Chapter 10
Chapter Ten
Ican’t look at him. I have no doubt he went to talk to his parents. “Did they tell you?” I ask him.
“Tell me what, Addi?” Lex leans against the far wall. I look up at him. He seems so angry. And still, I don’t fear him. Not really.
“Why I left school?”
“No. My parents won’t tell me anything. They both seem to fucking adore you.”
“I’m sorry…”
“Don’t be. You’re adorable.” He shrugs and then he slides down to the floor. “Come here. Sit.” He points to the spot in front of him.
I look at it and shake my head. “I’m fine here.”
“Addi, come and sit with me. I’m not going to touch you,” he says.
With a huff, I push off my chair. “I’m not scared of you, Lex.”
I drop down in front of him with my legs crossed. I didn’t want to be this close to him, because I like it more than I should. I like the way he makes me feel so safe. I’m not even worried that the door isn’t locked all the way right now.
“You said we’d always be best friends,” Lex says.
I nod. I did say that.
“And then you left after I…” He lets his sentence trail off.
“I didn’t leave because of what we did, Lex.”
“Then why did you leave?”
“I had to. I couldn’t stay there, and I didn’t want you to see me like that,” I whisper.
“Like what?”
“I’m going to tell you, but I need you to promise me something.”
“What?”
“Don’t get mad.”
“I’m not going to get mad at you, Addison.”
“You will be.” I look down at my hands and take a deep breath. He’s going to be so angry I didn’t go to him for help. There were so many nights where I lay awake wanting to just cave and call him. “After you left that night, there was a knock at my door. I opened it, thinking it was you.”
“Who was it?” Lex asks.
“I need you to just listen. This isn’t easy for me to say.”
“Okay.”
“I opened the door and a guy was there. He pushed his way into the room, and when I yelled at him to leave, he punched me.” I close my eyes.
I can’t look at him when I say this. “I blacked out, but not for long enough. When I came to, he was on top of me. Inside me. I tried, Lex. I tried to fight him off. I hit and scratched everywhere I could, but it wasn’t enough.
He kept hitting me. Eventually he left. And then, I got up, showered, and fell asleep.
The next morning, I went home because I didn’t want you to see me like that.
I knew if you did, you would have burned that school to the ground looking for the person and it would have ruined your life too. ”
I open my eyes and finally look at Lex. His own eyes are darker than I’ve ever seen them.
“Jameson,” he hisses out.
I flinch at the name. “How…?”
“Addison, you should have fucking told me,” Lex says. “I would have helped you. I would have done anything for you.”
“I know.” I look down again.
“Fuck,” he grits out. “Sorry.” Lex stares at me, and it’s as if he’s trying to see deep into my soul. “What can I do?”
“There’s nothing you can do, Lex. It’s just something that happened to me that I’m learning to live with. I’m moving on,” I tell him.
“Have you talked to anyone?”
“I have a therapist. I’m pretty sure your mom sent her,” I explain. “And paid for my sessions.”
“Good,” he says, pausing as if just now reminded of something. “Why were you running today? What happened today?”
“I was supposed to be in my first lecture. I went. I sat down, and then when someone sat next to me, I freaked out and ran. I don’t really like being near people anymore,” I tell him.
“You’re near me right now,” he says.
“You don’t scare me, though. You make me feel safe, Lex.”
“What if I come to your lectures with you tomorrow? Or we just say fuck college and take some online courses?” he suggests.
“You are not changing your life for me, Lex. I’m not going to ask you to do that.”
“You’re not asking,” he says.
“I’m going to try again tomorrow. It will be fine. I can do this. I can’t hide away forever.”
“Actually, if you need to, you can. I can help you hide from the world, Addi,” he tells me.
“I don’t want you to try to fix me, Lex. This is my problem, not yours. I never wanted it to be yours. That’s why I left.”
“Best friends always help each other, Addi. What kind of friend would I be if I didn’t help you? I should have come and found you. I should have chased you down and not just let you walk away like you did. I’m a fucking idiot.”
“I didn’t want you to follow me, Lex. I wanted you to finish school, to make it to college. I didn’t want to fuck your life up.”
“You fuck my life up? I do a pretty good job of that myself, Addi. You only make my life better.” He pauses. “I’m glad my parents were there for you, though.”
“Your mom has been great,” I tell him. “I don’t know what I would have done without her help, to be honest.”