Chapter 12
Still Mal
It was all I could think about the entire day. I was done obsessing about my bandmembers who didn’t give a shit about me.
I was going all in on Saylor.
I held her close as we boated back to the resort. She sighed and snuggled close to me like she loved being with me. And I loved being that strong, protective person for her.
Her Daddy.
We spent the rest of the day together, hanging out in her treehouse, enjoying her private pool, and playing in the outdoor shower.
I finally broached the topic over dinner.
“So I was thinking…”
She looked at me with this open and soft expression that was just so sweet and totally her that I lost my train of thought. “Mal? Everything okay? Did you get too much sun today?”
“I think you should move in with me.”
“What? That’s crazy.” She laughed incredulously. “We barely know each other. This isn’t—I can’t just…”
“But this feels right, doesn’t it? Does time really matter when you know here—” I thumped my fist against my chest. “That you’ve found the one?”
“Mal, you can’t—I mean, I’m not…”
“I saw your expression on the beach today, Saylor. You feel it too. And think about it—we make sense. Especially now. My band is probably breaking up, you want to break into the fashion industry. I have contacts. I have money. You could do it yourself with me standing behind you. I wanna go all in with you and your dream.”
“That’s—that’s just nuts. I mean, you can’t just promise something like that. You don’t know—”
“We’ll figure it out. Together. I’m going to have a lot of free time on my hands. I have more money than I know what to do with. Why not spend it on someone I…”
She waited a few beats then shook her head, disappointment clouding her features. “See, that right there. You can’t even say it, Mal. I’m done pinning my hopes and dreams on guys that can’t follow through. I deserve more, and I’m fine doing it all myself.”
She was right. If I couldn’t say it, why should she believe it?
Only I knew I felt it. And I knew that she felt it too. I saw it in her eyes today.
So why was it so hard to say the words out loud?
“I love you, Saylor.”
She dropped her water glass. It crashed to the floor, spraying water and broken glass everywhere. But neither one of us moved to even look at it.
“What?” she whispered, her face suddenly pale.
“I love you, Saylor Tate.” I stood and shoved my chair back with my foot. Grabbing her hand in mine, I moved to kneel down.
“No, you can’t!” Saylor stood up and tugged on my arm to keep me standing.
“Yes, I can. I love you. I wanna be with you. I want to have kids with you. Nothing would make me happier than holding a tiny little replica of you. I’ve never said that before—kids were always the last thing I wanted or even thought about—but I want that with you. I want to make a family with you.”
She dropped my arm and looked at me with wide eyes. “I thought you were going to get down on one knee and the glass…” She blinked a few times then shook her head. “This is crazy. We can’t. I mean I don’t even really know you. We can’t just—whatever. This is crazy.”
Jone came over with a broom and a mop and quietly cleaned up the mess from Saylor’s water glass. I could tell from his pursed lips he’d heard our conversation.
Tossing a quick look around the room, we had everyone’s attention.
I gestured helplessly. “I don’t care. I know you.
I know what’s important about you, and we’ll figure out the rest as we go.
Because you’re it. You’re the one I want.
You’re the one who makes me want to be a better man.
I love you, Saylor.” As Jone backed away from our table, I took a chance and went down on one knee in front of her.
Grabbing her hand, I held it in mine and grinned up at her.
“I don’t care if this is spontaneous or impetuous or whatever.
I’ll say it again, I love you, Saylor. I want to build a life with you. Will you marry me?”
“I don’t—I can’t…” She pulled her hand out of my grip. “I’m sorry.” Then she turned and ran out of the room.
Leaving me on my knees in front of the entire island.
Fuck.
Pushing myself up, I didn’t spare our audience a glance as I took off after her. “Saylor, wait! Please!”
I caught up to her on the beach path. My heart sunk as I realized she was crying.
Shit. I was totally fucking this up.
“Why did you do that?” She whirled around and stabbed a finger in my direction. “That was such a gross, demeaning joke. It’s not funny.”
“It’s not a joke to me. I’m not laughing. I’m as serious as a fucking heart attack. I want you. I want to marry you.”
“You can’t just say things like that. You can’t make me want…” She shook her head, tears glittering in the torchlight. She made a gasping whimper then turned and stomped down the path and away from me.
Like hell was I letting her run away.
“You can’t just run when things get hard!” I yelled at her retreating back.
She whirled around. “You don’t get to say that to me.” Stomping back up the path, fire now glittered in her eyes even as her cheeks were still wet with her tears. “You don’t know the shit I’ve faced. I don’t run away. That’s not who I am.”
“Then stay here. Fight with me. Now. Tell me why it’s such a bad idea—why you and I don’t make sense.”
“You, you, you…you’re a rock star, and I’m a teacher.”
“My band is breaking up, and you hate your job. Next.”
She rolled her eyes. “You live in LA, and I live in Las Vegas. That’s not exactly commuting distance.”
“You said all the good jobs aren’t even in Vegas. Pick a city you want to work in. I’ve been to most of the major ones. We’ll figure it out. I got money. I got time.”
“I-I-I don’t know what to say to that. That’s not how I live. That’s not how most people live—how normal people live.”
“But it’s how you can live if you just pick me. Choose me. Choose us.”
Her shoulders slumped. “This kinda thing doesn’t happen. People don’t just up and marry total strangers. It’s not, I don’t…”
“Does it make sense? Do we make sense?” I took a step toward her but didn’t reach out for her yet. She was still a flight risk. “Despite the time, despite the distance, despite any other roadblock you think up to throw in front of us, don’t you feel the same way about me?”
She sighed and looked away. After a few beats, she turned back to me. “But why does it have to be marriage? Why don’t we just move in together or whatever?”
“Because you won’t believe it. You’re used to people letting you down—your ex, your mom, even your best friend when it came to you chasing your dream.
But I’m not going to do that. I want to prove to you that I’m all in.
I want to be your rock. I want to be your fucking everything. All you gotta do is say yes.”
She bit her bottom lip, and I could see in her eyes she wanted to say yes. She wanted what I was promising her.
Finally she shook her head. “There’s no way we can get married here. I mean, there’s probably paperwork required that I don’t have. I only brought my passport and driver’s license.”
I took a step closer to her and grinned wolfishly down at her. “You let me worry about the red tape. All you gotta do is say yes.”
She stared at me for so long sweat ran down my back as the moment went on and on. I wanted her to say yes. I needed her to say yes. I felt like I finally found my purpose after the Long Licks—to be her husband and build a family and a fashion empire or whatever the hell she wanted.
“Yes. I’ll marry you, Mal.”
“Fucking yes!” I wrapped an arm around her and punched the other at the sky.
“SHE SAID YES!” I shouted just before I kissed her with everything I had.
As my lips moved over hers, I was vaguely aware of cheering in the distance.
But all I could focus on was the amazing woman in my arms who’d just made me the happiest man on earth.
I could see she still wasn’t a hundred percent sure, but I vowed to make it my life’s mission that she’d never regret this decision. I’d do everything in my power to be worthy of this amazing woman.
Our hips bumped against each other as we walked down the path toward the treehouses with my arm still wrapped around her shoulder. I still considered her a flight risk so I wasn’t letting her go just yet.
“Your place is better than mine, but we could go to my treehouse if you want?” I offered.
She shook her head. “If you don’t mind, I’d rather sleep in mine. It’s more familiar and won’t freak me out in the morning.”
“Sure, baby. Whatever you want.”
Her smile looked tremulous and almost brittle, like she was hanging on by a thread.
Yeah, I had a lot of work to do.
When we got to the room, Saylor disappeared into the bathroom with a muttered excuse. No doubt to have a panic attack.
Even though she’d said yes, I still felt like I was screwing this up.
What I would’ve given for a landline so I could call for room service. Get some bubbly for her, create some ambiance in here.
Fuck it. I could do that. What did I have to work with…
When Saylor finally came out of the bathroom, the lighting was turned down, some low instrumental music was playing from my cell phone, I held two wineglasses —one white wine, one water—and flower petals were scattered from where she stood to the bed and all over the sheets.
I might’ve decimated a few bouquets in the room she hopefully wasn’t attached to in order to get the effect.
Judging by the way she gasped, her hands coming up to cover her lips, I’d done a good job. “Mal. This is…wow.”
“I worked with what I had.” I shrugged.
She crossed the room to me. I held out a glass for her, but she ignored it and went beeline straight into my chest, wrapping her arms around me and burrowing into my shirt. “Thank you.”
I awkwardly hugged her back, despite the wineglasses in my hands. “Of course, baby girl. I don’t have a ring for you yet, but I wanted you to see how serious I am. I meant what I said. I want to go all in with you.”
“Thank you, Mal.” She tipped her head back and blinked up at me. “You might’ve guessed I was freaking out in there. I want to believe you—I do. I guess I’m just afraid to trust it. I’ve been let down so many times.”
“I’m not going to do that. I know the real deal when I see it. You’re it for me, baby girl. And I’m going to do everything in my power to make sure you believe it too.”
She smiled at me, but I could see she still doubted me. Going up on her toes, she pressed a quick peck on my lips, and I quickly took it into a deeper kiss. She swayed unsteadily on her feet, and I juggled the wineglasses to try to stabilize her.
Laughing, I shook my head. “Maybe we should move this party to somewhere more horizontal.”
This time, Saylor’s smile was more authentic. Or maybe it was the eye roll. “It always comes to sex with you.”
“Hey, I’m just looking out for you. It doesn’t have to be the bed. We haven’t played around on that sofa over there yet.” I pointed with a wine glass hand toward the uncomfortable looking rattan based sofa.
Saylor winced. “Yeah, no. Not when you went to all that trouble of creating this lovely setting. Plus that couch looks like it’ll poke us in the back.”
“Whatever m’lady wants.” I pressed a peck against her temple.
She took a glass out of my hand. “M’lady is imagining this is alcohol.” Saylor tossed back the liquid like it was water. A second later, she was bent over hacking and coughing. “What the hell?”
“Shit, baby. Sorry. One was wine.”
“I thought you were an alcoholic. What the hell are you doing opening wine bottles? Isn’t that—” Cough, cough, cough. “Isn’t that bad for your sobriety?”
“Wine isn’t a trigger for me. I mean, I can’t drink it, obviously, but being around wine drinkers isn’t exactly the same as backstage before or after a show. Although you did toss back that glass like it was tequila.”
“I haven’t ordered wine this entire time because I wanted to respect your sobriety. I mean, I’m not a big drinker, but it would’ve been nice—especially when I first got off the plane.”
I winced. “Sorry.”
She shook her head, and I could tell it was one more hash mark in the ‘marrying is a mistake’ column.
We were literally minutes into this engagement, and I was fucking things up.
I cupped her face in my hands and gently rubbed her tears away with my thumbs.
“It’s okay that we’re still figuring each other out.
We’ll get there, and it’ll be okay as long as we continue to look out for each other.
That you would forgo alcohol for my sobriety means the fucking world to me.
It’s just one of the many things I love about you. ”
She pursed her lips like she was fighting a smile then gave into the laugh burbling up inside her. “Is now a bad time to tell you that I don’t remember what your last name is?”
I laughed with her. “Okay, it’s a little crazy, but the best kinda crazy. And for the record it’s Holt.”
“Holt,” she repeated. “Saylor Holt. I kinda like the sound of that.”
“Fuck yeah. I do too.”
Her eyes got misty, and I couldn’t resist the urge to kiss her. So I did.
She groaned against my lips and wrapped her arms around my shoulders and held on.
We kept eye contact the entire time. Hers still full of questions but also wonder. Mine determined to prove my worth to her.
And when I came inside her, all I could think was ‘what if.’
What if we made a tiny version of Saylor, with wispy white-blonde hair and gorgeous blue eyes? I wanted it more than anything, but it was too soon to say aloud.
Soon.