5. Hanna
“Ow…”
My head throbs painfully as my eyes open slowly. I try to reach to rub my head, but I’m greeted with the sound of clanking metal, and a dull ache crosses over my wrists.
All around me is darkness, so deep that I can’t perceive my surroundings – I can”t see anything except the metal bars in front of my face. I shake my wrists, but they’re bound together and I can feel the metal chafing.
I’m cold. The metal affixed to my body is freezing. The strange frigid breeze in this room causes me to tremble and shiver.
How did I end up here?
A dull sense of panic resonates through me as I gradually realize the gravity of my situation.
I remember training, and the spasms of my muscles confirm that it wasn’t a dream.
My eyes still struggle to fully open. I’m half certain I’ll wake up from paralysis, realizing that this horrible existence was only a nightmare.
Zathex.
I remember sprinting for my life, running so hard that the air became knives piercing my throat.
It was far too real to be a dream.
“Is somebody here?” I ask nobody and nothing in particular, unable to hide the anxiety from my voice.
When I wouldn’t yield to his advances, Zathex knocked me out and brought me here. I briefly remember the scraping of my legs against the coarse gravel path, and the cuts along my legs confirm it. I can feel the cool air on my wounds. I can smell the metallic scent of my own blood.
Something’s moving in here.
As my eyes open further, I detect irregular movement in the shadows. Something is lingering in the darkness.
He wouldn’t kill me for rejecting him, would he?
Adrenaline pulses through my veins, and I rattle my chains still more aggressively, turning my head to look around the room. It’s the only thing I can move, my legs and arms both rooted in place by tight and unforgiving metal.
I peel my eyes, looking for any other sense of movement.
This is torture.
“If there’s anybody here, you’d better show yourself,” I say, noting that I can see hints of my own breath.
Nothing. The room is silent, and as I lower my head in defeat, the jangle of my chains confirms I’m alone.
“I bet you regret rejecting me now.”
I’d recognize that twisted, croaky voice anywhere. But I still can’t see him.
He’s playing with my mind.
“Why don’t you untie me and say that to my face?” I taunt, pointlessly shaking my chains. Any way out of this captivity would be far too miraculous for my life.
He says nothing, perhaps hoping to question my sanity.
Then I see his gray cloak, just barely catching an indeterminate light source. And that’s all I need to notice the faint porcelain hue of his skin.
I can discern his menacing smirk, barely veiled under a hood. I almost wish I’d remained blind.
I shiver, but not from the cold of the room. As I look at him, noticing how utterly unfazed he is, I realize that I’m powerless. Shivers run up my arms and down my spine, a cool chill filling my throat like ice.
He could do whatever he wanted to me in here.
I want to kill him. I want to break the metal off of these bars and cut him with it.
“Did you really go to all this trouble just to look at me?” I ask him, hoping to get close enough to him to drive my skull into his throat. “Why don’t you come here and talk to me?”
I fidget with the chains, despite feeling them irritating my skin.
Then he laughs.
It’s a deep, throaty laugh that echoes against the walls and metal shackles, nearly deafening me.
“You rejected me,” he says shrilly. “You, the lowliest and poorest of humans. I could have made you great.”
I inhale deeply, feeling my nostrils flare up. I already hated him. How is it possible that I hate him more?
“I’m sorry,” I offer dishonestly. “Maybe I was too hasty in rejecting you? Maybe we can talk this over?”
He steps forward out of the shadows, his eyes glowing under his hood. “You’re only saying that because I’ve trapped you. I can do whatever I want to you now.”
I try to think fast about how to address this situation, looking around the room for any solution.
“You still think you have a way out of there,” he says, noting how fast my head spins around the room. “How adorable.”
I stare deeply into his eyes, hoping that he can see my scowl and notice how my lip curls back to expose my teeth.
“What did you honestly hope to accomplish on your own?” he asks.
I remain firm, unwilling to let him into my mind again.
“You know this world wasn’t built for humans like you. You aren’t the architects of this realm. We are.”
“If you’re so powerful, why do you have me in a cage?”
He laughs. “Because you have this annoying habit of resisting me,” he says. “I figure the longer I remind you how trapped you are, the more appealing I’ll seem to you.”
I try to spit at him, realizing that my words have lost their meaning.
But he’s similarly unaffected when, instead of landing on his face, it harmlessly grazes his ankle.
“Don’t worry. I always keep my pets locked up like this. And eventually, they learn not to run away.”
He turns around, and I realize that if he leaves, I’m going to be left alone for a very long time.
“Please.” My own voice surprises me.
The sounds of his footsteps crunching across the hay stops.
“Are we starting to genuinely reconsider my offer?” he asks. “Because I’m already running out of patience for your games.”
“My dad needs me. He’s got nobody else. Just let me go to him!”
I don’t know what I expect to happen. Perhaps there might be an ounce of decency in this foul creature?
“Can I offer you some advice? Unsolicited?” he asks.
Hoping that he might be responding to me sincerely, I nod.
“You never shut up about getting your wings,” he says. “It’s actually really annoying. Please, for everybody’s sake, just let it go.”
I scoff.
He stares stoically. “I might not look like it, but a long time ago, I had dreams, too. Thought maybe I’d play politics, rise above my station. But then I realized all those ambitions were only holding me back.”
“Please let me see my dad,” I urge him, hoping that perhaps I’ve found a shred of humanity to interact with.
“I’ll tell you what,” he says. “If you come around to my offer, and I genuinely don’t believe you’re trying to double-cross me, I’ll let you see him.”
How long have I been locked away in this prison cell?
He surveys me as though hoping I’ll acquiesce. I could lie to him and find a way out of this situation.
Or maybe I could lie to myself, convincing myself that I’ve fallen for his advances, all in the hopes of aiding my father. He can’t make it on his own in New Solas.
Then Zathex’s static posture changes.
His chest heaves, and from out of his mouth comes the most disgusting laughter I’ve ever heard.
For a solid minute, he laughs at my misfortune, leaving me to question where I went wrong.
“You know, on second thought, you had your chance,” he says. “I could have made you great. Could have helped you earn your wings, or at least realize your limitations. But you spat in my face. You rejected me to my face, humiliating me. Did you really think you could earn my sympathies?”
“Zathex, please!” I beg, my chains rattling as I attempt but fail to emote with my body.
“No! I’m selling you off. Soon, you’ll be somebody else’s problem.”
He moves as close to the bars as physically possible. I try to lurch at him, badly straining my ankles.
I roar, noticing tears forming in my eyes for the first time.
“If you’d only seen the opportunity I presented to you sooner, maybe you’d be able to see your father again.”
I continue to flail at him, in spite of how much it hurts me. He speaks louder to talk over me.
“But you laughed at me. To my face, you rejected my offer, as though you were disgusted by me… as though I were so foul, you’d never consider giving me a minute of your time.”
The whites of his teeth become visible, the brightest lights available in the darkened room.
My stomach gurgles as I realize how incredibly hungry I am.
“I hear all the buyers come from far away.” He chuckles. “So when you get the chance, make sure to say goodbye to New Solas.”
The final crunching of hay fills the room as his footsteps become more distant, until a creaking metal sound rings out, a hint of ambient light decorating the room for a moment.
Then the door shuts, and I’m left alone with my thoughts.
“Stupid,” I whisper, wishing to claw my own eyes out at this point.
Maybe if I’d just listened to him and made nice, I wouldn’t be in this situation. I know firsthand how few women survive servitude.
I’ve killed myself. Inevitably, I’m going to find out that whoever purchases me is far worse than even Zathex. And that’s going to mean either saying the right things and going along with everything he asks me to do, or ending up dead.
I want to fall to the hard stone floor and sob, because it’s the only option I’m left with. But I’m not even able to lie down in this position.
I wanted to earn my wings and become a xaphan. I dreamed of finding a higher station and earning a better living for me and my father.
But I’ve always been in shackles, I think. I was just blind to them.