Life After Levi
Prologue
Emerie
“Was it as good as you thought it would be?” he whispered, his forehead pressed against mine as we both struggled to regain our breath.
“Better,” I replied, my hand stroking his face. “So much better than I ever thought it would be, Levi. I love you.”
He was my first everything—from the day I met him in pre-K, and he decided I was his girlfriend despite the fact he was a few years older than me, to the friendship that evolved over the years because our parents became friends, to the night he kissed me for the first time, and he officially asked me to be his girlfriend. First kiss, first boyfriend, first love. I knew no matter how long I lived, my first time making love to him would forever be branded in my mind.
Because he made it perfect, from renting a hotel room in Maggie Valley instead of our hometown, to ensuring I was beyond ready when he finally entered me. There was no pain, even though we were both prepared for it, only pleasure.
“I love you more, Emerie,” he said, leaning down to kiss me. “You looked beautiful tonight.”
“Thank you. I’m glad you got to take leave before being shipped off so you could take me,” I stated.
“I promised I would take you.”
He had said that very thing, that day when he left for basic training. Swore he’d come back to town in time to take me to my prom, and despite the fact that contact was limited during those long eight weeks, he’d still made it home. Even though he was three years older; twenty to my seventeen; we’d always known we’d end up being together. I knew he wanted to make a career in the Navy, and he was leaving to go to BUD/s training to become a Navy SEAL. While I was worried, I knew that our future would be spent traveling abroad and exploring the world, because as soon as I graduated, we were going to get married and start our lives together.
“Yes, you did,” I murmured, my hands roaming across his vast shoulders. He was always muscular since his folks had a working farm, but he felt like he had put on about twenty pounds of solid, bulky muscle and I loved it.
“Keep that up and you’ll be walking funny tomorrow,” he teased, nipping at my earlobe.
“Levi, give me all the memories you can to hold me over until you come home again,” I pleaded, turning into his embrace.
* * *
Never in my wildest dreams would I have imagined that I’d walk across the stage at graduation, a newborn baby girl in my arms as I accepted my diploma.
Too bad her father never got to meet her.
Three years later
“Mama?” Levinia asks from her carseat. “Pappy’s house?”
“Yeah, baby, we’re going to Pappy and Memaw’s house so Mama can go to school,” I reply, glancing in the rearview mirror.
“Love you, Mama,” she says, grinning at me with her two new teeth that have popped out recently. She’s talking more and some of her mannerisms remind me of Levi. So much so, that there are times I’m staring at her through the ever-present tears that have me looking through a hazy lens.
“Love you more than all the stars in the sky, baby girl.”
She starts singing along to the radio. It’s a station that plays a lot of kid-friendly music, including songs she hears on some of the shows she watches, and I soon find myself joining in with her.
She’s the best parts of me and Levi, I think, grief swamping me once again as I think of the freak accident that took him from us. The same day I saw two lines on the pregnancy test was the day his parents came to my house to tell me that he’d died in a training accident.
The funeral was hard, but living without him by my side? Even harder, especially in our tiny, postage-stamp town in Possum Creek, North Carolina, just outside of Maggie Valley. I was talked about, reviled, treated like trash; all things that were made even worse because of my grief. I held my head up while in public, but in private, I would collapse, my sorrow so overwhelming that when Levinia was born, her hair was stark white. The doctor said it was an old wive’s tale that babies born with hair like that usually happened because the mother was under extreme stress.
Since I was grieving the loss of my person? I figured that I likely qualified. Her hair has changed, like a lot of babies do, of course, but I know initially that it was due to the fact that I was battling so much while carrying her.
Thank God for my parents, as well as his. Despite their own grief, they stood beside me as I fought to stay in regular classes so I could graduate at the top of my class like I was on target to do, then helped with Levinia so I could go to college. We had to take it to the school board, but they finally relented after seeing transcripts of my grades. If I had been made to go to the alternative school, I would have been bored out of my mind. Now, I’m in school at the local technical college, working on getting my certification as a paramedic. Workwise, I’m a 911 dispatcher on the third shift, which allows me to go to my classes, and now, do my clinicals.
Trying to make you proud, Levi. Going to raise our daughter up the way we were.
I’m in my last semester, which consists of practical ride alongs so I’m able to pass my state exam in a few months. The crew in Maggie Valley are awesome; they’ve taken me on board and have shown me so many ways to accomplish the tasks needed to help those having the worst days of their lives.
It wasn’t what I had planned for my future, but Fate had different ideas. I was going to be a stay-at-home mom and raise the kids Levi and I planned on having. Instead, I’m raising our daughter, although not completely alone, thank goodness.
“You get to spend the night at Pappy and Memaw’s house,” I tell her once the song has finished. “Mama has to work tonight, okay?”
“Okay, Mama. I help feed the cows.”
I giggle because my sweet girl loves going to her grandparents’ house. They have a small farm, with chickens, cows they raise for beef, and a few fields of corn. “Do you think Memaw will let you help her get the eggs today?”
“I hope so, Mama! Chickens is funny.”
“That they are, sweetie, that they are.” I don’t correct her grammar since she’s finally talking. Most of her milestones were on target except for her speech. Worried, I took her to her pediatrician and after a few visits with a speech therapist, I was told she’d start talking my ears off when she was ready. Well… she’s ready and definitely yaks up a storm. There’ll be time enough for her to be taught the nuances of the English language.
* * *
“You’re doing well, Emerie,” my instructor praises as I pack up my bookbag and prepare to head to work. I’m already dressed in my uniform of jeans and a polo shirt, so I’ll be ready to start my shift when I arrive. I’m actually very fortunate because both the school and my employer extend grace quite frequently since sometimes, class bleeds into work and vice versa. I’m grateful that my dispatch counterpart is good with getting overtime when I need her to cover for me.
“Thank you,” I reply.
“Just a few months left, and you’ll be ready to take the state exam. How are the ride alongs going?” she questions.
In order to get the clinical hours needed to be able to take my state certification exam, I’ve been doing ride alongs with an ambulance crew in Maggie Valley. Once a week, I meet with my instructor at the school, and we cover the critique sheets that the crew fills out on me. So far, I’m doing pretty good, since I take every opportunity to work on any skill they feel needs improvement. Plus, I try new things as they come up, since every shift I find myself shocked and surprised by something I’ve never seen or heard stories about before. Still, it’s job security for us, so I don’t complain at all.
“I think they’re going rather well. Shane, the crewmember I shadow the most, has been very patient and helpful teaching me. That first week, when I had to get an IV in, I thought I had chosen my career path incorrectly, but he showed me the easiest way to get it done. He’s also taught me a lot about handling patients who are distraught over their situation, as well as how to deal with their freaked-out families. I definitely understand that for them, it’s the worst day of their life. My job is to ensure they’re medically stable enough to get to the hospital for further care.”
Hopefully alive, although a few of the patients we’ve transported have been close calls. Still, I know eventually it’ll happen. I feel confident that my own experience with grief will help me be compassionate and caring.
“They really enjoy having you, Emerie. Keep up the good work and don’t forget to work on your study guide,” she replies. “Have a good night in the dispatch center. Hopefully it remains calm.”
I grin because she didn’t say the ‘q’ word which anyone involved in any aspect of being a first responder is superstitious over. “I will and I’ll have some new pictures of Levinia most likely since she’s out at Levi’s folks’ house.”
“You better,” she teases. “That little girl is absolutely precious.”
“Yeah, she is. Thanks again, Mrs. Simmons. I really appreciate all of your help.”
“It’s what I’m here for, Emerie. What makes it an absolute pleasure for me is how you’ve taken to it like a duck takes to water.”
I’m grinning and full of pride as I head to my car so I can get to work. I’m not crazy about working the third shift, but thankfully, it’s done on a rotational basis between all of the dispatchers. Except Pauline, she’s a lifer on the night shift, which is good for me because she knows just about everything and isn’t afraid to jump in and help when the need arises.