Chapter 11 #3
The second room has a large bed, and in the middle of it sleeps a woman. I lean over, press the cushion to her face, and blow her away before she even wakes up.
And that's when I hear it…a rustling from the next room. I thought it was a bathroom, but I go in and find a crib with a baby in it.
I stare down at the sleeping infant, bile rising.
I turn around and I leave because there's no fucking way that I'm killing a baby for these motherfuckers, not even to save my tongue.
I leave the way I came, get in the truck, and make my way back to the airstrip without any problems.
When I get there, the same guy puts the same gun to my head, and I'm led back in.
I stand in the same spot while the matriarch of the cartel looks me up and down.
She sneers. 'You have failed.’
She pulls the silver top of her cane and a long, thin knife appears from inside it that she hands to one of her men.
He approaches me, malice in his eyes and a little smile playing on his lips. I close my eyes, saying a silent farewell to my tongue
'You did not kill the baby.'
'No, ma'am,' I say.
'Why not? I told you to clear the house.'
'I don't kill kids.'
It's all I say and then I stare straight ahead.
She watches me, but I don't look at her again. For a few seconds, everything is still, and then she waves her hand and the guy with the knife backs away from me, returning to her side.
'The next time I tell you to clear a house, you clear it,' she says, standing up and giving me a look of disdain as she slides the knife back into her cane.
She leans on it heavily as she walks slowly toward the plane. 'Vamanos.’
The guys with guns all step forward. They pick up the table and chairs. The carpet is rolled up and everything is stowed in the plane within a minute.
The guy who gave me the note pushes me toward the hanger door. 'You'll get a call next time your services are needed. Don't fuck up if you know what's good for you. She rarely gives second chances.'
I go to the truck and watch as the plane rolls out of the hanger and turns toward the runway. It’s in the air within two minutes and the cartel queen along with her minions are gone, like they were never even here.
I go back to the cemetery and through the tunnels back to the hotel, feeling numb.
When I get up to our penthouse apartment, it's 4 a.m. I sit down heavily in the living room and put my head in my hands. But then I stand up, unable to sit still. I pace around the room before going into the bathroom.
I turn on the shower, hoping that no one wakes up because I don't want to talk to anyone right now.
Afterward, I pad back into the living room and I find Daisy sitting on the couch waiting for me.
'Not now,' I say, shaking my head.
'Where did you go?' she asks.
'I said, not now.' My voice is sharp, and I see her flinch but her eyes spark in anger.
I sit down on the couch, hoping she'll get the hint and go back into the bedroom with Mav and Shade. Guys who are actually equipped to be decent to her right now. But instead, she comes over to me, and she takes my hand.
'What the fuck do you want?' I snarl, but this time, she doesn't cringe away.
She doesn't say a word, as she takes my hand, as she unknots her robe and lets it fall to the floor. She stares at me, watching as my eyes involuntarily move around her naked body.
'What do you want from me?' I grind out, saying the words to make her leave me alone even though I don’t want her to go.
She doesn't say anything. She just takes my hand, and I let her. She moves it to place it on her breast.
'I can't do this with you now,' I rasp.
My expression softens.
'I might hurt you, sweetheart,' but she just steps closer almost angrily, giving me a look of challenge that makes my blood heat, even though I don’t understand how I could want this now after what I did tonight.
'Fuck,' I snarl, lunging forward and grabbing her by the throat.
Her eyes widen a little bit, but she doesn't make a sound. As I drag her towards me, she straddles my lap.
‘I killed people tonight,’ I mutter in her ear. ‘I killed a mom. I almost killed a baby. Don’t you get it? I’m a fucking monster.’
But I can’t help myself. I don’t deserve her, but I’m selfish enough to take her anyway. Her pussy is right there.
I'm inside her in less than a second, and I love the gasp as I fill her.
'Is this what you wanted?' I growl in her ear, taking the lobe and biting it.
'Yes,' she breathes, and she bites me back.
I raise her, pick her up, and slam her back down.
'You needy little whore,' I snarl. 'I killed five people tonight. Is that what you want to hear? Is that what you want to know?'
I turn us both, pushing her into the couch as I lean over her and fuck her at a punishing pace.
She's making noises, but I barely even hear them.
'You like that?' I snarl. 'You little whore, my little whore.'
Her eyes widen and her mouth opens on moans she can’t stifle.
I laugh almost cruelly.
'You do, don't you? You love being my willing little slut. Mine to fuck. Mine to use.'
My hand around her throat tightens minutely, and her mouth opens, but she doesn't make a sound.
There are no safe words, no nothing.
I pound into her hard, widening her legs, making her take all of me.
'That's right,' I say. 'You take it. You take everything I give you. And when I'm done, you better say fucking thank you.'
I realize what I've done as soon as I say the words aloud, and her expression shutters completely. I said the same words that the nurse said to her in the video we saw.
I watch as her face goes blank, as she dissociates from everything that's happening around her, and I pull back with a snarl.
'Fuck. Daisy, I'm sorry.'
She's lying on the couch, panting.
'Daisy, I'm sorry,' I say again.
She shakes her head, coming back to herself. Her hand comes out and grasps mine, pulling me toward her.
'I’m fine! Don't you dare stop.'
She pulls me towards her, wrapping her legs around me, her nails digging into my shoulders, and I do what she wants.
Less than thirty seconds later, I feel her tighten around me as she comes, and I'm not far behind.
I spill into her as deep as I possibly can, pulling her body to mine, and when I'm finished, when I try to pull away, she doesn't let me. Her legs tighten around my torso, making me lie on the couch with her, with me still inside her.
‘You lied to me,’ she says so quietly I almost don’t hear her.
‘You lie sometimes,’ I shoot back and she scowls.
‘It’s not the same when I do it,’ she mutters and I can't help the tiny bubble of laughter that comes out of me.
She scowls and I sober immediately. ‘I’m sorry that I forgot about the flash drive. I am working on it now. I promise. And I'm sorry I told you I'd started it when I hadn't. I didn’t want you to think it wasn’t a priority because it is.’
She stares at me, her eyes moving over my face. She blinks slowly. ‘You’ve been ignoring me.’
I put my head to hers. ‘You’ve been ignoring me.’
‘This is childish,’ she says quietly. ‘We’re adults. We should…communicate.’
There’s a sneer on her face at the word ‘communicate’, and my lips turn upward just a little.
‘I’ll start. You’re not yourself. You’re treating me like…before, when Kormak made you do bad things.’
‘I’m sorry,’ I say again.
'I don’t want you to be sorry, I want you to tell me what they made you do,' she says quietly.
I do it. I don’t want to, afraid she’ll look at me differently.
There’s a reason I never talk about it, not even with Shade and Mav.
But I tell her everything that happened tonight, from meeting Mariana Reyes with a gun to my head and the crack house baby to watching the plane disappear into the clouds after she threatened my tongue for disobeying her.
By the time I'm done with my story, I'm letting it all out, sobbing into her chest like a little kid, but she doesn't judge. She just holds me.
When the tears finally begin to stop, she strokes my face.
‘You aren’t what they make you do.’
I tell her that I feel better, and it's true. I don’t deserve her, but I’m too selfish to let her escape me. She kisses my lips gently, and holds me until I fall asleep.