Chapter 12
Chapter Twelve
There is a weight lifted from my shoulders that I didn’t know I was carrying.
It was hard telling Lex what happened. But afterwards, I felt a relief I wasn’t expecting.
And as always, Lex was nothing but understanding and patient with me.
It makes me wish I had gone to him when it happened.
I could have handled it better, leaned on his support the way I really wanted but was too afraid to do.
No. Not telling him was for the best. At least now, sure, I might be a little bit fucked up in the head still, but I’m better. And he didn’t have to see me at my worst.
Throwing on a baggy sweater and a pair of jeans, I then tie my hair up in a messy bun on top of my head. I don’t try to make myself look “pretty” anymore. Not since that night. The way I see it, the less appealing I am, the safer I am too.
Just as I’m sliding my feet into my shoes, there’s a knock at the door. “Who is it?” I call out.
“Lex.”
Shit. I know he said he was coming back in the morning. I just… didn’t expect him this early.
“Hang on.” Walking over to the door, I slide the chains off, then twist the deadlock before finally turning the knob.
Lex greets me, holding out a paper bag. “I got you breakfast,” he says.
“Ah, come in.” I step out of the way so he can enter.
I never let myself be alone in a room with a male anymore. But I didn’t even hesitate to let Lex in last night, and right now, I want him with me. I want to feel that sense of safety I only get from him. Even if it’s for just a moment.
“Chocolate chip,” he says when I take the bag. “And I got you hot chocolate, with oat milk.”
“You remembered my favorite breakfast combination?”
“I remember everything about you, Addi,” he says with a frown. “Did you really think I’d forget?”
I shrug. “I wouldn’t blame you for hating me and erasing me from your memory, Lex.”
“Pretty sure we promised to be best friends forever, Addi. I can’t hate you.”
“I broke that promise when I left without telling you why.”
“We had a small break in our friendship. It’s in the past. And now, we’re back.”
“I’m not the same person I was.” I look down, picking at the chocolate chip muffin with my fingers.
“You’re still Addi to me. Nothing is going to change that.” He glances around the room. “How’d you sleep?”
“Not the worst,” I tell him honestly. “You?”
“I didn’t.”
“Why? Because of me?”
“No.” He shakes his head. “You’re probably going to be pissed. But I would prefer you hear it from me.”
“What?” I peer up at him.
“Last night… I might have burned down the football frat house. And I might have thrown Jameson out of the second-story window.”
My eyes widen, and I do my best not to flinch at the name. “You what?” I whisper. “Did he die?”
“From the fall? No.” Lex shakes his head. “He died from the slice of my blade across his throat.”
“I didn’t ask you to do that, Lex.”
“You don’t need to ask me. You knew what I would do. That’s exactly why you didn’t tell me when it happened.”
I did know. But I also didn’t know that Jameson went to NYU. I didn’t even think to look. I’ve done everything I could to forget he existed.
“I shouldn’t have told you.” I sigh. “What’s going to happen now?
Did anyone see you? Shit, do we need a lawyer?
What are you even doing here, Lex?” My mind whirls with every possible scenario that could happen.
None of them involve Lex living the rest of his life free, and all of them show him behind metal bars.
I stand and pace the small length of my dorm room.
“I can say you were here with me. I can be your alibi.”
“You’re not lying for me, Addi. Good to know you would, though.” He smirks.
“This isn’t funny, Lex,” I growl at him. “This is bad.”
“Besides, the entire football house saw me.” He shrugs. “But no one saw anything. They’re not stupid enough to testify against a Petrov, Addison. Nothing is going to happen.” Lex stands. “You look nice. I forgot to tell you that when you opened the door.”
“What?” I turn and glance in the mirror. “I don’t look nice.”
“I think you do.”
“I don’t want to look nice, Lex. I try everything I can to not look nice, so please tell me the truth.
I look frumpy, like someone you wouldn’t glance at twice.
Right?” I stare at my reflection. My eyes are puffy with black circles, my skin pale from the lack of sun and probably nutrients.
My hair is two days past needing a good wash.
“Fine, you look like shit,” he says. “Better?”
“Yes. Thank you.” I sigh.
“Why don’t you want to look nice, Addi?” Lex asks.
“Because I don’t want to gain attention. If I look like shit, guys aren’t going to want to… you know…” I let my words trail off.
An expression I can’t decipher crosses Lex’s face. “Eat your breakfast. Then I’ll walk you to your first lecture,” he says.
“Thank you.” I sit back down at the desk chair and pick up the muffin. “Tell me something good. What’s happening in the life of Lex Valentino-Petrov?”
“Let’s see. The best thing that’s happened to me in the past year and a half is… I just got my best friend back,” he says.
“Why do you still want to be friends with me?”
“You’re the best human I know, Addi. Why wouldn’t I want to be friends with you?”
“Because I’m broken,” I whisper.