Chapter 24
Mal
Now that everyone finally had their drinks, I sat forward on Leif’s sofa and clasped my hands between my knees. “So what’s the deep, dark secret? Why am I here and not holding my girl right now?”
“Like I said, these last few years we’ve all kinda pulled away, and I hate it.” Leif sighed, staring at his drink. “I miss the fun we used to have.”
“So you called us all here to…what? Talk about the good ole days?” Beau raised his eyebrows.
“No.” Leif tossed back his second shot of whiskey and set the glass down with a quiet click. “I called you guys to ask how you feel about continuing the Long Licks without Gio.”
The statement slammed me in the chest with all the finesse of a sledgehammer.
Gio was the heart of the Licks.
Gio was the reason we called the band the Long Licks.
Gio was…gone.
“Fuck.” Now I really, really wanted a drink. I needed to just get lost in oblivion and not feel anything for the next…eternity. Fuck. That wasn’t what I needed.
“Shit.”
Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Beau drop his head like he felt the weight of the world on his shoulders.
Same, bro. Same.
“What… How would that even look?” Ryker asked quietly. “I mean, it’s Gio. It’s, it’s…”
“So fucking hard, I know.” Leif shook his head.
“And I’m not advocating for it to happen soon.
I just…really need to know if this is the end of the Long Licks.
Because that makes signing that solo deal a helluva lot easier.
The label can always put together a ‘best of’ album to finish up our contract.
But honestly, that’s not what I want. I want you guys back in my life.
I want the band back together. Like we used to be. ”
“It’s not. It’s never going to be the same again.” The words shot out of my mouth like an accusation. So filled with pain because I was too. “Gio is gone, and I just can’t…I don’t know how we move forward without him.”
Ryker leaned toward me with a concerned expression. “Regardless of what happens with the band, you are moving forward without him. He’s gone, Mal. What exactly are you trying to say here? Are you… Are you thinking about hurting yourself?”
“What? No!” I shook my head, baffled that that was the conclusion he’d come to. “What the fuck are you talking about?”
“You sounded like a man at the end of his rope, honestly.” Leif leaned forward, bracing his arms on his knees. “And we’ve already lost one brother. I’ll be damned if we lose another on my watch.”
I bit back the words that ached to escape because no matter how much I wanted to blame Leif for being a selfish dick, what Gio did had nothing to do with him.
Or me. I knew that, but it was still so hard to let go of.
Somehow it made it easier to blame someone, anyone, even me if it meant that I didn’t have to face the fact that Gio was truly gone.
This whole meeting was a slap in the face—a reality check that I wasn’t ready for.
Would probably never be ready for.
“It’s just still so fresh.” I ran a hand through my hair and tugged at the ends like I needed that small flash of pain to tell me I wasn’t dreaming.
“I swear I haven’t had any thoughts like that.
At most, it’s threatened my sobriety. It’d be so easy to bury my head in a bottle and just not feel for the next month or year.
But I didn’t. I haven’t. I’ve gone to so many fucking meetings that I have my own chair now.
No one sits there but me.” I gave a pained cackled. “Such a fucking loser.”
“Good.” Beau pushed his drink away with a sigh, not drinking a sip.
“You guys don’t have to—”
Leif stacked his empty glass on top of Beau’s.
After a beat, Ryker’s joined the pile.
Leif grinned at me. “I think it’s safe to say we’ve all lost our thirst after hearing that.”
“Yeah.” Ryker nodded. “And we’ll totally be losers with you. Anytime you need someone to go to a meeting with, feel free to call me.”
“Or me,” Beau added.
“Or me,” Leif echoed.
I looked down and shook my head, emotion almost overwhelming me. “Thanks, guys.”
“Brothers now and always.” Beau smacked my shoulder.
“Feels like we should toast that, but we’ve all just promised not to drink anymore tonight.” Ryker laughed.
“I’ve got some soda behind the bar.” Leif jumped up and rounded the bar top. He pulled four new Collins glasses out and filled them to the rim with cola.
“Just like in high school.” Ryker laughed as we all gathered around the bar.
Leif lifted his glass as we grabbed our own. “Yeah, but Gio’s not here to spike it with whatever hooch he nabbed from his ma’s stash.”
The levity of the moment stilled for a heartbeat. Then I shook my head. “Remember that time he couldn’t find his drumsticks and tried to use chopsticks?”
“Which broke halfway through the first song.” Beau grinned. “So he grabbed that nasty wrench and screwdriver that the venue left behind his kit?”
“Nah, it was a wrench and a grill lighter. Coz it kept sparking in his hand.” I laughed so hard, remembering that look of shock on his face.
“Fuck, that was a shithole of a venue.” Leif grinned. “But he didn’t lose his drumsticks. Remember that chick in the greenroom used them before the show? And then stole every pair he had.”
I shuddered. “Fuck, that was a memory I’d suppressed for a reason.”
Some things were definitely better left forgotten. Gah.
“I miss his Muppet impressions.”
Ryker’s statement came from left field, considering the memory Leif had just inflicted on us.
“What?” Beau laughed.
“Remember how he could growl just like Animal?” Ryker shrugged. “Fucking got me every time.”
“BEAT DRUMS! BEAT DRUMS!” we all hollered before breaking out into laughter.
Leif sighed. “It didn’t hurt that he had a passing resemblance too.”
We all giggled like school boys because Leif wasn’t wrong. Like Animal, Gio was known for his stringy hair and wild beard.
“God, I’ll miss that fucker.” I stared down at my glass.
“To Gio, the best damn drummer the Long Licks will ever know.” Leif held up his soda.
“To Gio,” we all echoed before we clinked glasses and then drank.
My glass half full—I’d never been a chugger, especially with soda—I set it back down on the bar top. “I think you’re right, Leif; I don’t want to lose this either.”
“Ditto.” Ryker clasped my shoulder and gave me a little shake.
Beau tipped his head. “Me neither.”
“Agreed.” Leif looked at each of us individually. “I’ll ask Danny to see who he knows and set up some auditions when we’re ready.”
I swallowed hard. It still felt like a betrayal to move on so soon, but I also knew deep down that it was the right decision for us.
Life marched on.
My voice only sounded a little froggy when I spoke. “Sounds good.”
“Yeah, thanks, Leif,” Beau rumbled.
“Thanks,” Ryker echoed.
“And then we’ll need to figure out the new guy’s contract.” Leif shifted his weight. “Only makes sense to do a trial run. Start out with a year and go from there?”
“If they’re on a trial basis, we should probably wait to record anything with them.” Beau pointed out. “Or maybe have Danny look into what rights we want to give the new guy? We don’t want to end up with stupid restrictions on future royalties with some douche canoe who didn’t work out.”
Leif nodded. “Which brings us to the next point, what are we going to do after our next album? Find a new label or create our own?”
“I could ask Noah about the process.” My NA sponsee just happened to be the drummer for the Tin Gods, a metal band that’d started their own label a little over a year ago.
“Or we could save the hassle and sign with them.” Ryker rested his elbow on the bar. “They wouldn’t screw us over.”
“Would they be willing to take on a name like ours?” Leif asked with a frown. “So far, they’ve only signed unknown acts. And do they have the ability to give us the support we’d need? I don’t want to trade one shitshow for another one.”
I shrugged. “I’ll feel him out without committing to anything. But given that they recorded and released their own album last year, I’m pretty sure they’re up to the job.”
“Okay, sounds like we have a plan.” Leif’s voice sounded tight. “We’ll audition new drummers in the next few months, finish our contract with our label, and feel out the Tin Gods about joining their label.”
“Fuck yeah!” Ryker shouted. “Sounds like another toast is called for.”
“All hail the Long Licks,” Beau said as he raised his glass, borrowing from the Tin Gods’ trademarked slogan.
I shook my head. That bastardization wasn’t going to fly with me. But I still clinked my glass with his and shouted, “Lick it up!”
“Every fucking drop!” Beau called back as he slammed his glass against ours.
“Every drop,” Leif echoed before crashing his glass into ours, then shooting the rest of his soda.
“Fuck, it still burns, even if it’s just soda.” Beau gasped as he set his empty drink down.
“Coz you’re shotgunning it like a moron.” Ryker scoffed.
The door ripped open, and Leif’s assistant, Zanna, ran into the room. “Answer your phones! What the hell is wrong with you all?”
I exchanged wide-eyed looks with Ryker. As long as I’d known Zanna—almost five years now—she’d never talked to Leif, let alone us, like that.
“We’re in a meeting.” Leif frowned at her. “You know better than to—”
“Saylor was taken hostage at the airport,” Zanna spoke over Leif, coming straight to me. “It’s all over the Babbler. Her ex grabbed her in baggage claim and was in a standoff with the cops.”
“What the fuck!” I ran across the room to where I’d left my cell phone on his coffee table, powered off after our stupid finsta follow session.
Once I turned it back on, ping after ping of alerts came in.
Texts from countless people.
Twelve missed calls from Saylor.
Fuck.
Fuck!
I tapped on her name, and it took me a whole minute to toggle to speaker phone because of how much my hands shook.
“—not available. At the tone, please record your message. When you have finished recording, simply hang up. BEEP!”
“She’s not answering!” I yelled before trying her again.
“Your call is being forwarded to an automated voicem—”
I killed the call again.
“What the fuck!” I turned back to the guys and Zanna. “Where is she? Is she okay? Is she, is she…” I couldn’t even finish the thought, let alone say it.
“She’s alive,” Zanna answered shakily. “As far as I know she was unharmed. They haven’t reported any ca—”
She cut herself off at Leif’s nasty glare.
But I knew what she was going to say—casualties.
“I don’t understand.” I stared unseeingly at the hardwood floor. “Naomi was supposed to arrange security. I didn’t want Saylor driving herself to the airport. She was supposed to be protected.”
Shaking my head, I turned away and tapped at my phone’s screen again. This time calling Naomi.
“Hey Mal,” she answered, sounding all friendly and normal and not like someone answering from a hostage scene. “How’d the meeting go?”
“What the fuck? Where’s Saylor? Why am I hearing from Leif’s fucking assistant that she was abducted? Where the fuck have you been?”
“What? She was what?” She sounded legitimately shocked.
Like this was news to her.
“Where the fuck have you been? And where was Saylor’s security? What the fuck have you been doing?”
“I didn’t think—I didn’t know…” Her voice was husky and tearful when she spoke again. “I didn’t book any security. I didn’t think she really needed it. I was going to drive her, but she gave me attitude, so I left.”
“You left her? Where?”
“At your house!” she wailed. “She must’ve driven herself or booked a car service. I don’t know.”
“You are so fucking fired. I don’t want to see your fucking face ever again. Danny will send you your final check. I—”
“Wait, Mal, please. Please don’t fire me. I can’t, I don’t…I love you so much. You don’t even kno—”
“And I don’t wanna fucking know. I’m married. To Saylor. Who I fucking love. And who you put in jeopardy because of your bullshit. And I’m not putting up with it anymore. You. Are. Done!”
I punched the red end call button and flung my phone away in aggravation.
I don’t know how I missed it. But I hadn’t seen Naomi’s weirdness until Saylor pointed it out this morning. And now this.
What the fuck?
I didn’t know what to do.
Who to call.
How was I going to find my wife?
I’d never felt so powerless before in my entire life.
Then my phone rang.
I dove for it, thinking it must be Saylor calling again only the display screen read Mom.
I almost didn’t answer it. I needed to find Saylor, but it was my mom so I did.
“Ma, I don’t have time to talk right now. Saylor is—”
“I know very well what Saylor is. Why the hell aren’t you here?”
“Here!” I yelped. “You’re there? Where is there? I’ll be there as soon as—”
“Okay, you gotta take a breath, Mal. I can hear the panic from here. And that’s not going to help anyone, especially when I tell you where we are.”
“What the fuck, Ma? Answer the fucking question! I don’t have time for stupid platitudes right now. I’m going out of my mind here.”
“I know. I can hear it in your voice. Promise me that you’re not driving. I don’t care where you are—who you have to call—do not get behind the wheel right now.”
“I can’t just—”
“We’ll drive him, Missus Holt!” Leif called over my shoulder like the kiss-ass he’d always been.
“Leif! Thank god, you’re there.” My mom gasped in relief.
I was ready to strangle someone. Literally. I didn’t care who. I was aching to get my hands on someone. “Where. Are. You!”
“We’re at Cedars-Sinai Marina del Rey Hospital. There was some concern that Saylor…”
I didn’t hear the rest of what my mom said.
My hand went numb, and I dropped the phone.
I swayed on my feet and would’ve gone down but for Ryker suddenly appearing to hold me up much like Saylor had at Gio’s funeral.
She was at the hospital.
Hurt.
Maybe bleeding.
Because of me.
Because I hadn’t been there for her.
Again.
I couldn’t lose her. I just found her.
Fuck.
“Saylor,” I whispered, my mouth barely moving. “I gotta get to Saylor.”
“Right, I’m driving,” Leif announced, waving my phone around. “You two good to drive yourselves, and we’ll meet you there? Zanna, come with us in case we need some recon.”
Ryker guided me the whole way to the car while he and Beau argued something about how he could get info out of the nurses easier than Zanna could. Or something. I don’t know. I wasn’t exactly paying attention.
I was too busy thinking about how I couldn’t lose Saylor.
I just found her.