Chapter Twelve
FORD’S UNEASE GREW like a vine as he read Natalie’s online conversation over her shoulder. When she shut the laptop, he took a step back, curling his fingers against the desire to see if the skin of her neck was as soft as it looked. “What kind of journalist are you exactly?”
She swiveled in her seat and met his gaze, her blue eyes bright. “I told you. We investigate some pretty shady guys. Taking precautions for our safety has become second nature.”
Clearly her job could be dangerous, or she wouldn’t be in this situation, but they had secret online meeting places and code words and surveillance detection.
Then again, he’d read stories of journalists being followed, having their phones hacked, and even being killed when going up against powerful people trying to avoid exposure. Precautions were important.
But, for some reason, he hadn’t realized Natalie faced those types of threats regularly.
Nor had he expected her to want that kind of life.
The way she usually avoided facing negativity didn’t gel with someone whose work was mired in it.
“Have you been attacked before?” His mouth turned sour at the thought.
“Nope.” She stood and put her hands on her slim hips. “This was a first. Zero out of ten. Would not recommend.”
There she is. He frowned. Maybe the question shouldn’t be why she did what she did, but how she stayed so upbeat in the face of it. That was her superpower. “But you regularly work under the potential threat of attack.”
She rolled her eyes. “People who work hard to keep secrets aren’t happy when you start poking around their hiding places.”
“I never pictured you doing something like this.”
Her jaw tightened. “Why not?”
“It’s just that you’re…” How to explain? Damn. Was it too late to back out of this conversation?
“I’m what?” Her expression turned stormy and she put her good hand on her waist in a defiant stance. “Too frivolous? Too flighty? Too…broken?”
Shit. “No.” Without thinking, he cupped her cheeks. “You’re amazing, Natalie. You have this buoyancy about you, an upbeat nature that I’ve always envied, and I don’t know how you can face the things you do every day and stay so positive.” Lord knew he couldn’t do it.
Not that he’d ever been particularly jolly, even as a child. Serious should have been his middle name.
Her shoulders relaxed, but she backed away from his touch. “I thought you hated that about me.”
He scoffed. “I’m not sure there’s anything I hate about you. That’s the problem.”
She went completely, uncharacteristically still. Her blue eyes looked up at him, wide and vulnerable. “Really?”
“Natalie.” He gave a short laugh, feeling exasperated. “I find you so distracting that I once got stabbed in the back for letting down my guard.”
They’d been walking the campus at sunset following one of her group project sessions at the library, the grounds largely deserted for the weekend.
She’d started playfully mocking his rigid demeanor and saying things like, “No frat boys in sector two, sir,” and “The pigeons in quadrant five are staging a peaceful protest, Commander.”
He stopped with every intention of admonishing her but the gleam in her eye and her ridiculous salute stopped him short.
For one fucking second he wanted to be a man who could enjoy her antics and appreciate the fun she brought to every moment, even when a dark cloud hung over every second of her day.
The pleasant surprise on her face when he let himself smile down at her… Breathtaking. Worth it. Made him greedy for more moments where he could let down his guard. He found himself leaning in, unable to look away from the surprising little burst of gold at the center of her gorgeous blue eyes.
Until her lips parted on a shaky breath and his entire body tightened with desire. Without thought, he reached for her and—
He moved before he’d consciously registered the threat, putting himself instinctively between Nat and harm. Something struck his lower back, an icy hot shock that made him gasp. Natalie screamed, her beautiful face twisted with terror.
What have I done?
Fear and guilt and rage propelled him as he pivoted, his protective walls slamming back into place. Before Tim Marinelli could take a single step, Ford had tackled him to the ground.
They’d fought and Ford had prevailed—leaving the other man with ultimately fatal injuries—but he’d lost faith in himself.
Now, sitting in front of Natalie, the broken sound she made yanked him back to the present.
“I hate that you were hurt. Especially because of me.” Her fingers softly stroked his collarbone, raising a tingling awareness across his skin.
“Do you think you’ll ever see me as anything besides the woman who almost got you killed? ”
He covered her hand with his own. “I’ve never seen you that way.”
Okay, maybe early on he had. He’d wanted someone to blame for his failure, and she’d been an easy target.
But his innate sense of fairness hadn’t allowed him to scapegoat her for long.
At the end of the day, he’d been responsible.
Hell, even if she’d invited Tim Marinelli to meet up with them and armed the stalker herself, it would still be Ford’s fault that the man got as close as he did.
“It’s my job to be immune to distraction. That’s on me, not you.”
“You’re not a machine, and you’re not omniscient,” she said. “You can’t be perfect.”
“I can try.”
She rolled her eyes, and then gave him a coy look. “So you don’t hate me?” Despite her playful expression, her voice sounded one-hundred-percent sincere.
“The only person I hate is myself.”
She shook her head. “That’s not fair to you. And it’s not healthy. How can you ever love anyone else if you don’t love yourself first?”
Had she moved closer? He breathed deeply, imprinting her subtle, alluring scent on his brain.
“It doesn’t matter.” Loving someone brought too much risk.
They could get hurt, they could leave… They could die.
He couldn’t control loving his own family, but he didn’t need to go in search of more people who could rip out his heart. “I’m not looking for love.”
Natalie blinked. Something like hurt or…maybe disappointment, flashed across her face before she schooled her features. “Ever?” she asked, almost on a whisper.
“Never.” A little pang of longing entered his heart but he quashed it. Better to stay safe.
A huge grin lit her face, and the back of his neck prickled with alarm. Her cool fingers slid over his cheek, making his breath stall out. “Then there’s no reason we shouldn’t take advantage of the moment.”
“What?” He felt like he’d lost a few key brain cells.
“Neither of us is looking for anything serious, we’re stuck together in this apartment, safe for now, and we don’t hate each other.”
Dubious criteria, but hard to argue with.
She stroked her fingernails across his scalp and goosebumps broke out across his skin. “We’re two consenting adults with serious chemistry, and nothing to do until I hear back from my team. I think we could use a little fun in our lives right now, don’t you?”
He recovered a sliver of his mental faculties. “Fun? What’s that?”
She laughed lightly. Rising up on her toes, she whispered in his ear. “I’d be happy to show you.”
He swallowed hard. He should step back, turn around, walk away. Instead, he found himself tilting toward her, rubbing the tip of his nose along her jawline. “Natalie. Nat. This is a bad idea.” It was, right? He tried to marshal his scrambled thoughts. “We’re not…compatible.”
Her lower body met his, and he nearly choked at the feel of her hip against his rapidly growing erection. “We feel pretty compatible to me.”
God. He shivered. They really did. Why was he fighting this again?
Before he could respond, she released her grip on his hair and took a step back, leaving him hot and twitchy. “Okay, Jesus. If I have to talk you into it, never—”
He latched onto her arm and tugged her gently back. “You don’t.”
Natalie only had a second to catch the dark gleam in Ford’s eye before he closed the gap between them and kissed her.
For a moment, she forgot to breathe, fully immersed in the experience of his lips brushing softly over hers.
He was both gentle and urgent, spearing a hand into her hair and aligning their bodies from shoulder to knee.
Her stomach swooped and her skin went taut, and she opened her mouth to deepen the kiss, her fingers tingling at the feel of the short hair on the back of his neck.
He groaned, hugging her more tightly to him, and her blood turned hot. Holy shit. She was kissing Ford Beaumont. And this time, she would not push him away.
Never mind that she was lying. To him. To herself. There was every reason not to take advantage of the moment, alone in this apartment with him. She might not be looking for a serious relationship, but she was ninety-percent sure if she got physically involved with him, he’d break her heart.
Then again, maybe he already had, so what was the harm in getting a little joy out of the situation? She’d been infatuated with the man for so long. Wasn’t having him for a short time better than never?
He skimmed a warm hand down her side, his fingers slipping beneath her shirt and stroking the bare skin of her hip. Yes. Living in the now was great. Fabulous even. She’d deal with the future when it came.
The occasional sound of laughter or a distant car engine carried on the faint breeze coming through the open windows. Natalie hardly noticed, caught up in Ford’s kisses and roaming hand, as he backed up slowly toward the couch.
Stopping, he pulled his lips away to look behind him, and made a frustrated noise. “Blitz, for God’s sake.”
Natalie looked around him to see the dog fast asleep on the cushion, legs jutting up into the air at awkward angles. She failed to stifle a giggle. “Upstairs?”