand. “I know a shortcut that takes us away from this smelly area. Can I show you?”
“Absolutely. Let’s go watch our boy play some more; he’s been absolutely so much fun to watch tonight!” Nana says with a little pep in her step, but she holds onto me tightly as we walk back to our seats, still an edge of nervousness to her. The second we’re back, a nurse immediately runs over to us, and thankfully her friend Delilah comes over as well, recognizing me immediately. “Quinn, thank goodness you found her,” Delilah says, taking my hand in hers as the nurse starts talking to Nana. “We were just walking over to the bathroom right across that hall over there, and the next thing I knew, I was washing my hands, and she was nowhere to be found.”
“It’s no problem. I found her having a bit of a heated talk with some staff, but thankfully she recognized me, and I knew where you guys were sitting tonight so I figured I’d make sure she got back. She wasn’t far, just down a section.”
“Will you stay for a bit?” Nurse Holly asks as she walks over to the two of us. “She keeps looking over at you and the only thing she keeps saying is that she was so thankful that you came and got her because she didn’t know where she was. Right now, with Levi down there working, I think she feels more comfortable with you here…”
“Of course,” I tell them with a smile. “Let me just text my friend and let her know I’ll see her after the game.”
Grabbing my phone, I shoot Stella a text back and shove my phone back in my bag and head over to take the seat next to Nana, who immediately takes my hand in hers.
We sit there watching the game together, the Firebirds only picking up momentum after intermission, going into the last bit of the third period up by one. Nana notices every time she sees Levi’s number, cheering loudly and clapping excitedly every time he makes a play, and it’s the sweetest things ever.
I always knew how much Levi adored his nana, but it’s so wonderful seeing just how much she reciprocates that adoration.
I love knowing he has her in this world, another person who cares for him unconditionally.
Ten minutes before the game ends, transport arrives, and since the Cyclones are now up four to two, the ladies all felt comfortable leaving to avoid the crowds. I walked out with Nana, who held my hand like I was her best friend, and I loved every moment of it. She smiled and gave me a hug and told me to give Levi a hug as well, but I could tell that she was struggling in the moment, confusion slowly washing over her.
It’s a weird thing to notice, something as simple as they start talking slower, or looking around a little more, or at least that’s the way I noticed it in my grandparents when I was a kid…but I’m also seeing it now with Nana and I hate it.
I hate knowing Levi is going to have a rough road ahead of him. I only hope he lets me help him as much as I can.
“Hey,” I say with a smile, walking up to Stella as she types away on her phone right outside the front doors.
“Hey, lady! Ready to go grab another drink?” she says, her usual bubbly tone in place as she loops her arm in mine and starts heading down the street towards the bar the guys told us to meet them at. At least she doesn’t seem too mad at me for ditching her. Not that I expected her to be, and I wasn’t all that worried in the moment because my biggest concern was making sure that Levi’s nana was taken care of and wasn’t scared. When I first saw her yelling at the security guard, I didn’t hear someone trying to be mean—I heard someone who was just confused and afraid, and I immediately went in search of her.
I’m going to thank my lucky stars every single night that she remembered me and that I brought her peace instead of the other way around, because you never know in these instances. But once I got her calmed down, she demanded we stay to watch Levi, even though I could tell she was tired and still a bit confused. I figured I’d just watch the game with them and make sure she got in their transport without getting upset again, that way I’d know she was safe. Nurse Holly thanked me immensely and said the only other person who can calm her down like that is Levi, so she was very thankful I found her when I did.
“I’m so sorry about tonight. I totally didn’t mean to just leave you like that!” I tell her as we head down the street, past tons of other fans all either heading back to their cars or out for the night like us.
“Girl, do not apologize! You were taking care of family—it’s what we do,” she says, bumping her hip against mine, and I smile for the first time since I put Nana on her transport, Nurse Holly promising me she’d text me the moment they all got settled.
“Well thanks; I just didn’t want to leave her because she was so confused.”
“I get it, and it’s hard, but you did the right thing. Are you going to tell Levi about it, or will the nursing home?” Stella asks as we walk in the front door of The Penalty Box and immediately find a big booth towards the back. This bar is one of my favorites; it’s the local hockey bar and one the best places to get a cold beer and dance your heart away for a night, all while surrounded by hockey games on TVs, fans and players alike all coming here for a good time. It’s heaven to me, and it feels like home. It’s just missing one thing.
Him.
“So…” Stella says with a grin. “What’s actually going on with you and lover boy? Or am I supposed to pretend that the little heart-hand gesture when he saw you wearing his jersey was all just for show to piss your uncle off? Because I’ll tell you something, I could tell from there, his gear on and everything, that man is in love. I mean hell, I could’ve told you that the first night I met you. I guess I just had other priorities that night,” she says, her cheeks pinkening ever so slightly, probably remembering what damn near happened between her and Levi.
I hold no resentment. In fact, I’m damn sure I drove Levi to that point because he’s never usually one to fuck around like that, but I had been pushing him a bit at that point, teasing him more while I flirted with others.
Guess it sort of got to him that night…which I loved to see, so in no way am I upset.
But how do I answer this question when I don’t even know myself.
“I guess I don’t really know what that was. I mean, I think things have sort of shifted for us, but I also can’t be sure they’re not one sided because I really haven’t had a chance to talk to him. I mean…Levi could get any woman he wants. Why would I think he would want to be tied down with a girl like me?” I tell her all this with a shrug, still remembering the slight pang of jealousy I got when I saw him and Ally talking…although I might’ve been more jealous seeing that she was willing to talk to him when it feels like she only wants to be mean to me.
Either way, it felt like the tiniest of my walls started to go back up with him, like I’m already waiting for the other shoe to drop even though I secretly hope it never does.
“How do you feel about him?” Stella asks with a grin that tells me she already knows the answer.
“Do I have to say it?” I reply, hoping she’ll just take the assumption and run.
“Yup. I know it, but I love to know I’m right,” she says, taking the water that’s dropped off at our table.
I think I’ve hidden the true depth of my feelings for Levi for far too long and it’s exhausting. I’m tired of hiding it from myself, even more tired of hiding it from him . “Look, I’m pretty sure I fell for that guy hard the very first time he smiled at me, and then we became friends, and I knew I loved him. That sort of thing never really goes away, but I was able to shove it down in a box and pretend it never existed. Except apparently his dick is the key, and that opened right up and smacked me in the face with intense feelings that are sometimes too much to deal with. Because of the what ifs, because there’s still the very possible outcome that I’m not the one he wants, and right now, until I know, I’m just going to enjoy whatever the hell it is we have going on.” And maybe tonight, I’ll ask him.