Chapter 27
Still Saylor
“Saylor!” my mom shrieked, jumping up from the sofa and racing over to me. She held my shoulders as her eyes searched me. “You’re safe. Thank god.”
Then she enveloped me in a hug that felt so different from the one Paige had just given me. Mom’s thin arms tightened around me like a python as her sharp shoulder punched me in the throat.
Suddenly I felt so cold, despite the warm California morning sun pouring into the room from the glass wall next to us.
“Mom. It’s good to see you too. Is Alan in the car?”
“Oh, he couldn’t come on such short notice. They needed him at the bank. Kind of an all-hands sort of thing.” She waved her hands in emphasis.
Given that Alan and Trent had worked at the same bank, I understood—kinda. But it was his stepdaughter who’d been held hostage. I guess it wasn’t a big surprise I didn’t rank an actual in person meeting.
It still hurt. But not as much as I would’ve thought.
I gave my mom a vague smile then crossed the room to sit in Mal’s lap. I needed to feel his arms around me. I didn’t even have to tell him as much. He just knew.
After a beat, Mom followed me and sat on the sofa opposite us with an uncomfortable expression.
“So, how are things?” I asked when it became clear she wasn’t going to be the one to talk first.
She gave a weird sounding laugh. “Horrible actually. I’ve had to face some harsh truths lately and…” She sighed and wiped at her cheeks. “I’m just…I’m so, so, sorry, Saylor.”
I shifted on Mal’s lap. I ached to cross the space and hug my mom for real this time, but it still didn’t feel safe. She didn’t feel safe. “Okay.”
“Okay?” she echoed, tears heavy in her voice. “Seriously? That’s all you have to say?”
“Watch your tone,” Mal barked, making me jump and look over my shoulder at him. “Saylor isn’t the one in the wrong here. I told you I won’t put up with any bullshit victim blaming, and this was exactly what I meant. Knock it off or get the fuck out.”
The glare my mom sent him could’ve peeled paint.
But Mal didn’t care. He gave me a squeeze and sat back into the chair, completely at ease.
She sent me an incredulous look. Like Mal was the one in the wrong.
“I don’t know what you expect me to say, Mom.” I sighed. “Yesterday wasn’t the first time a gun was shoved against my temple because of Trent. And you didn’t seem to give a shit. I told you all the dirty details of what his scary Russian bookie did, and you still chose to back Trent.”
My mom looked away, totally abashed at the reminder of her failings.
“’It’s a misunderstanding, Saylor.’ ‘You should forgive him.’ ‘He’s going to get help.’” My laugh was harsh. It still pissed me off to remember all the ways she’d gaslit me. My own mother. “Trent Hale didn’t give a shit for anyone except for himself.”
“And the high he was chasing with his gambling,” Mal chipped in.
I nodded, acknowledging his point. “Trent put me in danger back then, and you didn’t care. You seemed more upset that I was canceling the wedding than the fact that I’d been attacked and held at gunpoint. What kind of mother does that?”
“A poor one,” my mom whispered, staring down at her hands.
“So you see why it’s hard for me to believe that you’ve suddenly seen the light? But I guess my side is more believable this time because I made the six o’clock news last night.”
She raised her eyebrows and sent me a look. “I won’t lie and say that it didn’t hurt finding out about another life-changing moment in your life from the news.”
Shifting the blame to me.
Again.
Mal twitched, and I clutched his hand to keep him from reaching for my mom.
“Do you know who I asked the police to call when it became clear that this moron turned his phone off?” I asked. Mal stiffened under me, and I ran a reassuring hand down his arm. I wasn’t still angry about the missed phone calls; that wasn’t the point here.
Mom shook her head. “Clearly not me.”
“I asked them to call Mal’s mom.”
Mom jolted like she’d taken a bullet.
“Because I knew Judy would show up and just be there for me. She wouldn’t come in with an agenda and make me feel like anything that’d happened was my fault.
” I leaned forward and pointed at my mom.
“Because that’s the kind of mother Judy Holt is.
She loves her kids unconditionally, and I’m so freaking privileged to be one of them now. ”
Mom wiped at the tears streaking down her cheeks. “Like I said, Saylor. I’ve had to face some really harsh truths lately, and clearly I’m not done because all this is like a slap to the face.”
“Me sharing my feelings is a slap to the face, Mom?” I blinked. “Seriously?”
She nodded.
“How do you think I’ve felt for the past…forever really? This isn’t something new. This is just the final straw, actually.”
“Saylor, no. Don’t—don’t say something you’ll regret.” She moved forward on the cushion and reached out to me. “Some words can’t be unsaid.”
“Like telling me my dreams were stupid? That designing clothes was a pipedream? Or how I was the irresponsible one because I canceled my wedding? I keep disappointing you over and over again, and I can’t keep doing this.”
“Now that’s not fair. I apologized.”
“While continuing to blame me in the same breath. Coming at me with a half-assed apology isn’t making me feel any better about our relationship. Until or unless something changes on your end, I don’t want to do this anymore.”
“What does that mean?”
“It means it’s time for you to go. And I don’t know…see a therapist or something. I’ll even go to a session with you. But you need to do some work that will make me believe you care about me and our relationship.”
Mal tipped forward, peeking around my side to get my mom’s attention. “PS, giving an interview to the Babbler or any news organization is not a sign of change and will only piss me off more.”
Mom’s eyes were wide and tearful as they ping-ponged between me and Mal.
After a beat, she nodded and stood up. She fussed with the wrinkles in her pantsuit for a few seconds then sent me a tearful smile. “I love you, Saylor. And I’m going to take what you said to heart. I am so, so sorry I didn’t listen to you earlier.”
I could tell she wanted a hug, but I couldn’t do that.
“I do love you, Mom, but our relationship isn’t healthy. And I refuse to be your passive-aggressive punching bag anymore.”
She contorted like she’d taken a physical hit. Swiping at her eyes, she scurried from the room and out the front door with the security guy on her heels.
I felt so weird. Proud. Sad. Hurt. Relieved. It was the strangest mix of emotions.
“Fuck me. You’re so fucking amazing, baby girl.” Mal pressed me into the chaise lounge beneath me and kissed me like a solider returning home, so full of passion and life and joy.
It did so much to alleviate the ache inside that scene left me with.
“Ahem,” Paige interrupted. “I was told to come out when I heard the front door close.”
Mal sighed and rested his forehead against mine. “I forgot we weren’t alone.” Turning his head, he said to Paige, “We’re busy. Come back later.”
I giggled and pushed at Mal’s shoulders. He was so ridiculous.
“Um, usually I would.” Paige laughed. “I know you two are in the whole honeymoon stage and all, but I’m hungry and would really like to make breakfast now. I mean, I am a guest in your house…”
Mal gave a weary sigh and finally pushed off me and moved so he sat hunched over on the end. “Fine. I never get to have any fun around here.”
I laughed at his exaggerated pout. “Um, not to rain any more on your parade, but could you call your mom and ask her to come over? I’d kinda like to be with people who care about me.”
“Always, baby girl.” Mal leaned over and pressed a kiss on my forehead. “In that case, I’ll call the guys over too. They were almost as freaked out as I was last night.”
I smiled. Mal’s tribe was becoming my tribe too.
Until I saw the sparkle in Paige’s eyes.
“Leif’s coming over?”
“Oh, sweet baby Jesus,” I muttered, shaking my head at Mal. “What fresh hell have we unleashed?”
Paige shrugged. “It’s not like a portal to hell opened up last night when we…”
“Paige. Evelyn. Morris,” I shouted. “What did you do in a hospital of all places?”
She sent me a mischievous look, then bounced into the kitchen and soon the sound of pots and pans clanging filled the charged silence.
Mal laughed. “Why am I suddenly afraid for Leif?”
“Because you are a very smart man.”
Mal shook his head and gave me another long, lingering kiss before he left to make some phone calls.
I collapsed onto the chaise lounge with a sigh.
Crazy exes, besties, and mothers aside, my life was turning out pretty damn great.
But a sudden crash from the kitchen made me sit up with a start.
“Um, Saylor?” Paige called. “What are the chances that vase was a knock off and not a Baccarat?”
“Was it red?”
“Yes.”
“And heavy?”
“Yes…”
“Shoot.” I pushed off the chair and headed to a closet where we might have a broom. “It’s coming out of your allowance.”
“As long as everyone’s okay,” Mal called from down the hall. “I don’t give a shit. I’ll buy you another one, baby.”
Like I needed one more example of why I loved that man.
“You’re such a lucky bitch,” Paige snarked when I entered the kitchen.
I grinned back at her. “I was thinking the same exact thing.”