Chapter 3
Chapter Three
“Hell is empty and all the devils are here.”
***
How to catch a husband: Charlotte’s list of requirements:
9. Always remember to smile, despite how mirthless you may actually feel.
10. Always display refinement, even while amongst the unrefined.
These were the only two items I could add to my list before my trunks were packed and my writing supplies were taken with them. Or rather, my trunk.
Mama had never been a woman to waste time.
When there was a matter to be solved, she solved it.
Mama had sought the confidential advice of her youngest brother the day after we learned of our misfortune.
Her brother dealt directly with the finances of the Viscount Rampton, and offered advice that she reluctantly took.
All our possessions were to be sold—besides what we could fit in one traveling trunk.
He had kindly offered to have them sold while we traveled, allowing sufficient funds for the first several months in our new home.
Now, just a few days after learning of our disgrace, we were preparing to journey to Northumberland.
The thought made my stomach reel. I had never journeyed north past London.
The South was where I had always lived. I didn’t like the thought of living in a place where I didn’t know what to expect.
I hardly knew what I could expect from myself.
When I arrived on the main floor, I came face to face with Mama, Clara, and Papa.
The weeks to come would be dotted with atrocious inns and nonstop travel.
I knew I would have to bid my farewell to Papa soon, but as I considered the thought, I realized how far we had grown apart.
I waited for feelings of sadness but they never came.
I had never been to France, and I doubted I would visit Papa in his exile.
It was quite possible that I would never see him again.
Clara embraced him quickly, her face firm, before moving outside to stand near the threshold. I approached him and stopped a foot away.
His eyes flickered over mine and he rubbed his jaw. “Goodbye.”
The absence of my name, of any familiarity, struck me hard. Without another word, he turned away, starting in the direction of his study. After a few paces, he turned to me one more time. I thought I saw a twinge of regret in his eyes.
I felt nothing. Perhaps I had learned my coldness from him, or perhaps from Mama. Wherever it had come from, it was all I had. I could not afford to feel any attachments now, not when I had such an important task to achieve.
I turned away from Papa for the last time and joined Clara outside the front door.
My jaw clenched against tears, but I swallowed hard to keep them contained.
I was leaving this house forever. The thought suddenly filled me with panic.
How would I manage sharing a maid with my mother and sister?
How would I manage without so many rooms and sofas and instruments at my disposal?
And no cook? We would surely starve. And what would happen when our money ran out?
Mama’s brother would not support us with his advice forever.
And what more would they give the sister who had never cared that they existed until she needed something for herself?
I was lost in my thoughts when Mama walked out to join us on the drive. There was something different about her face. Her features were settled. She almost seemed…calm.
“Charlotte. Clara. There is another matter I have not yet discussed with you.” She cleared her throat and smoothed the front of her gown. It was one of her finest, and immediately my mind was filled with suspicion.
She continued in a clear, strong voice—the one I recognized the most. “My cousin, Mr. Bentford, has offered me, and myself alone, residence in his country house here in Hampshire. I truly despise the arrangement, but…” she wiped a tear I wasn’t sure I saw, “it is for the best. The bulk of the disgrace will fall on me, so I cannot accompany you to Craster. The driver has my instructions. And Charlotte, you will keep me updated with your progress. I have intentionally chosen a cottage for you near the home of the Earl of Trowbridge. Do not disappoint me.”
A thousand words bubbled inside me but I couldn’t seem to push them past my teeth. “You’re staying?”
She didn’t blink. “It is the most advantageous arrangement for all of us.”
Betrayal heated my cheeks. “How will we manage without you? We cannot live without a guardian or-or chaperone of any kind.” My voice raised in pitch. “An earl would never court a woman living in such improper circumstances. We won’t be able to attend any events or receive any callers.”
Mama shook her head hard. “Of course I am not sending you alone.” She scoffed. “Don’t be so daft.”
I stared up at her in confusion.
“Mr. Bentford has a sister. An old, unmarried thing, with little to occupy her time. She has agreed to accompany you in my stead. Miss Bentford is awaiting you in the carriage. You met her once, if you do recall.”
I tried to conjure up an image of this Miss Bentford, but found no memory of her.
My heart continued to sink as Mama held out her arms to me.
I stepped away, hot tears stinging my eyes.
I had always found joy in flirting, showcasing my strengths, eliminating my shortcomings.
But the idea of a comfortable living now felt so distant, I was strangled by it.
I had no instructor by my side. Mama was staying here, coaxing her cousin into providing for her and sending her daughters to a mysterious wasteland with an unknown spinster as a chaperone.
Mama strode forward and handed me an ivory beaded reticule.
“Here are sufficient funds for a comfortable living for the next two months. Do take care not to spent it frivolously. After that, we shall evaluate your progress with Lord Trowbridge and determine if staying in Craster any longer is worthwhile.” She moved her hands away nonchalantly, pushing back a stray curl.
“Well. The coach is waiting now, my dears. Remember me while you are away. Write often.”
And with that she was inside the house again, a fading image of emerald green.
I made a sound, a deep burst of anger and disbelief.
Clara looked shocked. I turned my back to Eshersed Park, the only home I’d ever known, and moved toward the carriage, something deep and wild and new burning in my limbs as I walked.
How could Mama do this to us? Why could we not stay with Mr. Bentford?
None of it made sense. Was the Earl of Trowbridge truly such a prize that could not be found elsewhere?
How was I to win him without Mama’s help?
Clara stepped into the carriage behind me.
I chose the seat opposite of Miss Bentford, leaving Clara the space beside her.
The seats were cold and the interior of the carriage smelled of rusted metal.
Miss Bentford was just as unfamiliar as I had expected, though not quite as aged.
She must have been near forty, though her choice of fashion suggested fifty.
Her white ruffled collar grazed her chin, her dark hair coiled up into a tight knot.
Her eyes gleamed with excitement, as if she were about to embark on an adventure of some sort.
Her rosy cheeks shone like the skin of an apple, hazel eyes darting between Clara and me.
“My dear Miss Lyons and Miss Clara.” She smiled. “What a pleasure to see you again.”
So we had been acquainted before. I couldn’t imagine when or where. Her face was entirely forgettable, even with those shiny apple cheeks of hers. “Indeed,” I mumbled. The word barely made it past my tight throat.
The carriage moved forward, and a surge of desperation rose in my chest.
Clara’s face was blank and unreadable, and it bothered me. She was to be my only companion in Craster besides Miss Bentford. I considered neither my friend.
“Do you realize we are likely to never return?” I said. “We could be away for years.” When she didn’t respond, I raised my voice. “Our parents are to become strangers to us! Does that not bother you?” Miss Bentford jumped, watching the exchange with a furrowed brow.
Clara glanced at me wearily. “Have they ever been anything but?” Her eyes filled with tears that she blinked away, and she turned back to the window.
I tried to ignore her comment, but it ate away at me from the inside. Mama had just as much affection for me as any loving mother would! She wanted the best for me, and nothing Clara said could change what I knew. So I closeted the unnecessary concern and focused on a new one.
“Where is our maid?” I asked.
Miss Bentford took it upon herself to reply. “She is not accompanying us.”
I gasped, panic hitting me forcefully. “What? That cannot be true.”
“It is,” Clara muttered in a weak voice. “I overheard Mama this morning. She is keeping Anna as her own lady’s maid; she has released the others and will depend upon Mr. Bentford’s staff for now.”
“But who will arrange my hair? Who will help us cook, clean, dress? How does Mama suppose I can catch a husband without a maid?”
Clara didn’t say anything. I pressed my head against my seat, forgetting the restraints of a proper lady.
How had so much misfortune hit me this quickly?
It was hard to believe. So much weight was on my shoulders I could hardly bear it.
Despite how little I understood, I needed to formulate a plan.
I had many long days of travel ahead of me, so with enough thought, I was bound to gain some advantage over my situation.
As we drove closer to the unknown, I sank deeper into my despair and stayed there.
It was a place I had never been before, and I found I didn’t like it. Not at all.