39
Lost Without You – Freya Ridings
Kai had been silent for what felt like hours, staring off into the void, his jaw clenched so tightly I was afraid he’d crack his teeth. My tears had long dried up as I relayed the tragic events of my life, laying them all out for him and holding nothing back. He confirmed what I had suspected. Ronan was on the run, hiding after betraying Derek and taking part in shady dealings against the organization. None of them knew where he’d gone, though the few times he’d resurfaced, it was evident he still retained connections with select members and old business partners who’d aided him with untraceable funds.
“Say something.”
Kai squeezed his eyes shut and shook his head as he held my hands. “Athena—”
“Amara… I’m Amara now.”
With a nod, he pressed a kiss to my skin. “Amara, why didn’t you reach out? Derek and I would have come to you, no question. We would have taken his goddamn head if we knew.” His blue irises pulsed with tears. “I’m so sorry. We should have suspected. Should have confronted him… Should have looked for you harder.”
“It’s not your fault. He lied, just like he told me he would. He made you believe I’d left with Ezra, left the organization, and didn’t want to be found.”
Kai’s eyes were downcast, falling on the silk cuffs around my wrists before rising again and meeting mine. He didn’t need to ask. I could see the questions and anguish swimming in his gaze.
“It’s okay,” I whispered as his fingers hovered over the edge of the fabric.
When he peeled them back, he pounded the table and shot to his feet, pacing madly and stopping only to launch his chair across the room with so much force that one of its legs snapped off on impact.
“He’s dead. All of them. When I tell Derek…”
Kai turned to me, the lines of rage on his face dissipating as he knelt and took my hands. “You have to call him, blue. He’ll be so happy to hear from you.”
My heart galloped at the thought, excitement buzzing through me.
“I met Derek’s little girl.”
“You met Vali? How? Where?”
I smiled at the memory. “I was in Pennsylvania two weeks ago…where I also met Silas and Leni.”
“You were so close.”
I nodded and touched his cheek as more tears broke free. “Look at you, Kai. You were always so handsome, but now, you’re…so grown up.” We shared a teary laugh. “And your wife, she’s gorgeous. I can tell she loves you. The way she put herself in harm’s way. I’m so happy you boys found love. You deserve it.”
Kai looked beyond me, where his wife and Santino sat at the bar across the lounge, and smiled. “That’s my heart. But I don’t deserve her. The things I’ve done and I’m willing to do for her, my family—and you. No, I’m just a lucky son of a bitch.”
He squeezed my hands tighter .
“What about Santino? I know he’s Silas’s friend. Is he someone special to you? I mean, I would assume since he almost killed me when he thought I hurt you.” Another round of laughter. I twisted and locked eyes with Santino. I owed him an explanation now that he knew my real name and that I’d lied about knowing Derek and Kai. Guilt turned my stomach. What if he was upset or felt betrayed?
He was in love with a woman who technically didn’t exist. Maybe it was the reason I was unable to say it back. My heart swelled for him, the words always on the tip of my tongue. But uncertainty and fear held them back.
Despite anything Santino could have been feeling, he’d allowed me this moment with my brother. That had to count for something.
“He is,” I confirmed with a wistful tone. “Very special.”
A serene sense of calm washed over us as we sat in silence, our eyes on our respective partners, until I felt Kai’s warm touch on my arm. He slid his phone across the table, and Derek’s contact information was on the screen. Again, my heart thundered, but I drew a deep inhale and pressed the green button.
“Hey, brother.”
The familiar gravel of his voice caused a fresh rush of tears, but the best kind. Someone once told me that tears appeared uniquely different under a microscope, depending on whether they were happy or sad. After what felt like a lifetime of sorrow, there wasn’t a doubt in my mind that my tears, at this very moment, resembled a beautiful winter wonderland.
“No, it’s not Kai.”
I heard a sharp shift as if he’d stood suddenly or switched positions, then silence until he finally spoke again. Kai’s smile widened.
“Who is this?” There was a frantic edge to his tone as if he recognized my voice.
“Me, Derek…Athena.”
The woman in the mirror wasn’t whole yet, but the fragments of her…of who she used to be were peeking through. Had she been here all this time? For all the reasons life had given me to rage and cry, today, I had two more to smile and feel a little less broken.
Derek booked a flight to come see me. By tomorrow night, I’d have both of my boys in my arms. My heart was so fucking full it could burst.
“Hey.” A soft knock at the door followed an unfamiliar voice.
Kai’s wife, Amalia, stepped inside my dressing room. She was stunning, and a friendly but slightly cautious smile colored her face.
“We didn’t really get a formal introduction out there, so I thought I’d drop by.”
“Of course. Please, sit.”
She respectfully declined and remained by the door.
“You know, Kai and I have shared everything since our wedding. But he never told me he had a sister.”
I wasn’t entirely sure how to respond to that, so I waited for her to continue. Amalia’s eyes narrowed when she seemed to focus on an unknown object, as if drawing the strength to speak.
“But I understand. My little brother passed away about a year ago. We were very close…” Her smile didn’t falter but shook just enough to let me know how deep of a scar his death had left. “I don’t talk about him much either. But…maybe I should.”
Her pain was palpable, and I dared to touch her arm, offering comfort. “I’m sorry.”
She nodded and dabbed at the corner of her eyes.
“Amalia, do you want to grab lunch tomorrow? I’d love to get to know the woman who stole my brother’s heart. Kai is a gem. Anyone he loves as much as he does you is someone I want in my life.”
Her red lips curved into a bright smile.
“Of course. ”
Illusion had remained closed for the day, and I was ready to head home, as Santino and I had a conversation pending. I slung my bag over my shoulder and turned toward the mirror, combing through my curls with my fingers.
“It’s your pick,” I said, twisting my hair into a bun high on my head. “I’ll take you wherever you want to go.”
“I’m not familiar with anything around here, so surprise me.”
“Hmm, I think I know a spot. Do you like Brazilian cuisine?”
Amalia didn’t answer. I found her reflection in the mirror. The need to ask what was wrong was unnecessary as her gaze was fixed on my back.
On my scars.
Flashes of emotion crossed her features: rage, sadness, and compassion. Our eyes connected, but before I could say a word, Amalia approached and rested her forehead against my back, embracing me from behind.
“My god…” she whispered, swallowing thickly. “I’m sorry.”
I placed a hand over hers.
“Me too.”