Chapter 36
“WHAT IF THE toddy isn’t listening when I say it?” I whispered to Soren shortly after.
We strode through the tunnels toward court. After he’d spoken to the others individually, they’d each taken off to spread my lies throughout the Hollow Court, leaving me and Soren alone for my task.
“They’re notoriously nosy,” Soren reassured me. “Once they smell you lying, they’ll wobble closer. If necessary, you can repeat yourself in a few different ways as a precaution.”
My chest rose and fell like we were running instead of strolling with false calm, but I couldn’t quite slow my breathing down.
I had a job to do.
Or rather, a lie to tell.
I swallowed, wishing I had a drink of water. My dry mouth and rapid heartbeat reminded me of that one time I’d tried to perform in a play. There’s no need for stage fright, I reprimanded myself. It’s just one funny-looking fae.
And the performance of my life.
Before we’d left, I’d borrowed fresh clothes from Lore.
She’d given me another loose long-sleeved white shirt and flowy burnt-orange pants.
I liked the bold color. If I was being honest, I’d really hoped the bold vibes would rub off on me a little, but no luck yet.
I’d also convinced Gwen to let me wear a pair of her tall black boots, which fit my feet much better than Lore’s sandals.
She’d shocked me by volunteering one of her sleeveless leather tops to put over the shirt.
“It’s impenetrable, making it similar to wearing armor, but better looking,” she’d said with a grin.
The whole ensemble made me feel a bit like a pirate, which I secretly loved, even if it hadn’t provided any extra courage yet.
Between the lack of pockets and the skin-tight top, though, I didn’t have anywhere to put my phone. Oddly enough, I didn’t care anymore. The battery was dead. It was useless to me, so I’d left it behind on a shelf by the daybed.
Today, Soren and I took a more direct path through the tunnels.
We kept getting strange looks. At first I thought it was because of me.
But then I remembered that Soren had glamoured me one last time before we’d left.
Even though I knew I didn’t fit in here, I should at least look the part. So, why all the attitude?
When I dared to stare back instead of studying my feet, I did a double take.
They were glaring at Soren, not me. Same thing with the next group we passed.
Unlike the way the folk bowed and scraped before Caius, they outright ignored Soren, or worse, sneered at him.
Was it because he was Unseelie, or was it something else?
If this was how he was treated in the Hollow Court, I completely understood why he’d avoided the fae here in the past.
He kept his gaze forward, not paying them any attention. If I didn’t know better, I’d have thought it didn’t bother him at all, but his fists clenched at his sides, and he was more quiet than normal.
After a little fae the size of a pumpkin with wings curled her lip at him as she flew by at eye level, I couldn’t help it. “Why do you stay here?”
“I already told you why,” he said in a tone that didn’t invite further conversation.
Usually, I wouldn’t push, but while Soren acted grumpy and serious, he’d never actually been hostile, so I risked it. “You told me it’s your choice. But did your dad promise you something if you stay a certain amount of time? Or do you have some sort of secret assignment, like maybe you’re a spy?”
That got him to crack a small smile. “The only ‘assignment’ I have is the one I gave myself: to rescue humans.” Then he sobered and added, “And, as you may remember, I would likely be disowned by my father.”
“But . . . why though?”
“He has his reasons.” Soren hesitated, glancing over at me briefly, then away again, brow furrowed.
He didn’t speak for so long that I thought he was done.
Then he added softly, “My own reasons, I suppose, would be not wanting to lose my mother or siblings. I have three brothers and one sister. And I suppose I’ve always wanted my father to be as proud of me as he is of them. ”
I hummed in understanding and nodded, but I didn’t really get it. How could his dad not be proud of him?
Soren interrupted my thoughts. “It’s foolish, I know.”
“I wouldn’t call it that. . .” I shook my head slowly. “I. . .” Maybe I shouldn’t say anything. It wasn’t my place.
“You can speak your mind with me,” Soren prompted when I grew quiet. He gave me a small teasing smile. “That’s a quality I’ve admired about you since the day we met.”
I blushed. “I’m not always blunt.”
“Well, perhaps you should be,” he teased.
I took a deep breath and went for it. “I just wonder if, for someone like that, you’ll ever be able to make him happy.”
When Soren’s smile fell, I rushed to explain. “No, I don’t mean it that way. I mean, you’re already good enough. If he can’t see it by now, after everything you’ve done, I don’t know if he ever will . . .”
Lips pressed together, he gave a short nod. “I know.”
My brows rose. “You do?”
“I know his opinion shouldn’t matter. That I should let my desire to please him go.”
“You should,” I agreed fervently.
“But,” he added, “knowing someone’s opinion shouldn’t matter and actually releasing yourself from the weight of it are two very different things.”
I could understand that.
People’s opinions had always bothered me, even when I pretended they didn’t.
How strange that I could have the same underlying fear as a fae.
Maybe we weren’t so different after all.
“Have you ever thought about leaving?” I asked after we’d walked quietly for a few minutes. “Going back to the Shadow Court?”
“All the time,” he said immediately, then gave a humorless laugh. “And also . . . not really. Not in a real way with any planning behind it. But,” he added as we reached the entrance to court, “you’ve given me some things to consider.”
He held an arm out to me, like an old-fashioned gentleman.
I took it, thinking it’d feel strange. Instead, it made me feel safe.
He tucked his arm in, pulling me close, placing his fingers casually over mine.
I leaned in. I couldn’t help it.
Strolling through the court like this, as if we weren’t in a hurry, we searched for a toddy.
We followed the curve of the entire court. No luck.
Turning, we made another lap, eyes peeled for that vibrant red hair, but still nothing.
“They usually hover around the court looking for gossip like flies searching for refuse,” Soren muttered. “I don’t know why we haven’t found one yet.”
“Should we come back later?”
“No,” Soren murmured. That slight crease in his brow remained as his eyes swept the space more slowly on our third pass. “Gwen will be fine watching over the burrow for a few more hours. And Julian, Lore, and Peregrin are all meeting us here once they’re done with their tasks.”
I tore my gaze from his profile and tried to focus on my side of the court. “You think they’ve finished spreading their rumors by now?”
Soren didn’t answer verbally, just nodded.
“So, all that’s left is our . . . thing . . . and then we wait for the story to reach Caius.” I rehashed our plan out loud. Blowing out a puff of air, I added under my breath, “No big deal. Nothing will go wrong.” Might as well practice my lying.
Soren interrupted my mini-freak-out spiral. “Look, there.”
When he had my attention, he jerked his chin toward a banquet table, where a toddy wobble was piling his plate high with meats and cheeses, balancing a fresh slice of sourdough bread on top of the stack with a greedy grin.
“Okay, okay, okay, okay.” I bounced on my toes.
“Ready?” Soren asked.
I sucked in a deep breath and blew it out. “I mean, not really. But let’s do this.”