Chapter 18
Paige
W eekly family dinners at Chris’s dad’s house quickly became one of my sister’s new favorite nights when she started dating Chris. And this week, I came along for the first time. The small single-story house is in a suburb about twenty minutes from our condo, and it seems so normal.
The house is a cookie-cutter home in a well-maintained neighborhood with a perfectly manicured lawn. It is complete with the American flag on the front patio and two trucks in the driveway. I recognize the black one as Graham’s. When we park, an older gentleman comes out of the home, offering me a small wave and the same beaming smile as Chris. I recognize him from somewhere else but can’t quite place it.
I know only a few things about Clint. First, he has been a single dad since Chris was about eight. Clint had been a fireman in the military but has since retired, moving here when both the boys ended up stationed in Austin for their residencies.
Once inside, I can’t help but smile at how homey the space is. Just through the front door is a large living room with a hallway off to the left.
“Kitchen is just straight ahead,” I hear Clint say softly as he grabs the lasagnas I am holding before heading towards the back of the house. I can see what looks like a kitchen and dining table just over a half wall. I look around the house as Bre and Clint unpack the few things we brought. Pictures of Chris at varying ages are everywhere, and I can’t help but smile.
Then I notice the picture Graham has as the lock screen on his phone sitting on a bookcase. The older man was Chris’s father. A few more pictures of all three men in uniform at some graduation ceremony, and Clint is pinning something to the lapel of Graham’s uniform while he salutes.
I walk further down the hall, noticing not one but two spare rooms made up for two people. A new kind of confusion sinks in, and I can’t help wanting to snoop. The first one looks like it belongs to Chris, with all the video game posters and a massive movie collection. I even notice a pile of clothes in the corner and can’t help but laugh because I have noticed those piles starting to appear around our place when Bre isn’t home. A throat clears behind me, and I let out a startled yelp.
Chris has a shit-eating grin on his face.
“Jesus Christ!”
“All my underwear is at your sister’s. I sleep here on my on call nights. Closer to base,” he says in a smart-ass tone.
I roll my eyes and move to the next room.
“Whose room is this?” I ask, opening the second door and seeing a bright red Chief’s blanket across the bed.
It starkly contrasted the rest of the room, filled with dark, natural colors. A few books were on the dresser, which was almost too organized.
“My brother,” Chris says, almost in a confused tone and a shrug.
I look back toward him, and that’s when I notice the teenage version of Graham over his shoulder in quite a few of the photos in the hallway.
“Graham?”
I don’t know how I missed that piece of information. Chris smiles before I follow him to the living room.
“Drink?” Chris asks.
“Water, please,” I reply, sitting on the corner of the couch. I let my eyes follow Chris and see him head toward the back door before he pops his head out.
He had a shit-eating grin on his face as the door closes behind him. Graham appears from the back door a minute later, lingering long enough for Chris to hand him the cup of water he pours for me before Graham’s eye locks on me with a jaw-dropping smile.
God, I could stare at that smile for hours. His face was quickly becoming my new obsession.
“I didn’t know you were going to be here?” Graham purrs, seeming anything but disappointed as he offers me my drink and sits on the couch next to me.
“My shift was canceled.”
I shrug, and somehow, his smile widens.
“Lucky me,” he says, his eyes lingering on my face longer than he should.
The humming that seems to always be between us begins to pulse, and I can feel my chest ache. I sip the water in my hand and have to adjust on the couch, clearing my throat. I reach to place my cup on the side table next to us, trying to hide the blush I know is spreading over my cheeks.
“Has Bre cooked for you before?” I ask, needing this conversation to go somewhere that doesn’t involve him looking down towards my lips again. I want to bite it every time he does.
“Yes. She made dinner at my place a few times. Your sister is a pretty good cook. Chris can’t even boil water, so I don’t feel it’s a fair trade. At our last station, I was the only reason he ever ate something besides microwave popcorn,” Graham says with a fondness that makes me like him a little more.
Bre loves to cook and spent most of the day working on two lasagnas and a cheesecake. I always thought she might become a chef, and I was surprised when she ended up as a divorce lawyer. It seems to contradict her people-pleasing personality.
“She had to learn to cook. When I was about six, our parents disappeared for a while. Three days in, we ran out of food. Long story short, we were starving. Twelve-year-old Bre convinced one of the neighbor boys to give us a ride to the store and wait with me in the car until she was done. I was to not come into the store under any circumstances. Which was code for I’m about to steal some shit, and you can’t get picked up by CPS.”
His soft chuckle makes me smile before continuing.
“Thankfully, her puppy dog eyes and tears got her enough money from other patrons to afford a small number of groceries. She even managed a handful of small chocolates full of caramel.”
“I am assuming those are your favorite?” he asks.
I just smile. “Yeah.”
“What other things are your favorite?”
“What do you want to know?”
“All of it.”
The seriousness of those words rings in my soul, and I can feel the blush creeping back into my cheeks.
“Why?” I ask honestly, and he chuckles.
“How about we start with your favorite flower?”
There is that roar of the ocean in his eyes again. I have a serious crush on this guy, and I am struggling with letting him know me like this. Our conversations are way too easy. It feels too natural for him to be engaged and for me to have my attention elsewhere. Yet I want to answer every one of his damn questions.
“Tulips.”
I feel my phone vibrate in my back pocket before mumbling, “Sorry.”
I reach back and dig my phone out. I settle back at an angle, bringing my leg up crisscrossed, creating space between myself and Graham’s curious eyes.
“Privacy.”
I pout at him with a matching lip. He lets out a low laugh and pinches my pushed-out lip slightly. I grin in response to the touch. Lingering in his gaze before pulling away to read the message.
Seth: Two minutes away.
Dread hits my gut, and I am not entirely sure why. I try to keep myself calm, but I know I must break the tension between us. Instead, I ignore it and put my phone down on my chest, leaning my head back on the back of the couch and closing my eyes.
It was a grueling few shifts this week with my first newborn delivery. A young woman was checking into triage fully panicking when her water broke. I quickly had to jump in, pulling the emergency birthing kit from behind the desk. A few pushes later, the doctor arrived to deliver the baby girl. I hadn’t had a chance to tell Bre yet. They even named the baby Breanna, per my suggestion.
“What are you thinking about?” I hear Graham say in my direction.
I keep my eyes closed and smile.
“Nothing but your cold-blooded murder for interrupting my nap,” I say with thick sarcasm.
Graham chuckles again, saying, “I can respect that, but you’re more than welcome to crash out for a bit in my bed.”
I hear a knock on the door in the distance and am thankful for it. I offer Graham a smile, noting the disappointment on his face as I turn my head in time to watch Chris appear from the kitchen. Leaving Bre and Clint to do whatever they have been doing for the past hour. Chris honestly looks relieved at the interruption. I let out a small giggle and don’t hide my grin when I see Seth through the open door. His gem-like blue eyes find mine almost immediately with that dreamy smile I like.
“Hey, gorgeous,” Seth croons as he leans forward, stiff-arming Graham over to the other side of the couch and squeezing right between us. To his credit, Graham barely moves, forcing Seth to pick me up onto his lap and drop my phone towards the floor.
Seth pulls my face towards him and kisses me almost possessively, and I can feel Graham’s eyes watching our every move.
“What’s my gorgeous girl been up to?” Seth asks, lingering on the word my before brushing a few strands of hair behind my ear.
I smile in response, and his eyes dance as they explore my face.
“Oh, just plotting Graham’s murder. Then I plan on eating that cheesecake Bre made,” I joke.
Seth laughs as he leans down to kiss my lips again.
“Graham’s murder is something I could get behind.” Seth teases as I reach down before sliding my phone back into my pocket. Both men seem to be watching my every move.
“Seth, glad you made it,” Clint says, catching my attention as he enters the room. “Also, please refrain from pawing young women on my couch. If Chris has to tone it down so do you.”
I had been oblivious to Bre and Clint’s entry into the living room. I shoot up off Seth’s lap and feel my cheeks turn permanently red at this point. Graham and Seth fall to opposite sides of the couch. Clint looks slowly between us as if assessing the whole situation. It almost feels like we are teenagers who just got caught fooling around after school by their dad.
“Sorry, Clint,” we say in unison, and Chris lets out a small laugh.
“You,” Clint says, shifting his gaze to Graham. “We will discuss this later,” he signals with a glance.
I can feel the confusion on my face as Seth seems to tense up next to me.
“Paige, please come sit,” Clint says, looking between them. “I’d love to bend your ear a bit.”
I smile genuinely in response because his eyes are so warm. Clint is the same height as Graham, but Chris looks exactly like him, almost looking more like a brother than a father and son. His graying hair is inappropriately dreamy. I want to tell Bre to forget Chris altogether. His dad is clearly where it’s at.
“Lead the way, silver fox,” I say coolly, grabbing my cup as we head towards the table. Clint’s soft laughs fill the space.
“Paige, why are you always so ridiculous?” Bre asks with a shit-eating grin when Chris pulls a chair for her. I look over my shoulder to see Seth watching us, seemingly unsure what to do next. But it is Graham’s reaction that catches my attention.
His belly laugh echoes through the house, filling an ache I don’t even know I had. I can feel Graham’s every step toward us until his hand is on Clint’s shoulder. I am painfully aware of the disappearing space between us when he walks past me to sit at the large dining table. Seth is behind me a moment later, putting himself between me and everyone, taking over and herding me towards the other end of the table. Chris sits next to Bre, leaving only seats next to and across from Graham.
Seth’s eyes dance between the two chairs, weighing his options. At this point, I can’t seem to care and take the seat at the end of the table, deciding for Seth. His eyes linger on everyone momentarily before sitting down with a defeated slump.
I feel my brow flicker in confusion again, and Bre also notices.
“Seth, what’s with the dramatics?”
Seth shoots Bre an annoyed look, and I can’t help but let my eyes dance between them.
“Excuse him, Bre. Seth doesn’t always do well with strong women,” Clint says, reaching over the tossed salad to one of the two lasagnas in the center of the table.
“I will admit Paige is different than I have dated in the past.”
Seth smiles and reaches for my hand. His touch feels more like a weight, and I let my attention linger on it momentarily before reaching for my water on the table with my free hand.
Clint looks between us and lets out a soft laugh.
“Paige has been a little pain in my ass since birth,” Bre chimes in, sipping her wine. “I remember our mom constantly yelling at her to stop climbing all over things or trying to run off.”
The group laughs softly, and I play with my glass.
“That’s because I was trying to escape. I eventually just gave up, and now here we are,” I gesture to the table, taking a sip of my drink.
“All kids are a pain in the ass,” Clint adds before nodding to Chris. “This one could never say no to a pretty girl.”
Clint’s eyes shift towards Graham next.
“This one doesn’t know when to cut his losses.”
Graham shrugs his shoulders before taking a sip of his whiskey. Clint finally lands his attention back on Seth.
“This one will never grow up.”
The words almost insult Seth, and I squeeze his hand slightly. Bre lets out an annoyed sigh, which catches my attention.
“Paige has that problem too, Seth. I guess that’s one thing you two have in common.”
Bre’s tone was slightly hostile, and I can’t help but look at her confused.
“You, okay?” I ask, directed towards Bre.
She smiles before shooting a look towards Seth.
“I’m great.”
I can’t help but feel like I am missing something. I decide to change the subject, not wanting to deal with Bre.
“So, I have a weird question. I don’t know if I missed this in orientation to this family, but I thought you two were battle buddies?”
I let my eyes dance between the three military men in the room, and all three of them let out a soft laugh before Graham seems to adjust uncomfortably in his seat. Clint clears his throat before speaking.
“When Chris was about eleven, and I had been divorced a few years, I became a foster parent. Graham was the only child we took in, and I legally adopted him around fourteen. Right before we moved out of Missouri to California.
“Not a lot of people know, and he did it mostly to help me gain access to my grandparent’s estate that had been left to me, so I didn’t have any issues when I turned eighteen.”
“That’s why you moved here when you retired?” I ask Clint before shoveling some food into my mouth.
He looks in my direction and laughs, sipping his wine.
“That and the woman I was engaged to at the time wanted us to settle here. She was over the California lifestyle.”
I can see some conflicting emotions fill Clint’s eyes. Bre and I lock eyes in intrigue.
“It was too complicated, and she moved back to where her kids were.”
“Do you miss her?” I ask because my romantic soul now has a new obsession.
“Sometimes, but that’s not my life anymore,” he laughs softly.
“I’m sorry.”
I smile softly before looking over to Bre who was whispering to Chris. I have to laugh at myself because I know my sister well enough to know she is getting all the tea on this mystery ex of Clint. I can feel Graham’s eyes lock on me, and when I let my eyes meet his, I hear Seth.
“Graham, where’s Kat?”
I snap my head towards Seth, just studying him and the cocky-ass grin across his face. His eyes lock on Graham.
“Arizona until next week. Her mom’s birthday.”
“You didn’t go with?”
I look at Graham, now curious, but he seems uninterested in talking to Seth.
“Nope, on-call.”
I can’t help but look around, confused, as I catch Bre mouthing, “What the fuck?”
I just shrug, taking another bite of food before Clint clears his throat.
“Boys.”
Seth chuckles briefly before leaning back in his seat and sipping his vodka.
“Dad, how has work been?” Chris asks.
I am grateful for the attention at the other end of the table.
“Good. We have a few new rookies, so things have been crazy.”
Clint smiles.
“I thought you were retired?” I ask, confused.
“I am from the Army. I have about five years left with the local department, but we’ll see.” Clint shrugs.
“Are you planning on staying in Texas?” Bre asks, messing with the food on her plate.
“Depends on where the boys end up when their contracts end.”
“You guys don’t plan on reenlisting?” I ask, ensuring I keep my attention on Chris more than Graham. Seth’s arm is now resting on the back of my chair.
“I want out,” Chris says, smiling towards Bre before Bre chimes in.
“What about you, Graham? You and Katherine have any plans?”
“No plans,” Graham says dryly before I finally let my focus fall back towards him. He clears his throat, eyes meeting mine before he looks toward the rest of the table.
“I have been trying to figure out where to apply for trauma residencies. As of right now, I am a general surgeon with just experience. I have to have the additional training residency, and maybe I can think about the rest of my life.”
“Arizona is nice,” Seth adds, and I turn my attention back toward him.
“Too hot,” Graham says, just shrugging.
“How is what Graham does different from what you do, love?” Bre asks Chris, and it makes me smile.
“I am just general practice. I cover more like family medicine and blood pressure medications.”
I let out a small laugh, catching Seth and Graham’s attention. I look between them feeling so confused. I have to adjust in my chair again uncomfortably.
“I don’t know how you three do it,” Seth says, almost bored playing with whatever was left on his plate. “I took a week of EMT school with Chris and quit.”
“Really?” Clint asks, seeming surprised, and Seth just shrugs.
“I never thought I would work in an emergency room. Growing up, I watched medical shows all the time, but I didn’t think of nursing as a career I would enjoy until Bre suggested it.”
Bre adds, “Oh, you were obsessed with that one show with all the surgeons.”
“OR?” Chris chimes in, sounding rather excited as Graham just shakes his head.
“Every Wednesday night, Chris would have us watch it after dinner.”
Clint softly chuckles. “Oh, he got so mad when they killed that one doctor he liked. What was his name?”
“Dr. Bowie!”
Chris and I scoff, full of emotion.
The whole table bursts into laughter, and I can feel Graham’s eyes lock on me again. As the laughter settles my eyes lock on him, and I can’t stop thinking about that smile.
“Paige,” Seth snaps next to me, and the whole world cracks.
I just let out a small sigh, reaching for what is left of my water and taking it like a shot before I notice Graham leaning back in his seat, eyes locked on Seth.
“Seth,” Chris snaps, almost like a warning.
“I got this,” Seth says with a bit of attitude before smiling towards me, “Gorgeous, can we talk for a second?”
“Sure.”
I smile, pushing my seat back, and follow him silently through the house until we reach the front door.
“What are you doing?” he asks as the door closes behind us, and I look at him, genuinely confused.
“I am eating dinner with our family and friends.”
I lay on the sarcasm a little thick, heading towards the lawn to distance ourselves.
“You like him,” he says so matter-of-factly.
It pissed me off because neither of us need clarification of who “him” is.
“I like all of them. And you like…um...eighty percent of the time.”
“Look, after everything that happened with David, I am not looking to start shit. All I am asking is for you not to fucking throw yourself at Graham. He is engaged and not interested.”
I clench my jaw, so frustrated that I let myself drown in Graham, but it’s all I want. I cross my arms and can feel the tears building behind my eyes. Seth’s words shouldn’t hurt this much.
“I am not throwing myself at Graham. We are friends. That’s it.”
“Please, Paige, I am not an idiot, so don’t treat me like one. I get attraction, and you two have it. But I thought you wanted to see where this could go.”
He motions between us, and I feel bad about crushing on Graham. I sigh, frustrated, but can’t bring myself to say anything. Too much is going through my mind, and there is no way I am going to be able to unpack all of this sober right now. The growing silence seems to be telling Seth everything my words can’t.
“All right, night, Paige. Text me when you feel like talking,” Seth snips, sounding rather disappointed.
I wrap my arms around myself tighter. He shakes his head with an eye roll before heading to his truck and driving off.
I watch him for a minute before turning around and seeing everyone from dinner’s face shoved into the open front window. The four of them scramble the second my eyes land on them.
“Who wants cheesecake?” I hear Bre yell off in the distance, followed by responses.
I wrap my arms around myself and walk back into the house before sitting back on the couch, and a piece of cheesecake appears in front of me a minute later.
After we leave Clint’s, I can’t escape the thoughts in my head all the way home as Bre talks about nothing important. More than once, I notice Chris checking on me in the rearview mirror, and by the time we get home, I am fuming and beyond frustrated before heading to my bedroom, slamming the door behind me.
I check my phone for the five hundredth time and can’t help but sigh in frustration when Seth still hasn’t replied to my messages from almost two hours ago. I put my phone down and take a cold shower. I know I shouldn’t be feeling this way, and I hate that I am pushing it down instead of being able to have a normal conversation with my kind of boyfriend.
Ten minutes later, I am freezing and even more annoyed than before. I quickly dry my hair just enough not to soak my sheets. I grab my phone, seeing Seth still hasn’t responded, before opening my message app and creating a new message.
Me: Are you up?
I can’t help but laugh and realize how quickly Graham responds.
Graham: Everything okay?
Me: Am I not allowed to text you in the middle of the night?
Graham: You are allowed to text or call me anytime.
Me: Call?
Not even thirty seconds after I hit send, he calls me on Facetime. As I answer, I can feel the flush in my cheeks, not bothering to cover up that I am braless in a gray tank. He is still in his clothes from earlier, and I put my air pods in.
“Oh, sorry, I didn’t realize you were in bed,” Graham says, slightly amused.
I can’t help my smile, and his whole face shifts as he climbs into the driver’s side of his truck and lets his eyes take me in.
“Where are you?” I ask, lying on my side and placing my phone on the charger pad on my nightstand.
Graham watches my every movement as I begin cuddling up in my bedding.
“I had to come do some charting and follow up on a few cases. I was just about to head home when I got your text.”
“Sorry, I was just…” I struggle for the words, and he leans back in his seat, giving me time to figure out what I need to say.
“I just needed to talk and know I can talk to you.”
I know the weight of the words, and I may be crossing into some questionable territory. Graham studies me for a moment before smiling softly at me.
“Well, then talk.”