Chapter 45
Forty-Five
Lambert
“You all right?” North asks as we step back into the Arcanaeum.
No. Not really.
Not only did my dad know that I had a brother, he chose to keep it from me because he thought I’d get caught up in the same curse that took Mom from us. Then, to make matters worse, he now refuses to move somewhere safe while the world is falling apart.
I love the man, but honestly, sometimes…
“You set all those wards,” North reminds me, grabbing my shoulder. “He’ll be fine.” A pause. “Bertie.”
“Urgh.” I pin him with my best unimpressed look. “What’s it going to take for you to keep that name to yourself?”
He grins back at me. “Not. A. Chance.”
“I’ll open a door into Antarctica and push you through it.”
“There you are.” Leo’s voice crashes through our banter. “Come on. There’s been a development.”
I don’t even notice my hand going to my pocket until I touch the paper there. I force myself to leave it alone as I turn to face him. He strides down the hall towards us with a gloomy expression on his face.
Not good.
“What’s wrong?” North really needs to work on his negativity bias, but from Leo’s expression, he’s not entirely off base.
Leo’s grimoire slips free of his holster, and he casts a ward against eavesdropping before he admits. “The dagger broke again when she opened the Library this morning. Dakari’s distracting her, but the plan has been moved forward.”
My heart falls. “You mean…”
“We need to do more damage to the Arcanaeum.” North looks as repulsed by the idea as I feel.
That’s part of the reason why I went to go and check on my dad this morning. The other reason is shoved into my pocket with the paper.
I want to believe that the Library is just…sleeping. Tired.
If I start breaking walls and blocking toilets with the rest of them, it feels a little too much like assaulting the building while it’s down. I know it would probably understand, but…
“I can’t do it.”
I don’t realise I’ve spoken aloud until Leo steps closer. I wait for him to tell me it’s not that bad, to logic me out of my reluctance. It’s unfair to expect him to do it when he loves the Library as much as I do, if not more.
“Okay.”
I blink at him.
“You’re better at keeping Kyrith distracted anyway.” He offers me the lifeline.
I can’t help it; I hug him so hard his feet come off the floor. He’s still so skinny that I can feel his bones protesting my enthusiasm, but he’s doing better than he was.
“We can treat her to Chinese food tonight,” I say, already plotting the best way to cheer her up, because she’ll hate this more than I do. “She’s not had that yet, right? Or do you think she’d rather have more pizza?”
Both will help Leo pack on a few extra calories.
“Chinese,” North decides. “Now, what are we doing?”
That’s my cue to leave.
I look back at Leo as I pass them, checking silently to make sure this is really okay. He smiles, offering me a nod.
Magic, I really love having a big brother.
The reminder makes the envelope in my pocket burn a little hotter as I walk away. Because not only did my dad keep Leo’s existence from me, he actively hid it.
I draw the letter out as soon as I’m far enough that he won’t see it, shoving the box that it was wrapped around back into my pants as I turn the paper over in my hands. At eleven years old, Leo’s handwriting was already neater than mine will ever be. My name and address is right there.
And the envelope is unopened.
Because my dad took one look at the return address and chucked it in a drawer.
I get that he wanted to protect me, but it means that Leo did try to tell me I was his brother. He tried before I even knew he existed. Now I’m kind of scared to see what he wrote.
My thumb catches on the seal, ripping through the old glue with zero effort. I pull out a piece of paper that looks like it was carefully torn from an old school exercise book.
I’m going to take care of Kyrith, but first, I have to know what this says.
Our girl finds me sitting on the floor, curled around the letter, sobbing my eyes out.
“Lambert, what the…?” She drops to her knees beside me, hands fluttering like she can’t decide whether to hug me or give me space.
In answer, I hold up the thing that set me off.
“He sent me a Pokémon card. I didn’t even know he existed, and he was sending me his best card, because big brothers share their favourite toys.”
Her huge eyes grow wider as she looks at the card in my hand, then down at the letter in my lap. Too late, I realise she probably has no idea what it even is.
“It’s a game—” I cut off. “He sent me a good card. A shiny. This would’ve been…I would’ve thought it was so cool.”
Okay, I don’t know that for sure. I would’ve been seven. For all I know, I would’ve lost it or chewed on it or something. That’s not the point. “I would’ve loved anything he sent me.”
“It was a good gift.” She settles her back against the shelf beside me. “You deserved to know him as your brother.”
“No. He even said we probably can’t be friends—” I choke up. “We can’t be friends until his curse goes away, but he's going to try really hard not to like me until that happens, so I can be safe.”
Kyrith’s gaze goes liquid with sadness, and she drags me against her chest, cradling my head as her fingers run through my hair.
“I wanted a brother so much.” My heart hurts. “I…I had friends, but… And he didn’t even know. He thought I read it and never replied, but it was in some stupid drawer, and my dad didn’t even mention—” I suck in air. “Why would he never—?”
“They were all trying to protect you,” she says. “And you have time to build that now. You can even challenge him to a game.”
I scoff. “I don’t even remember how it’s played. I just…I don’t want to be protected forever, y’know?”
“Tough shite.” Leo drops his invisibility spell. He leans against the shelf opposite with his arms crossed. “Big brother privilege.”
He doesn’t look shocked to see me holding the letter, and I wonder if Kyrith even found me by herself or if he arranged that, too.
Meddling Irish asshole.
“Why didn’t you mention this?” I wave it at him. “I blamed you for not telling me, but you did.”
Leo rubs the back of his neck. “Honestly, I figured that the old man chucked it on the fire. He wasn’t exactly happy when I asked him to send it.
” He shrugs. “Guess I owe the crotchety bastard an apology. In the end, I figured it was probably better you never got it. Less temptation, for both of us.” He smirks.
“I’ll have the card back, though. It’s probably worth something now. ”
“No way.” I shove Magikarp into my pocket and stick my tongue out at him. “It’s mine.”
“So you’ll share your girlfriend, but not a card from a game you don’t even know how to play?”
I roll my eyes at him. “Kyrith decides who shares her. It’s not the same.”
Leo’s smile brightens, and he offers me a hand up. “Come on. No one wants to find the UAA’s star reaper crying in the history section. That’s just bad for morale.”
“Ex-reaper.” I let him pull me to my feet. “I can’t play, remember? I’m not allowed on campus because my dad’s a liminal.”
Kyrith clears her throat. “I may have a solution to that, actually.”
My heartbeat stumbles. “Boss?”
“Well…that document was very dry reading.” She offers me a smile. “I took a break, and I have something to show you.”
I’m mute as she leads me down the stairs and through the study area, stopping as we round the corner into Conjurers Hall. Leo trails behind us, neither of us mentioning the horrible cracks across the ceiling that seem to be growing wider by the second.
Kyrith doesn’t let herself look at them, but I’m transfixed. Not because I want to be. It’s that awful kind of fascination that you just can’t help. Like watching a car crash or a house fire. I’m so caught up in it that I don’t notice her opening another hidden door to the courtyard.
When I do, I stop dead.
“Boss. This is…”
“A magiball court.” She smiles, pushing me towards it.
I can’t move. I’m rooted to the spot.
Because there’s a magiball court in the Arcanaeum, even though magiball is one of the most violent, dangerous sports in the world, and players use fire and bombs and—
“Your coach has agreed to relocate your practice sessions here.” Kyrith’s voice finally penetrates the buzzing in my skull.
“Apparently half of the UAA team were liminals or otherwise affected by Mathias’s edicts.
But I must insist that you make them avail themselves of the facilities after practice.
I can’t have sweaty arcanists just wandering the—what are you doing? ”
Her voice climbs in pitch as I fall down on one knee, hand diving into my pocket. With a deep breath, I pull out the tiny faded black box I retrieved from my dad’s trailer this morning.
I wasn’t planning to do this now, but she just held me while I cried and gave me a magiball court. I’ve never loved her more. This feels right. Good.
“Marry me?”
It’s a good thing I took that deep breath, because I don’t think my lungs are going to work again until Kyrith gives me an answer. Last time she brushed me off. That’s okay. I get that she thought I was joking.
I’m dead serious this time. She can tell. Her hand has risen to cover her face.
Leo is blinking at me like I’m crazy.
I’m not.
Kyrith stares at my gram’s ring like it’s about to eat her. Honestly, if she doesn’t speak soon, I think my ego might shrivel up and die, along with the rest of my soul.
“Lambert Winthrop.” My name holds a hint of her usual bossiness, but it’s buried in shock. “What are you doing?”
“Proposing to my girl.” I pick the ring out of the flaky faux-leather box and hold it up. “It’s not expensive, but it’s old, like you.”
“You just called her old, eejit,” Leo hisses, his eyes wide.
“I mean in like a refined way. Like a classic. Timeless! That’s the word. Sorry, boss. Please marry me… I promise I’ll never call you old again.”
She’s crying, but I can’t tell if it’s from shock, horror, or joy. My gut is screaming that she might say no, and the longer I kneel here without her saying something the louder it gets.
The tiniest bob of her head is all I need. I sweep her into my arms, burying my face in her neck.
Stars, I was so scared she would say no.
“I…I don’t know how it will work,” she confesses. “But, yes. I love you. I’ll marry you, whatever that looks like for us, as long as…”
She glances behind her, and I smile. “No. I’m not going to ask you to give them up. This is our polycule right? Our family.” I pin Leo with a look. “Got it?”
He swallows, nods. “Family,” he mouths the word like he’s scared to say it properly.
I lift one of our Librarian’s delicate hands, but Kyrith clears her throat. “I just… before you put that ring on me, please tell me you know what that means.”
“You and me forever, but official.” I grin. “Nothing I want more, boss.”
“I probably can’t have children. This might all end with you being married to someone who can’t leave this building. The Arcanaeum—”
I kiss her, hoping that it stops her from overthinking. Her concern is sweet, but I kinda figured that stuff out for myself already.
“The Arcanaeum would be celebrating right now,” I tell her, throat thick. “Leaning in, all interested to hear your answer. Then it would shower us with confetti because it knows the seven of us are meant for one another.”
It’s true.
All that really matters is that I choose her. Forever. I was willing to quietly pick her over magiball. She made sure I didn’t have to. She was willing to shut herself away in a closed-up Library so we could go on with our old lives, but mine just isn’t worth living if she’s not with me.
That’s the kind of love I’ve been hoping for my whole life.
The same kind that turned my dad into a shell when he lost it.
Honestly, growing up in the shadow of what my parents had made me a little bit scared to experience it for myself.
But now that I’ve found her, how could I ever settle for anything less?
“It doesn’t matter if there are kids, or no kids, if we’re stuck in the Arcanaeum or taking anniversary trips across the world every year.
It could last for a thousand years, or five seconds.
Whatever happens, I’m yours. I’ve been yours since you first glared at me, and I’ll still be yours when you’re glaring at my coffin, because there’s no reality I’ll accept where you die before me. ”
I take her hand, slide the ring onto her finger, and lift it to my lips, kissing her knuckles. “I’m even happy to wait and share our wedding with the others when they’re ready…though we might have to bully North into his suit.”
Most of them have given her some kind of jewellery by now. I might be the only one who’s outright proposed, but that’s okay. Asking is a big deal. They’re probably working themselves up to it.
We might have to pick her wedding ring as a group, since I’m not sure she can fit six of them on one finger. Gram’s ring is taking up enough real estate as it is.
Kyrith’s eyes are still wet as I rub my thumb over the smooth surface of the lapis lazuli in the centre.
“I know what this means, boss. It means I love you.”