Chapter 4
CHAPTER 4
LIAM
“ W here’s Alex?” I look at my watch and stifle a growl. “He was supposed to be here fifteen minutes ago.”
“Dude, cool your jets,” Max says. “You need to cut Alex some slack. He’s got a lot going on right now.”
I roll my eyes. “We’ve had this scheduled forever. I don’t remember him ever being late before Bree showed up.”
Larson pats my shoulder, a little too aggressively. “He’s still a newlywed, Liam. You’re only grumbling because you’re no longer your former bachelor buddy’s first priority.”
I suck in an aggravated breath. “Y'all are traitors. You know that, right?”
Max and Larson give each other knowing grins. “Sorry man,” Max teases, “but Maizee’s much more fun than you ever were. Truthfully, if she wasn’t so miserable right now, I might have had a reason to be late, too.”
“Treason!” I quip. “You should both be strung up and hung out for the buzzards to pick your bones dry.”
“Hmm. That seems harsh,” Max grins .
Larson chuckles, “Let me guess, another southern saying from Grams?”
I shake my head. “No, I just made it up. But I’m sure Grams would approve.”
“You have a problem with crime-to-punishment ratios,” Larson claps my shoulder again and bites back a smile.
“Liam, my friend,” Max’s face grows serious. “One day, you’ll understand.”
I level him with a pointed glare. “Okay, now you’re overcookin’ my grits.”
“More like busting your chops,” Max corrects.
Of my three best friends, Larson is the only one who doesn’t tease me about being single. Not much, anyway. I think he knows I had a thing for Nell once upon a time, and he doesn’t want to rub my nose in the fact that he gets to spend his nights with her curled up in his arms. The thought might have bothered me a few years ago when I was licking my wounds after Nell friend-zoned me, but honestly, I’m happy for the two of them. They’ve found something special in each other. Despite Larson’s former lifestyle, which was not family-friendly (that’s putting it mildly), he has become a doting husband and soon will be doting on his twin baby girls.
Larson flips his hat so it sits backward on his head and waves at someone in the distance. “Who’s that?” I ask.
“You remember the team from Grants Pass that came in third last spring?”
“Yeah,” I nod.
“That’s their team captain,” Larson explains. “They’ve had a last-minute substitution, a rafter from the Idaho team. Rumor has it Idaho gave him the boot and replaced him with some new guy from Canada.”
“Oh, right. I heard about that but thought it was only a rumor. I mean dude was a monster on the water, why would they kick him to the curb? ”
Larson shrugs. “No one’s saying, as far as the rumor mill goes. Just speculation that he had a fling with the girlfriend of one of the guys on his team. His name’s Deke or something like that.”
“That’s low,” I say with a scoff.
Larson responds with a chin nod, but then adds, “The girl must’ve been willing, though.”
Max and I shoot Larson a pointed scowl. “What?” Larson asks innocently. “I’m just saying it takes two.”
“Still, it’s not cool,” I say.
“No argument there,” Larson replies.
“Wait, is that him?” I gesture to the man approaching the Grants Pass captain.
“That’s the one,” Larson nods.
“You sure that’s the same guy?” Max asks. “He looks…different.”
The three of us stand with our arms folded across our chests, watching, as the man Larson called Deke greets his new team. The four men exchange bro slaps to the back.
“What are you three gawking at?” a voice sounds from behind.
“Well, look who finally decided to show up!” I say, glancing over my shoulder and narrowing my eyes at Alex.
“What? I’m right on time,” Alex says with a shrug.
I can’t help but scoff at that. Alex is one of those people who thinks showing up ten minutes early is on time, and showing up on time means you’re late. “You get stuck in traffic, or what?” I ask.
“Uh,” Alex’s ears redden slightly, and his gaze shifts from Max to Larson, and then back to me. “I was detained.”
Max and Larson try (and fail), to hide their matching grins. I do my best to shoot my friends a disapproving scowl, but something that feels a lot like envy dances across my chest. I press my hand there without thinking and rub the spot .
I seem to be doing that a lot lately.
How can I not be envious? These three are the best friends anyone could imagine, and right now, all three have wide smiles on their faces. Once upon a time, I was the one who was always quick to grin and laugh–the fun one of the group. Now, I’m the one my friends pity. When did that change?
The most drastic change, however, is the shift in Alex’s demeanor. Nell tells me he’s more like his old self since he reconciled with Bree, but I’ve only ever known the grumpy, serious version of him, so this joking and grinning Alex is taking me some time to get used to. I suppose I should be grateful to Bree for Alex’s happiness, and maybe I would if I wasn’t the lone wolf left standing.
Alex and I were great as roommates. We had a routine. Larson and Max often joked that Alex and I acted like an old married couple. But it worked. That all changed when Alex returned from Boston and brought Bree with him. I’m happy for them, I am. But it’s made me face a reality I wasn’t prepared to face: I’m lonely.
“You guys ready?” Larson asks. We make quick work of stripping down to our swim trunks and climbing into our spring suits. The faint smell of the thick rubber coupled with the familiar scent of the river sends my mind on a field trip of memories, bringing a pleasant smile to my face. I pull the stretchy material over my legs, abs, and shoulders, allowing it to snap into place with the precision of memory foam. Spring suits work like wetsuits, only with short sleeves and legs, keeping your core warm while allowing greater mobility–a necessity on the river. It’s still early in the spring season, so the frigid water is barely above freezing, particularly in the deeper parts of the river. We’re all strong swimmers, but none of us want to navigate temperatures that low should we be thrown from our raft.
Today is our first practice run of the season, but the moment we step onto our raft, it will feel like it’s only been since yesterday. As soon as we snap on our safety vests, we take up our positions on the outer tubes of the raft, and the sturdy canvas dips and squeaks in protest to the added weight. We slip our outside foot forward and nudge it underneath the tube in front of us, then tuck our back foot behind us. This gives us optimum stability while we paddle. For me, it feels as natural as snapping my boots into a snowboard and preparing to bolt down the slopes.
Although it’s been a few years since the four of us competed together in an extreme river rafting competition, we’ve enjoyed participating in the more mild River Run for Charity event co-sponsored by a group of sporting goods chains in Oregon, including the company Max works for. The team that places first in the run receives $20,000 to donate to a charity of their choice. The second-place team receives $10,000, and the team that comes in third receives $5,000. Teams can also recruit sponsors to match their donations. It’s a pretty low-key event, but a great way to begin the river season. Today is our first practice run in preparation for the event, which will take place in a few weeks.
We launch from the short side-dock, and immediately, the flow of the river carries us away from the bank. Launch docks are located along the wider, more calm parts of the river. Rapids occur when the river narrows, but we likely won’t see anything above a level three rapid on the stretch of river we’re navigating today. I wouldn’t mind a solid level four run, but that’s unlikely. There’s nothing like jumping the whitecaps as you pick up speed.
The four of us used to compete in higher-stakes competitions and championships where levels four and five rapids were the norm. Those more serious competitions require a high caliber of skills, and when you’re fortunate enough to be part of a cohesive team, the experience is like nothing else–not to mention the adrenaline rush is beyond description.
With weddings occurring every year for the past three years, our extreme rafting adventures have gone by the wayside. Max was the first to bail on the serious competitions when he and Maizee got engaged and began planning their wedding. Last year it was Nell and Larson tying the knot. Then this year, Alex gave Bree her dream wedding, even though technically, they were already married. Theirs is a somewhat confusing story, since for more than three years, Alex believed Bree had divorced him when in truth, she never filed the paperwork.
I mentioned before that Alex, Max, and Larson all experienced love at first sight when they met their wives for the first time. For Larson, it was more like love at second sight, but it was the same day, so I’m counting it. I’m not the sort to buy into the whole insta-love thing, but after witnessing it happen to my friends, I won’t argue against it. My friends fell fast, and they fell hard.
But the love at first sight phenomenon skipped me. Unless you count the magic and thrill I feel when I look at roaring rapids in a river I’ve never conquered.
Andie’s my exception. She’s the only girl I’ve ever met where the magic and thrill never died. Our romantic relationship may have ended, but the spark never fizzled. I suppose that’s why we became best friends when we went our separate ways after high school. Other than the five years where she committed to Derek, the ease and comfort of our relationship has always been a balm to my soul.
I still feel it, you know. That spark. She walks into a room and my blood sizzles. It’s a pleasant feeling, one I used to fight, but I’ve resigned myself to the fact that I’m going to feel that spark of energy whenever I see her, and it’s okay. It’s not a bad thing. It’s just how it is.
“Graham!” Larson calls over to me from his place on the raft tube. “Dude, where is your brain?”
I shake away the cobwebs in my mind and pull myself into the moment. “I was just reminiscing over some of the intense river runs we’ve enjoyed in the past.”
Larson grins. “We’ve had some epic runs, haven’t we?”
“Good times, man,” I shoot back.
“The best,” he agrees with a nod. Larson’s our navigator. He calls the runs, letting us know when and how to shift and paddle. Hands down, he’s one of the best navigators I’ve had the privilege of rafting with. Calm under pressure, able to make snap decisions and quick calls, and rarely, if ever, makes a mistake.
Nell says Larson comes alive on the water–that he shines–and she’s not wrong.
“Time to make some new memories,” Larson shoots me an excited grin, “Max? Alex? You guys ready to launch?”
Max and Alex are our box paddlers. We’ve rafted in our respective positions for a few years now, only shifting spots periodically to make things interesting on a less extreme run. When we’re competing seriously, we don’t mess with the proven formula for success.
It’s good to be here with my buddies today. Because for the next couple of hours, it will be as though nothing has changed among us.
“So, Liam, you got your date straight for the benefit this weekend?” Alex teases as we take our seats at the bar following our practice run. The afternoon sun hovers at an angle that creates dancing sparkles across the river. The sight never gets old.
“Very funny,” I say, rolling my eyes. “Just because you three don’t have to worry about dating–like, ever again.”
“Hah!” Max bellows. “Are you kidding? Just because we’re married doesn’t mean we can stop dating.”
“You know what I mean.”
“It’s okay, Liam. When the right one comes along, you’ll be just as love-struck as we are,” Larson interjects from his seat to the other side of Max.
We came in second place in today’s practice run. We had a smooth, uneventful run, finding our groove as if it hasn’t been months since the last time we rafted together. Not surprisingly, the team we will need to keep our eye on is the team from Grants Pass. They were impressive last year. This year, with the addition of Deke to their team, they’re going to be extra tough to beat. I’d love to see a one-on-one competition between Deke and Larson.
Now, that would be a spectacle to behold!
The conversation halts as the bartender comes over to take our drink orders. Everyone orders a beer, except for Alex, who orders sparkling water. He hasn’t said anything about not drinking, but the past couple of times we’ve gotten together, he’s opted for a non-alcoholic beverage. Interesting, since of the four of us, Alex was always the one most likely to order something more stiff than beer. Not that he’s into hard liquor, he never drinks to excess. I’ve seen him loosen up after a drink, but I’ve never seen him drunk. The man has too much self-preservation to make that mistake. But occasionally, he’ll order something besides beer.
“So,” Alex grins, once the bartender finishes taking our orders. “Who’s the unlucky victim you’re taking to the benefit? You did only ask one girl this time, right?”
I shoot him a dark scowl. “One time, man! In my entire dating life, I’ve double-booked myself ONE TIME.”
Alex breaks into a wide smile and laughs. “Yeah, but it’s so much fun to rub your pretty face in some dirt. You’d do the same for me if I was ever dumb enough to make that kind of mistake. Which, of course, I never would.”
“Only because you don’t have women hanging all over you wherever you go,” Max interjects .
“Thank you,” I give Max an appreciative nod. Wait. That wasn’t actually intended as a compliment, was it?
“That’s by choice,” Alex retorts. He’s one of those dark, brooding types women find intriguing and mysteriously handsome, or so I’m told. He definitely does not give off approachable vibes. He’s more the beware, and approach at your own risk type. Guess Bree ignored the risks and waltzed right into Alex’s world and straight into his heart.
Alex is my complete opposite. Maybe that’s why we made great housemates.
I ignore Alex’s comment and choose to respond to Max’s question. “I convinced Andie to go with me.”
Three sets of eyes flash in my direction, each with eyebrows raised in stunned interest. “What?” I ask. “What’s wrong with me taking Andie?”
Three shoulders lift in identical shrugs. I couldn’t choreograph it any better.
“Nothing.” Max’s eyes shift between Larson and Alex then back to me. “We’re just surprised.”
“Why Andie?” Alex asks, his eyes narrowing slightly.
I chuckle. “Why not Andie?”
Alex raises his palms, “Hey, no need to be oppositional. I’m just curious.”
“Oooohhhh, I know,” Larson says. “Word’s gotten around about your little dating mishap, hasn’t it? Now all the women are on to you.” He waggles his eyebrows, and I roll my eyes in response.
For some reason, the way my friends are questioning me puts me on the defensive. “You three are literally the worst. What could you possibly have against Andie? She’s amazing.”
Alex waves his palms at me again. “Relax, man. Nobody’s disputing that. We love Andie.”
“Of course, we do,” Larson adds. “She’s great. We just want to know why you’re taking her instead of, you know, one of your usual types.”
The three of them all have their eyes trained on me as if they know something I don’t. It’s disconcerting, and it’s raising my hackles. “Look you guys, back off, okay? Andie wanted me to persuade Layton to take her. I offered to take her myself instead.”
“Layton?” Max’s eyebrows shoot to the top of his head. “As in…Layton, Layton? As in your older brother, Layton? The Layton?”
“Yes, that Layton.” I respond, shaking my head. “Her douche of an ex is going to be there and she wanted to show up with, as she put it, a hot tamale on her arm.”
All three of my friends begin laughing. “Pretty bold move on her part, asking Layton, of all people,” Max says.
“That’s what I said!” I toss my hands up in agreement.
“So, Andie’s hoping to make Derek jealous, and she wants Layton to help her?” Larson asks.
“Not jealous, exactly. But she’s not seeing anyone and didn’t want to show up alone. She doesn’t want to look like a loser. Her words, not mine.”
“Okay,” Max says, “I get that. But Layton? Why not just ask you?”
“That’s the same question I asked. She said she thinks going with me will make her look like a charity case,” I admit. “And, I suppose I get where she’s coming from.”
“How’d you persuade her to change her mind?” Larson asks.
I look up, shaking my head. If I tell them the truth, they’ll razz me for months. If I don’t tell them the truth, they’ll read way too much into things. Might as well get it over with. “I convinced her to let me be her fake boyfriend. And then I promised I could sell it well enough to convince Derek it’s the real deal. ”
Three stunned faces give me identical frozen stares. Alex is the first to crack. “Yeah, that’ll work.”
“Totally,” Max adds.
“One hundred percent,” Larson chimes in.
And then, at once, all three of them burst into fits of laughter.
Folding my arms across my chest, I wait for them to get it out of their systems, but every time they stop laughing, they look at me and erupt into hysterics again.
Thankfully, the bartender brings us our round of drinks, and the chuckles finally fizzle out.
“Just out of curiosity,” Alex asks, “what made you and Andie break up?”
“You’re just full of curiosity today aren’t you?” I say. “Truth is, I don’t know. We just sort of went our separate ways after high school.”
“Right, but why not do the long-distance thing?” Alex prods. “It’s not like Salem is that far away. You could have made it work.”
I rub the back of my neck. “Andie thought I had some wild oats to sew. We were only eighteen, and neither of us was ready for a commitment. Then I was too busy playing the field to give it any thought. Guess our timing was just off.”
“Interesting,” Alex says pensively.
“Why is that interesting?” I recognize the look on Alex’s face, and it’s infuriating. Like he’s three or four steps ahead of me.
“No reason,” he shrugs. “It just explains a lot.”
“Like what?”
“Like why you’ve been hopping from woman to woman for so many years, too restless to settle in one place for more than a few weeks.”
My jaw tenses. Not because I’m angry, but more because Alex’s words are too insightful for my comfort. His ability to read people is impressive and part of what makes him good at his job, but it’s freaking unnerving when he aims those talents in my direction.
“So, who broke it off?” Larson asks, probably because he can read how uncomfortable I am. “Was it you or Andie?”
“It was weird. It’s not like we started arguing or fighting or something. Neither of us wanted to end things. It just sort of happened. But Andie’s the one who saw the writing on the wall and suggested we both date other people.”
“Writing on what wall?” Max asks.
I shrug. “You know, doing the whole college thing. She thought we should have an organic college experience without being tied down.”
Max nods his head from side to side. “I can see the wisdom in that.”
“Yeah. I mean, we stayed in touch throughout college and hung out whenever she came home to visit. I dated a lot and assumed she was doing the same, but we never really talked about it. It’s like we had this unspoken don’t ask, don’t tell policy. I didn’t want to hear about who she was dating and assumed she didn’t want to hear about mine either. She was always the mature one. I figured she’d meet someone and settle down, and I for sure didn’t want to know the details.”
“Yet she didn’t, did she?” Alex’s question may be rhetorical, but it makes me uneasy.
“You ever wonder why she didn’t get married?” Larson asks.
I lift a shoulder in a shrug. “Guess the right guy never came along. I think she thought she and Derek were headed in that direction.”
“Maybe she did meet the right person,” Alex says, his head tilted to one side as if he’s puzzling something out. “But maybe the guy wasn’t ready for something serious.”
“Who knows?” I take a long pull on my beer. “She never said as much, though.”
“Well, I wish you luck, man,” Max says. “I think it’s gonna be weird, though, pretending to be Andie’s boyfriend after over a decade of being best friends.”
“I don’t know,” I say. “We’re pretty affectionate as friends. It shouldn’t be too difficult to sell the idea.”
“Okay. I see I’m the only one brave enough to ask the question we all want to know the answer to. Why pretend to be her boyfriend? Why not date Andie for real?” Because of course, Alex would be the one to ask the obvious question no one else is willing to ask. Max and Larson lower their beers and lean forward, expectant expressions on their faces.
I fight the urge to squirm and tug on my collar. “Andie wants the whole white picket fence deal. Marriage. Kids. Sunday dinners with the extended family.”
“So?” Alex raises an eyebrow.
I suddenly find it difficult to swallow. “I keep telling you, morons. I am not cut out for that life.”
“Why not?” Alex continues to press.
“I’m not the white picket fence type,” I shrug.
“What’s wrong with white picket fences?” Max asks.
“Nothing,” I exhale a low chuckle. “It’s great for some people. Like you guys. And Andie.”
“But not for you?” Larson asks.
“No. Andie was right about me all those years ago. I’m too restless. And I enjoy flirting with women too much. Besides, I enjoy my freedom.”
“Do you, though?” Alex asks.
This time I can’t stop from squirming in my seat. And I’m suddenly feeling uncomfortably warm. “Hey guys, can we get off the roast Liam train and move on please?”
“Sure,” Max grins. “But,” he chuckles before saying, “I’d love to be a fly on the wall at the benefit,” he says under his breath.
“Maybe Liam can hire someone to take a video of Andie and him at the event, because I, for one, would love to see how this fake boyfriend plan goes down,” Alex says teasingly .
“Ha. Ha,” I deadpan.
“One last question,” Larson says as he waves a finger at me. “Why not let Andie go as Layton’s date?”
I exhale with an exasperated sigh. The man can’t be serious. “You’ve met him. Layton’s a player, and I don’t want him anywhere near Andie.”
“Ah,” Larson nods but doesn’t press the issue.
“Stop looking at me that way. All of you! You’re making this weird.”
“What happens once you realize you enjoy being Andie’s pretend boyfriend a little too much?” Alex asks.
“That’s easy. I already know I’m going to enjoy myself,” I answer.
Alex arches an eyebrow and folds his arms across his chest. “Be careful, man. There’s a lot at stake, and you don’t want to jeopardize your friendship.”
A rumble on the counter alerts me that I have an incoming message, saving me from acknowledging Alex’s warning. A warning I’ve been warring with for longer than I will ever admit to anyone. Especially not to myself.
I reach over and pick up my phone.
Mom: Your father and I need you to come by tonight. There’s a matter we need to discuss.
I try, but I can’t stifle an exasperated groan.
“What’s up?” Max nods to my phone.
I shake my head. “I’ve been summoned.”
“Summoned?”
“My mom.”
“Ah, right,” Max says as he finishes his beer and sets the empty bottle on the bar.
“Does she say what she wants?” Alex asks.
I hold my phone up so Alex can read the message for himself.
“Ohhh. Yeah,” he grimaces. “So, nothing good, then.”
I release a dark laugh. “I doubt it.”
I hand my phone off to Max who shows the message to Larson. “Is this the dreaded conversation you’ve been expecting? About your double-date-dilemma?” Larson asks.
Ignoring his alliteration, I reply, “I expect so. It was too much to hope they’d let the matter go. Wasn’t my embarrassment and subsequent humiliation enough for them?”
“Guess you’ll find out tonight,” Max says.
Alex lifts his hand to get the bartender’s attention and signals him to settle the tab. “I’m off, too,” he says a little too eagerly.
“Me as well,” Larson adds.
“Same,” Max says in agreement.
Newlyweds.
“Drinks are on me this time,” Alex says.
We nod our thanks as Alex settles the tab. Then the four of us head to the parking lot and say our goodbyes.
“Same time next week,” I remind them as we part ways. “Maybe Alex will be on time for once,” I tease.
Alex gives me a wry grin. “Don’t count on it,” he says with a wink that causes Larson and Max to throw back their heads and laugh.
I wave my three friends off and rub at that nagging, dull ache that has decided to make a permanent home in my chest.
It’s been two weeks since my dating debacle the evening of the gala. I’ve been laying low, expecting a summons from my parents any minute. Waiting has been its own kind of torture, and my parents know this, which is precisely why my dad has delayed this little meeting for so long.
But it’s Grams that worries me the most. I thought for sure she would have reached out before now, but she hasn’t uttered a single word to me–hasn’t even returned my texts or phone calls, which isn’t like her at all. It kills me to know how much I’ve let her down. I only wish there was a way for me to make things up to her–to prove to her I’m not the royal screw-up everyone thinks I am.
I click on the fob to unlock the door to my truck and slide into the driver’s seat. I press the ignition button and take a slow, deep breath, holding it for a few seconds before finally releasing it with a groan.
Guess it’s finally time to face the firing squad.