Annabelle Perfect Families
Annabelle
Perfect Families
Life is all about being steadfast enough to make a plan and being flexible enough to break it.
And that is good because Annabelle the planner had figured out perfectly how she was going to tell her parents and grandparents about the dissolution of her marriage.
And Annabelle the planner knew that the blow would be softened a few weeks later by the reunion with Holden, aka, the man of their dreams. It would be horrible and everyone would be talking about it, but they would reason that I was young and scared and now I was just doing what I should have all along.
And then one of the women in the neighborhood would be having an affair with her gardener Desperate Housewives–style, and everyone would forget about me.
What Annabelle the planner hadn’t counted on was D-daddy dying in his sleep.
And I hadn’t planned on Rob’s absurd confession of love.
And I hadn’t planned on dropping the Ben-affair bomb on Lovey via a fight with Rob in her assisted living apartment.
And, most of all, though I had forgiven her outwardly, I hadn’t planned on still being so inwardly angry with Lovey.
I couldn’t stand feeling that way toward her when my entire life she had been my main confidant. But wounds take time to heal.
And that wound that I was so sure had already scabbed over, the devastation of finding out that my marriage wasn’t what I thought it was, had opened again and was oozing all over the place.
The hardest part was realizing that I was the only person surprised by the dissolution of what I thought would be my forever.
When Mom had asked where Ben was right after we found out about D-daddy, I had mumbled something about him having to work.
She had put her arm around me and said, “So it’s over, huh?”
I had been so positive that he was the right decision, that we were going to be a family, that our personalities complemented each other so wonderfully. And all my dad could say was, “Oh, honey. We never, ever trusted him.”
The thought of moving on after realizing that I had been so wrong paralyzed me with fear. I thought I knew best. I thought I was mature and reasoned when it came to love. But I had been neither.
Sitting in the third row of Saint Andrew’s Church that afternoon, I knew I needed a higher power to help me sort through the avalanche of my life.
My handkerchief to my eyes, I waited patiently, thankful that Mom and Lovey had let me forgo the procession, knowing a divorce, a miscarriage and a death in such short order weren’t going to equip me for walking stoically behind a casket.
I tried to push away the thought that every person in that jam-packed church was whispering about where my husband was.
Well, at least the ones who weren’t whispering about Lovey’s best friend Katie Jo parading in with her young boyfriend.
Cameron, with absolutely no announcement, as usual, slid into the pew beside me and linked her arm through mine. “I’m so sorry,” she whispered.
I could feel the tears spilling over as I nodded. “Thanks.”
“I’m most sorry that I ever introduced you to Ben. I was wrong.”
I shook my head. “You weren’t wrong. If I hadn’t tried to steal him from you, all of this would have been happening to you.”
I winked, and we both stifled a laugh.
Holden, making like he was genuflecting by my pew, whispered, “I’m so sorry, Ann.” He squeezed my hand.
I wiped my eyes, shook my head and said, smiling through my tears, “Thanks, Holden.”
He looked at me sadly, still holding my hand. “You coming home tonight?”
I nodded, swallowing hard, wondering if a life with Holden could ever feel like home.
Sitting there in the pew, I longed for a man like D-daddy.
A man who was kind and generous, humble and forgiving, faithful and true.
A man who knew his values and stuck by them.
A man who would give me room to grow to be who I was while trusting me with the truth even when it was hard.
That familiar aggravation in the pit of my stomach pinched me again, as I wondered how Lovey could do something so terrible to someone so undeniably good.
Then the lonely echo of the organ turned to triumphant jubilation.
I tried to feel happy that D-daddy was in a better place, free from pain and sorrow and suffering.
But it’s so very difficult to feel happy when you are so sad that you won’t be seeing him on earth ever again.
My uncles and cousins were carrying the box containing what was once my D-daddy down the aisle with Lovey and my mom and aunts following close behind.
I don’t know if it was the swell of the organ or the freshness of the suits or the surge of pride at seeing so many people I loved all clumped together like that.
But the aggravation and irritation and annoyance were suddenly replaced by the most ecstatic happiness.
As I watched little Lovey make her way with so much grace, I realized that there were no perfect people, not even her.
But there are perfect families. And in our crazy, mixed-up way, we just might be one of them.
I glanced toward the altar to see Rob’s gaze on me—he had agreed to Lovey’s proposal that he assist with the service—but he quickly looked away when my eye caught his.
Even in this sad circumstance, his eyes meeting mine made my stomach flip, those bubbles of anticipation filling me up.
But that summertime feeling was quickly replaced with dread.
Because I had done the butterflies thing.
And it had gotten me to this, one of the saddest days of my entire life.
No white knight, no happily ever after. Ben, Lovey.
The people I had thought infallible had failed me.
Cameron whispered, “I’m aware this is inappropriate, but you know that he’s in love with you, right?”
“Holden?”
“No. Rob.” She shrugged. “Not that you should take love advice from me of all people, but you might want to look into that.”
I shook my head, feeling my eyes burning again. “I’m going back to Holden.”
Cameron smirked. “I’m not going to argue with you, but you know how I feel about it.”
I nodded. “It’s just less . . . complicated.”
I looked up, caught Rob’s eye again and wiped mine.
Cameron looked at me like I was crazy. “So you don’t even want to explore that?”
I shook my head.
It didn’t matter that Rob had been the one that I had laughed and joked with, grown up with.
It didn’t matter that he had helped me navigate these intersecting roads of heartbreak just by being there for me, by greeting me every morning with a smile and a laugh and something fun to do.
Because now it was time to think with my head.
I glanced at Rob again, and he turned quickly to defer from my gaze. Then I turned back to look at Holden. He winked at me. He had been there for me when I needed him the very most, I reminded myself. And he had fought for me all this time. The kid deserved a win.
After the ceremony, I went to Lovey and D-daddy’s house for what I figured would be one of the last times.
While a throng of visitors crowded into the living room, dining room and den, I made my way down the hall, opened the linen closet door, and soothed my tear-stained face with one of Lovey’s sunshine pillowcases.
I took a few more steps into the empty master bedroom.
No Lovey. No D-daddy. No big bed to pile up in and hear bedtime stories.
No boxes full of Lovey’s jewelry to play dress-up in.
No drawers full of neat stacks of D-daddy’s handkerchiefs.
Just emptiness. It was the exact same feeling that I had.
I felt a hand on my back, where I was leaning on the doorjamb. I turned to see Lovey.
“It looks right empty now, doesn’t it?”
I nodded. “Feels it too.”
She was strong again, I noticed. Composed and statuesque like always. She had lost the love of her life, and here she was consoling me. “You know, sweetheart. It’s going to be hard, but it’s going to be okay.”
I wiped my eyes with the pillowcase again, its softness taking me back to my childhood. “I know. But it’s so hard disappointing everyone when they had these high expectations for me.”
She laughed, that great Lovey laugh that I will always hear in my ears. “Yeah. But, on the bright side, that first fall is the hardest. Once everyone realizes you aren’t perfect, it’s a good deal nicer to go on with the rest of your life.”
I smiled, assuming that she had known all about that when she left Ernest Wake for D-daddy. I sighed deeply. “You got awfully lucky, Lovey. Because I followed my heart and now I’m miserable.” I stood up a little straighter like she would do. “Now it’s time to follow my head.”
She raised her eyebrows. “Holden?”
I nodded and shrugged. “Yeah. It just works, you know? He was even going to raise Ben’s baby as his own.
When do you ever find someone who would do that for you?
” She looked at me skeptically, and I paused.
I wanted to say like grandmother, like granddaughter, but I refrained.
“And I mean, I love him.” I stood up straighter.
“I do.” Then I sighed. “I’ve thought it through.
It makes sense. My head says it’s a good choice. ”
Lovey shook her head. “I can’t make that decision for you. But I have a secret to tell you, sweetheart. It isn’t about your heart or your head.”
“No?”
“No. It’s about both.” She paused. “Look, honey. You’ve always followed your intuition and your heart. And maybe you took a couple of wrong turns there, but it doesn’t mean that you can’t trust it now.”
“I really don’t know that I can.” I leaned against the wall. “Maybe I was just kidding myself this entire time to think I had these great instincts.”
“Well,” she said. “If you were going to trust it one more time, what do you think your intuition would tell you to do?”
That’s when I heard, “Can I get you ladies anything?”