Chapter 46 #3
Before I can talk myself out of it, I lean in, bracing myself against his chest, then close the gap between our faces.
Leo doesn’t expect the kiss, so he’s shocked to stillness under my lips.
Beneath my palms, his heartbeat stutters.
Then he’s kissing me back, his arms wrapping around my shoulders to cradle me to him.
He lets me end it without chasing, and something in my chest melts at the way his eyes have fallen shut.
“Feck, I love you.”
The whispered confession takes me off guard, and I find the same words on the tip of my tongue.
Hauling them back is harder than I wish it was, but Leo nods, accepting my silence as his due as he stands and fetches my robe. He holds it out for me, obligingly, helping me slip my arms into the sleeves before he ushers me towards the stairs.
“C’mon. I’ll walk you back to the Clock Tower. We should both be asleep, anyways.”
I glance at his abandoned book as we leave; Laws of power: a history of the rector cycle.
“That’s dry reading.”
He pauses, looks at it with a grimace, then shrugs. “If…No. When Mathias dies, ó Rinn is next in the cycle. I wanted to see if there was any way that it could go to North instead.”
“North?” I can’t imagine a worse choice for rector. “He doesn’t know enough about our society, or about the structure of the magical world.”
“He’d have you.”
“You would have me.”
He goes quiet. “I’m not a good enough person to have that kind of power. I made stupid choices when I wasn’t even parriarch yet. Now I’m supposed to do all this shite. I was raised for it. I can manage. But rector? Responsible for all of arcandom? Nah. Can’t do it.”
I stop on the stairs, taking his chin into my hands. “You’re the smartest person I know. Yes, you’ll step into the role unprepared, but even the most experienced parriarch would struggle with the mess Isidora and Mathias have created.”
He pauses before answering. “The chaos doesn’t scare me. It’s kinda perfect, actually.”
I draw my robe a little tighter around me. “That sounds like you have a plan.”
A flash of sharpness enters his gaze before he looks away. “No plans. Not yet. Just…ideas.”
I leave the silence open, waiting for him to elaborate.
“It’s stupid.” He runs a hand through his hair, mussing the dark ruby-tinted curls as he resumes walking, slower this time.
“I want to fix it. All of it. Parriarchs are chosen because we can execute necromancers and afford an expensive degree from UAA. Money and power are the only prerequisites for leadership, which is exactly why Mathias has waltzed to the top so easily.”
“True,” I muse.
“Isidora was only able to kick Lambert and the others out of the university because the division was already there. Adepts have the advantage from birth, and it’s so entrenched most of them don’t even see it.
Nothing changes. There’s never been more than one liminal parriarch serving at the same time before.
The last and only time one became rector, they were killed within a week. ”
I remember that. Mostly I remember how quickly society moved on. I never thought about it before, but this is the only time in history where more than half of the parriarchs will be liminals.
“So you want to single-handedly fix centuries of prejudice?” My lip quirks.
“I don’t have solutions.” He droops slightly at the admission. “But I’m an adept. I can do things that a liminal would never get away with. If I see the problem and don’t at least try to do something about it, I’m worse than every single rector before me.”
Heaviness drips from his tone, and I sigh. “What you want to do is admirable, but you have a history of putting too much pressure on yourself.”
In many ways, the position of parriarch is isolating by design. Their role calls for them to be willing to execute anyone in their house for practising dark magic.
He dips his chin, accepting the comment.
“Of course, all of this requires the plan to work.”
“The plan will work. Don’t even think—” he cuts off, rotating his jaw, palm lowering.
“Look, I’m smart enough to know that you’re not telling us everything—especially when it comes to destroying the phylactery.
I get why. I suspect you’re sharing an awful lot of that side of things with Pierce.
But all of us are determined to keep you safe, no matter what. ”
It’s a vow, delivered with barely leashed violence.
I shouldn’t be surprised that he knows something is up with Pierce. I wonder if the others do too. Perhaps not Lambert or North, but Dakari is incredibly perceptive, he must have some clue. Did they make some silent agreement to not ask too many questions?
“Suspicions aren’t proof.”
“No. And no one will find any, will they? I certainly won’t be searching for evidence. After all, dozens of people saw those aegis agents search his grimoire. Can’t get much more innocent than that.”
My heart fists in my chest, and I throw myself into his arms without meaning to. “I can’t lose any of you.”
And because Leo won’t lie to me, he kisses me instead.