Chapter 33 Rachel #2
“Can I ask, though…why are you here?” Rachel posed.
“Mary—my mom—only comes here sometimes, for visits. Then usually she and Gran have an argument, and she leaves again. No offence”—she shrugged—“but to be honest with you, I don’t get why she’d bother bringing you here to meet us. Why not just get married?”
Kevin put the cigarette back to his mouth, but found it spent. He just held it then, instead of stubbing it out on the rocks like Mary did before flicking it into Dora’s garden.
“Well, she did try to do that,” he said.
“When I first asked her, she just wanted to elope to Niagara Falls, or Vegas or something. But this is important to me. I’d like my kids there, and I’d like you and Dora there.
We’re all going to be a family, and family’s important to me.
My ex-wife and I messed that up, and I’m trying to do better this time.
So…I told Mary I wanted to meet you both before we got married. ”
Rachel wondered what he saw in Mary that Dora and Rachel didn’t, wondered whether he knew the whole story.
If Mary hadn’t yet told him the ugliest details about her history, did he have a right to know?
Perhaps. But Rachel had already taken on enough age-inappropriate responsibility for her mother.
It wasn’t on her to force full disclosure on Mary’s soon-to-be-husband.
That was between the two of them. She shouldn’t get involved.
And besides, she didn’t really know much about Mary and Dora’s relationship, either.
Only that they’d always been at each other’s throats, particularly when Mary was a teenager, and in the years after, when Rachel’s grandfather Walter died.
But so much of it stemmed from the way Mary was. She was a difficult person to love.
“The point is, I love her,” Kevin said, and Rachel smiled painfully at the irony. She hadn’t ever heard those words from Mary. I love you. She wondered how often Mary said them to Kevin.
“I can take care of her,” he said. “And I’d like you and Dora to be a part of our lives.”
She studied his face, the flecks of grey at his temples that were conveniently camouflaged by his light-blond hair. Mary’s words to her the previous summer resounded in her mind.
Sometimes it just takes the right person.
Rachel had been offended at the time, that Mary was somehow insinuating she and Dora weren’t “the right” people to steady her ship, that they were lacking in some way, despite being the only ones in the world who would put up with Mary at her worst. But maybe she’d actually found someone who—for whatever reason—could elevate her to her best.
The breeze from the lake caressed Rachel’s bare shoulders as she let her thoughts roll over one another in time to the waves below.
Maybe this was the start of a new chapter for her mother, or even Rachel’s relationship with her.
Maybe Kevin would be a calming influence on her mother’s waywardness.
Or maybe she’d manage to fuck it all up within a year.
But the fact of the matter was that Mary would have a keeper—and not just anyone.
Kevin was a guy with means and money, and he said that he loved her.
Mary would be his responsibility, and there was relief in that fact.
There would be no more crisis calls, no more disruptive visits when Mary’s cash or meds ran out.
Maybe this was all, truly, a good thing for everyone.
“So, have you set a date, then?” Dora asked from the head of the table later that evening. Her eyes were fixed on Mary as she chewed the lemon roasted potatoes that Rachel loved so much.
Mary cleared her throat and looked at Kevin, who shrugged. “Not exactly,” he said. “We wanted to talk to all our family first, then decide. But I think we’re agreed it won’t be anything big. Maybe not City Hall, but we were wondering about just the families on a cruise or something.”
“A destination wedding,” Mary said, beaming. “They’re becoming quite popular, apparently.”
“I think my kids would love it,” Kevin added, “and I was telling Rachel, my daughter’s so excited to meet her, she loves the idea of a big sister. A cruise might be a good chance for us to all really get to know each other and have some fun.”
Rachel nodded politely, smiled at Kevin. It sounded idyllic. It didn’t sound like Mary.
“A nice family gathering,” Dora said, setting her fork down.
“Yeah,” Kevin said, taking a sip of wine.
Rachel could see the smallest beads of sweat breaking out at his hairline.
He was nervous about Dora, who, Rachel had to admit, had so far been less than hospitable to him.
She hadn’t had a chance to speak to her grandmother without Mary and Kevin there, so she had no idea what her current thoughts were on the matter.
Though she knew she would get them later tonight, once she and Dora had a moment to themselves.
All she knew was that she had come back in from her walk with Kevin to find Dora and Mary in aggrieved silence at either ends of the kitchen, the heat of a recent argument hanging over the room like cigarette smoke.
“I know Mary’s had some, uh, some tough times in her past,” Kevin went on, reaching out and covering one of Mary’s hands with his own.
He gave it a squeeze. “But I know she’s come so far, and we both feel like this marriage would be such a fresh start for everyone.
” Mary beamed at him, and she looked like a stranger.
Rachel had never seen her smile like that.
“Oh, so she’s been very open with you, has she?” Dora asked him. “About her past? These ‘tough times’ you speak of?”
“Gran…” Rachel began. Dora shot her a scathing look she wasn’t used to, and she was struck dumb.
“Well, yes,” Kevin said, stuttering. “She—”
“Mama, please,” Mary begged, eyes round with fear, like prey. “Don’t do this.”
Rachel watched her mother, could see the carefully curated preppy veneer beginning to crack. The train wreck was still there, and Dora had poked her enough that the old Mary was showing through.
“Gran—” Rachel found her voice, louder this time, her pulse quickening as she looked from Dora to Mary to Kevin, who was watching Dora now with uncomfortable curiosity. “We’re celebrating tonight, right?” Rachel said, raising her eyebrows at her grandmother.
She’s almost off our hands, Gran. But he won’t want her anymore if you fuck this up.
“I don’t think now’s the time to—”
But Dora just kept on going, ignoring Rachel, which she never did. She only had eyes for Mary now, and they were blazing a painful hatred Rachel had never seen in them before.
“Mary is an absolute disaster, Kevin,” Dora snapped, her voice a leather strap. “I can assure you your affections would be better directed to someone more stable.”
Mary was on her feet now. “No! Do NOT mess this up for me!” she cried, pointing at Dora. Rachel silently agreed. “You have hated the idea of me being happy ever since Walter died. Admit it! I’m sick and tired of this shit! Kevin, don’t listen to her.”
“What does Grandpa have to do with this?” Rachel asked. Only then did Mary look at her.
“Not Grandpa,” Mary said. “My brother. Walter Jr.”
“Oh, so you’re finally going to tell her the truth, are you?” Dora shouted. She never yelled.
“What truth?” Rachel demanded of her mother. “Wait, what brother?”
Dora found Rachel’s eyes now. They were bright and hard and brimming with grief. “Mary had a brother. She killed him when he was ten.”
“What?!” Kevin and Rachel both shouted together. Mary was sobbing now. Kevin had risen from his seat. Rachel’s mouth hung open, dry. Her body was cold.
“I didn’t—don’t—” Mary stuttered, eyes darting wildly from Kevin to Dora to Rachel.
Dora threw her napkin on the table and shook her head, eyes on her daughter. “I’ve kept this from Rachel for you, Mary, but my God, I have reached the end of my generosity and I will not allow you to lead this perfectly honest man down your thorny garden path. You’ve ruined enough lives already.”
“What is this?” Kevin whispered, his eyes searching Mary as tears poured down her red face.
“Mama, STOP!” Mary screamed.
“She decided to get stoned while she was babysitting her brother,” Dora told him, her tone caustic but so, so brittle.
“And she says he fell off the cliff edge.” Dora gasped a little as the words hit the ground, sharp as shattered glass.
“You should probably know that, Kevin, if you intend to marry her and let her care for your children.”
“Mary?” Kevin breathed.
“Gran?” Rachel was the only one still sitting, and she felt like a child then, looking up at the adults around her, uncomprehending.
Except as her grandmother’s words hung in the air above the table, Rachel’s stomach turned acrid, because she knew it was true.
The Christmas stocking. Dora’s obsessive fear of the cliff edge.
Her resentment of Mary that sometimes veered into hatred.
The induced miscarriages and her insistence that Mary was unfit to care for anything at all…
“Mom,” Rachel pleaded, standing now on unsteady legs. The light above the table shone like an interrogation lamp over them. “It’s true. Isn’t it?”
“It wasn’t my fault,” Mary whispered.
Rachel stared at her, sickened. “Because nothing ever is, is it?”
“Then tell me what happened!” Kevin this time, his voice rising to the ceiling, harsher than Rachel thought him capable of.
“He got too close to the edge,” Mary gasped. “It was an accident!” She clutched at Kevin, but he pulled away.
“Oh, come off it,” Dora shrieked. Rachel had never heard her sound so unhinged. She realized then that this fight had been coming for years. Decades. She had just been in the dark about it. “You always thought he was the favourite, you hated—”
“Well, wasn’t he?!” Mary cried. “Your golden boy, the—”
Kevin threw up his hands and left the table.
“Kevin, wait!” Mary begged, hurrying after him.