Chapter 31
I STUMBLED THROUGH court with tear-filled eyes.
Dusk had fallen above without me noticing, dimming my vision even more, but I didn’t care.
My feet wandered aimlessly. I didn’t know where I was going.
To find Soren? No. Because what could he do for me?
Nothing. To find my way outside into the freezing snow where an invisible wall would turn me away? That would be stupid.
But as I stopped in front of the buffet table where the evening meal had been set out, I did want to do something stupid.
I picked up a shimmery gold glass with deep red liquid. It sloshed as I brought it to my nose. Inhaling, I breathed in the delicious sharp but sweet scent of the fae wine. It smelled incredible.
“It’s the king and queen’s favorite batch,” a fae voice rasped in my ear.
Her smoker’s voice didn’t match the giggle that followed or the wispy green hair as she reached a scrawny tree-branch arm past me to snap up a glass as well.
“You know what that means.” She tapped her goblet against mine, and the glass rang out softly.
Another giggle. “I’ve already had some. Trust me, you won’t regret it. ”
Oh, I probably will, I thought darkly.
But without a word or a second to change my mind, I tipped my head back and chugged the wine in one big gulp.
I let the glass fall.
Instead of shattering, it bounced on the grassy floor. Another disappointment, I thought with a snort-giggle of my own.
Knowing Soren or his friends might show up any second, I snatched up another glass of wine and took off into the crowd, not ready to talk to anyone yet. Bending, weaving, and dodging under an arm here and there, I passed wild fae with a bravery that I definitely hadn’t had a minute ago.
I gulped down the second glass of wine and welcomed the dizziness.
“Here you go.” I gleefully handed my glass to a floating body with a tray. They probably weren’t actually floating. I was definitely seeing things, but who cared?
I felt lighter.
Happy, even.
“You should dance,” someone whispered in my ear as they passed.
How did they know?
Dancing was all I’d ever wanted.
Running back to the dance floor on the other side of the room, I jumped in amongst the fae, breathless and giddy.
I leapt in circles and swayed, laughing.
I didn’t know how much time passed this way. I just leaned into the numbness.
It was a relief after everything I’d tried and failed to do. Even thinking about failure just made me laugh and twirl the pain away.
It was a strange sensation to be so out of breath, delirious and giggling.
I waved at the musicians, more carefree than I’d ever been in my entire life.
Yet a tingling awareness slowly grew beneath it as an hour passed, maybe more.
Like a deep river of emotions just beneath the surface.
The undercurrent didn’t scare me from here, but when I peered down into it, it twisted and raged with a new emotion that I thought might be terror . . .
Because I couldn’t stop dancing.
Not “I don’t want to,” because for some reason, I still desperately wanted to dance, but . . .
I . . . can’t . . . stop.
My feet didn’t listen to me.
My arms burned as I swung them about, but it was the shaking in my thigh muscles that told me my legs were about to give out, even as I grinned at another partner and laughed wildly at nothing.
My smile hurt my face.
I skated right across the surface of those emotions now, close enough to feel the bite of fear, because though I’d changed to a more trancelike twirl that mostly involved a slow spin, my feet danced me directly toward an enormous troll.
“Brynn,” a voice said from thin air.
That’s weird. I smiled at how air could talk now. How odd.
“Brynn,” the voice said again, but this time it came from Soren’s mouth.
Oh, I’m imagining Soren now. Lovely.
“I really liked you, you know.” I danced toward him, grabbing his hands and wrapping them around me.
He choked slightly, and I felt it in my head. Why did I feel it in my head? Oh, because I’d pressed my cheek into his chest.
“You liked me?” he murmured. “Past tense?”
“Grammar nerd,” I teased back. Weird way to flirt, but he was flirting, right?
Of course he was. He was coming from my imagination, and it turned out that I didn’t hate him.
I actually really, really liked him. . .
“You’re really good-looking too,” I told him, since he wasn’t real.
“It’s annoying because it’s so distracting. ”
He coughed now and pulled back a bit. “As much as I’m enjoying this . . . Brynn, did you drink the wine?”
“Did I drink the wine?” I repeated dumbly, unable to remember for some reason.
A memory of red liquid in a glass crossed my vision.
“Oh, yeah, I did.” I laughed at the abrupt change in his expression, reaching out to try to smooth the wrinkles on his brow.
“You look like you’re worried about little old me,” I teased, shaking my head at the thought.
He pulled his hand back, but I could’ve sworn I heard him say, “More than you know.”
Then my feet decided they wanted to leap like a ballerina. I’d always wanted to be a ballerina, but Mom and Dad had cancelled my lessons after the teacher said I’d have to repeat the beginner level a second year. Too expensive. I giggled. What did “expensive” even mean?
I vaulted away from Soren’s reaching arms, straight toward that troll again—toward the troll’s knee, technically.
It looked down at my approach with a glob of something by its tusks that looked like drool, and while part of me giggled at the thought of seeing a troll drool—troll drool, that totally rhymed, right?
—the other part, where I’d somehow buried my emotions, began to panic.
“I can’t . . . can’t stop . . .” I managed to say, and I thought hands brushed my waist, but I couldn’t tell because I was twirling again.
The troll’s hand lowered, reaching for me.
I spun exuberantly even as I choked out, “No!”
Iron wrapped around my waist, catching me and yanking me back from the troll’s greedy fingers just in time.
No, not iron . . . Arms.
Warm, strong arms.
“Brynn Donovan, stop dancing.” His whisper tickled my ear.
All the impossible manic energy left me instantly, like a tornado disappearing into the distance after tearing past.
And then the pain flooded in.
I sagged.
My whole body was at his mercy.
I couldn’t move.
“Shh, you’re safe,” the voice whispered again. As those arms lifted me up off my throbbing feet, cradling me gently, I realized I was sobbing.
I knew that voice.
Soren.
I hadn’t imagined dancing with him after all.
Weeping into his shirt, I pressed my face there to hide my weakness.
He murmured into my hair as he carried me away from the crowd. The music faded.
Exhaustion overpowered me.