Chapter 17 #3
The rough brickwork abraded my back, pulling at the fabric of my dress.
The hard drive of his cock took my breath away.
I clung on tight, trying to savor the feel of him, the tension building inside me.
It was all too much and still not enough.
The thought that this could be our last time, a brutally angry joining like this …
I wanted to cry but I didn’t have the tears.
His fingers dug into my ass cheeks, marking my flesh.
The pressure inside me grew higher and higher.
He changed his angle slightly, hitting my clit, and I came hard, my arms wrapped around his head, my cheek pressed against his.
His beard brushed against up my face. My whole body shuddered and shook.
“Evelyn,” he snarled, grinding himself into me, emptying himself inside me.
Every muscle in my body went liquid. It was all I could do to hang on to him.
“It’s fine, baby.” His mouth pressed against my damp face. “It’ll be okay, I promise. I’ll fix it.”
“P-put me down.”
His shoulders rose and fell on a harsh breath, and carefully he did so.
Quickly I pulled down the skirt of my dress, set myself to rights.
Like that was even possible. This situation was out of control.
Without fuss he pulled up his jeans, made himself presentable.
I looked everywhere but at him. An alleyway. Holy hell.
“Are you all right?” His fingers brushed over my face, tucked back my hair. Until I put a hand to his chest, forcing him back a step. Well, not forcing him. He chose to give me my space.
“I … um.” I licked my lips and tried again. “I need to go home.”
“Come on, I’ll get us a cab.”
“No. I’m sorry. I know I started this. But…” I shook my head.
David hung his.
“That was good-bye.”
“Like fuck it was. Don’t you even try to tell me that.” His finger slid beneath my chin, making me look at him. “We are not finished, you hear me? Not even fucking remotely. New plan. I’m not leaving Portland until we’ve talked this out. I promise you that.”
“Not tonight.”
“No. Not tonight. Tomorrow, then?”
I opened my mouth but nothing came out. I had no idea what I wanted to say.
My fingernails dug into my sides through my dress.
What I wanted these days was a mystery even to me.
To stop hurting would be nice. To remove all memory of him from my head and heart. To get my breathing back under control.
“Tomorrow,” he repeated.
“I don’t know.” Now I felt tired, facing him. I could have slept for a year. My shoulders slumped and my brain stalled.
He just stared at me, eyes intense. “Okay.”
Where that left us, I had no idea. But I nodded as if something had been decided.
“Good,” he said, taking a deep breath.
My muscles still trembled. Semen slid down the inside of my leg. Shit. We’d had the talk, but things had been different back then.
“David, you practiced safe sex, right, the last month?”
“You have nothing to worry about.”
“Good.”
He took a step toward me. “As far as I’m concerned we’re still married. So no, Evelyn, I haven’t been fucking around on you.”
I had nothing. My knees wavered. Probably due to the recent action they’d seen. Relief over him not taking to the groupies with a vengeance after our split couldn’t be part of it, surely. I didn’t even want to think about Martha, that tentacle-wielding sea monster from the deep.
Sex was so messy. Love was far and away worse.
One of us had to go. He made no move, so I left, hightailing it back toward the club to find Amanda and Jo. I needed new panties and a heart transplant. I needed to go home. He followed me, opening the door. The heavy bass of the music boomed out into the night.
I rushed into the ladies’ room and locked myself into a stall to clean up.
When I came out to wash my hands, looking in the mirror was hard.
The harsh fluorescent lighting did me no favors.
My long blond hair hung around my face a knotted mess thanks to David’s hands.
My eyes were wide and wounded. I looked terrified, but of what I didn’t want to say.
Also, there was the mother of all hickeys forming on my neck. Hell.
A couple of girls came in, giggling and casting longing looks back over their shoulders.
Before the door swung shut, I caught a glance of David leaning against the wall opposite, waiting, staring at his boots.
The girls’ excited chatter was jarringly loud.
But they made no mention of his name. David’s disguise was holding up.
Arms wrapped around myself, I went out to meet him.
“Ready to go?” he asked, pushing off from the wall.
“Yeah.”
We made our way back through the club, dodging dancers and drunks, searching for Amanda and Jo. They were on the edge of the dance floor, talking. Amanda had her cranky face on.
She took me in and a brow arched. “Are you fucking kidding me?”
“Thanks for asking me out, guys. But I’m going to head home,” I said, ignoring the pointed look.
“With him?” She jerked her chin at David, who lurked at my shoulder.
Jo stepped forward, wrapping me up in her arms. “Ignore her. You do what’s right for you.”
“Thanks.”
Amanda rolled her eyes and followed suit, pulling me in for a hug. “He hurt you so bad.”
“I know.” My eyes welled with tears. Highly unhelpful. “Thanks for asking me out.”
I’d bet all the money I had Amanda was roasting David over my shoulder with her eyes. I almost felt bad for him. Almost.
We left the club as one of his songs came over the speakers. There were numerous cries of “Divers!” Jimmy’s voice purred out the lyrics, “Damn I hate these last days of love, cherry lips and long good-byes…”
David ducked his head and we rushed out.
Outside in the open air, the song was no more than the faraway thumping of bass and drums. I kept sneaking sidelong glances, checking he was really there and not some figment of my imagination.
So many times I’d dreamed he’d come to me.
And every time I’d woken up alone, my face wet with tears.
Now he was here and I couldn’t risk it. If he broke me again, I wasn’t convinced I’d manage to get back up a second time.
My heart might not make it. So I did my best to keep my mouth and my mind shut.
It was still relatively early and there weren’t many people milling about outside. I held out my hand to the passing traffic and a cab cruised to a stop soon after. David held the door open for me. I climbed in without a word.
“I’m seeing you home.” He slid in after me and I scurried across the seat in surprise.
“You don’t need—”
“I do. Okay. I do need to do that much, so just…”
“All right.”
“Where to?” The cabdriver asked, giving us an uninterested look in the rearview mirror. Another feuding couple in his backseat. I’m sure he saw at least a dozen a night.
David rattled off my address without blinking. The taxi pulled out into the flow of traffic. He could have gotten my address from Sam, and as for the rest …
“Lauren,” I sighed, sinking back against the seat. “Of course, that’s how you knew where to find me.”
He winced. “I talked to Lauren earlier. Listen, don’t be mad at her. She took a lot of convincing.”
“Right.”
“I’m serious. She ripped me a new one for messing things up with you, yelled at me for half an hour. Please don’t be mad at her.”
I gritted my teeth and stared out the window. Until his fingers slid over mine. I snatched back my hand.
“You’ll let me inside you but you won’t let me hold your hand?” he whispered, his face sad in the dim glow of the passing cars and streetlights.
It was on the tip of my mouth to say that it had been an accident. That what had happened between us was wrong. But I couldn’t do it. I knew how much it would hurt him. We stared at each other as my mouth hung open, my brain useless.
“I missed you so fucking much,” he said. “You have no idea.”
“Don’t.”
His lips shut but he didn’t look away. I sat there caught by his gaze.
He looked so different with his long hair gone, with the short beard.
Familiar but unknown. It wasn’t a long trip home, though it seemed to take forever.
The cab stopped outside the old block of flats, and the driver gave us an impatient look over his shoulder.
I pushed open the car door, ready to be gone but hesitating just the same. My foot hovered in thin air above the curb. “I honestly didn’t think I’d ever see you again.”
“Hey,” he said, his arm stretching out across the back of the seat. His fingers reached toward me but fell short of making contact. “You’re going to see me again. Tomorrow.”
I didn’t know what to say.
“Tomorrow,” he repeated, voice determined.
“I don’t know if it’ll make any difference.”
He lifted his chin, inhaling sharply. “I know I fucked us up, but I’m going to fix it. Just don’t make up your mind yet, all right? Give me that much.”
I gave him a brief nod and hurried inside on unsteady legs. Once I’d locked myself inside, the cab pulled away, its taillights fading to black through the frosted glass of the downstairs door.
What the hell was I supposed to do now?