Chapter 35
THEO
Thankfully, they encountered no one when they entered the house. George headed straight for the stairs, Theo following in his wake, and several hastily-climbed flights of stairs later, George ushered Theo into a large, elegant bedchamber.
Theo had had many days to plan what he was going to say during his journey here. In his imagination, the words had flowed out of him, impassioned and articulate. But here, in the moment, he didn’t even know how to begin.
“George,” he said, just gazing at the man. After a moment, he realised he was still wearing his hat and took it off. “It’s damned good to see you.”
George’s gaze softened but all he said was, "Why did you come, Theo?"
Theo took a deep breath. “The real question you should be asking is why it took me so long to come."
George frowned. “All right, why did it take you so long?”
Theo swallowed. “Because I’m a bloody idiot.”
George’s brows rose, but he said nothing.
Theo took a deep breath. There was nothing to do but jump right in. “I thought you left Blackfriars because you were coming here to reconcile with Fletch. It was only after you’d been gone almost a week that I even heard about your brother’s accident.”
“What?” George said, clearly taken aback. “But I told Mrs. Ford…”
“There was a misunderstanding,” Theo said, embarrassed now.
He didn’t want to admit the next part. “It was my fault. I… I saw the letter you received from Ollie that day.” Hurriedly, he added, “I honestly didn’t read it—not properly.
But I glimpsed a few sentences, enough to see that he was angling to get you back.
I wish I’d spoken to you about it then and there, but instead I went off to see Prentice, and by the time I got back, you were already gone—riding off to the loved one who needed you.
” He closed his eyes briefly against the remembered pain.
“I thought you were talking about Fletch.
And when Mrs. Ford tried to talk to me about it, I cut her off.
Said I already knew where you'd gone—I was sure I did, you see. It was only when Martin mentioned your brother, days later, that I realised my mistake.”
“I’m sorry,” George said, his dark gaze regretful. “I should have explained properly in my note, but I was rushing.”
Theo couldn’t suppress a huff of rueful laughter at that generous response. It was so typical of George.
“Don’t apologise," Theo said, reaching out to tenderly brush a lock of hair back from George’s forehead. “It’s not your fault I’m a bloody idiot.”
“A bloody idiot?”
“To say the least. The best I can say for myself is that once I realised my mistake, I set off the very next morning.”
George’s expression was so tender it made Theo’s throat ache. “Why?” he breathed.
“Because—” And here it was. Christ, Theo felt like he was about to jump off a cliff.
“I never thought I’d say this to anyone, but now that I’m in this position I find I want to say it.
” He stepped forward and took George's face in his hands, gazing into his beloved face. To his utter astonishment, the words, when they came, were some of the easiest he'd ever uttered. “I love you. And I want to be with you. I don’t even know if that’s possible, but it’s what I want more than anything. ”
The change in George’s expression, from wary curiosity to shock, would have been funny in any other circumstances. As it was, Theo swallowed painfully and said, “You look horrified.”
“I’m—I’m absolutely not horrified,” George said quickly, lifting his hands to Theo’s shoulders. “But I am surprised. I had no idea you felt—” He broke off. Started again. “You said you never bed the same man twice. That things are simpler when you’re on your own.”
“They are,” Theo replied. “Simpler, and more straightforward and far less dangerous. But they’re smaller too, and lonelier, and I… I miss you, George. I never missed anyone before.”
“I miss you too,” George whispered. “This last fortnight has been miserable, thinking everything was over between us and I’d have to live the rest of my life in some bloody awful state of unrequited love.”
Theo’s heart leapt. “Are you saying—does that mean you love me too, George?”
“Of course I do,” George whispered. “Wasn't it obvious? God, Theo.” He dropped his forehead to Theo’s shoulder and gave a shuddering huff of rueful laughter.
Theo closed his arms around him, pulling him close, pressing a kiss to his temple. “George,” he whispered after a few long moments. “Please, look at me.”
George raised his head, meeting Theo’s gaze with one that was wild and vulnerable, his dark eyes shining with unshed tears.
Blinking hard, he whispered, “Please. You can’t tell me you want me in your life if you’re going to change your mind in six months, or a year.
I won’t be able to bear that. I’d rather know now. ”
“I’m not going to change my mind ever,” Theo said firmly, putting a finger under George’s chin and tilting his face back up. “We’ll have to decide how we make a life together, but we’ll manage it somehow.”
“Will we?”
“Yes,” Theo said firmly, and then he grinned, because no matter how difficult the future was, it was already brighter and more beautiful than anything he’d ever imagined for himself. “You know," he said, “I had a lot of time to think on the way here, and I realised something that shocked me.”
“What was that?”
“All my life, I’ve prided myself on going my own way.
Making my own decisions, and ignoring society’s expectations.
But when I look at how I’ve lived and what future I imagined for myself, I can see now that I restricted my life to what I thought was possible, rather than what I actually wanted.
Until now, I simply couldn’t envisage a life with someone I loved at my side.
I’d already accepted that was out of my reach.
Something I could never have. I truly believed my life had to be a solitary one.
” He stroked his thumb over George’s cheek.
“Until you, George. Until you came back into my life.”
“Came back into your life?” George echoed, raising a brow. “I’m not sure I was in your life before.”
“I mean when we were at school.”
George raised a single, sceptical brow. “Back then you just saw me as some prissy, annoying boy you had to be around sometimes. I mean, some of the things you used to say to me…”
Theo felt his cheeks warm. “I was a fool. But you know, George, the truth is, there was always something about you. I felt it from the first. I probably resented you because of it. The way you made me feel was… terrifying.”
“Really?” The smile that broke out over George’s face was sweet.
“I was terrified too, back then. I was petrified you’d discover my enormous crush on you, and everyone at school would learn what I was.
I was scared to even look at you most of the time.
Ollie caught me out sometimes, and he’d tease me endlessly about it, telling me how horrified you’d be if you noticed. ”
Theo scowled. “I wish I’d known. I’d have given him a facer.”
George laughed. “Would you? He had me entirely convinced that you hated me.”
“What?” Theo said, genuinely dismayed, his chest aching. “Really? You thought I hated you?”
“It’s not so surprising,” George said. “Whenever you did talk to me, it was usually to rag me, or tell me to be more manly in some way. I certainly didn’t think there was anything about me that you liked.”
“I liked you too well! It made me afraid. But I’m not afraid anymore.”
Dipping his head, Theo kissed George, a kiss that quickly grew hot. George reached out and began unbuttoning Theo’s coat with shaking fingers. And then they were undressing one another in earnest.
Once they were naked, Theo sank to his knees, trailing his hands up George’s thighs and leaning forward to take his cock into his mouth, eagerly pleasuring him, till George’s soft gasps became deeper groans and his fingers gripped Theo’s hair almost painfully.
Theo opened his throat, grunting his approval at the blind, helpless thrust of George’s hips when he instinctively shoved deeper.
Moaned at the salty spray of his release.
The momentary stifling of his breath made Theo giddy for a moment. He broke free with a gasp, leaning his forehead against George’s thigh as he raggedly inhaled George’s musky scent. Then he took himself in hand and began to stroke. He was so close. It would only take a moment and—
“Let me do that,” George said softly, dropping down to his own knees beside Theo.
Theo was so damned close he almost protested, but yes, this was better. He let George push him down to lie on his back on the Turkish rug, watching avidly as George bent over him and engulfed his ruddy shaft in the wet heat of his mouth.
An astonished laugh of sheer, bubbling happiness escaped Theo then, one that turned into a deep, wrenching groan as he began, almost immediately, to spill into George’s mouth, his hand clutching a fistful of George’s dark hair.
"Well, that was damned quick,” George murmured when he lifted his head, a hint of amusement in his tone.
“No wonder,” Theo slurred, slack with satisfaction and the pleasurable tiredness that came over him after spending. “I’ve missed you so much. You could have just breathed on me, and I’d’ve spilled. I’ll last longer when we fuck, but I may need to sleep first.”
George chuckled. “In that case, let’s get you into bed. I’ve no wish to take an afternoon nap on the floor.”
* * *
Much later, as they lay in bed together, replete, George returned to the subject of their future.
“I was serious about lending you money for Blackfriars,” he said. “Will you consider it now? If we’re to be together, why would you object?”
Theo turned his head on the pillow to meet George’s earnest gaze.
“It’s one option,” he said carefully. “Another would be for me to give Blackfriars to you as a gift and let you spend whatever you like on it.”
“What?” George exclaimed. “No! I could never agree to that! How could you even suggest it?”
“If we’re to be together, why would you object?” Theo asked, throwing George’s words back at him.
George opened his mouth, then closed it again, frowning.
“Look at it from my point of view, George. I hated the idea of taking your money. And I was petrified you might think it was the real reason I’d invited you to Wales—that was why I was so vehement about it that night. I couldn’t bear for you to think that. It’s why I went to see Prentice.”
“Ah, Prentice,” George murmured. “And how did that go?”
“Oh, just exactly as you predicted,” Theo said, stroking his thumb over George’s full lower lip.
“He offered me a more than fair price and indicated his intention to remove the tenants and turn off the servants. And… I couldn’t do it.
” He smiled. “That was when I had the idea of giving it to you. I couldn’t sell the place but nor could I bring it up to scratch on my own.
I didn’t know what to do, and then suddenly I thought, why not give it to George?
It occurred to me that, if I could be your steward, I’d at least see you sometimes because you’d need to visit.
” He leaned forward and kissed George’s nose.
“What with you being such a conscientious landowner.”
George looked dismayed. “Oh. I was hoping we might spend rather more time together than that, but—”
“Good,” Theo interrupted. “Because I want as much time with you as you’ll allow.
I just wanted you to know that, when it came down to it, I cared more about losing you—much more—than about losing Blackfriars.
” He gave a crooked smile. “So much so I’d even use your damned sense of duty against you, just to get to see you sometimes. ”
George’s gaze softened. “Us being together is what really matters. Not whose name’s on the deeds.”
“Agreed,” Theo said and brushed their lips together. When he drew back, he said, “There is something else I’m considering.”
“What’s that?”
“Martin offered to help me out by buying his farm.” When George’s expression grew concerned, Theo shook his head.
“I know what you're thinking, and no, I don’t want him using his savings for that either, but it got me thinking about something else. The Morgans. Paying all that rent and still vulnerable to being removed at any time. I’m considering asking Morgan if he would like to buy his land from me, instead of renting.
He might not want to do it, but if he does, I want to find a way to make it happen. ”
George beamed at him. “I think Morgan will bite your hand off. It’s a wonderful idea.”
“I daresay it’s not an idea any man of business would recommend, but it’s something I would like to do.
I want to work with Martin too, with a view to taking over the running of his farm myself eventually.
But to make that all work, I know I have to let you help me make things right at Blackfriars, despite my reservations. ”
“Theo—”
“But,” Theo said, touching his fingertips to George’s lips to quiet him.
“If I do that, you need to let me share Blackfriars with you. It can’t just be mine.
It has to be ours.” He swallowed hard, his heart feeling too full.
Hoarsely, he said, “It’s not a very tidy plan, but I think it would work, for us. What do you think?”
“I think,” George said, “that it sounds perfect. I just have one question.”
“Which is?”
“When can we go home?”